Hi, Last time I wrote my AD was running and hiding from her boyfriend. He had phoned me and told me she was talking to people who weren't there etc. Time went by since then and my phone went at 4 am one morning. My AD telling her dad there was a bird flying in her kitchen and could she talk to me. I wouldn't go on the phone. Then 2 days later on Monday night at 1am the phone went again. We never answered it. I am scared sometimes to answer it in case it's someone telling me she's dead. Anyway, tuesday afternoon the phone went again it was my daughter calling from a police car. She had been picked up walking on the freeway after fighting with this a** boyfriend of hers. Some passerby (thank God) had seen him with her pinned up against the car, beating the hell out of her and called the police. Anyway to cut a long story short the police brought her here and he is in jail. Seemingly he has been torturing her, burning her with cigs, beating her, holding a gun to her head and pulling the trigger pretending it was loaded to her, threatening to kill her, choking her until she would pass out or wet herself whichever came first before he would let her breath again. The suffering my girl has been through. I can't believe a human would do this to another. Such cruelty!! I'm shocked this has happened to my girl! I will be damned before I let her leave my house again. She is here and just within a few days she has started feeling a bit better. The police have been here a few times. The DA or police were trying to stop him getting bail so they set it too high for him to afford. His charge is for badly beating her. I forget what he called it and also for torture. But this afternoon someone from the DA's office called and he has been bailed out. We were told to keep our gun loaded and also to get a restraining order. This is all so hard to believe as we are a normal everyday family. Well the main thing is my daughter is safe here with us now. So we are going to try get her life in order after she gets a bit stronger. Maybe this could be her turning point. I hope so. As for now she is going to the methadone clinic everyday and sleeping a lot. Thank God for this website to be able to write on here and get everything out of my head and on paper. I know you all understand. Thank you. Mary.
Mary,
What an awful situation that your daughter was in. I hope this guy gets sentenced to a lengthy jail sentence. I completely understand your instinct to protect your daughter. It would be strange if you didn't want to help her. Just remember to still look out for yourself and keep in mind, you can reevaluate the situation at any time. I really hope and pray that your daughter sees that she has been given a gift. We never know what will be a turning point for them, maybe this will be hers. God bless.
Michelle
What an awful situation that your daughter was in. I hope this guy gets sentenced to a lengthy jail sentence. I completely understand your instinct to protect your daughter. It would be strange if you didn't want to help her. Just remember to still look out for yourself and keep in mind, you can reevaluate the situation at any time. I really hope and pray that your daughter sees that she has been given a gift. We never know what will be a turning point for them, maybe this will be hers. God bless.
Michelle
Thank you Michelle. It's strange you should answer my post as I was just wishing you were still on here. I'm so sad and upset that this has happened to her and that I didn't see it coming really. I knew one time she hide bruises from me and when I lifted her shirt up the bruising was all over her torso, marks the size of the palm of my hand everywhere! But not on her face where you could see them.i wanted her to leave him then and I thought that was a one time fight too. But you know how they get joined at the hip when they do drugs. How you doing anyway Shell? How is your son too? I miss seeing you on here and it's a blessing you stopped by tonight. I hope your healing up good. Have you been to see little Teddy and your daughter yet? If not I know it must be coming up soon. Take care Michelle and keep healing well. Thank you again. Mary
Mary,
I've been on here and there recently, just responding to other's posts. My son is still staying with a friend, who happens to be another addict. He has had numerous court appearances in the past few months, had warrants, spent a month in jail and then got off with fines and probation. I'm not sure how he's passing his monthly drug tests but he has so far. He and this friend are making it somehow (neither one has a job) and I am just not asking any questions so that I can stay uninvolved in that part of his life. He has had a decent attitude the last couple times I've seen him.
Funny you should ask about sweet little Teddy. I'm flying down there to see them in a week and a half. He's almost 8 months old already, it's so hard to believe. He has two teeth and is trying to cut some more. We Skype every week and I am amazed at how much he changes from week to week. I just love him like crazy!
Prayers for you and your daughter.
Michelle
I've been on here and there recently, just responding to other's posts. My son is still staying with a friend, who happens to be another addict. He has had numerous court appearances in the past few months, had warrants, spent a month in jail and then got off with fines and probation. I'm not sure how he's passing his monthly drug tests but he has so far. He and this friend are making it somehow (neither one has a job) and I am just not asking any questions so that I can stay uninvolved in that part of his life. He has had a decent attitude the last couple times I've seen him.
Funny you should ask about sweet little Teddy. I'm flying down there to see them in a week and a half. He's almost 8 months old already, it's so hard to believe. He has two teeth and is trying to cut some more. We Skype every week and I am amazed at how much he changes from week to week. I just love him like crazy!
Prayers for you and your daughter.
Michelle
OMG Mary. What a horrible situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your daughter and your family.
Victims of domestic violence often times drop the charges against their abuser or refuse to cooperate. They are scared. They "love" their abuser. S/he said s/he was sorry. There are many many reasons why. Encourage your daughter to stand strong and do what is necessary to press criminal charges and get this abuser locked up. She probably needs counseling as a battered woman. He has taken her self-esteem, self-worth and pride. Google and see what programs, counseling centers, group meeting, etc. you can come up with that are close to your home. The prosecutor may even be able to help.
If she doesn't have a restraining order against him, RUN and go get one. In most states, you can even get one on the weekend. With the criminal charges and the pictures I'm sure the police took, getting an order should be a slam dunk. The Court may also have a list of resources available to battered women.
