i am s 21 year old male and have been clean from heroin for 3 weeks now. i have been struggling with it for 2.5 years now having a recent period of sobriety for 4 months from april til around july. i am on suboxone and going to outpatient rehab 3 days a week for 2-3 hours a day depending on how long the group lasts. other than that im not doing anything else.
im incredibly bored and that boredom is leading to some serious depression. i dont know what to do. i dont want to get up and out to do anything. im really not even leaving my room. is this normal? i havent really been doing anything for months now. the only difference is that i am sober again. its like i am completely afraid to do things. i dont want a job but i do. i want to go to school but i dont think i am ready to return. i want to do things. im not even seeing my friends (friends that dont use as well). ive tried NA meetings but they are quite working for me because i am not finding the right people for me i guess. its really hard obviously.
i took a blood test 2 weeks ago and the results are in so my doctor wants to see me friday and im paranoid about diseases. my counselor said it has nothing to do with disease because they dont test for stds. the test was just testing how my body reacts to suboxone. but for some reason i am still paranoid. i shared twice but the people i shared with rarely use and they never shot up before i did it for them. peope are saying i have nothing to worry about but im still worried. does anyone else know what these tests are for? what the results end up meaning? im sure that if it were something serious with the tests that the doctor would be trying very hard to get in touch with me by phone or email.
thanks for reading this and im pretty excited that i found this place online
Welcome my young friend
Let me assure you ,if the doctor saw anything serious he would let you know by now.
As for your boredom- -its common, Hell .you spent most of your waking hours consumed with getting high, or trying to get high.
Of course your scared & paranoid, its really all you know, and most of the people you know do or did the same things.
Time for a whole new life- - if you weren't scared you wouldn't be normal.
Try out some new hobbies- - steer clear of old people ,places and things (as the NA people say) & you'll be off to a good start.
Dont think you can use sub & still shoot a little dope- it will fucq things up.
Listen ,Im 50 years old & have been on methadone for a lifetime. I sometimes wish I was 21 again. You got a whole life ahead of ya man- I hate seeing 21 year olds thinking they got the weight of the world on their shoulders- It makes me depressed* Hell I have a 21 year old kid myself* Glad you found us & this site- stay in touch
All the best
much peace & respect
jack
Let me assure you ,if the doctor saw anything serious he would let you know by now.
As for your boredom- -its common, Hell .you spent most of your waking hours consumed with getting high, or trying to get high.
Of course your scared & paranoid, its really all you know, and most of the people you know do or did the same things.
Time for a whole new life- - if you weren't scared you wouldn't be normal.
Try out some new hobbies- - steer clear of old people ,places and things (as the NA people say) & you'll be off to a good start.
Dont think you can use sub & still shoot a little dope- it will fucq things up.
Listen ,Im 50 years old & have been on methadone for a lifetime. I sometimes wish I was 21 again. You got a whole life ahead of ya man- I hate seeing 21 year olds thinking they got the weight of the world on their shoulders- It makes me depressed* Hell I have a 21 year old kid myself* Glad you found us & this site- stay in touch
All the best
much peace & respect
jack
I am the mother of a 24 year old heroin addict. Checking this board for some information I came across your post. Good for you for your sober time. My son also suffered from depression when he got clean. It took a lot for him to get out of the house once he was drug free. He felt so alone that it only multiplied his depression. He got out finally and after some months of struggle (falling back into his old ways) he seems to be on the right track. He found tht working was good for his self-esteeme and he works 5 nights a week but only 4 hours at a time. The income is very limited and this is a good thing. He knows that pay check will pay for one week at the methadone clinic, one tank of gas, and 1/2 of his monthly rent. It isn't how much he earns but that earning money allows him to pay for something on his own and tha givs him a feeling of returning to being "normal".
Please hang in there. You will find so many people who will support you here. We are addicts, parents, siblings, friends, and/or lover's. You can say anything, feel anything, ask anything, cry, laugh, get mad, share a joy, etc...and someone will be here to listen.
Give us a chance, give yourself a chance.
Please hang in there. You will find so many people who will support you here. We are addicts, parents, siblings, friends, and/or lover's. You can say anything, feel anything, ask anything, cry, laugh, get mad, share a joy, etc...and someone will be here to listen.
Give us a chance, give yourself a chance.
Wow I had to re-read your post because I was so sure it was my daughter posting! She sounded just like you not so long ago. Its amazing to me how the tendencies and recovery and whole process amongst addicts is so similar in the disease.
