New Here, Unsure Of Alot

Pain Pills
1
I just found this wonderful site. It seems warm and caring.
I have battled with pain pill addiction for about 2 years. DOC is noro, vicoden, hydro anything and oxy anything. Ordering online, paying crazy prices for 120 or so. It got way out of hand. At my worst I took about 15 in a day. I had tried to quit (on my own, c/t) before, more than once, but it always brought me right back. I am now officially off. I tapered down, and then had checked out some places that did suboxone, too expensive. Didn't want to go the meth clinic route. I got a few methadones from a guy who takes them for pain. He said he thought I could get off it with these. well, i did break them up and make them last and in very small doses. and when I was done I felt pretty good. no more hydro. for a few days! Then, a friend had some, and I weakened and took a few. not nearly what I was up to, like 2, then 3, then 2 then 2 in a as many days. so I am just so close, and I feel like it's not that hard to get past this. But it just calls me back. I know I will never order online again. I can't and don't want to. I have too many reasons not to. If I had no more tomrorwo, I'd be ok, mild, very mild w/d maybe, but likely not. I just can't seem to get to the place of NONE forever! I think about the hydro. I enjoy it initially, then it takes you down that long slimy tube that it does, and dumps you in a place you don't even recognize is yourself. IT sucks. I want the old me back. And for her to remember how crummy it was to be on those all the time. and to know I can't just take a few recreationally because I know that, i've proven that. there was a time, but no more! GOD I need strength. I need help and support. I"m so close to beating this thing, at least I think so. I need prayer, a lot a lot of prayer.
Thanks for reading.............................. love SC
2

Close

These things do screw with your mind don't they ? You are dealing with the mental part of addiction now. I think that is the hardest. At least with the physical w/ds you know they will be gone in a few days.The mental crap stays with you. But it will get better. I'm kinda in the same place you are. Stick and post here and you will get some awesome info. It sounds to me like you should be attending meetings. Either aa or na. I started a few weeks ago and it really does help.

Take care

Frank
3
Dear Soclose,

Welcome to this site! I was going to tell you exactly what fsguy did. My son was trying to get off oxycontin/heroin without success. He got into more legal problems and then got convinced that he NEEDED rehab to stop the downward spiral. At rehab, he learned the value to peer support through meetings. He has just completed his 83rd day of sobriety and has attended a meeting EVERY one of those days! He now LIKES the meetings and WANTS to go. Before he came to this realization, he felt like he might as well just die as give up the alcohol and drugs, because he LOVES hanging out with friends. Now he realizes he can enjoy hanging out with NA friends without the alcohol and drugs. That has been a GREAT gift to help his recovery. I wish you the same. You will be in my prayers.

God bless!

Susan
4
Hi SC, and welcome to the board. Most all of us can relate to what you're going through. If we could just put them down and forget them I don't think we'd have this lousy disease of addiction. You need to make a plan for staying clean. Have you considered NA? If you've never read the twelve steps I strongly urge you to do so. I only had to get to the first one to know it was what I needed. Keep posting, you will get lots of support and friendship here. Love, Kat
5
Hello Sc welcome to the board! This is a wonderful place and is very helpful. I understand completely about the mental addiction. That is the hardest thing for me I think. I have also had to distance myself from someone that I know that uses hydro's also. It happens to be my sister in law. I told her today I was on day 48 and needed time to think and thought it would be best if we didn't talk for a while. It really aggravates me becasue everytime I talk to her she is high and it makes me cringe casue I know I to was there not long ago. Sweetie I'm not sure if your situation is the same but I can tell you that you can overcome anything I'm not sure how long you have been using but it didn't happen overnight and recovery isn't overnight unfortunately. But please keep posting let us know how you are and NA meetings are a great idea also.
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SoClose,

Welcome aboard. We are always looking for new friends and people we can relate to. We all care here and u can say anything u r feeling with no judgements. We are all with u, clean,tapering,c/t, and just trying to survive.

Jump in anytime to our post and we will help u and u will help us. WELCOME

Love ya, Tina
7
SC.WELCOME TO THE BOARD..I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL..I'M SURE THAT ALL OF US DO.I HAVE BEEN OFF VICS. SINCE FEB. OF THIS YEAR.
AND TO BE COMPLETLY HONEST, I STILL THINK ABOUT TAKING THOSE DARN THINGS..BUT THEN I THINK OF ALL THAT I'V BEEN THROUGH AND KNOW THAT I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK.. I'M NOT SURE IF I'LL EVER GET OVER THE MENTAL PART OF THIS ADDICTION..IT'S ALWAYS THERE, JUST UNDER THE SURFACE, WAITING FOR ME TO GIVE IN, IN A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS. AND WHEN I FEEL WEAK I TURN TO THE BOARD FOR THAT EXTRA SUPPORT..SO KEEP COMING BACK,WE'LL ALL SUPPORT EACH OTHER IN THOSE MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS..GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND IWE'LL ALL BE LOOKING TO HEAR FROM YOU..

THINKING AND PRAYING FOR ALL...
DJ
8
Well Im old here and Im unsure of alot. heh

Nonetheless, welcome. Pull up a seat and stay awhile.