Newbie Here..sos

Hi everyone....I am a newbie here and hope y'all don't mind if I join. I was reading THUNDERlove's posts and I can totally relate. I am addicted to Vicodin. Initially was given to me by my ortho doc for my hands. Started out wi 500 mg viks, I have now worked my way up to 750 mg viks anywhere from 5 to 8 a day. This has been going on for some time. I cannot get off these damned things. I tried to taper myself off and I have no self-control whatsoever. I am now on day 2 w/o any at all and I am going thru HELL. I cannot stay focused (all i think about is another pill) Every joint, muscle, nerve is screaming. My legs hurt. I am so moody. I am so tired, but cannot sleep. I am just miserable. Being dead is better than feeling like this, but that is not an option, so I am hoping to find some sympathetic ears. I am so ashamed of myself. No one, absolutely no one, knows of my addiction. I feel so alone, ashamed, lost. How long does this depressive, withdrawal pain/phase last?? Plz, plz tell me it gets better!!!!! :0(
Welcome!

It sounds like you have come to the right place. Yes it does get better.

Although Vicodin wasn't my drug of choice morphine was and I can relate to the hell of the withdrawals however I can tell you that the hell of using was worse for me.

I think you will quickly find that you are not alone and there are several people here who have experienced what you have and have found a way to overcome.

Please do not be ashamed of addiction it is a disease, luckily though it is a disease that can arrested.

I look forward to more of your posts.

God bless.
Hi DaleE Fan and welcome. You've come to the right place, sweetie. We have all been there and know exactly where you're coming from. Believe it or not, I used to take up to 25 10mg percocets daily!!!! (If that makes you feel any better :o)
First of all, as I said, youve come to the right place and made a step in the right direction by acknowledging that you do have a problem. You're almost finished with Day #2!!!! Well, thats wonderful!!!!! Youre already just about over the "hump".
You should find a thread on here somewhere by Rae73 that says "Lists of Meds". In this thread, she gives advice on what to take, eat, drink and other things to make the withdraws a little bit more "tolerable". I think, with the doseage that you were taking, that you might even begin to start feeling a little better by tomorrow. Whatever you do, please do not pick up again. Just think that the worst part is over and its all downhill from here.
I'm sure you will get alot more responses soon. There are alot of caring people on this site who have been through it all. I'm sure if you've read through alot of the threads here, nothing you say can suprise us here!!!lol
Again, welcome and please keep posting. If you cant sleep, just get on your puter and post your little heart out!!!!
Remember to take care of YOU!!!! Drink plenty of fluids, eat bananas for leg cramps, take motrin or tylenol for pain, try a hot bath with some epsom salts. It may sound crazy, but if you try to get just a little bit of exercise, you'd be suprised at how it may help you sleep better at night.
Just remember, with each day you will feel better and better.
Good luck and God bless. Keep coming back.

Love,
Marie
Hello dale and welcome. I and all of us have been where you are and felt that hopelessness and that humilation and feeling of being ashamed. Well first of all you dont have to be ashamed. you have a disease and we are sick people not bad people. Second you have made the first step in reaching out with your addictiona and cold turkeying it. I always had to cold turkey it and did it several times. So I know what you are feeling and I promise it does get better. You say you are coming off of five or eight a day and you are having horrible withdrawals. All I know to tell you is there is some over the counter meds that I am sure someone will put up here for you. I also know the amount you were taking should get better in about 5 to 8 days. It is like having the most horrible flu and your body aches all over. I am so glad you posted and I am also happy you are putting the pills down. I promise it will not be that long until you start to feel human again. I know for me it took me ten months to get off all I did and I was in hell and was using alot more than you are and also using benzos. I know it doesnt matter how long your withdrawals are but I just want you to know if you were to go back out there that it only gets worse and the more you use the harder it is to come off of everything.

I can tell you to take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time or even minute to minute. just dont pick up. I also know that you can have so much more than having that addiction control your every thought and every move you make. Most of us have lied stolen and manipualted to get our drugs. So please dont feel ashamded for anything that you have done. It was because of the drugs and you will learn how to forgive yourslef. It sounds like this is your first time withdrawaling off of opiates. It is hell with a few restless nigjhts and a little bit of feeling reallly really bad and you will get here. All it takes is your commentment and you seem to be committed. I know for me it took me to the depths of hell before I was ready or might I say I had to get off of the stuff. I had overdosed 9 times in my last year of using and was not even getting high anymore. So you are lucky you made it here when you did because this is a progressive illness that leads to jails instituations and death. I have been to the two and almost died 9 times but did what I had to do to get where I am today and that is clean and it is a beautful thing. So hang in there and post whatever you are going through and I promise people will be here for you. My heart and my prayers go out to you and I hope your withdrawals will not last that long. I am sure they want. I have come off of ten loratabs a day and it took about a week so it will be no time and you will have you back. Sincerely,
April
awwww daleernhardt - you were just like me... same dosage same time amount ...same addiction ... same desperation ...the shame ....

i have 32 days sober. OMG - it's unreal how far i've come. wait, nevermind - this IS REAL !!!!

