Hi all. Well, I have been reading some of the posts here to see if this will be the right place for me. Looks like it is. I am 35 years old...married, Mom of 2 boys. They are my life. I also work full time (well, up until sept of this year) I went out on disability so I could have my back surgery
A little background on my pain killer history- and my pain history. I was born with a deformed vertebrae in my back. When I went through puberty, that's when it was discovered. Dont know why, but that's around the time it appeared. They fitted me for a backbrace, etc- I went to chiropractors, pain management doctors, everything. I wasnt required to take gym class... you know the drill.. I think...lol
Anyway, when I was about 18, one doctor prescribed me pain meds... I dont know if they were hydros or not... cant remember. When I was 19 I was pregnant with my first son. I stopped taking them, and stopped smoking as soon as I thought I was pregnant. After I gave birth, my GP wrote me a script for more pain meds. I took them as needed, and really didnt bother with them much.
Years went by and I started getting all kinds of scripts from my doctor for pain meds. Started with 500's - then 7.5's... and then the 10/325 norco. I took them faithfully and correctly for a long time.. to kill this pain. One day I noticed that I ran out of them before my refill could be filled. I got sick. Thats when I realized I was addicted. I talked my Aunt into giving me her old script so I could get through til refill time. I will not bore you with the details of my behavior when I run out.. I think you all know
I got pregnant again with my 4 year old son. Amazingly I stopped cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant. I did get sick, but this was for my unborn child. The minute he was born, I asked my husband to call my doctor to get my meds written. He did. My doctor knows about my back problems. By this time they were severe. (2 fractured vertebrae, and 4 blown discs).
So, by now you can see, I have a 14 year old and a 4 year old. I love them beyond anything in this world. Now.. last month I finally gave in and had my back surgery. It was a success.. I am still healing, but the original pain is gone and all I feel now is surgical pain. My pill usage is about 12-14 norco per day. I want to wean myself off of these. For some reason I was able to quit cold for my preganancies, but I am having MASSIVE anxiety over stopping for myself. When I was able to stop before I knew it was temporary.. ya know... I knew I would be able to resume taking the pills because the back pain would still be there. Now I know there will be no more when I quit taking them.
I am really scared. I have one script left that was written for the post op from my surgeon. My regular doctor promised to help me wean after I am healed from this surgery. I know I need to be here on this board. I cant do it alone, and I am afraid to let anyone in my life know how addicted I am to these. I lead an otherwise normal life. Thanks for letting me post this, and thank you all for being here. Boy, that was a long post.! Thanks again... Tired.
30 views on this thread and no one can even have a kind word for me? Thanks. I'm sorry to have even posted here. I am waiting for an encouraging word.. or something. I need help and I am SCARED. I know I will regret posting this message here, and I am sorry. I just find it amazing that after over an hour no one can say hello. I see there are postings going on to other threads... sorry I'm not interesting enough for any of you to even say hi. Is there a way for a mod to get this thread removed from this forum?
welcome Tired, don't be discouraged, alot of people just don't know what to say.
I am an IV Cocaine addict, and I have seen many people on the pain pill site either taper or go cold turkey, I have witnessed their w/d's.
Hang in there and someone will pop in, so you don't feel all alone. I have spine problems myself, I have a 3 inch plate on my C3, C4 & C5, I've taken pain medications for them, along with my Fibromyalgia. Fortunately (or not) I never developed an addiction to them, I always like the stuff that sped me up and wired me out.
There will be other people that will post with more information. I would just like to wish you luck in fighting the good fight!
I am an IV Cocaine addict, and I have seen many people on the pain pill site either taper or go cold turkey, I have witnessed their w/d's.
Hang in there and someone will pop in, so you don't feel all alone. I have spine problems myself, I have a 3 inch plate on my C3, C4 & C5, I've taken pain medications for them, along with my Fibromyalgia. Fortunately (or not) I never developed an addiction to them, I always like the stuff that sped me up and wired me out.
There will be other people that will post with more information. I would just like to wish you luck in fighting the good fight!
I'm really sorry for that outburst... Im sitting here crying.. thank you
Don't feel sorry, you are an Addict.
Things have gotten to the point that you are angry with your addiction. Good! Get mad at it...then take the steps to start cleaning up your life.
You are going to find that as you w/d your emotions that you have been deadening for such a long time are coming back, you will get moody, you will cry and hopefully you will get to know us, and laugh also.
Keep coming back, take what you need here and leave the rest.
