Hey Friends,
I haven't really posted much lately because I am really struggling.
I've been reading messages on here and going to Alanon and I'm really
Trying to let go and let God handle everything.
Z has been staying with my family and it's bad...he has people delivering
Drugs in the middle of the night. Meth is his drug of choice at the moment.
He finally was acting almost normal of 4 days of not using. I took him to a
Counselor and thought it went well. Manipulation!!!
He agreed to IOP. Manipulation!!! Just telling me what I want to hear.
Yesterday morning I was at my families house And I got up at 4 am and saw
Headlights and my son walking in the house. I went at confronted him...lies!
We got up about 9 and I went to check on him...he could barely talk and
Lied even after I showed him the needle marks and blood dripping down his
Arm and the f****** needle.
No emotion. Nothing. He doesn't care if I cry or beg and plead.
My brother and sister went worth me to clear out 2 storages from where my
Sons dad died. So emotional...so many good memories. I reorganized and kept
One storage for zach when he gets better. By the time we got home the meth
Had worn off. We had a family intervention and told him no more or he would
Have to leave. We held hands and prayed. Surely God would answer our prayers.
We woke up today and had a good breakfast and I headed back to Austin. Just
Hit a call... meth delivered to him .. my brother called the police who did nothing.
He is walking the house and cannot talk ...we he comes down...he is now homeless!!!
Meth takes everything from you and your family. The happiness is gone, the smiles,
The playfulness, the love and closeness with your family....There is nothing left. Just
A shell of my beautiful son. I am so sad!!! I know my son will die soon unless something
Drastically changes. Thanks for listening!
Prayers and Hugs
Paula
Hi Paula, I'm sorry things aren't working well with your son. But your doing the right thing in throwing him out. It's what I would do too. You've tried so much to help him already. I know its heartbreaking for you and your family. I wish I could say something else to help ease your pain but like so many on here I'm still looking for answers myself. I think something inside their heads have to click or something to get them to change. But if he is nasty to you while on the drugs remember that's the drugs talking and not your son. You will find the strength you need to go through this worry. It just might not seem like you can at the time, but you will. Maybe giving him a fright like this will work. You can only try. Did Z do drugs before his dad died or was it because his dad died? Be strong. I'll say prayer for you and Zach tonight. God bless. Mary
Paula,
I'm so heartbroken for you and your family. Your pain and despair leap out. No one can say that you and your family didn't try to help him. As you know, he has to be the one to put the work into sobriety.
I've also transported my son to countless outpatient classes, NA meetings,and counselors. As a matter of fact, one of his counselors (who was a former addict) told me that the best thing that ever happened to him was when his mother stopped enabling him. Of course, I thought I wasn't, but I was. It's hard to not help your child - I read something that mom & more posted where she said, you do nothing. That's the hardest thing to do (or not do).
Think of it this way - by doing nothing, you are doing something - you are forcing your son to take responsibility for his actions.
Please take care and stay strong.
I'm so heartbroken for you and your family. Your pain and despair leap out. No one can say that you and your family didn't try to help him. As you know, he has to be the one to put the work into sobriety.
I've also transported my son to countless outpatient classes, NA meetings,and counselors. As a matter of fact, one of his counselors (who was a former addict) told me that the best thing that ever happened to him was when his mother stopped enabling him. Of course, I thought I wasn't, but I was. It's hard to not help your child - I read something that mom & more posted where she said, you do nothing. That's the hardest thing to do (or not do).
Think of it this way - by doing nothing, you are doing something - you are forcing your son to take responsibility for his actions.
Please take care and stay strong.
so so sorry , nothing I can say will make you feel better, i wish things change for you as of today but dont loose hope please! It took e almost 20 years to come off heroin so you see you never know when day will come day when you son will realize its enough! Its good you have your family support.
Paula,
I'm sorry for what you're having to go through. It is the right thing, even if it doesn't feel like it. Keep praying, keep working on you and the rest will be what it's going to be. You don't have control. Anything that you do to try and get Z help is trying to control unless he has set up the appointment and just asks you for a ride. It's very hard to let go as a parent, especially as a mom. It's so hard to watch our kids destroy their lives. I know and I feel your pain. As hard as it is, you need to put your focus on you. It will get easier with time. I don't think we can ever fully detach from our children but it can be done enough to live your daily life and not be a wreck. Take care.
Big hugs to you!
