im pissed off-scuse the language but here where i stay at this transitional housing place every holiday we have a get together or you can go with family but for some reason they decided that we all have to go together to a rinky dink little display and walk there which its like a mile uphill--i worked all day and planned on going with my dad for a family get together as the fourth is always huge for my family plus my brother died on the fourth so i asked for special permision DENIED nbut two days later a lady said her 4 year old is terrified of firework and she wanted to stay home and have her family come here--they said yes to her--the reason i couldnt go was because there isnt gonna staff present in case i had to come back to the house before they got back--anyway im really upset--it seems that when in a situation where others make decisions for you they easily forge6t that we are human too and have feeling and deserve the same respect they would expectt-anyway sorry to rant but this place is drivin me mad. now its raining and my sons crying becuase we are stuck here anyway-without the pop we were promised--aggghhhh i wouldve gotten my own man usually i feel better after posting but now im more mad--maybe this time im not just making a mountain out of a molehill-what do y'all think!!! at least if i was with family id be having a good time instead of stuck in this place with the same people i see everyday--plus im so tired ive worked 8 days now in a row-yeah i know--blah blah blah blah--noiw i know why so many people relapse on the holidays--its too much
Awwww, man that does truly suck..........and no you ain't making a mountain out of no nothing hill..........BUT Amity man you've endured the entire time ya been there.
Don't, please don't let this bring ya down..........don't allow them to do that to ya.
I am so sorry about your brother........and this the anniversary of his death.....they could have taken that into consideration........but your brother.....I know he's watching out for you and the kids..........and this will make ya once again even stronger.
Girl, I ain't BSing you.........I really give you credit.........I couldn't stand it in rehab with the rules and people getting favortism.........and all that petty stuff, and that was just a short time.......you, you're making it....and working so hard, and beating this thing.
PLEASE, just please hang on...........alot of workers like that.......they care nada, and everyone is lumped in together........your own personality means nothing...........almost seems like they want to break people.........it's 8:30 now, and a new day will be here quick enough...........what ya mean POP........soda?
Or ya mean POP of the fireworks..........and tough the lady has a kid afraid of fireworks...........couldn't she just stay there.........but alas it didn't work out that way...........plus it's gonna pour...........the more ya just try and chill.........and I ain't saying I'd have that strength.........me, I'm so nuts I'd have probably got a firecracker and lit it under somebodies arse.........but if ya can please just hang tough.....I know easier said than done, but ya came so far.
Maybe look up stuff on the puter..........look up funky clothes or I look up like yoga and chakras and all that stuff...........I know stupid idea, but anything better than arguing in there.
I'm sorry Amity........and yeah getting high on the holidays.........think back.
Them damn dealers all had their families out eating expensive ribs and all.......while you and me and everyone else here footed the bill........and they made us wait..........and wait........never early always late.........right?
Don't, please don't let this bring ya down..........don't allow them to do that to ya.
I am so sorry about your brother........and this the anniversary of his death.....they could have taken that into consideration........but your brother.....I know he's watching out for you and the kids..........and this will make ya once again even stronger.
Girl, I ain't BSing you.........I really give you credit.........I couldn't stand it in rehab with the rules and people getting favortism.........and all that petty stuff, and that was just a short time.......you, you're making it....and working so hard, and beating this thing.
PLEASE, just please hang on...........alot of workers like that.......they care nada, and everyone is lumped in together........your own personality means nothing...........almost seems like they want to break people.........it's 8:30 now, and a new day will be here quick enough...........what ya mean POP........soda?
Or ya mean POP of the fireworks..........and tough the lady has a kid afraid of fireworks...........couldn't she just stay there.........but alas it didn't work out that way...........plus it's gonna pour...........the more ya just try and chill.........and I ain't saying I'd have that strength.........me, I'm so nuts I'd have probably got a firecracker and lit it under somebodies arse.........but if ya can please just hang tough.....I know easier said than done, but ya came so far.