I have to echo Shell. . . don't forget to set boundaries while she is in your home and, most importantly, to take care of YOU during all of this!! Sending a huge hug to you!!!
Lynn
Victims of domestic violence often times drop the charges against their abuser or refuse to cooperate. They are scared. They "love" their abuser. S/he said s/he was sorry. There are many many reasons why. Encourage your daughter to stand strong and do what is necessary to press criminal charges and get this abuser locked up. She probably needs counseling as a battered woman. He has taken her self-esteem, self-worth and pride. Google and see what programs, counseling centers, group meeting, etc. you can come up with that are close to your home. The prosecutor may even be able to help.
If she doesn't have a restraining order against him, RUN and go get one. In most states, you can even get one on the weekend. With the criminal charges and the pictures I'm sure the police took, getting an order should be a slam dunk. The Court may also have a list of resources available to battered women.
I have to echo Shell. . . don't forget to set boundaries while she is in your home and, most importantly, to take care of YOU during all of this!! Sending a huge hug to you!!!
Lynn
Mary,
OMG your poor daughter. She is going to need lots of TLC and counseling. I hope they throw the book at them. I hate to say it when my son was high I caught him hitting his g/f that was the last time he did it. He felt the rath of me and I explained to him I will put your a** in jail myself if you ever touch another human being again.
Unfortunately drugs twist minds that are already twisted.
I pray that she sees that this is not the life for her and to move on.
On the word of caution this girl that my son dated for years, she ended up with another guy who actually beat her so bad she was in the hospital for weeks. So please for her sake get her counseling so she doesn't gravitate to others like him.
I am happy to say my son never touch another girl again. When he uses he passes out of days so doesn't have a clue what's going on around him.
My son is a thief/addict and manipulator and he is just as bad because he coats everything with sugar so people want to help him now. It's his way not violence. I guess that's a good thing?
Lots of hugs and kisses to you be strong, don't give in and you will have to be assertive in a subtle way so she has no clue that you have manipulated her into trusting someone.
Good luck sweetie!
xx
Sue
OMG your poor daughter. She is going to need lots of TLC and counseling. I hope they throw the book at them. I hate to say it when my son was high I caught him hitting his g/f that was the last time he did it. He felt the rath of me and I explained to him I will put your a** in jail myself if you ever touch another human being again.
Unfortunately drugs twist minds that are already twisted.
I pray that she sees that this is not the life for her and to move on.
On the word of caution this girl that my son dated for years, she ended up with another guy who actually beat her so bad she was in the hospital for weeks. So please for her sake get her counseling so she doesn't gravitate to others like him.
I am happy to say my son never touch another girl again. When he uses he passes out of days so doesn't have a clue what's going on around him.
My son is a thief/addict and manipulator and he is just as bad because he coats everything with sugar so people want to help him now. It's his way not violence. I guess that's a good thing?
Lots of hugs and kisses to you be strong, don't give in and you will have to be assertive in a subtle way so she has no clue that you have manipulated her into trusting someone.
Good luck sweetie!
xx
Sue
Mary:
Please show your daughter The Promises of AA.
http://www.singaporeaa.org/PDFs/The...AA_Promises.pdf
Ask her if she would like to go toward that kind of life.
If she says "Yes" then tell her this is the way to do it.
http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf
NA & AA is there for us NO CHARGE -
all I have to do is show up and begin to surrender and learn.
Another great youtube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC5KkEfzvLA
I listen to recovery talks when I have some spare time between meetings .
Here is a great compilation of speakers http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php
Recovery is a program of action - action in a positive direction.
I can talk and pray all I want but recovery begins when I get off my butt and go to the meetings.
All the best.
Bob R
Please show your daughter The Promises of AA.
http://www.singaporeaa.org/PDFs/The...AA_Promises.pdf
Ask her if she would like to go toward that kind of life.
If she says "Yes" then tell her this is the way to do it.
http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf
NA & AA is there for us NO CHARGE -
all I have to do is show up and begin to surrender and learn.
Another great youtube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC5KkEfzvLA
I listen to recovery talks when I have some spare time between meetings .
Here is a great compilation of speakers http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php
Recovery is a program of action - action in a positive direction.
I can talk and pray all I want but recovery begins when I get off my butt and go to the meetings.
All the best.
Bob R
Thank you girls and Papa Bear! Today she was getting restless to leave or go out partying tonight. Her dad told her if she leaves she might as well take her stuff because she's out! She has no car, no license to get anywhere. Papa thank you so much for the links etc, there great! I have great respect for what you have to say and I thank you for your kindness in taking the time to reply to my post. I am going to show her the links tomorrow. I am not pushing her to do anything just yet but I have started planting the seeds. I'll take each day as it comes with her. I have to say things are really pretty good. Better than I would have imagined. I'm not expecting miracles and like you said Michelle I can change course when I need to and I will. But so far so good! I want her to talk to someone from a battered woman's shelter too. I think they will give her good advice and maybe have other outlets available for her. I took her shopping today to try cheer her up a bit.I bought her new clothes as she had nothing decent, also shoes, make up and hair color. I'm going to give her a make over and cut her hair in some cute style that will make it look thicker too. Her hair is too thin now to be long. Drugs have seen to that. Nothing from the boyfriends camp as of yet. I do however have a nice new baseball bat with his name on it. Bought that today too! What a lovely thought! He has been told any contact here and his bail will be revoked and he'll go back to jail. I wish he'd call just to get him locked up again. There will be a hearing in September so I hope he gets put away for awhile then. Thanks again for all your support! I so appreciate you all. Mary
