I have been reading and re-reading the posts on this site and a lot of them have been helpful, but im looking for some help on questions that I have about the way im feeling and if it has anything to do with being on methadone, or if anyone out there has felt the same way at some point....
I have been on a very high dose (120mlg) for a few years now and im starting to feel really tired and have no energy when it comes to daily life.
I have responsibilities that I need to keep on a daily basis and I have been coming up with excuses to not get them done so I can just be alone. Is this normal and is anyone eles having these same feelings after being on methadone for this long??
When I first started on this medication, things started to get better and I felt like I was back into living a "normal" life again. I was able to get a job and keep it, I was able to feel better when I was around people that were "non-addicts", and have conversations that were not based on when and where or how I could get more, have more, want more, see more pills drugs or anything eles that was mind or mood altering.
I was homeless for a year, and homeless living in the city of Detroit and staying on the methadone path and not going back to taking "street" drugs was hard, very hard. But I did it none-the-less and now I have a wonderful (as opposed to being on the street) apartment and my life is getting better and all I want to do is be alone...??? WTH is wrong with me right now?? I see a counselor at the clinic I go to and I only go 3 times a week (should be less but I have to be under 100mlgs im told) and things are not horribly bad, but I feel like I cant get up and go sometimes.... Is this a methadone thing or a crazy weird patch im going threw?? And if it is a crazy weird patch, is it because of methadone and the dose that im on??
I noticed that there isn't a lot of people on this site and there isn't a ton of "action" like there is on the pill forum but I wanted to try this one out first to see if there was anyone out there that is going threw what I am or might have a lil bit of help or advise they could cyber space my way.
Thanks for taking the time and reading.
DetroitGirl
Hey Detroitgirl,
Sorry to hear ur having such a difficult time on methadone. How long have u been on it? Sometimes ur body can become too used to medications. Have u tried suboxone? I'm a heroin addict, n I've been on the methadone maintenance program, n the suboxone program, n I've had better luck staying clean on suboxone. Maybe u could talk to ur counselor n consider taking that as opposed to the methadone? Just a thought. Don't feel like ur alone. Check out some of the other threads on this site cuz u may get some insight on what other people r going thru n how they're handling methadone. Stay strong. Good luck!
Sorry to hear ur having such a difficult time on methadone. How long have u been on it? Sometimes ur body can become too used to medications. Have u tried suboxone? I'm a heroin addict, n I've been on the methadone maintenance program, n the suboxone program, n I've had better luck staying clean on suboxone. Maybe u could talk to ur counselor n consider taking that as opposed to the methadone? Just a thought. Don't feel like ur alone. Check out some of the other threads on this site cuz u may get some insight on what other people r going thru n how they're handling methadone. Stay strong. Good luck!
Hello Detroitgirl:
I'm about 30 miles from Windsor on the Canadian side.
Are you attending NA meetings?
I got clean/sober at Brentwood in Windsor in 1989 and after leaving the recovery home I went right into AA/NA. I've been to a few meetings in the Motor City area and there is a great bunch of recovering folks there. We often have Detroit speakers here for our open meetings.
All the best.
Bob R
I'm about 30 miles from Windsor on the Canadian side.
Are you attending NA meetings?
I got clean/sober at Brentwood in Windsor in 1989 and after leaving the recovery home I went right into AA/NA. I've been to a few meetings in the Motor City area and there is a great bunch of recovering folks there. We often have Detroit speakers here for our open meetings.
All the best.
Bob R
I actually have a similar feeling and I'm not on any meds other than ones for my blood pressure and cholesterol. I don't have a drinking problem but I have had problems when I am drinking so I avoid it never really drink at home unless it was a couple of beers after mowing the lawn on a hot day. I guess I'm just depressed because of the events in my life and I'm not able to do much about them and don't see a lot of light at the end of the tunnel. This is not about me its about you, but still other people have the same symptoms you do you maybe more so because of the medication. I'm sure other people that have experience with the medication you're on will join in eventually. Just wanted you to know you're not alone out there. Happy to listen, happy to talk with you.
WOW... Thank you for the replys. I have been to na/aa meetings here in the Detroit area, but I have yet to find one that has any "real" recovery. Just a bunch of guys trying to get phone numbers and find out if you wanna "party" or leave with them. I have a hard time out here for some reason finding people that want the things that I want and truly need in my life to stay on the right path. I used to get caught up in it and I decided when I became homeless that I would NOT continue that way of living no matter what and I left where I was and moved to the city (it was the only place that offered real help with being homeless and getting help).
When I was out on the street last winter (the coldest ever in my life I might add) I swore to myself I would do all and whatever I needed to get off my a** and make a life for myself. Now im in a good place and warm from the cold (and snow that just started falling) and im finding reasons to stay home and not get things done I need to get done to keep what I have earned over the past year.
