Hi everyone. I have been reading and reading and reading. It has been so helpful to know you are all out there even though I feel alone. I don't really know what I'm looking for here - advice or just encouragement.
Basically I kicked out my partner/husband a few months ago. After being homeless on the street for a week or two I let him back. Things seemed to be better. His drug of choice is heroin and I had become all too familiar with the signs of drug use - pinpoint eyes, sleepy, itchy, disappearing for hours and hours and hours. So when he came back I was ready. Well to my surprise, no pinpoint eyes, never gone, not sleepy, not disappearing into the bathroom, etc, you all know already.
So on Friday I came home from work and the TV was gone. He hasn't stolen from me for months now so I was really surprised, especially since it seemed he was doing well. He lied through his teeth, it wasn't him, blahblahblah. I told him on Saturday if he told me the truth I wouldn't kick him out. So he told me he gave it to someone he owed money to. And I kicked him out. Needless to say I have been wracked with guilt because he is now homeless. His family lives in many states away and the only people he has are other users.
He called last night because he "just wanted to talk." He didn't ask to come back. I didn't offer it. He said he wants to check into a rehab.
I am very confused as to the truth. I don't mean the truth about the TV. I mean the truth about the why. I guess it really doesn't matter but since I have been around him I can see he is no longer doing heroin unless there is a new way to do it without your pupils shrinking to the size of grains of salt.
My dilemma is his housing. It's winter here - it's cold, and I hate thinking of him homeless. I guess I am wondering if there is a way to be supportive but not enable. To help but not enable. I would feel so much better at least knowing there was a roof over his head.
I have been reading a lot of SMART recovery information and like what is being said and offered. I don't want to put my things in jeopardy because I have worked hard for them (and in some cases to get them back!) but at the same time, they're things. I am in a constant battle in my head about what to do but I dn't feel right about kicking him to the cold and snow. Is there some sort of timeline I could give or boundaries I could set regarding him being there?
I know it's on him and he f*cked it all up and it's his damage to fix. If it was summer I wouldn't be feeling quite as bad. Any advice?
well..... the advice is to kick him out, close the door and move on with your life. I feel it is easier to leave a partner than it is to leave children. BUT - if he was not using, and gave away your TV to pay someone off..... is it OK to let him back into the warm comfortable house?
Do you know if he is he telling the truth about the TV. we stop enabling, but we can help a little if they are clean and trying. To let him back is a risk. 50/50 chance he will be clean or using within a few months...
It is your decision. you have been through it. I understand about the cold weather and being sick with worry about them. I also understand the situation.... if they cant take a shower or carry their belongings around with them, how do they go to a job, etc.
Suggestions - if you want to take him back give him a time limit that he needs to find a job - any job, even part-time, or weekends.... he needs to give you rent or food money.... and find a place of his own to live within xxx months or May first....
I re-read your post -This is a better suggestion ---- > tell him to find a sober living house - they have the same support as rehab, he will find a job and pay rent. Look into the tabs at the top of this website - beyond recovery, find treatment, programs and resources,
go to addictsmom.com -- there are many resources there.
Try to push him towards a situation where he is independent.
Do you know if he is he telling the truth about the TV. we stop enabling, but we can help a little if they are clean and trying. To let him back is a risk. 50/50 chance he will be clean or using within a few months...
It is your decision. you have been through it. I understand about the cold weather and being sick with worry about them. I also understand the situation.... if they cant take a shower or carry their belongings around with them, how do they go to a job, etc.
Suggestions - if you want to take him back give him a time limit that he needs to find a job - any job, even part-time, or weekends.... he needs to give you rent or food money.... and find a place of his own to live within xxx months or May first....
I re-read your post -This is a better suggestion ---- > tell him to find a sober living house - they have the same support as rehab, he will find a job and pay rent. Look into the tabs at the top of this website - beyond recovery, find treatment, programs and resources,
go to addictsmom.com -- there are many resources there.
Try to push him towards a situation where he is independent.
Hi,
I read your post and I've got to say I feel for you. Reading your description of having things go missing brings back many not so great memories. There's really nothing worse than being robbed, especially by someone you care for, in this case your husband. I bet everyone on this board can tell you story after story of how we were stolen from, so there's that.
In response to your concern about the weather- don't make his problem (lack of shelter) your problem. Believe me when I say that he is more resourceful than you know.
its great that your husband wants to go to rehab, but please don't get sucked into doing all of the research, making arrangements, etc. I'm sure he knows the resources for that.
