After 16 years of a son addicted to meth is it bad to give up hope. I have been drug to hell and can't seem to get out. All the emotions that come with drug addiction is crazy. My son is currently in prison for stealing from family members. This is the 4th time to prison and he seems to just learn new ways to sell, use and steal each time he is there. I never would have ever dreamed that I would be in this position. If someone would of told me 30 years ago I would have a son that is a drug addict I would have told them they are crazy. My son is my first child and was my best friend when he was little we were together all the time. I could not imagine ever loving another child as much as I loved him. After the family has been crushed and grown apart almost ending in a divorce with my husband,who never gives up hope on him I am beaten down to the point of no return. My husband thinks I hate my son because I have no hope for recovery. I am not going to lie, if you don't have hope that they will get better it doesn't hurt as bad when he relapses. I have even wished he was dead at times it would be easier. What kind of mother does that.
Read a few pages of posts here.
You will learn more about the problem and also the solution.
All the best.
Bob R
You will learn more about the problem and also the solution.
All the best.
Bob R
Hi DD, Your not thinking any different than a lot of us on here. Hope is a hard thing to come by when your hopes and dreams get dashed every time we think things will get better. I don't think I hope anymore either. I do believe it's nothing to do with us how our kids turned out. We raised them to be good adults and then they turn around and do the opposite. We knew what was right from wrong growing up they did too! Don't analyze why we think as we do because if your like me it will drive you nuts after awhile. Try to find some peace within yourself by telling yourself you didn't cause this, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Those three things help give me peace of mind. When I start thinking too much of what could have been or what should have been. That's when I say those three things to myself and I can breath easier for a while. Hang in there DD and come on here often and read the posts or write if you need help. Your not alone anymore we're all here for you. Someone will always answer your posts. Take care. Mary.
I agree with Mary. We've all experienced those same feelings and we all wonder how this addict could be our kid. You mentioned that this is his 4th time in prison and it's for stealing from family. I would say it's time to look at how the family enables him and his addiction. I know it's not easy and it's something I struggle with on a regular basis but I do know that the addicts will never make any changes as long as they don't have to and yes, it's sad, but some of them won't ever make the changes. It is time to take care of yourself and the family. You need to be able to live free of your son's addiction. Good luck.
Michelle
Michelle
Mary and Michelle
Thank you so much for sharing. I stumbled on this site today and it is the first time I have ever shared part of my story and realized how many others are going thru the same thing.
I am from a small LDS community and have no one going thru this. The guilt is the worst.
I adopted my addicts 10 year old daughter 5 years ago and she is the only reason I keep going. It is so hard to keep strong. My son is getting out of jail soon and I am freaking out. My husband is the enabaler and I am the mean one. We are finacialy and mentally broken the drugs have taken every thing. It is to the point now I fear him killing someone. How do you get over the fear of the unknown?
Thank so much for posting it helps a lot. I hate hate hate the devil (meth)!!!! It has broken my family .
Thank you so much for sharing. I stumbled on this site today and it is the first time I have ever shared part of my story and realized how many others are going thru the same thing.
I am from a small LDS community and have no one going thru this. The guilt is the worst.
I adopted my addicts 10 year old daughter 5 years ago and she is the only reason I keep going. It is so hard to keep strong. My son is getting out of jail soon and I am freaking out. My husband is the enabaler and I am the mean one. We are finacialy and mentally broken the drugs have taken every thing. It is to the point now I fear him killing someone. How do you get over the fear of the unknown?
Thank so much for posting it helps a lot. I hate hate hate the devil (meth)!!!! It has broken my family .
Hi Diane, I didn't tell anyone about my daughter either because of the stigma attached to it. It's something we all kept to ourselves and let it eat away at us. Because people look to the parents as why they do drugs, bad parenting etc. This website definitely helps me. It's been a blessing finding it. People like Michelle have helped lift me up and given me a boost to fight another day. We all help each other. Who better to understand us but us! Like you too I have my grand daughter who is almost 10 yrs old. I've had her since she was 2-3yrs old. How do you not be scared of our addicted kids? ...Don't let him in and get a restraining order against him to keep him away. I have been scared too. But I won't let my daughter see it in me. I stand my ground. We all could write a book with the stories we can tell. I never thought in a million years drugs would have entered my families life. It was something you'd see in a movie. Not anymore! We have an epidemic and the doctors who over prescribed opiates have as much to blame for this as the drug dealers. Can you get your husband to read some of the posts explaining what enabling is? Maybe then he will stop it! You take care Diane. We're here for you. Mary.
OMG Diane, my heart goes out to you. What kind of mother thinks it might be better if her son were dead?????? A mother that doesn't want to see her child die, inch by inch, minute by minute, slowly and miserably. I can't tell you how many times I have thought that. We don't want to see our children hurt. I think it is normal to think about how much easier it would be for them to just die. It sounds terrible, but the reality is, it kills us to see them continuing to suffer.
I saw my son 3 days ago. He has been sober, in a sobriety house, going to meetings and attending treatment, all on his own. I was so happy. He looked better than he has in a long time. I took his son to see him, who I am currently in the process of adopting. It was a wonderful thing to see my son doing so well. The next day he was posting on Facebook that sobriety is not going well, and he wants to use again. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I was in tears. We want so much for them to do well. But ultimately it is up to them, and we have to live our lives.
Do not feel guilty for what you feel or think. We have to do what we can to survive.
Hang in there
Sombra
I saw my son 3 days ago. He has been sober, in a sobriety house, going to meetings and attending treatment, all on his own. I was so happy. He looked better than he has in a long time. I took his son to see him, who I am currently in the process of adopting. It was a wonderful thing to see my son doing so well. The next day he was posting on Facebook that sobriety is not going well, and he wants to use again. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I was in tears. We want so much for them to do well. But ultimately it is up to them, and we have to live our lives.
Do not feel guilty for what you feel or think. We have to do what we can to survive.
Hang in there
Sombra
Sombra said it well about wanting our addicts dead. It's not that we want them to die but they are dying a little each day and could just die at any time. Also, there's the part of us that feels like our loved ones died years ago. I have resentment towards my son. I feel like the person I see killed my son years ago and the truth is, I'll never get my "son" back, even if he's clean and sober. That's one of the areas that we actually do have some responsibility. We cannot put the expectations on our loved ones that they should be like they were. That is never going to happen. The best we can hope for is that they'll find sobriety for themselves, and once they have sobriety to learn to love themselves enough to keep it. It's really not about us although it affects us. It's our job to take care of ourselves and live our lives. That's what I try to do every day. I have a picture of my new grandson on the refrigerator that reminds me daily of how precious life is. It's alright to feel sad about all our loved ones and us have lost, just don't stay in that place.
God bless.
Michelle
God bless.
Michelle
Al-Anon & Nar-Anon teach us how to live the best life WE can.
And to accept others (our adult children included) as they are at this time.
Page 417 of AA's BIG BOOK (4th edition) says:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Shakespeare said, "All the world' a stage, and all the men and women merely players." He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God's handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God.
All the best.
Bob R
And to accept others (our adult children included) as they are at this time.
Page 417 of AA's BIG BOOK (4th edition) says:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Shakespeare said, "All the world' a stage, and all the men and women merely players." He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God's handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God.
All the best.
Bob R
