Addiction is something that I simply cannot understand. My wife and I have never taken drugs, or smoked pot or any of those things. We do drink socially. We have produced two children who, early in life, were labeled as Mentally Gifted. Each of these children have fallen into drug addiction at one point in their lives.
Our oldest, at one point, had a $130.00 per day Heroin habit. He almost bankrupted us by stealing checks and cashing them. His saga lasted about two years. He was suspended from high school, had no interests other than drugs, and at one point I almost wished he would get arrested and go to jail. At least I would know where he was. It finally took an ultimatum "Either get clean, or get out." to entice him into a rehab center. Fortunately for him Rehab worked. He turned his life around, went to college and graduated Summa c** Laude.
Unftunately he introduced our younger son to Heroin before he got cleaned up. Our youngest has had no luck getting himself straightened out. He has been to Rehab 5 times in the last two years. He has no job, no schooling and pretty much lays around all day doing nothing. He has also stolen checks, and put us near financial ruin. He totaled two cars in two years while high. Our insurance rates are now astronomical.
I have given him the same ultimatum, and on two occassions insisted he leave. He has nowhere to go so he sleeps on the front porch for all the neighbors to see, until his mother is so embarrassed she lets him back in.
On one occassion where I made him leave the premises the police picked him up for loitering and brought him back to our house. The wife took him in again.
Last year while we were on a week's vacation he stripped the house of anything valuable and pawned or sold it. She wouldn't let me toss him out because it was cold outside. She is the great enabler. She encurred major credit card debt getting our televisions, setereos, etc out of hock.
I've been to all the meetings, I've tried all the suggestions of all the endless councilors. I live like a prisoner in my own house. Anything valuable is either locked in a safe or in a closet. I inventory everything we own every day. I check our bank accounts twice a day.
I understand that this will never end unless he wants it to end, but you know what? I want it to end. I want to be free of his addiction. Don't get me wrong. Despite the hell he's put us through, I still love my son, but I want my life back.
And it seems the only way I can do that is to leave the wife I love, leave the house I''ve built, leave everything I've worked for because of someone else's inability to fight through the pain and get clean.
That's the price of addiction.
Disgusted:
You start your post by saying that addiction is something that you cannot understand. This is certainly evident from the rest of your post. While I feel for you and am sorry that you had to go through so much pain as a result of your childrens' addictions, I find your post to be quite angry. No doubt, you have a right to be angry, but I don't think such anger will necessarily help you or your son.
You say your troubles are a result of
"someone else's inability to fight through the pain and get clean."
Overcoming addiction is not about fighting through pain. Yes it is painful to get clean, but the pain of being an addict is also ever present, so if some kind of ability to withstand pain was the only thing necessary, addiction would not be such a complicated things. My mother presented my own drug problems in a similar light; she blamed my weakness and inability to tolerate pain. For me this only magnified the shame that is already so crippling for every addict.
You and your wife should seek help for yourselves. I don't know if you had been in counselling at all, but clearly the strain of caring for your son is huge. Perhaps with help your wife can learn to let go until your son is ready and willing to seek help for himself.
Good luck.
You start your post by saying that addiction is something that you cannot understand. This is certainly evident from the rest of your post. While I feel for you and am sorry that you had to go through so much pain as a result of your childrens' addictions, I find your post to be quite angry. No doubt, you have a right to be angry, but I don't think such anger will necessarily help you or your son.
You say your troubles are a result of
"someone else's inability to fight through the pain and get clean."
Overcoming addiction is not about fighting through pain. Yes it is painful to get clean, but the pain of being an addict is also ever present, so if some kind of ability to withstand pain was the only thing necessary, addiction would not be such a complicated things. My mother presented my own drug problems in a similar light; she blamed my weakness and inability to tolerate pain. For me this only magnified the shame that is already so crippling for every addict.
You and your wife should seek help for yourselves. I don't know if you had been in counselling at all, but clearly the strain of caring for your son is huge. Perhaps with help your wife can learn to let go until your son is ready and willing to seek help for himself.
Good luck.
I think your son is a good candidate for methadone. If he's been to rehab 5 times and can't get clean then he might as well go methadone maintenance. They'll be no more having to steal to get money, disappearing, totalling of cars, and all of the other horrible things associated with his addiction. Some people just can't get off them drugs. So you might as well get him as close to a normal life as possible. Every morning he will take a trip to the clinic to recieve his dose, and he can then go about his business. There will always be the temptation to use on top of the meth, but it will be nowhere near as urgent as him having withdrawls and stealing the closest valuable thing so he can feel better. Also being on methadone will give him a chance to look at himself when he's not being influenced by his primal urges and maybe he can realize what he has done to himself and his family. It's worth a shot. Sure he might be on methadone for the rest of his life but it sure beats eventually getting thrown in jail or worse overdosing and ending his life early. However, I have a feeling that what I'm telling you isn't much new news to you but its just my opinion. If you can't beat the addiction, tame it.
good luck to you friend....
-morph
good luck to you friend....
-morph
Thanks Disgusted! You are speaking my language! I have a 38!!!yr old son that I have been trying to help! He is a waste of space at the moment!Has told me SO MANY lies! Bit like "Cry Wolf!" Don't know what i should do for my own sanity and health!