Things have gotten to the point that you are angry with your addiction. Good! Get mad at it...then take the steps to start cleaning up your life.
You are going to find that as you w/d your emotions that you have been deadening for such a long time are coming back, you will get moody, you will cry and hopefully you will get to know us, and laugh also.
Keep coming back, take what you need here and leave the rest.
Hey tired
dont leave.. sorry no one got to you sooner. Im so tired and kind of just skimmed over your post. Did you say your dr. is going to help you wean off after your surgery? There are a lot of people on here who can help you with a taper schedule or you could try the suboxone route. that seems to be the way the works well with the less misery. A lot of people swear by going cold turkey and you will be over the worst of it in like 5-7 days. or is it 3-5 days? I tapered with some darvocets --it helped a little but all in all you just have to stop taking everything! Hang in there-- im going to go back and read your post!!! Good luck--
fire :)
dont leave.. sorry no one got to you sooner. Im so tired and kind of just skimmed over your post. Did you say your dr. is going to help you wean off after your surgery? There are a lot of people on here who can help you with a taper schedule or you could try the suboxone route. that seems to be the way the works well with the less misery. A lot of people swear by going cold turkey and you will be over the worst of it in like 5-7 days. or is it 3-5 days? I tapered with some darvocets --it helped a little but all in all you just have to stop taking everything! Hang in there-- im going to go back and read your post!!! Good luck--
fire :)
Dear Tired, Woke up and saw your post, read it and I can so relate. I had and have chronic back problems. I remember thinking that I can't let the doctors think my back is all better, then I won't get any more pills. There came a time when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. What helped me was being honest with my doctors. All 10 of them. And calling the pharmacies and telling them to red flag me, I AM AN ADDICT. I new about NA from a few years before. Everything I tried alone never worked. I spent 18 hours in detox and went right out the door to an NA meeting. I suffered severe withdrawals but I know they have better ways to detox. I abuse everything so it was just that I just went cold turkey. You can do this. My suggestion would be to call your doctor and be 100% honest with what and how much you are taking. There are alot of options. You can go into inpatient treatment, there is intensive outpatient programs, NA/AA/PA. Admitting you are an addict takes a lot of courage and I am so glad you are here reaching out for help. We are here but I find I need face to face contact just not online to keep me frtom getting all wrapped up in the obsession and compulsion from the pills. Today I use lidocaine patches patches and tylenol for the pain. Hot baths and exercising right out of bed in the morning helps too. You can do this. I am rooting for you. Dawn
Tired,
It's never easy spilling your guts and then feeling like you were ignored. I was really nervous when I first posted here, but these guys really do care. They did not make me feel horrible like some of the other boards that I know longer go to.
This is definitely the place to come to talk, vent or just browse. I've been clean for some time now but it still makes me feel better if my day isn't going so well when I come here. Even if just to read posts and sign off. I would definitely encourage you to stay, get to know us and post some more. I've posted some that never got replies but it felt good to just get it off my shoulders. Then there are times and the love I felt from everyone else was overwhelming. It's a great place to be.
I hope you'll stick around.
I hope you well and success in your recovery efforts.
Take care,
Jessie
It's never easy spilling your guts and then feeling like you were ignored. I was really nervous when I first posted here, but these guys really do care. They did not make me feel horrible like some of the other boards that I know longer go to.
This is definitely the place to come to talk, vent or just browse. I've been clean for some time now but it still makes me feel better if my day isn't going so well when I come here. Even if just to read posts and sign off. I would definitely encourage you to stay, get to know us and post some more. I've posted some that never got replies but it felt good to just get it off my shoulders. Then there are times and the love I felt from everyone else was overwhelming. It's a great place to be.
I hope you'll stick around.
I hope you well and success in your recovery efforts.
Take care,
Jessie
Awe Tired, I wish I could be there to give you a great big hug. Well just know that we do care and we are here. And hope you can feel this big cyber hug
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Hey tired I just posted this under Reddogs thread will repost so you will see it.
tired,
You may or may not have insomnia. Everyone is different, I saw where you are going to get help under your doctors care. Follow his instructions.
Read the posts on here, get as much information as you can and take it to him.
Talk to him about possible sleep problems, talk to him about the possibility of getting depressed, some do some don't. Google opiate withdrawals symptoms, Again everyone is different. Get all the facts then present them to him. Do your homework. Have a long term plan in place, be it NA/AA Church groups, one on one counseling, whatever works for you.
You will need a support system to help you through this. This board is a great place, just as face to face support is just as important. You can do both.
