Ok Its morning I almost made it with only 4 I think the stomach virus the day before helped but about 10pm my leg cramps started.Does that mean I'm just not able to do this?I ended up taking 4 more at 10pm but now its 8am and my head feels like its spiltting open.My Boyfriens has left me 8 which what is prescribed so my question is HOW THE HELL do I Beat this.?I feel so lost and alone even though I know I'm not.I have only taken 4 of the 8 which in itself is something.I hope I'm not getting the stomach virus again I have that green feeling AGAIN.I probaly sound like a big baby but right now I have so many doughts about myself.Is HATING yourself part of getting better cause if it is it sucks,Christmas is almost here my tree is finally up and all I feel everytime I look at it is sadness.Please can someone please talk with me I feel like Im falling off a cliff an dropping off alittle at a time...is anyone there
dear molly
don't worry your just going through the "coming off the pills blues". you are a very strong woman. you are a child of God and he loves you very much, i think he has a special plan for your life so it will be worth fighting for. if it was easy anyone could do it. just remember we are here fighting with you and we love you very much. keep the faith, keep the fight
johnny
don't worry your just going through the "coming off the pills blues". you are a very strong woman. you are a child of God and he loves you very much, i think he has a special plan for your life so it will be worth fighting for. if it was easy anyone could do it. just remember we are here fighting with you and we love you very much. keep the faith, keep the fight
johnny
Hi Molly -
I dont think that you "hate" yourself at all - although, I know what you mean. You wouldnt be here, or even trying for that matter if you in reality "hated" yourself.
I know what you mean about getting in the Christmas "spirit". I hate to say that I'm "dreading" Christmas this year - but to be honest - lets just say I'm not really looking forward to it like I usually do. It's only natural - we are still getting this stuff out of our systems and it takes alot of TIME. I actually did find myself enjoying some of the Xmas shopping though. Its tough when you have children - you know its not thier fault that youre in this situation and they still deserve to have a wonderful Christmas.
Just try to think positive - as hard as that may sound - sometimes we can actually "psych" ourselves out. It brightens my day to see my kids faces when they see all the presents under the tree. Their faces just light up with happiness and that warms my heart.
Just know that you are not alone - I'm here to talk if you need to - although I will be busy taking care of my grandaughter this week, I'll be checking in. You hang in there girl - youre doing great!!!
Love,
Marie
I dont think that you "hate" yourself at all - although, I know what you mean. You wouldnt be here, or even trying for that matter if you in reality "hated" yourself.
I know what you mean about getting in the Christmas "spirit". I hate to say that I'm "dreading" Christmas this year - but to be honest - lets just say I'm not really looking forward to it like I usually do. It's only natural - we are still getting this stuff out of our systems and it takes alot of TIME. I actually did find myself enjoying some of the Xmas shopping though. Its tough when you have children - you know its not thier fault that youre in this situation and they still deserve to have a wonderful Christmas.
Just try to think positive - as hard as that may sound - sometimes we can actually "psych" ourselves out. It brightens my day to see my kids faces when they see all the presents under the tree. Their faces just light up with happiness and that warms my heart.
Just know that you are not alone - I'm here to talk if you need to - although I will be busy taking care of my grandaughter this week, I'll be checking in. You hang in there girl - youre doing great!!!
Love,
Marie
Hi listen I REALLY thank you guys for the support but as I sit here with tears running down my face I cannot seem to stop these thoughts of being such a loser I don't feel very strong right now.I feel that circle of black returning and I'm scared I know my 2 girls and my boyfriend would be crushed if something happens to me but I just feel so lost again I don't think I can do this.I'm so use to having 12-14 in me that I don't even feel like Im me.DAMN IT with all I've been through WHY can't I slow down.I can do it you say but I don't feel like it right now How do I keep myself looking forward and not back how do I stop this black void from claiming me again?
Molly-
As addicts, we all struggle with these feelings from time to time. Belive me, every day, just to get out of bed without a pill is a struggle for me - which I try my damndest not to think about or get the "best" of me.