My daughter was not on subs, but she was an IV heroin user for many years. When she got clean, she suffered the same boredom and depression you are going thru. She worried a lot and, in fact, still has not had any blood test cuz she doesnt want to find out if anything is wrong. She, too, claims she never shared her needles. After getting clean, she wanted to keep herself locked up in her room, too, and avoid contact with people. She wasn't too supportive of NA, but she kept going anyway, but still had moments when she wondered why. Currently, she continues to work the NA program and has a sponsor and it seems to be working for her. In time, she has worked through the boredom and the depression. She has almost 2 years clean and she still has moments of boredom or when things arent as fun or exciting. But, she is learning coping skills through NA and she really seems to have found some peace in herself and seems to be finally genuinally happy and accepting of her new lifestyle.
I would just suggest to you to try to be patient with yourself and your condition. Try to remind yourself that these feelings of boredom and anxiety and depression should lessen with time. Perhaps dont give up on NA just yet. Heroin addicts tend to be a bit reclusive in their active addiction, so try not to stay that way. Try to step up out of your comfort zone, even if just for a bit. Try to keep one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward as best you can.
I know so many more who are in recovery on this board will be able to better understand where you are at right now and can answer to you. You will learn you are not alone and if you just keep hanging on, you can make it.
God bless,
Diane
My daughter was not on subs, but she was an IV heroin user for many years. When she got clean, she suffered the same boredom and depression you are going thru. She worried a lot and, in fact, still has not had any blood test cuz she doesnt want to find out if anything is wrong. She, too, claims she never shared her needles. After getting clean, she wanted to keep herself locked up in her room, too, and avoid contact with people. She wasn't too supportive of NA, but she kept going anyway, but still had moments when she wondered why. Currently, she continues to work the NA program and has a sponsor and it seems to be working for her. In time, she has worked through the boredom and the depression. She has almost 2 years clean and she still has moments of boredom or when things arent as fun or exciting. But, she is learning coping skills through NA and she really seems to have found some peace in herself and seems to be finally genuinally happy and accepting of her new lifestyle.
I would just suggest to you to try to be patient with yourself and your condition. Try to remind yourself that these feelings of boredom and anxiety and depression should lessen with time. Perhaps dont give up on NA just yet. Heroin addicts tend to be a bit reclusive in their active addiction, so try not to stay that way. Try to step up out of your comfort zone, even if just for a bit. Try to keep one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward as best you can.
I know so many more who are in recovery on this board will be able to better understand where you are at right now and can answer to you. You will learn you are not alone and if you just keep hanging on, you can make it.
God bless,
Diane
We addicts live a programed life and when that program changes so must we! What do you like to do? I am certain that you had hobbies and intrests before drugs so do yourself a favor a reconnect them and if you dont have any make some new ones! Recovery and the stability that comes with it takes hard work complete with mistakes along the way . If you can do yourself a BIG favor and see the oppertunities that await your young life complete with infinite possibilities and give yourself a chance....you are worth it and then some!
Wecome to the boards. 21? Not knowing what to do? It happens, but the good thing is is won't happen forever! That boredom, yeah i can understand that, not having then energy or that get up and go. Reading your post there i could have written it. Know excactly what you're going through, it happened to me and some days it still does, but it's telling myself that i can't feel happy all the time, i'm human. On a whole (even though i've had some lapses) life is 100 times better than when i was when i was using.
I was on naltrexone and had to get a liver function test before i went on it , suboxone are very similar to nal it could be something like that.I'm not 100% certain but i know you can't go on naltrexone if you have any liver probs. I think suboxone is similar. That paranoia about blood tests, know what you mean. I got out of jail in May and i've had two done.... worrying about nothing, but once i get something in my head..... lol
I can't emphasize this enough...you're 21!! Got your whole life ahead of you. Some people don't realize how sh*t the using life is and do it til their 30's, 40's and on.... Do you like music? Get to a few live gig's that get the endorphins flowing, a natural high.I'm going away to take up snowboarding as that'll keep the boredom at bay... In my opinion sitting in the house is a bad idea, for me anyway...Things will get better for you, keep coming on here, there are lots of good people with good and friendly advice.
