I wonder if I'm just not ready to do step one. I realize i'm powerless over alcohol. I go into denial tho. I even lie to my counciler about how bad my alcoholism is. I want her to say that she thinks it's ok to drink somtimes, so I dont tell her how sevier it is. I am in total denial. I dont WANT to have to give up drinking, because it's fun. I feel good when I do it. I feel terrible the next day tho. Why do I love drinking so much? Why does anyone? Why can't I quit for good? Every week, i think i'll stop, then a few days go by, and I feel like it's ok to have a drink again. The most I ever stopped was a month, and I really dont know how I did it. Right now, I cant go a week without drinking. I have been to some meetings, but I really dont like them. I find them awkward. I cant even bring myself to say that i'm an alcoholic. Does it sound like I am not ready? How can I force myself to be ready? So many questions...
MupMup, First of all, I don't think you have to do anything you don't want to do: say your alcoholic if you don't know if you are or not...or attend meetings or do the steps....easy does it, like they say. Maybe, just go to meetings and listen. See if you can identify with anything that is said. Take from the meeting what you like and leave the rest behind. I think you are in your early twenties? If so, do they have Young Peoples meetings in your area...my 14 daughter goes to meetings that are more age specific to her. Just know I am here for you...wish I could go to a meeting with you! But, try to remember this, most people who drink normally (don't have a problem with alcohol) they don't visit AA meetings. It makes me sad that I didn't get sober earlier, but I LOVED to party ~ but when the partying was over I felt this huge feeling of demoralization (not to mention my physical ailments). My disease progressed and the fun started to end until I had to drink to kick the day off...and than just to sleep...I created a lot of emotional wreckage which could have been prevented if I would have got sober younger...however, my journey is what it is and it takes what it takes to get me to give up and surrender...so here I am today...know again, that I am here for you...VWGirl
mup, you've been posting here every now and then for quite some time. you've expressed a desire to quit or limit your drinking behavior. posting here is an outward sign of your internal desire.
if you have those desires, you are ready. you want a better life and you are worried about your future.
so the desire is there.
now you need to think about willingness.
what are you willing to do to obtain relief from the obsession to consume alcohol ?
think a bit about that word "willingness."
what are you willing to do ?
mup...maybe you havent suffered enough and hit YOUR rock bottom yet,thats what i had to do before i eventually did step one..
Mup....I know what you are going through,
The why me thing,
why cant I just have one,
it will be okay i will only drink low alcohol wine / beer,
My mates drink more than me, Im not that bad, belive me I asked myself these questions hundreds of times,
Reality for me is as I have read here .............
"one is not enough ,but to many "
I am now at day 62! which hasnt been easy at all,
I just take one day at a time, I love to party hard, but being sober really isnt that bad, I no its hard to grip when you are hanging to drink, but I seem to be getting on a lot better with the people that really matter to me in life , not the drunks propped up at the local bar , but real friends, who say each time I visit or call" How many days now? You are doing well" And these people are drinkers , but not problem drinkers like me!
Sorry im rambling on,
Keep at it Mup you can do it,
Take care
Ginge
The why me thing,
why cant I just have one,
it will be okay i will only drink low alcohol wine / beer,
My mates drink more than me, Im not that bad, belive me I asked myself these questions hundreds of times,
Reality for me is as I have read here .............
"one is not enough ,but to many "
I am now at day 62! which hasnt been easy at all,
I just take one day at a time, I love to party hard, but being sober really isnt that bad, I no its hard to grip when you are hanging to drink, but I seem to be getting on a lot better with the people that really matter to me in life , not the drunks propped up at the local bar , but real friends, who say each time I visit or call" How many days now? You are doing well" And these people are drinkers , but not problem drinkers like me!
Sorry im rambling on,
Keep at it Mup you can do it,
Take care
Ginge