Maybe look up stuff on the puter..........look up funky clothes or I look up like yoga and chakras and all that stuff...........I know stupid idea, but anything better than arguing in there.
I'm sorry Amity........and yeah getting high on the holidays.........think back.
Them damn dealers all had their families out eating expensive ribs and all.......while you and me and everyone else here footed the bill........and they made us wait..........and wait........never early always late.........right?
hi there , sorry to hear about ur brother . after my mother died i always seem 2 feel just that little bit more sensitive for the people losin loved ones.......sorry 2 b intrusive but could someone please explain wot transitional hsg is .bit confused.
Hope ya made it thru, I agree with Bryn, you got the strength of an ox! Or maybe something a little more feminine but still strong...an ox ain't a nice thing to be called!!! Thinkin of ya!
Maddy x
Maddy x
transitional housing is--well at least this one is a place where women live when they are going through times of difficulty in this case-trying to stay clean and sober the one i live in you work and support yourself and they provide you with the structure you need(im not too good at doing that) i.e. counseling,groups,curfews,lots of rules, ect..its agreat place--but its HARD its a full time job in itself--and there is no luchbreak if you get my drift but the reward are tremendouse-they are teaching me to take care of myself--a crash course on how to live a clean life(not always)-shoot its time for dinner--gotta go--but hopefully you get the drift.oh--well iguess dinners not ready-i got 7 more minutes--i need to vent some more--i really appreciate everyones words--always always a relief to know im not alone and to know that people do care. I do tend to forget how far ive come and not to take it all so seriously--and no kidden about the dealers--i bought them mexicans in california numerouse new cars and nice homes and clothes for their babies and treated them like they were elite gods--i was a sick puppy. and like you said--they were always late or bitchin about coming out at 7 in the morning to get my 100 dollat so i could go get them more $, but they knew i wasnt moving so they could take all day--anyway
onto today--i feel like crap--im messin up-i didnt go to work today-didnt even call in-im so angry at myself--why do i do this to myself--i would feel fine--great if id just have gone instead i stayed in bed all day and hid from the world--this is the beginnings of the end--i HAVE TO stop the cycle now before it starts rolling-i know myself well enough by now to know the depression will always win out if my actions dont improve--any advice!i cannot speak of this to anyone here--it might cause probelms i cannot deal with- I can probably weasel out an excuse-but it will be a lie--and it feels sosososo bad--i feel like ive used--all dirty and icky--the lump in my chest wont go away and i know sleep will be impossible tonight since i slept all day--why do we do this to ourselves!!!!!?????im so sick of who i am--dammit im so sorry to be such a downer-crapola
onto today--i feel like crap--im messin up-i didnt go to work today-didnt even call in-im so angry at myself--why do i do this to myself--i would feel fine--great if id just have gone instead i stayed in bed all day and hid from the world--this is the beginnings of the end--i HAVE TO stop the cycle now before it starts rolling-i know myself well enough by now to know the depression will always win out if my actions dont improve--any advice!i cannot speak of this to anyone here--it might cause probelms i cannot deal with- I can probably weasel out an excuse-but it will be a lie--and it feels sosososo bad--i feel like ive used--all dirty and icky--the lump in my chest wont go away and i know sleep will be impossible tonight since i slept all day--why do we do this to ourselves!!!!!?????im so sick of who i am--dammit im so sorry to be such a downer-crapola
i know wot u mean with skipping work...done it the other day..couldn't b ar#~d 2 go in then feeling guilty and bored all day wishin i'd gone in...but i believe everybody does it once in a while so try not 2 worry 2 much. just " brush yer shoulder off " and get back on yer pony..ha.............................i wish i could of gone 2 a " trans.h.g." somewhere miles away...sounds really helpful.