First and foremost relax, you are not alone in this. Take deep breathes. You will get through this.
We care.
tired,
You may or may not have insomnia. Everyone is different, I saw where you are going to get help under your doctors care. Follow his instructions.
Read the posts on here, get as much information as you can and take it to him.
Talk to him about possible sleep problems, talk to him about the possibility of getting depressed, some do some don't. Google opiate withdrawals symptoms, Again everyone is different. Get all the facts then present them to him. Do your homework. Have a long term plan in place, be it NA/AA Church groups, one on one counseling, whatever works for you.
You will need a support system to help you through this. This board is a great place, just as face to face support is just as important. You can do both.
First and foremost relax, you are not alone in this. Take deep breathes. You will get through this.
We care.
Thanks to all of you. I am soooo sorry again about screaming like that. I have never had to be forced to deal with this before. I used my back pain as a safe excuse for so many years, that I almost think I put the surgery off for so long so I could keep taking them with a reason.
I will take all of your suggestions and look forward to laughing with you... I am really sorry again... I am just so scared. Love, Tired.
I will take all of your suggestions and look forward to laughing with you... I am really sorry again... I am just so scared. Love, Tired.
I do have trouble staying in bed in the AM. I wake at 4:30 on the nose.. with no alarm clock. I used to get up for work at this time.. but on the weekends I would get up that early anyway. Now that I have been off from work, my husband cant understand why I dont sleep in. **sigh** I feel so much better (mentally now)
Yes, my doctor said he would help me. he doesnt seem to think that the amount I take daily is "all that bad- he has seen much worse". So I think I need some back up... thats why I came here.
Yes, my doctor said he would help me. he doesnt seem to think that the amount I take daily is "all that bad- he has seen much worse". So I think I need some back up... thats why I came here.
What do you mean by back up?
Tired, It's okay. Don't leave. The board is just slow right now. Welcome and a big hug to you. You are correct, you belong here. We are here for you and want to help you through this. I am recovering from oxycotin addiction. I am 7 weeks clean tomorrow. You can do this. Admitting that you need help is the first step to recovery. Congrats on taking the first step. If you can taper down to a lower amount that will help the withdraws not to be so bad. But, most people, myself included, are not able to exercise that kind of self control. Personally, if I was taking 8 pills per day and found that I only had 12 left, I would just take all 12. My brain would tell me to just get as high as I could since this would be the "last" time. But the good news is that many options are available for you. I'm glad you are talking to your Dr. He can help ease the WD symptoms in a way that is safe for you. There are inpatient and outpatient detox available, counseling, NA and AA, this board and more! I would recommend telling your immediate family. You will feel as if a weight has been lifted and they will be more understanding than you think. My name is Atlas, I'm a 29 year old girl who is married and I am on this board most days. If you should ever need anything or anyone to talk to, start a thread with my name on it and I will be there for you. Best of luck to you. Your friend, Atlas
whatever reason you found this site, you did.
I got honest with all of my doctors, they still keep an eye out on me.
At first it was a shaming experience, when I had to explain to the phlebotomist, why it was so hard to find a vein, and would have to point out the ones I thought they may be able to draw from.
I had an experience about 3 months ago when I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to the ER, was honest with them and had a tech almost make me crawl up to the ceiling when they started an IV in my scarred up veins. Fortunately my heart hasn't taken much of a beating, but after having my ovaries taken out, my dr did tell me that I had fatty tissue on my liver. That information was part of the reason I decided that I absolutely had to get clean, or die.
I got honest with all of my doctors, they still keep an eye out on me.
At first it was a shaming experience, when I had to explain to the phlebotomist, why it was so hard to find a vein, and would have to point out the ones I thought they may be able to draw from.
I had an experience about 3 months ago when I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to the ER, was honest with them and had a tech almost make me crawl up to the ceiling when they started an IV in my scarred up veins. Fortunately my heart hasn't taken much of a beating, but after having my ovaries taken out, my dr did tell me that I had fatty tissue on my liver. That information was part of the reason I decided that I absolutely had to get clean, or die.
What do you mean by back up?
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support.. sorry, I'm in New York....lol
I have to catch up with all of these posts... I complained there were none, now I cant keep up. You all have made me feel amazing and strong within 15 minutes.. thank you... and I *will* catch up with all of the posts here. If I miss something, I will find it the second time around and answer... thank you again.