Please continue on this message board. If you can, also find a support group for yourself like mar anon or al anon. They really do provide a sense of fellowship.
On the left of this message, under Most Popular Topics is "Let Me Fall All By Myself". If you haven't read it yet,please take a look.
I read your post and I've got to say I feel for you. Reading your description of having things go missing brings back many not so great memories. There's really nothing worse than being robbed, especially by someone you care for, in this case your husband. I bet everyone on this board can tell you story after story of how we were stolen from, so there's that.
In response to your concern about the weather- don't make his problem (lack of shelter) your problem. Believe me when I say that he is more resourceful than you know.
its great that your husband wants to go to rehab, but please don't get sucked into doing all of the research, making arrangements, etc. I'm sure he knows the resources for that.
Please continue on this message board. If you can, also find a support group for yourself like mar anon or al anon. They really do provide a sense of fellowship.
On the left of this message, under Most Popular Topics is "Let Me Fall All By Myself". If you haven't read it yet,please take a look.
he needs roof over his head in order to stay clean, he simply cant be homeless and clean, probably that is why he wants to go to rehab so he ccan have somewhere to live and being already clean it wont be hard for him to stay that way... i hope he gets it and turn around his life for better
How long it takes person fro street to get into rehab where you live? Here in UK if you have to do like by the order of Court then you get the same day but if you are trying on your own then it takes time... less time he is on street better chance he has of staying clean .. i am sorry to ask you private thing as this but do you want to save your relationship or love is gone by now and only habit left ?
Thanks for all of your replies. This is probably a dumb question but IS there a way he could still be doing dope? I mean, without pin eyes or any of the other millions of signs? Cause I have been around him for a year while he off and on did it - and I could always tell.
That is a huge factor in taking him back in...his being clean or at least working towards it. I would have to set some major boundaries since he stole my TV but if he is working on sobriety than I could possibly let him back.
To answer your question NytoFlorida, all I know is my Tv is gone and he said it was to pay a debt. I don't know if that's true or not...I'm just going on his past. He was not high when I got home or later that night or all the next day before I kicked him out. Or when he called. So based on that I could say he was honest but he lied for 24 hours about having anything to do with it at first.
I definitely do want to push him to be independent. He is an extremely hard worker and I know once he gets a job that will help but it's getting the job that's hard.
Bonnie, no worries, that's not private. I still would like to make things work with him, yes. We still have a ton of fun together but I am also worried that at this point I will be driving myself crazy asking myself if he's lying every time he opens his mouth. I am very unsure of where to go from here.
Being homeless and staying clean - yes, I would imagine that's quite hard. Which is part of my guilt. I also feel SO INCREDIBLY guilty for saying I wouldn't kick him out for being honest and then doing so anyway. Can any of you tell me how to assuage that feeling??
I also don't understand why he wouldn't be calling every night. He doesn't have a phone but at the same time if you were suddenly homeless wouldn't you be begging to come back? Especially if you were sober? That confuses me greatly. Why wouldn't he be finding some way to contact me more if he IS still clean?
I feel like there must be some middle ground where I can know I did everything I could but not let him walk all over me. Then again maybe I already have. Such a battle!
Sorry for this post...I'm all over the place! All I can go on is what is right in front of me. Not "looking high", not leaving the house, eating all the time, not being shady. Then a stolen TV, gone, and has only called once. Tuesday night. The anxiety of not hearing from him and being sick with worry is killing me.
Oh yes - Bonnie, I'm in the US and in my little corner unless you have money, insurance, or are court ordered, good luck getting in to rehab. I don't want to pay...he has taken enough. Is that wrong?
I'm just out of my mind today!
That is a huge factor in taking him back in...his being clean or at least working towards it. I would have to set some major boundaries since he stole my TV but if he is working on sobriety than I could possibly let him back.
To answer your question NytoFlorida, all I know is my Tv is gone and he said it was to pay a debt. I don't know if that's true or not...I'm just going on his past. He was not high when I got home or later that night or all the next day before I kicked him out. Or when he called. So based on that I could say he was honest but he lied for 24 hours about having anything to do with it at first.
I definitely do want to push him to be independent. He is an extremely hard worker and I know once he gets a job that will help but it's getting the job that's hard.
