I had one of those nights. Asleep by 9:30, up at 12:30 until 3 am then up at 6:30.
I tried meditating, I tried progressive relaxation. Mind racing won over.
I go to my 13th day at the outpatient program today, I'd rather not. I feel rather vulnerable.
My oldest son called from his cell on his road trip, he went to see his biological dad (it's been 6 years). He's been staying there for a few days. He put the man on the phone. I was not prepared, very uncomfortable, haven't spoke to him since 1993. Talked about the weather. LOL Asked him how the visit was going, he said it was good. Didn't ask about his crack habit that his mom told me about. Didn't even think of it. I turned to mush.
He said I sounded the same. Great, my voice sounds like I'm 16 still.
Then he said he'd take down my number from T.
So many mixed emotions, so many memories. We used to get so wasted together.
Feeling really unsure of myself this morning. But going off to battle demons. I've got my bracelets and lasso.
Good Morning to you wonderwoman. not too long ago i saw my ex in passing and felt a bit weird but it was a fleeting moment, i felt so lucky that i am no longer involved with someone that has continued choosing death. my recovery is too important to me than to allow myself to stroll down memory lane.
(((hugs)))
Take Care
Carol
(((hugs)))
Take Care
Carol
I appreciate your response and understanding. :-)
Over the course of the day, I brought myself back to center and continued on MY journey. I feel really comfortable now. Grounded.
Naturally I have some concern regarding how my son is doing. But I can contain that until he gets home. I remembered that I had dreamt that my grandmother (who passed away in 2002) was watching out for him, actually, so that feels great !
Although I have also been told I sound like my daughter on the phone on more than one occasion LOL sooooooo I would like to work on that voice thing, still.
:-)
Interesting that you used the term "choosing death" as I also see it that way with my husband.
Love the strength in your voice and in your hug. :-)
Over the course of the day, I brought myself back to center and continued on MY journey. I feel really comfortable now. Grounded.
Naturally I have some concern regarding how my son is doing. But I can contain that until he gets home. I remembered that I had dreamt that my grandmother (who passed away in 2002) was watching out for him, actually, so that feels great !
Although I have also been told I sound like my daughter on the phone on more than one occasion LOL sooooooo I would like to work on that voice thing, still.
:-)
Interesting that you used the term "choosing death" as I also see it that way with my husband.
Love the strength in your voice and in your hug. :-)
