No Pain, No Gain...........

You know the old saying, "NO PAIN, NO GAIN." Well, I hope it's true.

This is pure hell. Childbirth wasn't this bad.

I slept from 8pm to 10pm last night then was up till noon today and only slept 2 hours. I have walked the floor, cried, layed in the fetal position, cried some more, took a hot bath, cried some more. Well you get the point.

Are you sure you can't die from this? I sure feel like it. I honestly believe this is as close to hell as anyone can get.

Earlier I was lying in the bath, thinking of my cocaine days, wishing I had a big line right then. I guess that was the devil, and many times through the night, I would say to myself, "just go in there and get a couple of pills and all this pain will be gone, but the other part of me would say, "susan, you've quit everything you've ever done in your life, for once you stupid a**, be strong and do this, if not for yourself for your kids."

My son and his girl friend came over and spent the night last night and he sat up with me most of the night. He kept saying, "mom are you sure you going to be o.k.?" I'd say, "yes son, but it's hell and i'm glad your here to see what i'm going through, between this and losing your dad I can only pray you learn something from all of this." I could see the tears in his eyes and it just broke my heart.

I have to go lay down now. It hurts just sitting here.

Thanks again guys. You are my life support right now.

God Bless! Susan
Susan...I'm sorry you are sufferibg so...you only have to do this ONCE...remember that. Are you still taking small amounts or are you thru? I will say a prayer for you...Love, S
I'm taking half a percacet every 12 hours. Now i will be going to every 18 hours for 48 hours then every 24 hours for 48 hours then i will be done. My back and hip pain are the worst, and the hot and cold chills.
Susan...
QUOTE
This is pure hell. Childbirth wasn't this bad.


File this away in your memory bank....I agree with you on that statement but when you make it through this, and you will, it will be such an accomplishment...You are doing great...keep writing & posting and let your mind focus on something else, old movies, reading anything to calm down the voices in your head...make sure you eat & keep yourself hydrated...

Baby yourself and take it easy....each day does get better....

Thanks for sharing Susan....you're in my prayers....

Take care,
Stacey
Hang in there Susan....you are doing great!
Susan HANG IN THERE--it gets so much better.

Susan drink as much water as you can.

Like Janet said your doing great.

Jeffrey
Susan, I was where you are a couple of weeks ago. I truly thought I was going to die. I went c/t 18 days ago. And guess what, I didn't die. Wanted to but didn't. It will get better....I promise you. Just don't give up, keep telling yourself it will be worth it. Use your tough. L
I'm going through the hot and cold chills with you right now. Nobody here knows what's going on so I have to pretend I have a cold or just tired. My legs hurt so bad. My two stepsons are at a friends house so that makes it a little easier.
I feel homesick.
I prayed for you today.
It'll be so great to wake up in a few days and know that we did it!!!!!!
Susan..I hate to say this but everytime you take a pill, you basically start all over again.

Can you flush what you have? You're only prolonging the enivitable.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but no, you won't die. You'll just wish you would. Hang in there, it's so worth it on the other side.

Lisa
Dear Susan:

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I know it sucks. I don't really understand it medically...or anything like that, but I think you may be prolonging your agony by taking this small amount of narcotic also....

I think yesterday I posted to you that it is best to just jump off...you are not keeping yourself from feeling any less bad with that small amount of narcotic and you just may be keeping yourself sicker longer.

I understand a taper schedule...I had one too, but at the stage of my disease that I decided to stop this madness, I knew, a half a pill wasn't going to do anything for me. I took two tabs my last day using. That was that.

It is rough for sure. But, it does get better. Hang in there, be gentle with yourself. Try to sleep if you can, watch movies, do whatever you can. Just don't take pills...

Keep posting...someone is always here.

Peace.