Bonnie, no worries, that's not private. I still would like to make things work with him, yes. We still have a ton of fun together but I am also worried that at this point I will be driving myself crazy asking myself if he's lying every time he opens his mouth. I am very unsure of where to go from here.
Being homeless and staying clean - yes, I would imagine that's quite hard. Which is part of my guilt. I also feel SO INCREDIBLY guilty for saying I wouldn't kick him out for being honest and then doing so anyway. Can any of you tell me how to assuage that feeling??
I also don't understand why he wouldn't be calling every night. He doesn't have a phone but at the same time if you were suddenly homeless wouldn't you be begging to come back? Especially if you were sober? That confuses me greatly. Why wouldn't he be finding some way to contact me more if he IS still clean?
I feel like there must be some middle ground where I can know I did everything I could but not let him walk all over me. Then again maybe I already have. Such a battle!
Sorry for this post...I'm all over the place! All I can go on is what is right in front of me. Not "looking high", not leaving the house, eating all the time, not being shady. Then a stolen TV, gone, and has only called once. Tuesday night. The anxiety of not hearing from him and being sick with worry is killing me.
Oh yes - Bonnie, I'm in the US and in my little corner unless you have money, insurance, or are court ordered, good luck getting in to rehab. I don't want to pay...he has taken enough. Is that wrong?
I'm just out of my mind today!
He probably also knows it is hard to get into a rehab so he is promising you something safethere is probably little chance he will go. I would not pay for it unless you are ready to lose more money. He may not have been using when he took the TV, but he took the TV without asking you so that is not good. What else is he willing to take without asking. I also find it odd that he hasnt been calling you morehe could borrow a cell phone. Either he has solved his own problem and has a place to stay or he is too busy to care. This merry-go-round you are on with him could last many years. You will be much poorer and it will make you crazy before it stops. You should probably get off now. When he shows you that things have changed with him, then re-evaluate the situation if you want to take another chancebut that is what it is taking a chance that it will work out or not work out. Seems like you would like to find a more sure thing.
Didn't you say his mother won't let him live with her. I hate to say it but usually when a mother gets to that point, there is a really, really good reason for it.
Didn't you say his mother won't let him live with her. I hate to say it but usually when a mother gets to that point, there is a really, really good reason for it.
of course its not wrong, you have to look after yourself and your own sanity first only then you can help others. To answer your question could he been doing dope but without his eyes being pin size and other signs, well eyes could be masked by taking cocaine after heroin but every time? all day long? no... could be that he switched to something else? Why are you so sure he is taking anything?You know all right signs when somebody is taking heroin so your half sounds like he does not take heroin of course i cant be sure I a just thinking you would know for sure?
I hope your situation gets resolve you want , wish you both better future one without dirty signs of addition
I hope your situation gets resolve you want , wish you both better future one without dirty signs of addition
i never was homeless but heard from few who were and being on street means taking drugs or drinking until you loose yourself completely. Could he be at friend place , somebody from ancient history ? It is strange he does not call ifhe is for real clean on streets
Well of course I am not sure he is doing anything at all. It seems he hadn't been but when the TV was gone it made me wonder if I'm missing something. I guess I could say then that he most certainly was no longer doing heroin. I am only familiar w effects of that and crack. He was not showing signs of either. If he was/is doing something, what could it be? His pupils are normal, his appetite is fine, maybe even better than fine which is good since he was heroin-skinny, and he could sleep but did have trouble. But he always has had trouble.
No, his mom didn't say that. I read that in another post too haha so you probably confused us. His parents live down south and he doesn't really speak to them because of childhood abuse...thus why I feel like sh*t because he doesn't have anyone.
I know he will call again even if just to get clothes so I need to figure out what I will say. I want him to have a roof so he can look for and get a job but at the same time I don't want to enable. Is there a "happy" medium? Minus the happy.
He was arrested in August for the first time in his life during the midst of his addiction for burglary and he has a court date in less than a month. I am hoping for jail or rehab but I doubt it since it's his first ever offense. Could I come up w a scenario such as you have a place to stay until then but you can never be home without me? I took his house key months ago so he can't get in anyway but the whole homeless thing is killing me. I wish I could stop caring. If I knew he had a roof, I could feel a little better.
I really want to hear from him but know I need to have myself ready with what I'll say. Because as soon as we hang up I won't be able to say anything until he calls me again. Any idea of how to calm down the anxiety in the meantime? Thanks everyone :)
No, his mom didn't say that. I read that in another post too haha so you probably confused us. His parents live down south and he doesn't really speak to them because of childhood abuse...thus why I feel like sh*t because he doesn't have anyone.