I'm sorry for what you're having to go through. It is the right thing, even if it doesn't feel like it. Keep praying, keep working on you and the rest will be what it's going to be. You don't have control. Anything that you do to try and get Z help is trying to control unless he has set up the appointment and just asks you for a ride. It's very hard to let go as a parent, especially as a mom. It's so hard to watch our kids destroy their lives. I know and I feel your pain. As hard as it is, you need to put your focus on you. It will get easier with time. I don't think we can ever fully detach from our children but it can be done enough to live your daily life and not be a wreck. Take care.
Big hugs to you!
Thank you all for your thoughts and concerns.
Z started hanging around with the wrong crowd at 13. His
Dad and I did everything we could to support him and get things
Turned around( psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselors,
I was room mom...I worked to get a professional basketball player
To mentor Z, courts, police, family counseling) and then dad died
And the Meth took off bad. He has been in rehab after rehab, sober
Living, homeless,etc
I know I cannot fix him. It's time to let go of my beautiful son and pray
Gods time is close. I took today off so I can get it together. I know what
I have to do. Please God help me.
Thanks for listening
Prayers and Hugs
Paula
Z started hanging around with the wrong crowd at 13. His
Dad and I did everything we could to support him and get things
Turned around( psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselors,
I was room mom...I worked to get a professional basketball player
To mentor Z, courts, police, family counseling) and then dad died
And the Meth took off bad. He has been in rehab after rehab, sober
Living, homeless,etc
I know I cannot fix him. It's time to let go of my beautiful son and pray
Gods time is close. I took today off so I can get it together. I know what
I have to do. Please God help me.
Thanks for listening
Prayers and Hugs
Paula
Paula,
I know your pain and anguish you are going through. It will ease I promise and while it will never go away. You will be able to push it down in the back of your heart. Once the initial shock that he went back to using no matter what you did, you will feel less hurt.
I hope he can get it together before it even gets worse. Right now he knows he is safe in a house. When they are homeless they seem to be able to keep it together. How I don't know. My son always seem to find something or someone who knows someone that can give him a couch.
How old is Z? God has a plan for him just as he does for all of our children. I just wish I was privy to what he had planed so I can be prepared for the worse or the best of the outcome.
Cry!! get it out, vent, scream, throw things anything to relieve the terrible hurt you are feeling. It will ease a bit I promise.
Feel our love and support for you.
xxx Sue
I know your pain and anguish you are going through. It will ease I promise and while it will never go away. You will be able to push it down in the back of your heart. Once the initial shock that he went back to using no matter what you did, you will feel less hurt.
I hope he can get it together before it even gets worse. Right now he knows he is safe in a house. When they are homeless they seem to be able to keep it together. How I don't know. My son always seem to find something or someone who knows someone that can give him a couch.
How old is Z? God has a plan for him just as he does for all of our children. I just wish I was privy to what he had planed so I can be prepared for the worse or the best of the outcome.
Cry!! get it out, vent, scream, throw things anything to relieve the terrible hurt you are feeling. It will ease a bit I promise.
Feel our love and support for you.
xxx Sue
Thank you Sue,
He is 21 yr almost 22 with the maturity level of a 16 yo.
I just decided to stay home and cry and get it out. I'm a
Manager so I need to hold it together at work. Smile on
The outside but crying inside.
Deep breath!!!!
Hugs
Paula
He is 21 yr almost 22 with the maturity level of a 16 yo.
I just decided to stay home and cry and get it out. I'm a
Manager so I need to hold it together at work. Smile on
The outside but crying inside.
Deep breath!!!!
Hugs
Paula
Thata girl!! it's what us mom's do. Smile , laugh and inside a little piece of us are dying because of children. My husband has three very successful children, and they don't give him the time of day. I just laughed at them because he is such a good man and did everything for them. They wouldn't be where they are today without his drive and commitment.
It's this generation I swear.
And if you need to sleep and nice dirty book lolol with a hot chocolate/bailys for sleep.
Anything to get your mind of it.. xx
It's this generation I swear.
And if you need to sleep and nice dirty book lolol with a hot chocolate/bailys for sleep.
Anything to get your mind of it.. xx
I am so sorry! I know you had high hopes that Z would do well there. I want to write and offer some support but dont really know what to say. It is just all so sad and it is even worse when we can do nothing about it. What can you do when there is nothing left to do? Sounds like you have done all you can. If he doesnt want to change, there is nothing in this world you can do to make him change. I dont have any suggestions except that you shouldnt be that close to him while he is using it will just bring you pain to watch it distance is best so he probably needs to leave.