i have to go to sleep right now, though

- but i couldn't resist writing you really quick.

i will send out night shout outs of love your way.... because you will be okay.
i know it's hell, i know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.............oh the runs :'( ..... oh and the loneliness of it all .... my God - i put myself through HELL everyday. i fought with myself !!!!! EVERY F'en DAY ???!!! constantly with the - you need to stop, you need to taper, you need rehab, you're so miserable, you're pathetic, who cares, i hate you, do i need to re-up, should i take this last one?, is my dealer going to answer, do i have enough money to make it on my pills all week, omg i'm gonna die, i hate life, everything sucks and always will...etc etc etc...... Its crazy - those crappy pills make you think you feel so good in the beginning- and then they really turn against you. i think about that mental agony - and i'm so glad ... that i toughed it out that first week. isn't it amazing how much we really beat ourselves up ?????

hwy -ALL OF THIS CRAP !!! ALL OF IT!!! WILL GO AWAY!!!! your w/ds will go away. you WILL not feel like this much longer. you've come far - much further than those who are still using, and u know that if you take more - you're just gonna go through this again. stay positive (oh sh*t i know that's hard to do, BUT it is do-able). you made an awesome decision. you care about yourself enough to want to stop. you want a better life!!! you came to a great place, too.

I absolutely can relate, i will share my lil story with you tomorrow. try to make the night go by - - sleep, bath, music, BREATHE ... you will make it to tomorrow. :=) i'm thinking about you with all of my heart.

i'll talk to you for sure tomorrow morning, okay?!!!!

<3 skeeter
please try to to a hot hot bath and soak for 30 minutees and bring a cold glass of wather with you.............i did this up to 5 times a day sometimes at 2 am...............i did whatever i had to do to get throug it............
please drink lots of water.........go buy bottle water and drink it around the clock.......the bath helps you sweat the toxins out abd relieve musle restlessness and the water cleans out your poor liver and kidneys and you blood strean...........pee and sweat............
stay away from junk food.........but if thats what you have to have ...go ahead.......
i take chewable vit c aroound the cloch and i take AIRBORN three times a day.
my doc gave me xaxax for myrestless legs, arm and body..........for some reason i had that problem soooooooo bad my body wanted to thrash around.........i hated that..........i scared me to..........xanax helped.............i just broke a tiny peiece off.................i never took it befre and i was very sensitive to it.....................keep comming here please............
these wonderful people here saved my life because they changed my thinging about vicodin, addiction and withdraws...........
just pretend your going throught a bad flu and just call it that...............
love you...............
Welcome to the board. You have found the place that can help you, and lend you the ear you need untill you are ready to talk to someone face to face about your issue. I also had an issue with Vic's. It started after back surgrey, and I was taken 120 7.5 a month---then it they started to last 3 weeks, then 2 weeks and so on. I did this for about 5 years. I would tell the DR different stories as to why I was running out, and because he did the surgrey sometimes I would say that I just needed more then he would give. He NEVER had a problem given me more.

Then 1 day in Septemeber of 2004 I just said , I can not keep living like this--and I went cold turkey. The W/D are not a walk in the park but you can do it. I can see in your writing that you seem to have what I had, when I stopped taking them and that is the VERY strong mental hold they had on me. I was always going to the place I kept them looking for the bottle, only to see that there was none--then I would freak out. The W/D themself you will hear different stories as to how people handle them---on that part I say be strong---you can do it.

The mental part was and is much harder--it has gotten easier, but that is not to say that I do not still think about taken 1 every now and then--but I know 1 will not do---I need 7 or 10 of them. For now just take each day as it comes, each hour as it comes--write as much as you want to on this board--there is a lot knowledge---then when you feel like you are reday to, you might want to look at going to N/A meeting's---that is what saved me. To see that the shame I had, was something that I did not need to carry alone. There are a number of people with the same problem that we share.

I will pray that you make it through the W/D stages--give yourself about 3-6 days of feeling like you have a bad flu. My worst days were 3-4, then it was much better.

Keep us posted on how you are making out.


Mike
Hi Jr. and welcome.

You have already been given excellent advice. I just wanted to say hang in there. You should feel better in another day or two. With the amount you were taking, the worst part of withdrawal probably won't last too many days.

You may want to think about telling your doctor about your addiction, if you really want to stop for good. It is good to cut off sources so you can't turn back. It is hard to do, but well worth it.

I was taking 170mg of oxycodone per day when I quit. That's about 34 percocet...God that is scary! Anyway, I am on suboxone now, but I have detoxed off of that amount many times before, so I understand how you are feeling. The obsession with pills does calm down over time.

Glad you joined and I hope you stick around. The people here are great.

Take care,

Atlas
Good morning JR fan ( I am a Johnson/ Martin fan here)

Boy I feel for you, I remember all of what you are saying. I didn't think I was gonna survive what I was going thru. You have gooten great advice. Heed all you can. Talk to an herbalist, they will give you some great advice as far as taking GABA, DLPH, & Vit. C..........it helped me out alot. Take hot bathes and drink plenty of liquid. Then just plan on spending the next few days watching movies or reading books. Take time to help yourself.

