Help!?!
~~ Does anyone have words or experience to help me w/ my Oxy Contin battle. Has anyone else been where I am or are you there now, too? I am looking for some good help. Thanks ahead of time for your replies to this post. I have posted this before, but it is burried so far back in the pages that no one sees it any longer, and I still need some help. I have done some of what was suggested before, but I am still searching. God Bless you.
Here is my story:
I am living in Oxycontin "HELL" as I call it. I had major back surgery 4-years ago and it did not work. I still hurt, and I have been on Oxy C for 5 years now... one prior to the surgery and the 4 since. I am up to 320 mg Oxy C per day and 10 to 20 mg Oxy IR for break-thru pain to relieve the pain, and some days it still does not fully help. But, along with the pain that controls me, the OxyC is controlling me even more so it seems! I am BIG-TIME addicted, I always run low or out before the next prescription is due, and it is pure HELL when that happens.
I am so addicted it is all I can think of... it controls my mind, my every waking moment, my thoughts, etc. I go thru the worst withdrawlas imaginable and I get so depressed I want to die when I am out or run low. The pain and agony I go thru with the withdrawals makes death sound like a vacation. It is without a doubt the worst thing I have ever been thru! And then there is the depression I go thru, too. I get so depressed I cannot do hardly anything or function well at all!
Somehow, thru all the days of taking OxyC I do still mantain a full-time Professional type job where I am over a lot of people, and a lot of people count on me. I have a family and I try to keep it all going while the Oxy C is really my god and goal every day. I take a dose and all I can think of is taking another dose. I chew them up every time, so I am getting the equivalent of or about 65 5-mg tablets per day on a quick release mode! Can anyone reading this imagine taking 85 vicodins or 85 percocet or 85 Oxy IR (5's) per day!?! It would kill most people, but my poor body has some how gotten used to it... and wants more. I still work, drive, and some how function (when I have enough Rx. to help me thru the day) in spite of the large daily dose. I am in deep S**T and need help.
Any suggestions? Help? Advice? Wisdom? I know all about AAA, 12 steps, higher powers, cutting down, going cold turkey... I have tried most of it to no avail... obviously. So, what next?
I guess I need to check into an outpatient detox clinic but if I do I will lose my job... no doubt about that. I work in a job where if It comes out I am fired! So, what good will I be with no income, lose my house, car, etc? I know some will say if I do not do that I will be dead, and that is worse due to my family being left alone... I guess you are correct. But, is there another way? What about Suboxene(?) Other Rxs that help with the horrible w/drawals that just about kill me when I go thru them? Any words today?
How many others of you out there battle Oxy C, as well? It seems to be a pretty major problem for lots of people -- how 'bout others of you? Rush Limbaugh battled it.... does anyone know if he licked the problem for good? I hope so.
Are there any of you out there who had a big dose problem like me (320 mg) or more who won the battle and stopped? But as for me, there is still the problem of my horrible back pain! If I do stop OxyC, I will still have tremendous back pain.... so what do I do about that? I cannot function with that type of pain, either.... and believe you me -- it is bad... very bad. A debilitating pain so extereme and intense it almost drove me to consider taking my life before I got relief a few years ago with the OxyC. So, it seems to be an endless cycle with no way out or no way off the "Merry-go-Round of Pain, Pain Rx., and Pain Rx. Addicton!"
As for me: "Without the Pain Rx (OxyC) I hurt so bad I cannot function and live a decent life, but on the Pain Rx, I have a while new set of problems to deal with." Here is the bottom line summary of my problem as I see it: "It's as if I have to choose the lesser of the two evils and live with, and make the most and best of, the lesser of the two evils! Has anyone else out there ever felt that way, too? Please let me know and throw me a bone and please offer me a ray of hope and a word of help... please! I will eternally grateful to you.
As for my back pain, it is still bad even while taking OxyC and it is totally unbearable w/ out taking anything for pain. What is a guy supposed to do? God help us all.
Sorry this is so long, but I guess I had a lot to say. Thanks for taking time to read this... I really do appreciate you doing so.
God Bless and thanks,
Lee --ScubaMan
Lee..does your dr know of you problem, That's a dumb question, of course he does...I just meant, does he know the extent? Have you talked to him about tapering?
I am not knowledgable about oxy, I just know that the amount your taking sounds dangerous to come off of cold turkey.
When you were given advice before on the board, what were you told to do and did you do it?
CG
I am not knowledgable about oxy, I just know that the amount your taking sounds dangerous to come off of cold turkey.