Sarah
Susan the first three days were the worst for me and now I am on day 10.This is my third attempt at quitting and let me tell you this it does get worse with each time you relapse and have to start over so stick with your taper if you have to, I personally wasn't that strong. My only fear for you is that if it gets really bad you are going to take the pills to take away the pain. Remember us addicts have a very high threshold for pain we just lie to ourselves and keep telling ourselves and everyone else we need the pills for the pain, at least that is what I did. Honey I wish you the very best it will get better though, Have you tried the over the counter medication to help you with sleeping. That restless leg and stomach thing was the worst for me and the friggin sweats and chills at night, which I still suffer from but they get better daily. I really feel for you because I was where you are not to long ago.
Roxy
Susan...my god the pain in your posts are reaching right through the screen and hitting me right in the heart! I so remember that agony. I just wanted to tell you that my addiction doctor told me that after a prolonged period of time the narcotics will make you pain WORSE!

I agree...flush those devil down the toilet...and take some Motrin..you might be pleasantly surprised at how you will get feeling better!

Your doing awesome...hugs and prayers!
wow... I also feel your pain. what a reminder! I tried to taper november 18th last year, but I just freaking cried it was that bad. I took some hydrocodone at 5 days cold turkey and of course got instant relief, but I walked back into that other hell! I thought 2 weeks of taper would make it easy for me...right!! It only made it worse, because now I was basically starting over. finally at 8 days, on the fresh start ct I found this board, and it really saved my butt! I can actually appriciate a little pain these days, as weird as that sounds! I was so numb. i was doing methadone too. i had no idea i was so bad off. i look at myself these days and all that pain was worth it! I promise, it will end, just never as quick as we need it to! I hated the sweats, I'll never forget it! I remember when I was getting an hour of sleep a night for a couple of nights, don't worry if that happens, its a good sign of breking through! you will catch up on the sleep! take care!! brenda
I am not good at admitting failure, but I've been honest with you guys up to this point so i'll be honest now. I took a sleeping pill at 8pm and tried to sleep, but the pain in my arms & legs and the chills were driving me insane, so I f*cked up and took half a percacet. I feel awful because I did it, but I couldn't take the pain anymore. I think tomorrow I'm going to go back to the hospital and check myself in, because i know if I don't i'll never make it.

My brother takes 4 different kinds of narcotic pain pills and I live with him and its easy access for me. If I don't get out of this house, I won't be able to do it. So tomorrow I'm going back and tell them I need medical detox, because i'm in so much pain and can't take it. I know i'm a whimp, always have been.

I can't even sleep with taking sleeping pills. So, i'll post tomorrow before i go to the hospital and post again as soon as I get back.

I'm still trippin' over Anna Nicole's death. That poor baby of hers. My prayers are with that child. I think we should all be praying for her.

Once again thanks for all your support. You don't know how hard it was for me to admitt to you about me taking that pill, but I feel I have to be honest with you all. Like I said in an earlier post of mine, you all have been my life support these last couple of weeks. Please don't give up on me because of that, I still need your support and prayers.

ttyl. God Bless!

Susan
Susan, No one here is gonna give up on you. Keep us updated on how things go today when you can. Good luck. Shantel
QUOTE
If I don't get out of this house, I won't be able to do it. So tomorrow I'm going back and tell them I need medical detox


Susan,

You are not a wimp. It's smart to know what your limitations are and very, very brave to do what's necessary.

Be proud of yourself. The desire to quit is the first and possibly hardest step to take and you've taken it. Do the next right thing. I know you're already doing your best.

BTW, I think your son is a sweetheart for sitting up with you the other night. You must be very proud of him.

Love,
Gina
I think medical detox would be better for you..you need around the clock support and it is very hard when you're home. I have ben there CTing off vicodin many times in the 90's. I wish you the best....kep us posted. Sharonn
No way are you a whimp. In fact it takes great strength to realize what your limitations are and when you need help. You're right, as long as you stay in a house full of narcotics, you are not going to stand a chance. Please let us know when you go....you have alot of people here pulling for you.