Krazi

You WILL get thru it..
WOW, you all are awesome!!! I feel so much better reading your posts. I, too, have manipulated to get my pills. Worse off, I have totally done all of this behind my husband's back. Thank you all for your suggestions, I think I spend most of my day in the bathtub!!! I have been taking Alka Seltzer Flu, don't know if it is helping tho. I thank you all for your support and encouragement and I am so glad that i came to the right place. Talked to my pill guy, it was the hardest thing to do, but I said no......had a major panic attack over that, just knowing the pills was just hop, skip, and a jump away. It would be such much easier to give in, but I have done it now for 3 days (tho i am feeling worse). I was so darned tempted tho. Thank you all for your wonderful, inspiring messages and God Bless!!!! :0)
DaleFan the WDs can last awhile, so if 2 weeks into it you feel a little worse don't think your doing anything wrong, i had to go to the DR and get some ambien because i went into hypomania 2 weeks into cold turkey, CT is brutal, been their done that, but it's the best way to go if you can stick it out, if you relapse in the future cold turkey will be almost impossible, so if you made it 3 days hang in their Goodluck
hi dale e fan....its thumper................
i am very proud of you ....you can do it....i was taking 7.5 vicodin 10-12 a day and i am on day 7 and the craiving are still here from time to time.............
the sickness your feeling will go away...........yes it will................
keep taking hot baths and hot showers and i gald to see yout taking vitamims
i am taking chewable vit c around the clock with vit b-12 sublingual.i got them at wallmart..................keep comming here ok................it will help you get through this withdraw....it help me and i was taking the pills for 10 years after comming here for two weeks my thinking change and i decided to stop taking vicodin................its not easy.............but you can do it...............
were all here for youa and we know EXACKLY how you feel................
love you................thumper
drink water all the time to flush the pills out of your body anf out of your fat cells...........keep hydrated and buy lots of gatorade ............at wallmart is cheaper................
Thank you so much thumper and gladiator. I so appreciate you. I have been battling myself all night, I am so tempted to pick up the phone....it is getting harder and harder. I am not sure I can do this anymore..
YES you can........................get in the tub...................fill it it hot water.....i mean not to hot to burn yourself............but hot and soak in it and bring a big glass of cold water with you.......stay in it for 30 minutes and do this all night if you have to.......your on day two.........? right...........
it gets better...........i promise.....your in the worst part.............YOU ARE STRONG................look at this a a flu..................Drink lots of water...........
you can do it....................Please Lord help her..please touch her right now in the name of Jesus............please ease her withdraws............touch her heart and her mind.............satan get away from her right now....God is with her and you cant touch her...............she is going to make it through this time.............
Amen................
i love you..i understand.....................i was just there where you are and i am not out of the woods yet...............stand up and fight............
YOU CAN DO THIS................
i love you thumper..................listen to music.....listen to your favirote song and sing..............after your Hot bath .....bring a bowl in the tub with you and them rinse your body with genltle cool water and it will refresh you..............
get in the tub for body aches................
Thumper, you are the best!!! Thank you soooo much!!! Here is a big huge hug for you!!!!! Thank U, Thank U, Thank U :0) I love you 2 :0)
dale e fan.......................good morning..................
are you doin ok?..........................did you make it throught the night with or without pills?......................no matter what you did......................keep comming here and you will get help. support and unconditional love...............
i love you......................thumper
thumper <3 !!
you are so awesome!!

and dale how are you feeling ?? i hid the whole thing behind my fiances back - that was awful awful awful of me ... i did it to myself - all alone. and i constantly came up with excuses !! NO I don't want to go to the store, NO i don't feel like it, No i don't feel good, no i have stomach problems - excuse after excuse ... i hated putting him off all the time ... i cleaned up - i have 33 days, and i actually go out of my way to do the little things for him .. and he notices! and it makes things better.

you have to hang in there, just know that you are NEVER alone here - and we all know what you're going through. it should be like 3 or 4 now, right ?? you will start to feel better really soon.
skeeter good for you for keeping it quiet, just think you didn't open a pandoras box that could have ruined your relationship, i opened my big mouth and told me girlfriend like an idiot lol
dale - You are so not alone. Everybody on here has been or is right where you are.You came here for help and at one time that's why all of us came here. And oh this is such a great place to be.
You will get through this. Be strong (lol) and keep telling yourself NO MORE PILLS!!! After all, that's what got you here in the first place.
There will be times when you will want to through your hands up and quit. This is a disease and that is just what this disease wants you to do. Don't let it beat you.
It makes us think we can't do it but, with God's help and lots of prayer, you can do it.
Take all the negatives and change them into positives.
One minute at a time. Minutes will become hours, and hours days and before long you will be counting by the weeks.
Just remember, it's like a bad case of the flu. Treat it that way, pamper yourself, and put everything else on hold for a few days. Now is the time to focus on you and recovering.
dale jr...................how are you doing today?
God bless you.................
thumper..........................
thanks skeeter....................your a life saver for me.................