I dont know if this will help, but I thought my son wasnt going to live long when he was 14 but now he is 35 and he is still here. Of course, I enabled for years so he wouldnt have to suffer the consequences of his choices. I do think he is a little wiser but not drug free. As long as they are breathing, there is hope for change. I often wish parents were allowed to lock children in their rooms or handcuff them to the bed if they cant protect themselves. We could keep them safe and off drugs, but I guess they would lock us up and throw away the key for child abuse even though we did it out of love. What can a mother do? I have no answers, but I do know you cant watch it or it will make you crazy.
I dont know if this will help, but I thought my son wasnt going to live long when he was 14 but now he is 35 and he is still here. Of course, I enabled for years so he wouldnt have to suffer the consequences of his choices. I do think he is a little wiser but not drug free. As long as they are breathing, there is hope for change. I often wish parents were allowed to lock children in their rooms or handcuff them to the bed if they cant protect themselves. We could keep them safe and off drugs, but I guess they would lock us up and throw away the key for child abuse even though we did it out of love. What can a mother do? I have no answers, but I do know you cant watch it or it will make you crazy.
Paula--
I am so saddened to hear this but I am not surprised. Has a very familiar ring as my son Chris is a meth head and has done some of the same behaviors. I know it is difficult sometimes to see the "forest for the trees" when we are involved with the addict's problems, but when I read your posts I could see it coming. I have been praying for your Zach and for you, but now it is time to cut him loose.
You are struggling as your post shows and you need to protect you--for your health, to help you make wise choices where Z is concerned , and to protect your sanity! Heaven knows you have certainly done everything possible! Now it is up to Z and unless you want to be doing all this when you are my age and Z is in his 40's like my Chris, then it is time to make some big changes. I wish I could go back to when Chris was 22 and know what I know now!
I pray you get stronger and are able to let go and let God. We are all here to support you in whatever choices you make, but I think you know what you need to do. The rest is up to Z!
(((BIG HUGS)))---Lori
I am so saddened to hear this but I am not surprised. Has a very familiar ring as my son Chris is a meth head and has done some of the same behaviors. I know it is difficult sometimes to see the "forest for the trees" when we are involved with the addict's problems, but when I read your posts I could see it coming. I have been praying for your Zach and for you, but now it is time to cut him loose.
You are struggling as your post shows and you need to protect you--for your health, to help you make wise choices where Z is concerned , and to protect your sanity! Heaven knows you have certainly done everything possible! Now it is up to Z and unless you want to be doing all this when you are my age and Z is in his 40's like my Chris, then it is time to make some big changes. I wish I could go back to when Chris was 22 and know what I know now!
I pray you get stronger and are able to let go and let God. We are all here to support you in whatever choices you make, but I think you know what you need to do. The rest is up to Z!
(((BIG HUGS)))---Lori
Hi Paula,
I'm sorry Z could not turn this around for himself. It seems plain as day to us... Sad for you family. At least you know you have done everything and even your family has too. I hope you do not have regrets. You have done it all. Now time to move on and protect your self, your family and your stuff. Nice that you went thru the storage and puts stuff aside for Z. Dont over think it.
I'm sorry Z could not turn this around for himself. It seems plain as day to us... Sad for you family. At least you know you have done everything and even your family has too. I hope you do not have regrets. You have done it all. Now time to move on and protect your self, your family and your stuff. Nice that you went thru the storage and puts stuff aside for Z. Dont over think it.
In case of emergency...
If Zack gets really bad mentally or out of control, someone can take him to the Neuropsychiatric Center (NPC) in Houston or have him taken there by the police. It is a mental health crisis and emergency center open 24/7 for Harris County. It is located next to Ben Taub Hospital @ 1502 Taub Loop. The front doors are locked after midnight so ring the doorbell next to the door. Parking is nearby. This is not the hospital, it is a clinic building next to the hospital and they will evaluate him. Be prepared to wait a long time. He has to be a danger to himself or others but they might keep him to detox and maybe treat his depression if that is what is causing him to use. He can be involuntarily admitted by a doctor. 713-970-7070 Helpline
If Zack gets really bad mentally or out of control, someone can take him to the Neuropsychiatric Center (NPC) in Houston or have him taken there by the police. It is a mental health crisis and emergency center open 24/7 for Harris County. It is located next to Ben Taub Hospital @ 1502 Taub Loop. The front doors are locked after midnight so ring the doorbell next to the door. Parking is nearby. This is not the hospital, it is a clinic building next to the hospital and they will evaluate him. Be prepared to wait a long time. He has to be a danger to himself or others but they might keep him to detox and maybe treat his depression if that is what is causing him to use. He can be involuntarily admitted by a doctor. 713-970-7070 Helpline
Hang in there P....sometimes we get worse before we get better...the last run can be a hard one...I'm so sorry...sending sanity and strength
Paula-
I am so so so sorry. Sending lots of hugs ... wrapping my arms around you and I'm crying with you. I know how you hurt...he is barely an adult and making such horrible horrible choices. You have done everything you were supposed to do, could do and more. This is all up to Z now.