When you were given advice before on the board, what were you told to do and did you do it?
CG
Scuba man,
As an oxy abuser I can relate to your addiction, my tolerance leveld soared as well with continued use. I was up to about 320 to 400 mg myself and I'm not a big person.
I can't relate to needing them for that much pain, it sounds like you are in a horrible situation with your back. I abusede oxys for pure recreational use.I was heavily addicted to them for about a year, before I found oxy I had abused vics for about 2 or 3 years.
I had tried to quit oxy many times, I always relapsed. I eventually went on sub and the sub allowed me an easy physical withdrawl from the oxy, and even the mental was gone for awhile, but they soon crept back after I was off sub, which was for about 10 weeks.
But while on sub, I started to do things differently. This board pushed me into maybe listening to someone elses voice other than my own. Those with clean time. I took some of their advice and started doing things differently.
But in your case you need pain management, so I see your lesser of 2 evils. Does your doctor know that you run out of meds? He has to know that you are addicted right? What does he say?
Maybe sub is something to look into for you. It is for pain management as well, and there is a ceiling on it, meaning you can't get high. So, you are not chasing that dragon all day, which we both know too well, that damn oxy dragon is never caught.
I would look into it if I were you.
I hope this helped you and welcome to the board
all the best,
Redd
Good point Cowgirl
That much intake of oxy would be really dangerous at cold turkey. My withdrawl from oxy at cold turkey was undoable for me, I tried to taper many times, and it never worked for me. He would have to taper under his doctor, but it sounds like he needs them for legit pain.
Talk about a double edged sword.
Redd
It is a sticky wicket when we have pain on top of addiction. Not something I'm familiar with either, I also did it to numb emotional pain, not real pain.
Some addicts have to deal with and there is a way to do it, but honesty with medical professionals are the key as well as a 12 step program and constant awareness of abuse.
I wish that August West still posted here...he had cancer and was dealing with addiction and abuse. He had some amazing insight.
cg
Some addicts have to deal with and there is a way to do it, but honesty with medical professionals are the key as well as a 12 step program and constant awareness of abuse.
I wish that August West still posted here...he had cancer and was dealing with addiction and abuse. He had some amazing insight.
cg
lee.
first you mentioned rush... he went to inpatient.... and that is how he has 'beat' his addiction but beat isnt the right word... he is on the right path....
second... your job can not by law fire you for admitting you are an addict... and for going to inpatient to get clean.... now if you go in and get clean and come out then relapse and use... they can fire you for breaking a contract if you make one or if you are caught using on the the job.. but the intitial coming out of the closet... it is simply illegal ( assuming you are in the us...) .. that is a fact....
now... as for your pain.. you must if you want to get clean ... get you doctor on the boat with you....tell him your daily intake... and that you are addicted... this needs a team approach given your having true pain issues.. but..... you simply must in my estimation go to inpatient at this point.... to be detoxed and maybe switched to something else... but you cant not any longer control that option.... you need to take steps to tell your family and do what ever it takes....
you have decision to make.... is your life worth it... this is a life and death disease.... it will take your life it is a guarentee.... but before it does... it will take your lively hood , your possesions.. your self respect, and your soul.. then you life.... we all get outed one way or the other... it may take years... either by od then we live or by our nodding cause our tolerance gets sooo high that our bodies cant handle it... or we OD and dont make it then our secret really comes out... but how many 80 year old addicts do you know that have been using for 50 years... not too many in fact I know none and I have been in the this for a while... we all get outted... and the option is your when that is and how that is...
I know it is hard and scary and we all feel like crap inside and out... but it gets down to decision time... do you want to life or die....
if you make the decision to live you have to be willing to surrender completely.... take suggestions and get help.... let someone else drive the bus... take a leap of faith....
trust in a Higher Power...
