Hello everyone! I am new to this site! I have gone to 5 al-anon meetings so far. My husband is addicted to crack and we went through a really rough 10 month relapse. He went into treatment two months ago and came home last friday. I am struggling trusting him even though he is doing amazing. I could use all the support and kind words that are possible. I pray for everyone here to have some serenity through the rough time you all are going through.
Hi Carolyne...I want to wish you and your husband the best of luck ...I hope he is able to stay clean...it is a challenge as he is now out of rehab.He needs to change his patterns create new friends not fail back into old habits.You on the other hand need to listen to your head and not allow your heart to rule you. I am hoping you are in control of the finances .He is the one who changed things...and you cannot become an enabler.You are kind it seems like you have stood by him and are going to the meetings to try and understand addiction and gather support.He needs to earn your trust. ..I am sorry to say just don't hand it over to him...Things can change in a moment.Each day will bring new challanges...New scenarios. ....New players. ..it's fine to cheer him on in his recovery, you continue to do what you need to do to get support and gain knowledge of addiction. ....but as I said pay attention keep a close eye on finances ...is something doesn't seem right don't ignore it....He has to prove himself he has to earn your trust...Make him earn it don't hand it over....trust me I have been there many times. ....I am here for you if you need to talk...good luck
Thank you so much! I needed to hear that! Things are going very well right now. He has been out of rehab for almost two weeks and he is following through with his program, going to meetings and the best part is he is still sober!
Hi, I am new to this site but definitely not new to this crazy making disease. And, it is not just my son's disease, but my long term disease of over compensating for the pain that I my son has experienced much of his life. Over coming enabling behavior is as hard has it is for them to kick drugs. You get a taste of what it is for them when they relapse when you don't stick to YOUR limits and boundaries. So...set those limits with him. Write them out and hang them on the fridge, you need to see them many times a day and so does he. (I now know why people wear those WWJD or STRONG bracelets!)
I talked with my son last night-he is in jail for the next 2 years for using drugs --probation violation. I turned him in. I had set limits of not making jail a boy scout camp so no money. I did tell him only calls from now on except on Mondays or Thursdays at 8pm. That went ok. But, he sucked me into 15$ so he could buy paper and stamps to write letters to his work and a friend he particularly had hurt. At first, I was ok with this, but then.......oooops I did it again!!! He would only have about $10 to use because of the fees, but still I caved. It does not feel good. So, I have set up some fail safes. I will talk to my daughter and ex-husband. They have no problems in this area. LOL.
Enabling behavior like addiction likes to hide........do not hide what is going on with your son. Talk to people and this web site is awesome. Many long term people who will tell you straight. Be accountable for your decisions. In nursing we plan, implement, evaluate..repeat. This will not change in a few weeks/months/but will be a continual process. So, you will f'up, like your son. But, you can only change your behavior and as you make changes hopefully he will see that he too can f'up and make changes that will stick.
I am writing this to me as well as to you, sister. I am righting my saddle as I almost slipped off the horse when a branch slapped me in the head. I am riding this beast to the end for myself.....just as our sons/daughters have to do it for themselves. Whatever you do..........do not get off the horse!! IF the horse kicks you off, get back on that thing. Keep working at your choices. Never let shame and blame stop you from the goal...happy, healthy YOU!!
I talked with my son last night-he is in jail for the next 2 years for using drugs --probation violation. I turned him in. I had set limits of not making jail a boy scout camp so no money. I did tell him only calls from now on except on Mondays or Thursdays at 8pm. That went ok. But, he sucked me into 15$ so he could buy paper and stamps to write letters to his work and a friend he particularly had hurt. At first, I was ok with this, but then.......oooops I did it again!!! He would only have about $10 to use because of the fees, but still I caved. It does not feel good. So, I have set up some fail safes. I will talk to my daughter and ex-husband. They have no problems in this area. LOL.
Enabling behavior like addiction likes to hide........do not hide what is going on with your son. Talk to people and this web site is awesome. Many long term people who will tell you straight. Be accountable for your decisions. In nursing we plan, implement, evaluate..repeat. This will not change in a few weeks/months/but will be a continual process. So, you will f'up, like your son. But, you can only change your behavior and as you make changes hopefully he will see that he too can f'up and make changes that will stick.
I am writing this to me as well as to you, sister. I am righting my saddle as I almost slipped off the horse when a branch slapped me in the head. I am riding this beast to the end for myself.....just as our sons/daughters have to do it for themselves. Whatever you do..........do not get off the horse!! IF the horse kicks you off, get back on that thing. Keep working at your choices. Never let shame and blame stop you from the goal...happy, healthy YOU!!