I can't add much more to what everyone else has posted...except to say .... Please be good to yourself. Crying dehydrates you...drink water. Take vitamins...your immune system may not be functioning 100%. And give yourself a BIG hug, Mama.
I'm praying for and with you!
Love Lynn
I am so so so sorry. Sending lots of hugs ... wrapping my arms around you and I'm crying with you. I know how you hurt...he is barely an adult and making such horrible horrible choices. You have done everything you were supposed to do, could do and more. This is all up to Z now.
I can't add much more to what everyone else has posted...except to say .... Please be good to yourself. Crying dehydrates you...drink water. Take vitamins...your immune system may not be functioning 100%. And give yourself a BIG hug, Mama.
I'm praying for and with you!
Love Lynn
Paula,
Nothing else I can say that has not been said. I can totally relate. It is heartbreaking. I am glad you a good cry!! Big hugs.
Nothing else I can say that has not been said. I can totally relate. It is heartbreaking. I am glad you a good cry!! Big hugs.
Thank you all my friends!!
Today has been rough. I tried to stay tough but I had a few break downs.
My son told my sister he fills like killing him self. She didn't know what to
Because she was emotional. They are watching him and I told them if he says
It again to call 911. It's a mess!
Praying a lot
Hugs
Paula
Today has been rough. I tried to stay tough but I had a few break downs.
My son told my sister he fills like killing him self. She didn't know what to
Because she was emotional. They are watching him and I told them if he says
It again to call 911. It's a mess!
Praying a lot
Hugs
Paula
Paula,
I'm not sure what the law is in Texas, but there should be a process for an emergency petition if he threatens suicide. In my home state the emergency petition can be filed if the person who heard the suicidal intent fills out the paperwork. It has to be done within 72 hours.
Making a suicidal threat is taken seriously.
Let us know.
Take care.
I'm not sure what the law is in Texas, but there should be a process for an emergency petition if he threatens suicide. In my home state the emergency petition can be filed if the person who heard the suicidal intent fills out the paperwork. It has to be done within 72 hours.
Making a suicidal threat is taken seriously.
Let us know.
Take care.
Paula-
How are things going? Been praying for you and Zack.
Sending bear hugs, girl!
Lynn
How are things going? Been praying for you and Zack.
Sending bear hugs, girl!
Lynn
Thank you all again for the hugs and Prayers
Con...good hearing from you
Lynn...always praying for you
And Everyone on here
So here's my update..... I found out that when the police was called and showed up (Z swallowed
All the meth) that is the night my sister thought he was going to die. The next 2 days they checked on him and he slept and ate alittle. We have all been praying and today he woke up like
The old Zach. He told my sister he doesn't want that anymore (he sold all his stuff)...
He made an appointment to be assessed tomorrow for IOP or what treatment is needed and following that he has an appointment with his therapist (2nd visit) to help deal with grief, anxiety and depression. He is going to ask my brother if he will let him stay if he will take weekly drug test. I'm not getting excited because I've heard this too many times. I'm going to have faith and let God handle it. That's all I can do!
Also. My fianc is finally understanding that Z has a real struggle and he's being supportive which I really need.
Thanks again
Please continue to pray
Hugs
Paula
Con...good hearing from you
Lynn...always praying for you
And Everyone on here
So here's my update..... I found out that when the police was called and showed up (Z swallowed
All the meth) that is the night my sister thought he was going to die. The next 2 days they checked on him and he slept and ate alittle. We have all been praying and today he woke up like
The old Zach. He told my sister he doesn't want that anymore (he sold all his stuff)...
He made an appointment to be assessed tomorrow for IOP or what treatment is needed and following that he has an appointment with his therapist (2nd visit) to help deal with grief, anxiety and depression. He is going to ask my brother if he will let him stay if he will take weekly drug test. I'm not getting excited because I've heard this too many times. I'm going to have faith and let God handle it. That's all I can do!
Also. My fianc is finally understanding that Z has a real struggle and he's being supportive which I really need.
Thanks again
Please continue to pray
Hugs
Paula
