I just found this site and have been reading some of your messages. It's giving me some hope, but also scary. My adult son is an addict, has been using for about 10 years, the past six on opioids, and now I found a needle. He went to outpatient treatment about six years ago, running back and forth for methedone dosing, probably for 4 years! He was dosing less and less methadone each time, but it just felt like it was going on for too long. Nearing the end of this, he used suboxine to ween off but I don't think he actually did get all the way off the soboxine. At least his behavior was a lot better and he is holding a couple of parttime jobs. So I was super hopeful. But the last 3-6 months we have been suspicious of his using again...just many behavioural signs. (He still lives at home, btw) Now this morning I found him sleeping in his room with a needle next to him! Thank God he was just sleeping and not dead. He works this afternoon, and I've been letting him sleep before I confront him about all of this. I want him clear-headed. I'm beside myself...can't believe this is starting over (although I know it is common to relapse), but you know what I mean...I've been anxious and upset ever since! My husband, who has always been a bit harder on him for not getting a grip on his addiction , says things like "just quit taking the stuff!" He loves him dearly too, but just doesnt understand it. And i know its not that easy, but then im way too easy on him, which I know I cannot be. I want him to go to rehab, but I know they have to want to. Help! How do I start this conversation again?
I find it helpful to read the posts:
Ways family members can help
What not to do
I also recently read "Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children" by Allison Bottke
It was helpful for me to learn as much as I could.
Ways family members can help
What not to do
I also recently read "Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children" by Allison Bottke
It was helpful for me to learn as much as I could.
Hi looking forward. Listen there's not a lot of activity on this board. You should sign up for the Facebook group TAM. TAM stands for The Addicts Mom.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Hi Looking Forward,
I've been on this board for a couple years now and I check in every couple of days. My son is 30 and a heroin addict. I'm sorry that your son has gone back to using. In my opinion, it's probably time for you and your husband to put your foot down. We had to with our son years ago and one of those boundaries that we put up was him not living with us. We can't make him quit drugs but we can make our home be the way we want it. It won't be easy but if you let him live with you, you're making it easier for him to get drugs. He doesn't have to worry about where he's going to crash for the night. I would talk it over with your husband and make a list of boundaries that you will put into place and then talk to your son about it. The key will be standing firm in your boundaries. These boundaries will not cure your son but they will help you live a happier life and will possibly make your son see the light at some point. Check out Nar anon as well. If you've read the stories on here than you know you are not alone and you probably have also figured out that there is nothing you can do to make your son quit using. It's all on him.
Hang in there. I'm sure others will post on here soon.
I've been on this board for a couple years now and I check in every couple of days. My son is 30 and a heroin addict. I'm sorry that your son has gone back to using. In my opinion, it's probably time for you and your husband to put your foot down. We had to with our son years ago and one of those boundaries that we put up was him not living with us. We can't make him quit drugs but we can make our home be the way we want it. It won't be easy but if you let him live with you, you're making it easier for him to get drugs. He doesn't have to worry about where he's going to crash for the night. I would talk it over with your husband and make a list of boundaries that you will put into place and then talk to your son about it. The key will be standing firm in your boundaries. These boundaries will not cure your son but they will help you live a happier life and will possibly make your son see the light at some point. Check out Nar anon as well. If you've read the stories on here than you know you are not alone and you probably have also figured out that there is nothing you can do to make your son quit using. It's all on him.
Hang in there. I'm sure others will post on here soon.
Thank you for responses...rough day here. My heart breaks...I will post when I know more. Please say a prayer (if you pray).I just don't know how to do this.
LF - my heart aches for you (and the rest of us still going thru this). Every point you made could be my words... we have been going thru this for a few years.
son is 27, has been away from home for 2 yrs - in rehab and sober living and on his own, but still goes back to the pain meds (no needles),even after months of being clean. about 1 month ago he was tired of struggling, landed a full time job w previous employer. we agreed he could come back home, although we had hesitation, we wanted to give him a chance. Unfortunately, it all feels the same as before he left... wondering if he learned anything from the past two years.... (how many of you are saying - yeah this is familiar!!)
Thank you for sharing.. I wanted to post because I feel I am at the same spot as you are emotionally... the realization that things are not going as planed... such a tough spot - when they are half in one world and half out.
I am going to look for other help in other resources to find out how to help a recovering addict manage financially and how to approach this pending conversation.
PS - My posting got too long and was hijacking your post - so I started a new one...
son is 27, has been away from home for 2 yrs - in rehab and sober living and on his own, but still goes back to the pain meds (no needles),even after months of being clean. about 1 month ago he was tired of struggling, landed a full time job w previous employer. we agreed he could come back home, although we had hesitation, we wanted to give him a chance. Unfortunately, it all feels the same as before he left... wondering if he learned anything from the past two years.... (how many of you are saying - yeah this is familiar!!)
Thank you for sharing.. I wanted to post because I feel I am at the same spot as you are emotionally... the realization that things are not going as planed... such a tough spot - when they are half in one world and half out.
I am going to look for other help in other resources to find out how to help a recovering addict manage financially and how to approach this pending conversation.
PS - My posting got too long and was hijacking your post - so I started a new one...
Hi Looking, I would do what Shell suggested. You have to put rules in place to save your own sanity. I feel bad for you after him coming so far. Let's hope it was just a relapse and he'll move forward from here and get back to being drug free again. I'd lay it all on the table when you talk to him too. Good luck to you and sorry your having all this worry again. It's not easy that's for sure. But we're here for you as we've all been in your boat. Take care. Mary