I know he will call again even if just to get clothes so I need to figure out what I will say. I want him to have a roof so he can look for and get a job but at the same time I don't want to enable. Is there a "happy" medium? Minus the happy.
He was arrested in August for the first time in his life during the midst of his addiction for burglary and he has a court date in less than a month. I am hoping for jail or rehab but I doubt it since it's his first ever offense. Could I come up w a scenario such as you have a place to stay until then but you can never be home without me? I took his house key months ago so he can't get in anyway but the whole homeless thing is killing me. I wish I could stop caring. If I knew he had a roof, I could feel a little better.
I really want to hear from him but know I need to have myself ready with what I'll say. Because as soon as we hang up I won't be able to say anything until he calls me again. Any idea of how to calm down the anxiety in the meantime? Thanks everyone :)
It is a tough and emotional spot you are in. on one hand it seems you have handled this well in stopping the enabling. on the other hand, you may never know the answers to your questions. It does stink that you can not reach him unless he calls you. but that is good for the detaching and not enabling part. so you are actually living in the fine line between detach and enable.
I do not know how to tell what they are using. my son's eyes are dark brown. I could never tell, especially if he wasn't using much.
So sorry you have to go thru this. know that this is not your fault. you cant cure it. you cant fix it, only he can. you did not give away the tv. he did.
hopefully he is staying clean, and respecting your decision. but it is suspicious. so maybe he isn't.
I do not know how to tell what they are using. my son's eyes are dark brown. I could never tell, especially if he wasn't using much.
So sorry you have to go thru this. know that this is not your fault. you cant cure it. you cant fix it, only he can. you did not give away the tv. he did.
hopefully he is staying clean, and respecting your decision. but it is suspicious. so maybe he isn't.
anxietyalive.....i thought i would never hear someone in my shoes,speak and feel and experience what im going through
when he was living on the streets i put my life in danger going to look for him in places i shouldnt...but eventually it all played out to rehab and sobriety
and now those extremely small pupils are back
ill pray for you and him.
when he was living on the streets i put my life in danger going to look for him in places i shouldnt...but eventually it all played out to rehab and sobriety
and now those extremely small pupils are back
ill pray for you and him.
Well - still haven't heard from him. Since Tuesday night. I guess it's not that long but I am assuming and would almost bet that he is using again. Breaks my heart. I am still debating on what to do when he calls.
I am going OUT OF MY MIND!!! with anxiety. I hate it, I really do. I am worried and concerned and when I'm not at work I am just beaten down and depressed with no energy to do anything. I hate getting up to go to work but I am so thankful when I'm here because I have something to preoccupy my mind!
What do you do to calm yourself (selves) down? Any tips/tricks? I am worried for him and hoping he's okay and really wanting to hear from him. How do you talk yourself down from the crushing worry??
I am going OUT OF MY MIND!!! with anxiety. I hate it, I really do. I am worried and concerned and when I'm not at work I am just beaten down and depressed with no energy to do anything. I hate getting up to go to work but I am so thankful when I'm here because I have something to preoccupy my mind!
What do you do to calm yourself (selves) down? Any tips/tricks? I am worried for him and hoping he's okay and really wanting to hear from him. How do you talk yourself down from the crushing worry??
Also- I have been reading anything and everything and I am very torn and confused about something...many say not to give up on the addict, not to throw them out, that it makes things worse for them. That they feel unloved and already are beating themselves up inside for being an addict and that throwing them out, yelling, etc, makes them feel even more unloved. That they need support and care.
Other things I've read say the complete upset almost - kick them out, let them hit "rock bottom", they need to do it on their own, if they get kicked out, it's their own fault, it will let them hit bottom even faster.
It is all so confusing because I don't want him to feel unloved. I don't want to kick him out. I just want my things and my boundaries respected. I want to be a support and someone to lean on but not used and taken advantage of. Unfortunately, it is so hard to tell the truth from a manipulation these days.
Are there any recovering addicts that could chime in? What worked and is working for you from other people? I know that it is different for everyone but still...what absolutely did NOT work? What did people (loved ones) say that really did not help or really did?