I tried the sub route and I was getting high off it, I know, I know...people might say that its not possible, but if im being 100% honest with myself, I WAS TRULY GETTING HIGH OFF IT. Taking more and waiting for them to dissolve and make me feel better. It soon led to other things, and getting right back onto the pills and heroin. So I ended up trying Methadone in 2006 and I have been on it since. I have not had any slips or falls or oop's since being on the methadone and it seemed to help me get back my life and it was the only thing that kept me "clean" when my father died and he was able to see me clean off the pills and heroin before he was gone. He was for one time in my life, proud of me and it just so happened to be the one time that really counted!!! I was on a very high dose back then, 210mlgs and weighed 105lbs. I have since conme down and detoxed to what im at now (120mlgs) and I weigh 125-130lbs. But never did I get this feeling that has overcome me now. I wanna stay home and ignore my phone ringing unless I need something and then I get up/out and get it finished. and I feel good once in do. but when the next day comes I find reasons to sit home alone again.
Dosnt make sense, huh??
Thanks again for reading.
When I was out on the street last winter (the coldest ever in my life I might add) I swore to myself I would do all and whatever I needed to get off my a** and make a life for myself. Now im in a good place and warm from the cold (and snow that just started falling) and im finding reasons to stay home and not get things done I need to get done to keep what I have earned over the past year.
I tried the sub route and I was getting high off it, I know, I know...people might say that its not possible, but if im being 100% honest with myself, I WAS TRULY GETTING HIGH OFF IT. Taking more and waiting for them to dissolve and make me feel better. It soon led to other things, and getting right back onto the pills and heroin. So I ended up trying Methadone in 2006 and I have been on it since. I have not had any slips or falls or oop's since being on the methadone and it seemed to help me get back my life and it was the only thing that kept me "clean" when my father died and he was able to see me clean off the pills and heroin before he was gone. He was for one time in my life, proud of me and it just so happened to be the one time that really counted!!! I was on a very high dose back then, 210mlgs and weighed 105lbs. I have since conme down and detoxed to what im at now (120mlgs) and I weigh 125-130lbs. But never did I get this feeling that has overcome me now. I wanna stay home and ignore my phone ringing unless I need something and then I get up/out and get it finished. and I feel good once in do. but when the next day comes I find reasons to sit home alone again.
Dosnt make sense, huh??
Thanks again for reading.
Hey Detroitgirl, sounds like uve really been thru hell n back struggling with addiction. I'm from cleveland, oh. But I just recently moved to Denver hoping to straighten out my life. My addiction led me to some horrifying situations, so I can relate to u. I'm just kicking heroin now, n have methadone, suboxone, n tramadol to help with the withdrawals. I'm about to go to my first na meeting out here tonite. I'm hoping to find some real recovery cuz I don't need to be tempted right now. Hope this site helps u find some strength n peace. It's been helping me cuz I don't really know anyone out here n Im in need of support. So I've turned to this site hoping to share my experiences, help someone else so I can help myself. U sound like u really want to stay clean this time, n I applaud u for that. It's so hard but it is possible! All is possible as long as u have a higher power. I believe in the power of prayer. Give that a try, I'm sure Ull be pleasantly surprised!
Girl:
At the meetings you will find the players, the fakers, the wanna-bees, the losers, the hangers-on (sounds like Toby Keith "I love this bar") and if you look real hard you'll find "the winners" in there too. Find the oldtimers and get a good sponsor. Get active !!
STICK WITH THE WINNERS !
The answer, the treatment, to our addiction/alcoholism is in the 12 Steps and fellowship.
Don't let the losers keep you from the meetings. Go to them for you !
Do you get to The Sober Soldier Group downtown, tell James there that you need help and I'm sure he'll point you in the right direction.
Willowsky ... good luck tonight. I think this will be your lucky day !
All the best.
Bob R
At the meetings you will find the players, the fakers, the wanna-bees, the losers, the hangers-on (sounds like Toby Keith "I love this bar") and if you look real hard you'll find "the winners" in there too. Find the oldtimers and get a good sponsor. Get active !!
STICK WITH THE WINNERS !
The answer, the treatment, to our addiction/alcoholism is in the 12 Steps and fellowship.
Don't let the losers keep you from the meetings. Go to them for you !
Do you get to The Sober Soldier Group downtown, tell James there that you need help and I'm sure he'll point you in the right direction.
Willowsky ... good luck tonight. I think this will be your lucky day !
All the best.
Bob R
Hello All, I was off the computer last night (isolation I guess) but when I jumped on tonight I was shocked to see that there was more posts. Thank You for helping me out threw all this.
I had therapy today at the clinic I go to, and for whatever the reason, I told my counselor that I was doing fine and things were ok....WTH??? Why do I continue to hide the way that im feeling and thinking from then people that seem to want to help me the most??
