My tapering down just went tapering up!!!!!!!! I'am sorry to say i didn't stick to 7 or 8. The holidays just got to me and I quick trying. So i'am back down where i begun here, a week before christmas. I thought this time i could really do it, i just let my guard down to soon. I really also think that because i didn't get on here and post everyday like i had been, has alot to do with the fact. Because when i'am on here posting, i get the feeling like i can do anything!!!!!!! So, here i'am starting back on day 1. SORRY!!!
I wish I knew what to say to you. Good luck, I'll be praying. I don't know how it gets any easier. At least you're here. That has to say something. :)
Abby, tapering did not work for me..... Either you can just pick up and start again today (we can't keep beating ourselves up when we fall) or you can flush them all and try it cold turkey.
My brain is so screwed up.... I would set a taper schedule, then would actually talk to myself and tell myself "Well, I can take more today and then tomorrow I just won't take as much." It never worked.
My brain is so screwed up.... I would set a taper schedule, then would actually talk to myself and tell myself "Well, I can take more today and then tomorrow I just won't take as much." It never worked.
Danielle, That sounds just like me, like christmas eve, i took way to many , itold myself well the next day, i'll just minus then from that. Well that didn't work. I've got 5 left, don't get to pick up anymore till tuesday morning. How was your Christmas and how are you doing going cold turkey? I hope good!!
I ditto danielle...
I would also say..oh well, I can start tapering tomarrow....
I couldn't do that either...
I had very little control over the urge to take them...
That is how I got so bad in the first place..
Kerry
I would also say..oh well, I can start tapering tomarrow....
I couldn't do that either...
I had very little control over the urge to take them...
That is how I got so bad in the first place..
Kerry
Christmas was really nice.... I had a ton of people over here, all family, so it was wonderful for me. It started snowing while they were here and you would have thought a million bucks was falling from the sky..... I don't think we've EVER had snow on Christmas day; not in my 32 years anyway.....
I'm doing okay..... My biggest problem is just that I don't have any energy for anything. I'm not sick, just lazy. I was just lying on my bed and my husband looked at me and I said, "Well, this is me sober. This is me not on pain pills. I'm healthier because of it, but I have no desire to do anything..."
Of course, I know that this, too, shall pass.... I'm going to work tonight, so I think once I'm out of the house and not focusing on it, I'll be okay
I'm doing okay..... My biggest problem is just that I don't have any energy for anything. I'm not sick, just lazy. I was just lying on my bed and my husband looked at me and I said, "Well, this is me sober. This is me not on pain pills. I'm healthier because of it, but I have no desire to do anything..."
Of course, I know that this, too, shall pass.... I'm going to work tonight, so I think once I'm out of the house and not focusing on it, I'll be okay
I no how you feel when I stopped my spouse said you used to do so much didnt want to get out of bed nooooooooooo energy wasway low dear you will feel better so when you lay there and think just couple pills will set the mood it just geys bad again so stick with it YOU WILL MAKE IT SWEETE LOVE POOPIE
I fell back thursday as well...the only way I could be in a decent mood for christmas was to take those pills...I was on day 4 and was a wreck! My fear is I'll never be able to be back to my normal self even once im off these..im always going to feel like i need these to do everyday things like be social. Is there anything besides anti-depressants that anyone can help me to fix the withdrawls and cravings?
Warhead I understand totally about your slip.Now you just need to get back up and try again.Thats the hardest is starting over but if I can do it you probaly can.If I can help at all please let me know....mj
dear abby the same goes for you. all we can do is keep trying to work it all out.we may fail but at least we keep trying.someday it will all make sense....mj
Mollyjean, ihope i can try again. Today i'am so scared because i'am completly without and i don't get to pick my refill up till in the morning!!!! I took my last 2 last night and haven't had any today. I hope i don't give in and just go buy some. I spend so much money on pills, that i could be putting in a fund for my 7 year old daughter for college or a car. I feel so awful that i'am spending all that money just to make me feel good. Sorry for pouring my heart out on you like this, but i don't have anyone to talk to, nobody knows that i'am addicted to pain pills except my husband. Everyone thinks i'am a number 1 wife and mother(they just don't know the real story) But i really don't think that it is my fault, i did have female problems that required lots of med. But now i'am stuck with the after part of it all. I'll problay be posting all day unless i find something out there i can get to get me through till in the morning, when i get my refill.