Go ahead and cry your little heart out. Sometimes it does us good to let go. I'm sure things will get better for you. The holidays are the worst!!! Just hang in there girl - I know you can do it - I have faith in you.
Love,
Marie
As addicts, we all struggle with these feelings from time to time. Belive me, every day, just to get out of bed without a pill is a struggle for me - which I try my damndest not to think about or get the "best" of me.
Go ahead and cry your little heart out. Sometimes it does us good to let go. I'm sure things will get better for you. The holidays are the worst!!! Just hang in there girl - I know you can do it - I have faith in you.
Love,
Marie
Molly Jean..........OMG, I so know how you feel. It is tough, but you can get through it. Try soaking in a nice, long, hot bath. Do you have any B12, or B complex? And potassium. That helped me SO much. The b vitamins will give you some of your energy back and that will help you mentally. If you can just hang on for the next few days, it will get much better, promise. And then you will look back on it and be very proud of yourself. THe feelings that come after the physical w/d symptoms leave are worth all of the suffering you have now.
Please do not beat yourself up. You are a strong person or you wouldn't be here and trying to stop. Know that. There are a lot of folks here for you and will help you through this. Take care!
Morning Molly,
One day at a time sweetie........You can do this, beat this demon. I will be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers........you stay strong!
Hugs,
Tina
One day at a time sweetie........You can do this, beat this demon. I will be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers........you stay strong!
Hugs,
Tina
Marieo thank you I just feel like such a looser right now.My heart is heavy and I don't know what to do.Do I take the b12s do I say to myself that 10 -12 a day isn't bad I know thats just an excuse as addicts we are good at that.what the hell is wrong with me.My life now is great compared to 12yrs ago.My daughters are growning to be strong able women my boyfriend would rather cut his own heart out than hurt mine,I have my bills paid though living hand to mouth seems like thats all I do.I'm really sorry I know a pity trip isn't becomming but I just feel so alone in this right now.I have a stuffed bunny named boo boo that my youngest and I hold when we don't feel good and poor boo boo is soaked with my tears.Im sorry I am usaully the one on here trying to help others because that way I don't look at myself,but I just want it to stop.How can these freaking pills have such a hold on me that I don't even know who I am without them.Thank you for taking the time to talk to me I know this is my cross alone to carry its just my shoulders feel weak today and I'm all alone here.Just me & my cats until 3pm and somehow before 3 I gotta snap out of this before my youngest gets home because it will scare her.That plus I need to bring her to the mall for a cocert outfit.I got myself in a hell of a mess AGAN GOD PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE I CAN"T DO THIS ANYMORE
You are not a loser......not by any stretch of the imagination.....and you never will be. You are a fighter and you can beat this.........
Hold on to that Boo Boo Bunny let all the hurt out and start the day anew.....
Hold on to that Boo Boo Bunny let all the hurt out and start the day anew.....
Mollyjean,
Tapering is not working for you my friend. The hopelessness of active addiction can be crippling, and I think you are right smack in the middle of it. Time for a new plan, isn't it? I don't say that with any kind of sarcasm, but rather concern for your physical and emotional health, and safety. Please consider going to your doctor and saying that you need help with getting off the Tramadol, that you no longer want to be physically dependent on them, and ask what he/she can do to help....or perhaps make an appointment to see an addiction specialist MD and speak with him/her in complete confidentiality. Whatever you decide to do, please take some action other than the status quo -- it's eating you up, and you surely deserve better. God Bless, M.
Tapering is not working for you my friend. The hopelessness of active addiction can be crippling, and I think you are right smack in the middle of it. Time for a new plan, isn't it? I don't say that with any kind of sarcasm, but rather concern for your physical and emotional health, and safety. Please consider going to your doctor and saying that you need help with getting off the Tramadol, that you no longer want to be physically dependent on them, and ask what he/she can do to help....or perhaps make an appointment to see an addiction specialist MD and speak with him/her in complete confidentiality. Whatever you decide to do, please take some action other than the status quo -- it's eating you up, and you surely deserve better. God Bless, M.
