Double wammy. My Son and Daughter are cocaine users. I just found it out a few days ago. I suspected my son was (a few weeks back, and really didn't know how to approach the situation, unitl now), but never thought my daughter was. I have been on the phone trying to get help for them and because both my husband and I work and we are not "Wards of the State" my children probably will not be able to go through any rehab because we simply cannot afford it. We have discussed getting rid of the non-essentials such as cable, roadrunner, phone etc, eating noodles and butter if we have to, but cutting back on the non-essential wouldn't give us enough money for one day of equinox for one of my kids. Both my husband and I are committed to helping them out emotionally (financially if we could), we are here all the time for them, and they know that, and I will stay up endlessly when they need a "Fix" or help going through anxiety or any other ailment that this addiction brings on and help them through it. I am determined to get my kids off drugs, I just wish there were programs out there to help the people who work for a living but can't afford 200.00 dollars a day to help their own. I have a friend that is on welfare, her son is a user, this will be his third time going through rehab.... and walla,,,, have no fear,,,, my welfare tax that I pay every damn week is putting her son through rehab once again at absolutely no cost to her because she has medicaid, while my kids are denied because I can't afford it. I know they are my children and they are my responsiblity and most would say, its my fault they way they turned out and who knows if that's true, (I dont think so, we have always been a pretty normal, close family) but that's not the issue right now,,, the issue is getting help for my kids and I financially cannot do that because the government taxes the heck out of low to middle income families because millions on welfare depend on us, and when it comes time for our own families, were helpless. I guess by reading this some may say I'm angry and I'm taking it out on politics, Yes I am angry, and yes I'm taking some part of it out on politics, because my kids want help and I can't give them what the government gives the rich or poor. If your rich you get breaks and if you don't have jobs you get even more. Heck, I should quit my job, get a divorce and go on welfare. That seems to be the way to go in New York State.......... It may come to that, because my kids are more important right now than my pride.
Thanks for letting me vent, also, this board is going to be a daily source of information and help (as well as the 6 books I got today at the library) as I give my all to my kids and get them off cocaine. I welcome any messages from anyone, and I am ready for critisism also. I just need to talk with people that have gone through this whether it be an individual that has abused or a family member that has been there for someone.
Concerned Mom,
See my reply on general / misc.
Coolbeans
See my reply on general / misc.
Coolbeans
How old are you kids and how much and how often do they use?
Have you had discussions with them about it?
Do they want to quit?
Them actually wanting to quit is going to be a huge aspect in this.
Let me know!
Mickey
Have you had discussions with them about it?
Do they want to quit?
Them actually wanting to quit is going to be a huge aspect in this.
Let me know!
Mickey
Mickey
My son is 25, lives with his girlfriend and my daughter is 18 and lives home.
My son has been doing this for approx 2 yrs. My daughter about 3 months.
Yes I have discussed this with them. They both say they want to quit, I believe my daughter,(read about my daughter below) but my son, I'm not really sure about, I think he wants to quit, but can't see it happening so it's easier for him to just say what he thinks others want to hear.
My daughter definitely wants help. She works part time and attends college full time. Today she talked with an EAP (employee Assitant Personnel) at her work and they gave her some good news. They will send her to a psycologist for 4 sessions, after that the fee is our responsibility. She's made an appt with a psyc. already. She did all this while I was at work today and told me about it when I got home. Her initiative shows me she really wants out. I have all the faith in my daughter, with Gods' help, her will and the support of our family she will get through this, my son on the other hand,,, It's going to be a long journey. I'm totally confused, don't know what to do from one minute to the next with this, but I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make him realize he needs help. I just don't want to loose him because I harp on the situation.
Thanks all
My son is 25, lives with his girlfriend and my daughter is 18 and lives home.
My son has been doing this for approx 2 yrs. My daughter about 3 months.
Yes I have discussed this with them. They both say they want to quit, I believe my daughter,(read about my daughter below) but my son, I'm not really sure about, I think he wants to quit, but can't see it happening so it's easier for him to just say what he thinks others want to hear.