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support.. sorry, I'm in New York....lol
I have to catch up with all of these posts... I complained there were none, now I cant keep up. You all have made me feel amazing and strong within 15 minutes.. thank you... and I *will* catch up with all of the posts here. If I miss something, I will find it the second time around and answer... thank you again.
Hey Tired,
Thank you for sharing how upset you were about seeing that 30 people had looked but not posted back. I have to be honest, I have found myself reading but not posting, and your honesty was a good eye opener for me.I went through kind of the same thing and was a bit discouraged, but folks came around and really do care.
As far as the taper down, I did that when I ran out of pills. But I only had a few pills to do it with so my w/d were still icky, but not too bad. I knew how bad the w/d could be so I tried my hardest to taper. I also went into rehab because my whole life revolved around pills and booze.
You quit cold turkey for your babies and now it's tiome to quit for you. For me , it's always easier to do something for others than for myself! But try getting to a meeting...you'll be able to speak with so many people face to face that can relate to you. Keep your doc informed as to what's goin on and be honest with all docs.
The insanity of this disease sucks. My mind always spun out of control when I knew I was getting low on pills. How, what doc, where, web sites, fedex trucks, etc.
I know I have been rambling.....I wish I could give you a big hug...You can do this. Keep us posted. I have to get ready for work.
Take good care,
Omega
Thank you for sharing how upset you were about seeing that 30 people had looked but not posted back. I have to be honest, I have found myself reading but not posting, and your honesty was a good eye opener for me.I went through kind of the same thing and was a bit discouraged, but folks came around and really do care.
As far as the taper down, I did that when I ran out of pills. But I only had a few pills to do it with so my w/d were still icky, but not too bad. I knew how bad the w/d could be so I tried my hardest to taper. I also went into rehab because my whole life revolved around pills and booze.
You quit cold turkey for your babies and now it's tiome to quit for you. For me , it's always easier to do something for others than for myself! But try getting to a meeting...you'll be able to speak with so many people face to face that can relate to you. Keep your doc informed as to what's goin on and be honest with all docs.
The insanity of this disease sucks. My mind always spun out of control when I knew I was getting low on pills. How, what doc, where, web sites, fedex trucks, etc.
I know I have been rambling.....I wish I could give you a big hug...You can do this. Keep us posted. I have to get ready for work.
Take good care,
Omega
What is suboxone? Is there a link or something for this, or a thread about it? I saw a few people refering to it- but no one said what it was.
I was reading all of your posts here, and I hadnt noticed before (this morning when I got here) that there are so many women here. In the back of my head I think I thought that there would be more men here (I'm sure there are plenty) but I guess I had a preconcieved notion that this was a male addiction.,.. and I felt so weird. None of my female friends that I know in real time are hooked (that I know of)
It's nice to see women here is all. I feel a little more normal about this now for some reason... not normal, but you know what I mean. I thought I was the only woman dealing with this... (logically I know better-but my heart told me differently).....
I was reading all of your posts here, and I hadnt noticed before (this morning when I got here) that there are so many women here. In the back of my head I think I thought that there would be more men here (I'm sure there are plenty) but I guess I had a preconcieved notion that this was a male addiction.,.. and I felt so weird. None of my female friends that I know in real time are hooked (that I know of)
It's nice to see women here is all. I feel a little more normal about this now for some reason... not normal, but you know what I mean. I thought I was the only woman dealing with this... (logically I know better-but my heart told me differently).....
GOOD MORNING sweety & Welcome.I take Suboxone not only for addiction but for pain control.Can I help you in anyway????mj
omega.. thank you... yes, I know what you mean about spinning out of control. My surgeon wrote me a script for 240 (30 day supply)max dose 8 per day... with a refill (my regular doc was writing me 120 for a 15 day supply with a refill- same difference) I have a few left maybe 14 right now, so I am rationing the hell out of myself... guarding them, counting them... hoping someone will give me more. I called the drug store to have them refilled and they told me it was too early.
I feel like they know already when I call before they even look me up on the system... and I want to scream and tell them that I am NOT an addict, but I know I am... I have 10 more days give or take before I can refill. I had some stashed from before I had surgery.. I gave them to my husband to hold for me incase they wouldnt give me enough while I was still in the hospital..
**sigh** that felt better
I feel like they know already when I call before they even look me up on the system... and I want to scream and tell them that I am NOT an addict, but I know I am... I have 10 more days give or take before I can refill. I had some stashed from before I had surgery.. I gave them to my husband to hold for me incase they wouldnt give me enough while I was still in the hospital..
**sigh** that felt better