Its a bit of a pride thing, and maybe a bit of being nervous to tell people that im not as good as I thought I should be at this time, and this far along in my recovery. Im not using and I don't think about going out and using, but I just continue to sit and do nothing. The people that have helped me threw all the troubles and hardships that I have been threw the past year always tell me how good im doing, and how good I look, and seem to be doing really good. How do I tell them that im not as good as I seem to be??? It almost feels like im letting them down in some sort of way. I cant seem to get up and get moving anymore.
I did look up the Sober Soldier Group on the internet and I found out that there is a group that meets right by where I live at the VA Hospital. I might go check it out and see what its all about... I have not had good luck at the meetings here in Detroit thus far, but im not willing to give up just yet on it. I know that there is good people out there and in a bunch of the bad, there will be a good (so im told).
Willowsky, Thank you for the words and all the concern. I was thinking about the situation that your in and what you wrote. I can relate to the way it feels to move to a place where you know nobody and have to figure things out for yourself. When I moved to Detroit I knew nothing and nobody, and was 100% alone and living on the street. I hope things get better and a bit easier for you out there. Keep in touch. Im wondering and thinking about you and all that your going threw.
As always, Thanks for taking the time.....
Detroit Girl
I had therapy today at the clinic I go to, and for whatever the reason, I told my counselor that I was doing fine and things were ok....WTH??? Why do I continue to hide the way that im feeling and thinking from then people that seem to want to help me the most??
Its a bit of a pride thing, and maybe a bit of being nervous to tell people that im not as good as I thought I should be at this time, and this far along in my recovery. Im not using and I don't think about going out and using, but I just continue to sit and do nothing. The people that have helped me threw all the troubles and hardships that I have been threw the past year always tell me how good im doing, and how good I look, and seem to be doing really good. How do I tell them that im not as good as I seem to be??? It almost feels like im letting them down in some sort of way. I cant seem to get up and get moving anymore.
I did look up the Sober Soldier Group on the internet and I found out that there is a group that meets right by where I live at the VA Hospital. I might go check it out and see what its all about... I have not had good luck at the meetings here in Detroit thus far, but im not willing to give up just yet on it. I know that there is good people out there and in a bunch of the bad, there will be a good (so im told).
Willowsky, Thank you for the words and all the concern. I was thinking about the situation that your in and what you wrote. I can relate to the way it feels to move to a place where you know nobody and have to figure things out for yourself. When I moved to Detroit I knew nothing and nobody, and was 100% alone and living on the street. I hope things get better and a bit easier for you out there. Keep in touch. Im wondering and thinking about you and all that your going threw.
As always, Thanks for taking the time.....
Detroit Girl
Good luck girl !!
Don't forget to find James at The Sober Soldier Group.
Tell him one of his Canadian buddies recommended him. You will meet his wife too.
Bob
Don't forget to find James at The Sober Soldier Group.
Tell him one of his Canadian buddies recommended him. You will meet his wife too.
Bob
Hey Detroitgirl, just thinking about u n hoping ur doing ok. I can relate about telling people I'm doing well. It's like I don't want people to think I'm falling apart. I don't want to be on everyone's mind wondering if I'm going to slip n relapse again. I know exactly how u feel. Dont beat urself up about it. It may be somewhat of a pride thing, but I think ur a people pleaser, such as I am, n u want people to be proud of u, n u don't want ur loved ones to worry so much. But please, Detroitgirl, be honest with ur counselor, for he or she is the one who can help u through this difficult time. U can turn to me anytime u want. I'm here for u, as I think a lot of concerned people r on this site. Just reach out. I'll be checking in on u. Try to get to that meeting u talked about. There ull find support. I found when I went to na meeting last Friday, I got so much support n numbers n I've used them! It helps. Ull be in my prayers. Together we can! U can't do it alone. So stay strong. I'll be in touch!
Hello? Detroitgirl? Where've u been? I'm just checking in on u. Hope ur doing ok. Please let us know what's up. We r all here for u!
Hey, Papa Bear, thanks for ur advice. Meetings will become my salvation for sure!
Hey, Papa Bear, thanks for ur advice. Meetings will become my salvation for sure!
Hey Detroitgirl, what's up? Please let us know ur ok. Haven't heard back from u. Crazy thoughts going thru my head. Check in as soon as u can, ok? Hope alls well.
At our clinic it is like pulling teeth to get patients to attend the once a week meetings required by the clinic much less suggest that they attend outside meetings like NA or AA.
I did find a Heroin Anonymous meeting in a city close to the clinic, but the ONE Methadone Anon meeting we have in Southern California is in another county altogether. Bummer.
We know that getting help from as many sources that you can are beneficial to your staying clean and until you grasp that theory with both hands you will have an uphill battle on your hands.
Begin 2015 with a new outlook on your recovery. Get more help and your work at staying clean my just get a little easier.
granny