The future is bright , all the best, Kev
I was on naltrexone and had to get a liver function test before i went on it , suboxone are very similar to nal it could be something like that.I'm not 100% certain but i know you can't go on naltrexone if you have any liver probs. I think suboxone is similar. That paranoia about blood tests, know what you mean. I got out of jail in May and i've had two done.... worrying about nothing, but once i get something in my head..... lol
I can't emphasize this enough...you're 21!! Got your whole life ahead of you. Some people don't realize how sh*t the using life is and do it til their 30's, 40's and on.... Do you like music? Get to a few live gig's that get the endorphins flowing, a natural high.I'm going away to take up snowboarding as that'll keep the boredom at bay... In my opinion sitting in the house is a bad idea, for me anyway...Things will get better for you, keep coming on here, there are lots of good people with good and friendly advice.
The future is bright , all the best, Kev
Hey Leland,
Welcome. Can't say anymore than all these good people have.
Yo, Congrats on your three weeks. Just keep going and you'll be a year in before ya know it. Three weeks though is huge, and good for you.
Hoping ya feel better. This is just me, but I swore by that Omega 3 fish oil stuff. I got in close to four years and I still take it. Helped me alot with depression. Sounds crazy I know, but hey it worked on me so worth a try.
Hoping to see ya again posting, Leland. BTW, alot of what you described I think is fear. Afraid what if? Ya know what if ya go to school and ya fail? What if ya meet a nice person and they turn out rotten? All the waht if's? Being clean can be a scary place, right? Just take care and keep going, Leland.
Welcome. Can't say anymore than all these good people have.
Yo, Congrats on your three weeks. Just keep going and you'll be a year in before ya know it. Three weeks though is huge, and good for you.
Hoping ya feel better. This is just me, but I swore by that Omega 3 fish oil stuff. I got in close to four years and I still take it. Helped me alot with depression. Sounds crazy I know, but hey it worked on me so worth a try.
Hoping to see ya again posting, Leland. BTW, alot of what you described I think is fear. Afraid what if? Ya know what if ya go to school and ya fail? What if ya meet a nice person and they turn out rotten? All the waht if's? Being clean can be a scary place, right? Just take care and keep going, Leland.
thank you all for the responses. i felt better reading them but of course im still out of my mind confused. im very glad i found this place and im even happier that everyone is as supportive as they are.
Leland
Leland
Hang in there and give yourself a chance....it will get better!
Dear Leland,
Congratulations on the clean time and welcome to the board!
My son (now 32 years old) is a recovering heroin addict. Like many moms have said, your story sounds like each of our kids. When he came back from rehab his only social life was going to his 90 meetings in 90 days. Otherwise, he just sat in the basement where we had set up his furniture when he moved back home. We tried to include him in things but I think he was embarrassed about some of the things he had done. He was so depressed! He had trouble getting a job because he had gotten into trouble with the law. He is no longer on probation and has all his fines paid off. He started to hang out with his pre-drug (high school) friends and they welcomed him back with open arms. He met a wonderful, kind, sweet girl (through those old friends) and has been dating her for almost 2 years. At the end of summer he decided he wanted to buy her an engagement ring. In October he asked her to marry him and she said yes. She, of course, is aware of his heroin addiction problem. They plan on getting married in November of this year and her father agreed to sign for them to get a mortgage to buy a home. He has gotten his life back and you can too!
I will keep you in my prayers. Keep posting. There are a lot of caring and loving people on here with a lot of good advice....as you can see from the posts you have already received. Stay strong!
God bless!
Susan
Congratulations on the clean time and welcome to the board!
My son (now 32 years old) is a recovering heroin addict. Like many moms have said, your story sounds like each of our kids. When he came back from rehab his only social life was going to his 90 meetings in 90 days. Otherwise, he just sat in the basement where we had set up his furniture when he moved back home. We tried to include him in things but I think he was embarrassed about some of the things he had done. He was so depressed! He had trouble getting a job because he had gotten into trouble with the law. He is no longer on probation and has all his fines paid off. He started to hang out with his pre-drug (high school) friends and they welcomed him back with open arms. He met a wonderful, kind, sweet girl (through those old friends) and has been dating her for almost 2 years. At the end of summer he decided he wanted to buy her an engagement ring. In October he asked her to marry him and she said yes. She, of course, is aware of his heroin addiction problem. They plan on getting married in November of this year and her father agreed to sign for them to get a mortgage to buy a home. He has gotten his life back and you can too!
I will keep you in my prayers. Keep posting. There are a lot of caring and loving people on here with a lot of good advice....as you can see from the posts you have already received. Stay strong!
God bless!
Susan
Hey Leland, yeah it does get better like GYAC said, stick in .....
Susan, it's good to hear things like that.....
All the best people, Kev
Susan, it's good to hear things like that.....
All the best people, Kev