I read another post somewhere on here about someone giving someone 48 hours to get help or they had to leave. Perhaps that's what I'll do? If/when he calls. I am really struggling inside with what the "right" thing to do is. Yes, getting a job without someplace to call home is very hard but if you are stealing from that home then what? I keep reading about sons, daughters, spouses, etc stealing from their loved ones. But I can't seem to find anything about what happened AFTER that. They were kicked out but were they allowed back in? What did the person do or what "rules" were set? Were they followed? If they were NOT kicked out, what changed?
Other things I've read say the complete upset almost - kick them out, let them hit "rock bottom", they need to do it on their own, if they get kicked out, it's their own fault, it will let them hit bottom even faster.
It is all so confusing because I don't want him to feel unloved. I don't want to kick him out. I just want my things and my boundaries respected. I want to be a support and someone to lean on but not used and taken advantage of. Unfortunately, it is so hard to tell the truth from a manipulation these days.
Are there any recovering addicts that could chime in? What worked and is working for you from other people? I know that it is different for everyone but still...what absolutely did NOT work? What did people (loved ones) say that really did not help or really did?
I read another post somewhere on here about someone giving someone 48 hours to get help or they had to leave. Perhaps that's what I'll do? If/when he calls. I am really struggling inside with what the "right" thing to do is. Yes, getting a job without someplace to call home is very hard but if you are stealing from that home then what? I keep reading about sons, daughters, spouses, etc stealing from their loved ones. But I can't seem to find anything about what happened AFTER that. They were kicked out but were they allowed back in? What did the person do or what "rules" were set? Were they followed? If they were NOT kicked out, what changed?
some hard questions you have, i am sorry i cant help with those, never been kicked out never had any trouble with family, I hid my addiction from them, held job never raised any suspicion I mean they knew I smoke weed from time to time but nothing more. My better half was addict as well so we done everything together addiction and abstinence. I would do as I feel like it would most benefit myself... does that make sense? Think about how you want to feel and what would make you happy thai is achievable and go for it. What do you think if you go and see him next time he calls so you can have grown up talk about where to go from there?
Yes, perfect sense. I suppose I'm having trouble with that too, haha!! Like...is anxiety from having him home, wondering if he'll steal from me worse than this anxiety? But yes, I think when he calls I will ask to talk...I am just so anxious about his wellbeing. And about the truth...
ok then next time he calls you go to meet him , see how it looks , what he say... you know him better then anyone else , you will sense you will know ! I think you should concentrate now more on your well being , feeling like you are right now only will bring you God forbid stomach ulcer so pls know he is fine, he done this before and probably he is staying with friend , if he were in terrible condition he would call you day and night and be on your case to let him back. When we dont call usually means we are fine , in no immediate need of anything lol when we keep calling then its trouble , trying to tell you to relax do something that pleases you only , do things only for your own benefit doesnt matter how small it is :)
I am an addict in recovery. There is one thing you said that jumped out at me. You said you "didn't want him to feel unloved." Believe me when I say that NOTHING you say or do has the power to make him feel one way or another. You can not love him enough to make him recover and you can't love him into loving himself.
Not enabling is not abandoning someone. It is simply handing their life and the chaos they are creating with active addiction back to them. It is saying I love you and I believe you are capable of figuring this out.
It seems like maybe attending a few Nar-anon or CODA (codependents anonymous) would be very helpful. You are making his addiction about you..what you can do about it, how you feel about it etc. You need to put his life and recovery back where it belongs...in his hands. He is a grown up and as such needs to learn to navigate the world. Those with addictions are no different except that every time you do something for them that they should be doing for themselves (living rent free, supplying them with food, money, cell phones etc.) you are in actuality inhibiting their growth. We all know that growth can be painful....but that pain can also motivate us to change.
I have to say that when my family stopeed enabling me, at first, I didn't believe them as we had done the codependent dance for so long. It took over a solid year of them standing their ground before I realized I was on my own and if I wanted my life to change I was going to have to do it! It took a while, but I have been in recovery a little over three years...We do get better! Addicition is chronic, and there will be ups and downs..just like life.
You mentioned that you have heard advice to basically either "love 'em or leave 'em" but I do not think you have to do either. My family did a very good job of puting down boundries and when I came crying to them for whatever it was I needed that day (usually a place to stay or money!), they would say something like "That must be hard, but I know you will figure it out! We love you". When they first started saying stuff like this, I was pissed because it meant that I was no longer going to be able to manipulate my way to free housing and drugs. It meant that I was responsible alone for the wreck my life had become. It put the responsibility on me where it belonged! It was hard, but I have grown so much in the past few years and I honestly believe that my family no longer enabling me was instrumental in me being uncomfortable enough to want out! In no way am I blaming them for my addiction! I am responsible for my illness and am responsible for my recovery. What they did, however, I will be forever grateful for.