God bless you in your decision
Teresa
first you mentioned rush... he went to inpatient.... and that is how he has 'beat' his addiction but beat isnt the right word... he is on the right path....
second... your job can not by law fire you for admitting you are an addict... and for going to inpatient to get clean.... now if you go in and get clean and come out then relapse and use... they can fire you for breaking a contract if you make one or if you are caught using on the the job.. but the intitial coming out of the closet... it is simply illegal ( assuming you are in the us...) .. that is a fact....
now... as for your pain.. you must if you want to get clean ... get you doctor on the boat with you....tell him your daily intake... and that you are addicted... this needs a team approach given your having true pain issues.. but..... you simply must in my estimation go to inpatient at this point.... to be detoxed and maybe switched to something else... but you cant not any longer control that option.... you need to take steps to tell your family and do what ever it takes....
you have decision to make.... is your life worth it... this is a life and death disease.... it will take your life it is a guarentee.... but before it does... it will take your lively hood , your possesions.. your self respect, and your soul.. then you life.... we all get outed one way or the other... it may take years... either by od then we live or by our nodding cause our tolerance gets sooo high that our bodies cant handle it... or we OD and dont make it then our secret really comes out... but how many 80 year old addicts do you know that have been using for 50 years... not too many in fact I know none and I have been in the this for a while... we all get outted... and the option is your when that is and how that is...
I know it is hard and scary and we all feel like crap inside and out... but it gets down to decision time... do you want to life or die....
if you make the decision to live you have to be willing to surrender completely.... take suggestions and get help.... let someone else drive the bus... take a leap of faith....
trust in a Higher Power...
God bless you in your decision
Teresa
Great post Teresa...
......why can't I say it like that ?
hope you are well today
Redd
......why can't I say it like that ?
hope you are well today
Redd
I know Redd, doesn't she drive you crazy? She always says it so much better than I ever could. Must be that lawyer training....
CG
CG
Hi Scuba, I hear the desperation in your post! I am/was addicted to oxy's too. I was on 80mgs, about 300-360 mgs a day. So that was pretty high. I was on them for my back too, but not that high, I abused them, when I became addicted to them pretty quick. I tried to quit many many times, but as you know the w/d's are pure h*ll, within days I'd go right back! Well in Feb, I ran out and figured now or never..but by day 6 the peak hit, and I was on the bed, curled in a ball, vomitting, shaking, crying, etc. I called my Dr right then, and she put me on Methadone. Some say Methadone is more addictive, than the oxy's. And it is, BUT for me, I haven't touched an oxy since Feb of this year. I take 2 10mgs, 3 times a day, and it even helped my back. The depression part of the w/d's were indescribable, so she then put me on Cymbalta, it is a new anti depressant, and it has a pain reliever in it also. So with the Methadone, and the Cymbalta, I have barely any back pain, and my arthritis pain is gone, not to mention, I have Poly cystic Ovary Syndrome, and I have no pain at all from that! My point is if you come clean with your Dr, they can help you decide what is best for YOU! I know why you can't do in patient, maybe out patient is for you, but talk to your Dr, mine helped me, maybe your's can help you? Sorry this is soooo long, but I wish you the best, and if I can help you more than let me know...sending you hugs and prayers..Kim
PS, sorry I forgot to mention, if you follow the plan with the Methadone with your Dr, you can be successful in quitting. I am tapering down my meth every week, and in 3 weeks I'll be free!!!
PS, sorry I forgot to mention, if you follow the plan with the Methadone with your Dr, you can be successful in quitting. I am tapering down my meth every week, and in 3 weeks I'll be free!!!
Hello,
I was pretty much in the EXACT same boat as you were. Mind you not nearly as long, if I would of been on it for 5 years like you I probably would of been dead.
As for me I was taking OxyContin for almost 1 yr. At my worst I was taking 350mg/day. I trained 6 days/week and when I got injured no matter how bad the injury was I didnt want to take time off so I took OxyContin.
As for my injuries, I ended up having a fractured back, moderate/server osterarthritis, compressed vertibrates in my neck, severe carpel tunnel syndrome, pinched nerves in my neck, hands. Also my left rotator cuff/shoulder had tendonitis, bursitis and bone chips floating around in there.
So yea I had alot of problems. I wouldn't quit training/working out and was prescribed OxyContin and at the worst was taking 350mg/day. As for me, I'm 28 yrs old now - 6'0' tall and 210 pounds with 7% bodyfat :) Even got down to 4.8% bodyfat at my best.. Anyways thats not the point..
The reality is I had to stop. Yes I was scared, in pain but it had to be done. I took 2 weeks off work, talked to my family doctor, and got 2 prescriptions. 1 for Clonidine and 1 for Ativan.
The withdrawls actually weren't that bad to be honest. After about a week the worst was over and the rest is mental. As for all my pains. I went for a couple surgeries. I refused the prescriptions for narcotics, and found other ways to deal with my back and shoulder...
You will find by getting off the drugs your pain will be alot less. When you body gets so addicted to drugs it makes the pain ALOT worse. So if you manage to get off the drugs and stay off them your back pains will be a whole lot easier to deal with. It was for me.