Sweety abby you can post as much as you need I'll be here until my youngest gets her butt out of bed.She gets telephoneitis.Please don't just go buy any(I know easy for me to say I got my pills)We humans will make mistakes always have always will,but that doesn't mean we don't deserve to be treated nicely and we can't ask for help.People on here have been so kind to me better than my own family.As far as you not being able to hold on as hard as it is and belive me I know hard you must hang on!You need to reach deep down inside yourself to find the courage you'll need.I will be here to help in anyway I can so please keep posting..we who dwell here are like a extra family.take care....mj
mj, thanks for posting me back. Do you got any advice on what i can do or take over the counter for today? I know i won't have any energy. So maybe i'll turn on lifetime and watch movies all day and just be lazy! And i'll try my best to not go out and find any. Maybe i should give my carkeys to my husband to hide and unplug the phone, so i can;t get in contact with my buddies.Ha,Ha
Well hiding the keys and unplugging the phone just won't do it.heheh.I would like to suggest vitamin B12 that will help your energy some.Also long hot bubble baths don't stink either.If you have the chance to be lazy go for it if it helps.Do you enjoy reading or writing.I found that when I'm really down I write some really good trhings and readind well....if I had $1.00 for ewverybook I bought I would be very very rich.I love Ann Rules stuff.....Hope I helped alittle...mj
It's been 15 hours since i took my last 2 pain pills. I feel okay so far, little drowsy but thats is about all. I just hope my heart don't start pounding out of my chest like last time, i went without anything. I'am going to try my best to get through on my own today, untill i get my refill tomorrow. I think i will go soak in a hot bathtub for about an hour then wash some clothes. Mj, i had some b-12 vitimins, i took 1 thanks for the advise. Danielle, if your out there, how did your night go?
Abby: When you think about it, doesn't it feel horribly about how a tiny little pill controls your life. It's like us addicts it all we think about. Its like all you talk about in your posts, to see if you can make it 1 day without a pill. Don't feel bad I was like that too before I quit. All I thought about was when I'd get my next pill or what I'd do when I was running low. Doesn't it make you feel aweful knowing that a little pill is running your life? It did for me. I hope we can help you beat this. I know you couldn't handle tapering for even a few days thats why I told you about cold turkey might be good for you.
You have our support and prayers. We are here for you to help you try and beat this addiction so one day when everything who thinks your a #1 wife, you can actually smile and think to yourself its true and not knowing that inside its a totally different story. Im sure that weighs heavy on your mind all the time. It's almost like your lying to them 24/7?? That's how I felt anyways..
Good Luck and I hope things go better the 2nd time around.
You have our support and prayers. We are here for you to help you try and beat this addiction so one day when everything who thinks your a #1 wife, you can actually smile and think to yourself its true and not knowing that inside its a totally different story. Im sure that weighs heavy on your mind all the time. It's almost like your lying to them 24/7?? That's how I felt anyways..
Good Luck and I hope things go better the 2nd time around.
Yes, kiwirain, that is all i think about. And, yes i do feel bad, everytime i pop another pill i feel worse inside then i ever and it keeps getting worse. I wish i could post and talk about other stuff but i just cant stop thinking about it. It controls my whole life! I wish and pray that i could wake up one morning and get up out of bed and be like i was 1year 1/2 ago. I was so hoppy then, i got out , had money to do stuff with made new friends at school were my daughter goes. But now all i do is worry when and where my next pill will come, when i can pick up my refill and so on!!!!!!!! I wish, i would have never been introduced to pain pills, if i could i would take that day back, when i first started them, but i can't, i did it, now i have to suffer with what it holds for me.
abby
I know what you mean. Before I was always taking 2 pills right when I got up. All I would think about is pills all day. That tiny little pill controlled my life. Something so small and insignficant had such an influence on my life. It was pathetic. I was never like that before. I was free, did my thing on my schedule and not when I took a pill and waited a while....
Now Im 75 days clean and am feeling better, got alot more money and I ain't worrying about my next pill or refill...