My daughter definitely wants help. She works part time and attends college full time. Today she talked with an EAP (employee Assitant Personnel) at her work and they gave her some good news. They will send her to a psycologist for 4 sessions, after that the fee is our responsibility. She's made an appt with a psyc. already. She did all this while I was at work today and told me about it when I got home. Her initiative shows me she really wants out. I have all the faith in my daughter, with Gods' help, her will and the support of our family she will get through this, my son on the other hand,,, It's going to be a long journey. I'm totally confused, don't know what to do from one minute to the next with this, but I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make him realize he needs help. I just don't want to loose him because I harp on the situation.
Thanks all
Since your son is on his own, can't he find a State-assisted program. You'd be suprised when you start calling around how much a Center will charge someone with little or no insurance. The rate is much lower than a fully insured patient.
Good Luck, I was in your shoes 16 days ago with my 20 year old son. He is safely tucked away in a Rehab now, and will be home in 12 days. Then my real worrying will begin.
Cindy
cindy, consider a half way house as an alternative to his coming home to live.
Mom Stressed Out:
Well, your daughter definitely sounds like she is on the right path.
All you can do for your son is maybe provide him with some information on how to help himself.
But it ultimately has to be up to him to actually do that. If he's not ready, he won't do it or it won't work.
Just love and support him, but don't enable him in his addiction.
I know it's hard.
I hope it works out.
Have you thought about trying Alanon or something for yourself?
Take care,
Mickey
Well, your daughter definitely sounds like she is on the right path.
All you can do for your son is maybe provide him with some information on how to help himself.
But it ultimately has to be up to him to actually do that. If he's not ready, he won't do it or it won't work.
Just love and support him, but don't enable him in his addiction.
I know it's hard.
I hope it works out.
Have you thought about trying Alanon or something for yourself?
Take care,
Mickey
I am sorry you are going through this painful experience. Please dont feel like its your fault or anything you did. We equip our children to make good decisions when they are older, what they actually decide is not a reflection of anything you did but them being individuals. Also consider the peer pressure, nowadays its "cool" or its "No big deal" to do drugs. I know because I was exposed to it my entire college career and every year it gets worse. Also, I know you are mad at the system but please dont believe the hype that poor people are getting away with anything. We all pay taxes and only a small portion of that goes to the social services. Nonetheless, it is extremely difficult to not only get Social Services but what you have to go through and the way they treat you. It is really a negative system and thank God you can provide for your family and have a willing husband by your side. All is not lost. Some people abuse the system, some people really have no other way, some people are victims. Try not to focus on that unless you are willing to learn about it and make active steps towards changing it. Ok, I have a phone number for you to call, I dont know where in NY state you are, its a Westchester organization (Mental Health Association) they work on a sliding scale and they have phone numbers to other clinics within NY State that also work on sliding scales (based on your income) that can provide therapy and/or substance abuse counseling (or atleast a referral). Call this number for information, REMEMBER, never take no for an answer, always kill them with kindness (many people have positions where there are suppose to help yet you can tell they hate their jobs and they take it out on you)... basically dont hang up that phone without an answer you are satisfied with. Good luck, I hope it helps. 914-345-5900 Ext.240.
I can hear you 100%,i am living what your living right now and have been living it for the past 8 years,i have a son who was drinking all the time and trying so many different drugs,he finally ended up in prision for robbing houses in our small town to get money for the drinking and drugs,he did almost 2 years in there and then when he got out he came back to live with us to hopefully get his life together,he lasted here only 3 months then he moved out,i still worry lifke crazy but i am learning that even me as the mother there is only so much i am able to do to help him,i can tell him that he will end up back in jail or even worse dead and its all said apon deaf ears,as hard as it is i had to let go and let him learn this lesson alone,i am here when he needs me and will always try to say something to make him see the light but i have also learned the hard way that he is now 20 and going to do and live as he chooses,sometimes the more i talk the more farther apart we become from each other,
i am now entering another troubles part in my life i have a 17 year old daughter that is doing some of the same things,so for her i will fight tooth and nail to get her in rehab and get her some help,and i too am dealing with the whole money thing of paying for rehab....i hope it all works for you and also say a little prayer for me too, i am living the same nightmare as you..good luck
i am now entering another troubles part in my life i have a 17 year old daughter that is doing some of the same things,so for her i will fight tooth and nail to get her in rehab and get her some help,and i too am dealing with the whole money thing of paying for rehab....i hope it all works for you and also say a little prayer for me too, i am living the same nightmare as you..good luck