Hi guys
Hows everyone doing? I know I havent posted in ages, but this has been a long time coming - I relapsed yesterday evening. I took pills again. I dont know what came over me, but I know that this has been coming for a very long time now. About three weeks ago I started craving really badly and was gonna take pills again, but was stopped by someone elses doing. Then the cravings didnt go away and I was gonna use again the following week during a lapse of thinking, but someone came round and interrupted me. Then last weekend I started drinking again and that took me through the past week having a drink every now and then, and didnt take long to land up in the space I was in last night. Ive only done one meeting in the past week and thats only because I had to do service. Honestly thats why Im only going tonight. If I had a choice I wouldnt go at all. I am so scared my phone rings because Im scared its someone from NA asking me how I am. I haven't replied to messages from people who care about me cos its gonna be like they just know that I'm using again...:-( I dont even know how I am right now. Im feeling very scatterbrained and confused all the time. I feel like I have this horrible secret and I just cant do anything about it Im feeling very depressed. I had the shakes this morning and I was quite scared, but they gone now, so I feel a little better.
The worst part is I dont know how I feel about it. I dont know if I feel guilty, ashamed, glad or what. Im feeling quite numb actually
Sorry if I let any of my friends down on here, cos I do know how hard it is when someone relapses.
Keep well, angie xx
Angie, just pick yourself up and keep going. No one's mad. I'm sure that most everyone hear has relapsed at least once. Last time I relapsed, I didn't stop for 8 months. Don't let that happen to you! Don't take another pill and keep fighting for your recovery. You don't want to wake up one day and be in w/ds. So, just take it one hour at a time if you need to. I am here if you need to talk. Jess
Don't give up, Angie -- and don't let your ego keep you out of meetings. Like Sugarbear said, we've all been there at one time or another. Honesty is the best place to start, and your post was honest (and courageous). Please don't let this be an excuse to keep using -- you deserve better! M.