So get off the drugs. Its depressing you, running your life, controlling you. Do you want a little pill to tell you what to do??? Your pain will be alot less once your off them and maybe you can get your life back.. Its really not that hard.
As of today, I've been clean for 225 days. +/- 1 or 2.
I was pretty much in the EXACT same boat as you were. Mind you not nearly as long, if I would of been on it for 5 years like you I probably would of been dead.
As for me I was taking OxyContin for almost 1 yr. At my worst I was taking 350mg/day. I trained 6 days/week and when I got injured no matter how bad the injury was I didnt want to take time off so I took OxyContin.
As for my injuries, I ended up having a fractured back, moderate/server osterarthritis, compressed vertibrates in my neck, severe carpel tunnel syndrome, pinched nerves in my neck, hands. Also my left rotator cuff/shoulder had tendonitis, bursitis and bone chips floating around in there.
So yea I had alot of problems. I wouldn't quit training/working out and was prescribed OxyContin and at the worst was taking 350mg/day. As for me, I'm 28 yrs old now - 6'0' tall and 210 pounds with 7% bodyfat :) Even got down to 4.8% bodyfat at my best.. Anyways thats not the point..
The reality is I had to stop. Yes I was scared, in pain but it had to be done. I took 2 weeks off work, talked to my family doctor, and got 2 prescriptions. 1 for Clonidine and 1 for Ativan.
The withdrawls actually weren't that bad to be honest. After about a week the worst was over and the rest is mental. As for all my pains. I went for a couple surgeries. I refused the prescriptions for narcotics, and found other ways to deal with my back and shoulder...
You will find by getting off the drugs your pain will be alot less. When you body gets so addicted to drugs it makes the pain ALOT worse. So if you manage to get off the drugs and stay off them your back pains will be a whole lot easier to deal with. It was for me.
So get off the drugs. Its depressing you, running your life, controlling you. Do you want a little pill to tell you what to do??? Your pain will be alot less once your off them and maybe you can get your life back.. Its really not that hard.
As of today, I've been clean for 225 days. +/- 1 or 2.
Hello Everyone,
I really want to say THANKS for all the posts you have given and especially for the time you took to do so. It means more to me than will know that you took your valuable time to try and help me. I feel so unworhty of your time... thanks. As for the posts and your adice: You have given me good food for thought, and I see I have some serious and life-altering decisions to make! I hav e to do something soon, as I cannot keep going down this OxyC Road which I can see only leads straight to HELL.
Please, keep the posts coming if you read this topic and have some advice or words to offer. Thanks again!
Lee... Scubablt
I really want to say THANKS for all the posts you have given and especially for the time you took to do so. It means more to me than will know that you took your valuable time to try and help me. I feel so unworhty of your time... thanks. As for the posts and your adice: You have given me good food for thought, and I see I have some serious and life-altering decisions to make! I hav e to do something soon, as I cannot keep going down this OxyC Road which I can see only leads straight to HELL.
Please, keep the posts coming if you read this topic and have some advice or words to offer. Thanks again!
Lee... Scubablt
Lee,
Congratulations on your decision to seek help. I'm so very glad you've found this board, it's a great resource.
I had a bad vicodin addiction and am on day 8, I've never tried oxy's, but my friend told me that they were hell to get off of, but not imposible. Your story sounds like something that would've happened to me if I'd been in your position. You're not alone.
Slow down a minute. Nothing is as important as getting off pills. Everything is relative. You can take a break for detox if you want. You're a human being, and some things are more important than others, no one will contest that.
I'll pray for you and the journey you face. Things will get hairy, but the more help you have the easier it'll be. You can do it.
Congratulations on your decision to seek help. I'm so very glad you've found this board, it's a great resource.
I had a bad vicodin addiction and am on day 8, I've never tried oxy's, but my friend told me that they were hell to get off of, but not imposible. Your story sounds like something that would've happened to me if I'd been in your position. You're not alone.
Slow down a minute. Nothing is as important as getting off pills. Everything is relative. You can take a break for detox if you want. You're a human being, and some things are more important than others, no one will contest that.
I'll pray for you and the journey you face. Things will get hairy, but the more help you have the easier it'll be. You can do it.
I give up, Teresa, you rock chicky..I want to say things like that, I think them...but why can't I type them???? Too many years of pill abuse maybe...UREEEEKA, LOL. Honestly though, T your full of wisdom. KIm
md,
thank you..... been there done that...
