Not Sure What I Should Do But Pray

Families / Partners of Addicts
1
My daughter just left her 3rd sober living home. I told her she is not allowed home until 6 mos clean. She is staying at a so called"friends" house. She said it's dirty and she hates it there. I let her come over for the weekend & we fed her & let her sleep over. When she went back to the "friends" house, she cried because she wanted to come home. I feel terrible turning her down, but this is what I was told I should do. I am praying she realizes that she needs to be clean if she wants to come home. I just hope that this doesn't push her farther away. I am feeling helpless.
2
How old is your daughter?
Who told you that is what you should do?
Is she attending AA/NA meetings regularly?

3
she is 24. I had set boundaries that she needed to stay at a sober living home for 6 mos & then she could come home. The rehab & my daughter agreed to the boundaries. Then my daughter left her IOP group & also left her sober living home. She told me a week later. I was furious, scared and confused. She does not have a sponsor or she has not been going to meetings. Her recovery is in jeopardy. It is taking all of my strength & will power to not let her home. But I have to stick to my boundaries. I'm hoping she realizes I am not trying to hurt her, but help her
4
Your boundries are good and straight up. I have a son who is a drug addict and he knows that he can come home after completing rehab.We have tried what you are doing and he just gets worse. Now I still get calls about how unhappy he is but he is not prepared to change anything he does. He wants what he wants from us and emotional blackmail is his calling card. We decided after countless months / years in tears and trying everything that we can not change him. As a parent that is devastating. Go to al non they have been and continue to be our saviours during our journey to survive ourselves.
5
thank you.
6
Hi, I,m sorry you are going through this worry with your daughter. You probably feel like your between a rock and a hard place not knowing what to do. I think you've done great managing to stick to your boundaries. I wonder if I could have when my daughter was 24 and on drugs at 17 yrs old. I would go hunting for her in the early hours and go into these filthy houses and drag her out of them.I thought my kind of tough love would eventually work.I didn't know any better but it didn't work. I believed what lies she told me then. I look back now after reading posts on here and I think I should have thrown her out years ago. She is 33 now and just detoxed herself off crack again until she decides she will go back on it. So good for you sticking to what you think is right. All I can tell you is you know your daughter better than anybody. I think only you can decide what to do. Have you seen where she is living? Remember they are good at lying to get their own way. I don't believe a word that comes out my daughters mouth now. I told her a few weeks ago to stay away from here. I think that's why she got herself off the dope, but who knows! I should have done what you did years ago and maybe I wouldn't have this problem now. So my advice to you my dear friend would be to read through the posts on here maybe it will help you decide what to do. Or maybe like me you will find strength from them and the wonderful people who write them. We are all here for each other and know your pain. Remember this... You didn't cause this, you can't control it and you can't cure it only she can. I find knowing this helps. I found this on a post and when I get to feeling low I will say it to myself. M.
7
Thank you for replying to my post. I am confused. sometimes I think she should be home with me, but I told her 6 mos clean and she can come home. I just feel so mean sometimes. I know they lie & manipulate, but when I do feed her or just spend time with her, she is so thankful. I just get confused with my head and my heart. I am working on separating them. It isn't an easy task. We can't think of things that we should or could have done. The truth is, we do our best. We are all on hear trying to listen and help each other because we love our addicts so much. I wish there was a cure for this disease and so many other diseases. We all just have to keep the faith & keep talking to one and other. May peace be with everyone today.
8
I am in the same situation as you! It's so hard so say no! I carry the quilt of the world on my shoulders..... I have let my daughter come home to clean up and have a good meal but everytime she has promised that she would not do what she does again.....I believed her! And my family are all against me because of it! I know its wrong but I carry the fear every parent has of that knock on the door or that late night phone call! Let's pray and use all the resources we can find to help us gain back our lives because they will go on and continue to use us if we don't take charge and say enough!
9
You didn't answer my 3rd question: "Is she attending AA/NA meetings regularly?"

There is no "cure" for this disease if you are a true addict/alcoholic but there is a treatment.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf

The 12 Steps are used by millions to lead a healthy, happy life.

Anyone can do it ... you just have to do it.

All the best.

Bob R
10
No at the moment she is not doing anything healthy for her recovery. She wants to come home & it is killing me to not let her, but 1) she is staying with a friend who used to use with her & most likely they are using now 2) she is not going to any meetings or reaching out to anyone in NA 3) she stopped going to IOP. She has a sure recipe for disaster. I have let her come home to eat & she has slept over once, but I will not let her move back or have her car (that's in my name) until she proves that she is and wants to be clean. I love her so much that my heart hurts.
11
still praying every day that my daughter wants to heal. She tells me every day that she wants to come home & I tell her she can when she starts taking her recovery serious again. She swears she isn't using, but she is living at an addicts house, not going to meetings or seeing anyone from NA. I would like to believe her, but the odds are against her being truthful.