This is the place to be a "downer-crapola"...not entirely sure what that is!!! Nobody here minds! When you're lying there unable to sleep you gotta remember how many people think you're amazing (we all do), not only that you've said stuff to me that has helped me a lot and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has benefitted from your advice and support.
Forgive yourself for feeling depressed, you're allowed to. And you needn't be scared of what you're feeling because you're posting it, so you're letting it go. You can watch those emotions and say "yeah I'm down but I'm gonna come back up". You know I'm not an addict, I'm just in love with one, so I can't imagine what you're going through but I do know the strength it takes to come as far as you have.
You got my respect.
Maddy x x x
Forgive yourself for feeling depressed, you're allowed to. And you needn't be scared of what you're feeling because you're posting it, so you're letting it go. You can watch those emotions and say "yeah I'm down but I'm gonna come back up". You know I'm not an addict, I'm just in love with one, so I can't imagine what you're going through but I do know the strength it takes to come as far as you have.
You got my respect.
Maddy x x x
thanks guys--gosh im speechless-you all have yet to let me down--and there aint alot in the world i can say that about--yiu guys always know just what to say--i am harder on me than anyone else -but i expect more than that crap--wish me luck tomorrow when i go to work--i shouldnt be so quick to expect to getr away with not callin in and not going in--they just might let me go-dangit why do i do this--i have so much to lose--im sooooo mad a t myself--i wish i could just let it go--its gonna be harder to face it the more grief i give myself
.if your laws r anything like ours in u.k. they can't just " let u go ".try not 2 worry and get some sleep. once u've got the " sorry i didn't c** 2 work yesterday , i was............." then u'll wonder why u worried in the first place. u'll b back on ur feet and back on ur program , back on the way 2 recovery.bright new shiny day.
Being mad at US is one of the reasons we used in the first place I think Amity.
Just my opinion though.........so ya were down..........and ya felt bad.......and ya missed work..........drop that guilt like a sack of bricks, girl.
Amity, think what is behind it.........why ya didn't call in or go.........it can be because it was the anniversary of your dear brother's passing.........maybe it ain't saying that in your head.........but it sure could be in your self-concious.
You just keep going.........ya made a little slip up...........and don't we all do that us addicts........just want to hide?
Amity, you know the cycle, and like ya said you know you.......what is it......conditioning and habit.......the way we had always learned to live...........you were mad at LAST NIGHT! So, you showed them........the world how mad ya were.........and who cared or even knew?
Not a damn soul...........cept us of course..........and who does it hurt? Our Amity and her family.........hell NO, Sister...........like Herman said get back on that pony.........LOL.............oh and this is all just my mumbojumbo thoughts but I call it:
SELF-SABOTAGING.
Man, we love to hurt us........ya sound better, girlie.......soldier up.....LOL.
You're good and ya vented.........I got my money on you!
Just my opinion though.........so ya were down..........and ya felt bad.......and ya missed work..........drop that guilt like a sack of bricks, girl.
Amity, think what is behind it.........why ya didn't call in or go.........it can be because it was the anniversary of your dear brother's passing.........maybe it ain't saying that in your head.........but it sure could be in your self-concious.
You just keep going.........ya made a little slip up...........and don't we all do that us addicts........just want to hide?
Amity, you know the cycle, and like ya said you know you.......what is it......conditioning and habit.......the way we had always learned to live...........you were mad at LAST NIGHT! So, you showed them........the world how mad ya were.........and who cared or even knew?
Not a damn soul...........cept us of course..........and who does it hurt? Our Amity and her family.........hell NO, Sister...........like Herman said get back on that pony.........LOL.............oh and this is all just my mumbojumbo thoughts but I call it:
SELF-SABOTAGING.
Man, we love to hurt us........ya sound better, girlie.......soldier up.....LOL.
You're good and ya vented.........I got my money on you!
wow--bryn you really are an awesome friend--i am just amazed at how much people care--and never even have laid eyes on me--you too hermie--i will get back on that pony--and ride that sucker till he drops.....