Not enabling is not abandoning someone. It is simply handing their life and the chaos they are creating with active addiction back to them. It is saying I love you and I believe you are capable of figuring this out.
It seems like maybe attending a few Nar-anon or CODA (codependents anonymous) would be very helpful. You are making his addiction about you..what you can do about it, how you feel about it etc. You need to put his life and recovery back where it belongs...in his hands. He is a grown up and as such needs to learn to navigate the world. Those with addictions are no different except that every time you do something for them that they should be doing for themselves (living rent free, supplying them with food, money, cell phones etc.) you are in actuality inhibiting their growth. We all know that growth can be painful....but that pain can also motivate us to change.
I have to say that when my family stopeed enabling me, at first, I didn't believe them as we had done the codependent dance for so long. It took over a solid year of them standing their ground before I realized I was on my own and if I wanted my life to change I was going to have to do it! It took a while, but I have been in recovery a little over three years...We do get better! Addicition is chronic, and there will be ups and downs..just like life.
You mentioned that you have heard advice to basically either "love 'em or leave 'em" but I do not think you have to do either. My family did a very good job of puting down boundries and when I came crying to them for whatever it was I needed that day (usually a place to stay or money!), they would say something like "That must be hard, but I know you will figure it out! We love you". When they first started saying stuff like this, I was pissed because it meant that I was no longer going to be able to manipulate my way to free housing and drugs. It meant that I was responsible alone for the wreck my life had become. It put the responsibility on me where it belonged! It was hard, but I have grown so much in the past few years and I honestly believe that my family no longer enabling me was instrumental in me being uncomfortable enough to want out! In no way am I blaming them for my addiction! I am responsible for my illness and am responsible for my recovery. What they did, however, I will be forever grateful for.
Bonnie-Lolleedee--
Thanks for great replies that really clarifies how it is from an addict's perspective! That helps me so much in this journey with my adult addict son.
((HUGS))) Lori
Thanks for great replies that really clarifies how it is from an addict's perspective! That helps me so much in this journey with my adult addict son.
((HUGS))) Lori
Thank you all for responding. You're right of course and I am reading and rereading the posts every day to help me just even get through one minute to the next. I have a hard time going to groups in real life but maybe I could force myself to go.
He still hasn't called and it seems like eternity but I know in reality he would call if he really needed to. I am worried sick about him, literally, and I know that is not healthy for me at all. Would I even know if he was dead? He has no phone and doesn't carry my number with him so I wonder if I'd even find out...quite a sobering thought.
Thank you for giving the perspective of a recovering addict. It is reassuring in a strange way to know I did what I could, even though the results suck. It is very hard to focus on me when I know I have a roof, food, and a warm bed. So hard! I am trying to remind myself that if he really wanted to, he'd call, so obviously he doesn't. Hard to accept but I know it's true. If he really wanted to come home he'd be calling and being so clearly he doesn't. I know you're all right...focus on me.
So hard but so true. Hurts to hear but I am not important to him right now. Just keep reminding myself...if he wanted to talk to me he'd be blowing up my phone. Not used to not hearing from him in so long which makes me worry but I need to remind myself of the facts.
Thank you guys for being there.
He still hasn't called and it seems like eternity but I know in reality he would call if he really needed to. I am worried sick about him, literally, and I know that is not healthy for me at all. Would I even know if he was dead? He has no phone and doesn't carry my number with him so I wonder if I'd even find out...quite a sobering thought.
Thank you for giving the perspective of a recovering addict. It is reassuring in a strange way to know I did what I could, even though the results suck. It is very hard to focus on me when I know I have a roof, food, and a warm bed. So hard! I am trying to remind myself that if he really wanted to, he'd call, so obviously he doesn't. Hard to accept but I know it's true. If he really wanted to come home he'd be calling and being so clearly he doesn't. I know you're all right...focus on me.
So hard but so true. Hurts to hear but I am not important to him right now. Just keep reminding myself...if he wanted to talk to me he'd be blowing up my phone. Not used to not hearing from him in so long which makes me worry but I need to remind myself of the facts.
Thank you guys for being there.