I know exactly what your mean when you said all that stuff before. I wish you the best in waking up from that nightmare...
I know what you mean. Before I was always taking 2 pills right when I got up. All I would think about is pills all day. That tiny little pill controlled my life. Something so small and insignficant had such an influence on my life. It was pathetic. I was never like that before. I was free, did my thing on my schedule and not when I took a pill and waited a while....
Now Im 75 days clean and am feeling better, got alot more money and I ain't worrying about my next pill or refill...
I know exactly what your mean when you said all that stuff before. I wish you the best in waking up from that nightmare...
Kiwi, you just made me remember why I quit...
Abby, I was in that boat, also. I think you should get your body down to a minimal amout, and then just cold turkey. It won't be easy, but it really IS easier than the maddness of tapering. Tapering just keeps the cycle going, that stupid obbsessive circle...and cold turkey you get to start accepting that you are done, and find ways to deal with it.
I wish you luck...and take the guilt out of it..that isn't going to help...I for one don't really know how to do that...HAHA...but a book suggested it, so I am passing that one..
another formerly pill head mommy...
kerry
Abby, I was in that boat, also. I think you should get your body down to a minimal amout, and then just cold turkey. It won't be easy, but it really IS easier than the maddness of tapering. Tapering just keeps the cycle going, that stupid obbsessive circle...and cold turkey you get to start accepting that you are done, and find ways to deal with it.
I wish you luck...and take the guilt out of it..that isn't going to help...I for one don't really know how to do that...HAHA...but a book suggested it, so I am passing that one..
another formerly pill head mommy...
kerry
Abby, my night didn't go that well..... I didn't take any pain pills, but I WANTED to..... partly out of habit, but mostly because my back was killing me. It seemed like every girl I talked to was on SOMETHING - adderall, xanax, valium, coke, soma, flexeril, tequila, meth..... I know this makes it seem like every girl in this business is a strung-out junkie and that's not true, but drugs ARE a big part of the scene (even with waitresses, bartenders, AND customers). Most of the really pretty girls work late at night and you would never guess that they were on drugs.... but if you go in early, you see all kinds of things. The day shift is the "bad" shift and you'll see girls who are 20 that look like they're 40 years old!!! You'll see girls with stretch marks, track marks, so messed up that they can hardly stand..... I went in early last night because I didn't want to be up until 5 o'clock in the morning and I don't think I can do that again...... It was pathetic....
Anyway, my cravings were really, really bad..... To make it worse, when I'm in 6" heels for a long period of time, the pain in my back is almost unbearable if I don't take anything (I'm getting too old for this)..... I made a few hundred bucks early, but then I had to leave..... I was in so much pain and was having such a hard time being around everyone like that, that I couldn't take it. I sat with a guy who was drinking Red Bull instead of alcohol (trying to find a sober influence), but mentally I was weak.... I ended up having to just go home...
But I did it..... God, I wish one of you lived close by so I could call for support in a situation like that. I'm starting back at AA now that Christmas is over and hopefully I'll meet someone there that I like that I can talk to when this problem occurs again.... It's just going to be so hard until I get out of that environment...
About your situation, Kerry is right..... once you get down to a certain amount, you need to give up tapering and just go cold turkey, because tapering still keeps you obsessing about the drug, keeps the drugs in the forefront of your life.
How is your day going without any pills?
Anyway, my cravings were really, really bad..... To make it worse, when I'm in 6" heels for a long period of time, the pain in my back is almost unbearable if I don't take anything (I'm getting too old for this)..... I made a few hundred bucks early, but then I had to leave..... I was in so much pain and was having such a hard time being around everyone like that, that I couldn't take it. I sat with a guy who was drinking Red Bull instead of alcohol (trying to find a sober influence), but mentally I was weak.... I ended up having to just go home...
But I did it..... God, I wish one of you lived close by so I could call for support in a situation like that. I'm starting back at AA now that Christmas is over and hopefully I'll meet someone there that I like that I can talk to when this problem occurs again.... It's just going to be so hard until I get out of that environment...
About your situation, Kerry is right..... once you get down to a certain amount, you need to give up tapering and just go cold turkey, because tapering still keeps you obsessing about the drug, keeps the drugs in the forefront of your life.
How is your day going without any pills?