God Bless
Teresa
thank you..... been there done that...
God Bless
Teresa
hey buddy your noy alone I have been doing massive amounts of 80s i went to my doctor yesterday told him whats going on he gave me colonzapam to use for the short turn and ive been using it and it is helping because it makes the anxiety go away and i sleep through the hell but he says its only for a week and i have to see him again tommorrow maybe you should see your doctor dont go through this alone he says the worst of it lasts a week then you have a better chance of fighting it with counciling good luck i know exactltly what your going through im in canada and theres no sub here so i have to work with what my doctor has available all the best if you need support i will be here all day Tracey
Right down the block from me in a VERY nice suburb is a snyders drug store. A white male (thats all they know) walked in, w/ a gun and demanded oxy. HE GOT IT>THEY HAVE A PICT OF HIM BUT HAVENT FOUND HIM>Shows you how horrible it is to get off the stuff. He was probably a neighbor of mine w...WIFE and kids living a normal life. except. My feelings go out to you, but you dont want to go here, right?
these pills should only be given to termanal patients they are turning your average person into drug addicts there are other painreleivers that can help without turning us into junkys shame on them im pissed
Tracy,
I understand you are upset but there is alot more at work here than just bam you take these pills and your hooked...
I know of alot of people that take them for pain ... that is not terminal but lasts for months... they get on .. they get off.. they get a tolerance and have a physical withdrawl but not a phsychological dependance.. they took them as rx'd and not for a psychological pain or issue.. not to get that feeling... they didnt turn into junkies to use your words....
there is a neurological component to addiction .. a possible genetic component and a personality component .. some of us are hard wired if you will and all we need is to be introduced to our loves.. (the drug..) so to blame the docs or the drug is not fair... if we see as rational humans that we are abusing these pills early on then we have right then the RESPONSIBLITY to stop... with the first time we take three instead of one... or we take them when we done have pain... it is US not them that the responsibiltiy lies...
what is gonna make me mad is when they take them off the market because of us and our irresponsiblity to place blame where is needs to be and when we get cancer or our mothers or fathers get cancer they have to suffer because of our disease...
I know this sounds harsh but playing the blame game doesnt get us clean.. and it certainly dont keep us clean.. in fact it helpst to rationalize use.... I know the very first time I took the extra few doses i was in trouble but i did it anyway.. was that my doctors fault..?.. was it the manufacturors fault?... nope it was alll mine.... that is my point....
Teresa...
I understand you are upset but there is alot more at work here than just bam you take these pills and your hooked...
I know of alot of people that take them for pain ... that is not terminal but lasts for months... they get on .. they get off.. they get a tolerance and have a physical withdrawl but not a phsychological dependance.. they took them as rx'd and not for a psychological pain or issue.. not to get that feeling... they didnt turn into junkies to use your words....
there is a neurological component to addiction .. a possible genetic component and a personality component .. some of us are hard wired if you will and all we need is to be introduced to our loves.. (the drug..) so to blame the docs or the drug is not fair... if we see as rational humans that we are abusing these pills early on then we have right then the RESPONSIBLITY to stop... with the first time we take three instead of one... or we take them when we done have pain... it is US not them that the responsibiltiy lies...
what is gonna make me mad is when they take them off the market because of us and our irresponsiblity to place blame where is needs to be and when we get cancer or our mothers or fathers get cancer they have to suffer because of our disease...
I know this sounds harsh but playing the blame game doesnt get us clean.. and it certainly dont keep us clean.. in fact it helpst to rationalize use.... I know the very first time I took the extra few doses i was in trouble but i did it anyway.. was that my doctors fault..?.. was it the manufacturors fault?... nope it was alll mine.... that is my point....
Teresa...
Teresa..something just came to me when I read your post about getting sick... if any of us got sick and needed those drugs, there would never be enough....
Sorry, just a wierd thought....
Morning...Lisa
Sorry, just a wierd thought....
Morning...Lisa
ya i understand what your saying i just wish that they would save those types of drugs for people who really need them like cancer patients not for back pain that can be helped by other relievers that arent so addictive save us all alot of grief i know i am mostly to blame but i dont think my pain was bad enough to be perscribed such a heavy narcotic i never took a pill for anything before this and im discusted at my weakness i wish i never heard of these stupid pills ruined my life i have no control over these pills i cant believe im so week i always thought of myself as strong maybe i have been humbled i dont know if i can beat this monster