None you know you wrote to me before and I thought I was angry with you but now that time has past I see I was more angry with myself.I know you are right Who am I trying to kid except myself.I could be dishonest with everyone here and make it sound like I'm doing better but I'm only hurting myself.I AM AFRAID to go to the Dr the same one I've been playing for years.He knows what I've been doing I am a coward I admit it.The thought of C?T scares me the last time I even tried all I wanted to do was die because my body hurt so freakin much.I really thought if I had my boyfriends help I could taper down to the 8 a day.I really do have some medical problems but the 8 a day should be enough to help that.If I could do 4 in am 4 in pm I may be able to deal.I sound like I'm making excuses and I guess I am.I don't want to leave this board because I have NOBODY who understands what its like.Not even my wounderful boyfriend.As for my mom and my sister well lets just say I'm not included in their lives unless something is wrong.It like I don't even have a face to them,yeah I know poor baby pity pity and I'm sorry for that I just cant seem to get it together and IM SCARED!!!!!
MJ-Take a DEEP breath and listen to None- He speaks a lot of sense...I'm tapering and it works for me, but not for everyone..
MJ..............You have been VERY sweet and helpful to me and I hate to see you doing this to yourself. PLEASE listen to prev. post and call a doctor and get some help. I've read a lot about the sub....what ever it is that some are using. Maybe it would work for you.
Someone else feel free to jump in here. I don't know anything about the sub...or what would be most helpful to MJ.........but she really needs some help.
MJ, can you find a detox doctor? Is that an option? Can you go to inpatient? I am here for you and praying for you right now. You and Him will get you through to 3:00 and you'll be amazed at how you'll get through the afternoon when you know you have to. Please hang on. Yes, take the b12. Sending love and prayers your way..........
hi danny I'm trying I really am Why does this black pit of depression always sneak up and in on me.I know theres no answer to that.I do need to know from anyone if I'm still struggling and still usen am I allowed to still be here?I really feel safe here.As I said as far as my mom and my sister I don't even exsist in their world,I can't keep heaping this on the ole man(boyfriend)because he worrys too much as it is.Thats whats got me sooo mad.I have lived through being on my own at 13.I worked and paid for my own place to live,I've lived through 12 years of some crazy man trying to distroy my body soul and mind,I thought for years maybe thats why I use excuses excuses I don't remember even who the hell I was before I did drugs.I do remember a very sad lonely childhood that I was never good enough for my family(IDIOTS)I thought finally I was at a place in my life where I didn't need to hid in the pills so why do I keep going back.I know little by little they are killing me,and part of me doesn't care.Then the other parts gets so freakin mad Like NO DAMN IT I DON"T WANT TO DIE YET I"M NOT DONE LIVING HERE YET.See I guess I'm having a real real hard day.Is this just because I decreased so much is that why everything hurts/Why cant 8 pills be enough I don't understand anything right now
Dear Tmom no in patient detox isn't an option for me.I just cant leave my daughters besides the fact that my older one would blame herself for some reason.I just took the B12s and I'm trying to hang on.Usaully a cleaning spree is therapy but today I just can't seem to get started.I will say to all if any of you know of anything that will help get me over this hump please I hate begging but I really don't want to be alone right now drowning in my own tears is not my way but yet they keep fallin down my face
Molly no one would ever tell you that you can't be here. What a kind and gentle spirit you are......You need to listen to none for me.....he is a very wise man who gives good advice......Call the doc.....find a way.....I almost have to wonder with all that you have been through......you haven't had an easy life......that maybe you suffer from depression.........
MOLLY
you are not a loser, as a matter of fact you are such a winner, look at what you have accomplished, you have 2 beautiful children who worship and adore you very much, as well as your boyfriend who i am sure loves you more than even he can think. your are just going through one of those moments we all go through as addicts. i wish i could just come up asd give you a big hug and let you know that this too will pass. i don't lnow if you are religious but get your Bible and read psalm 92. it will give you strength. and also dwell on this that the God of heaven allowed his son to suffer a brutal death on a cross just so He wouldn't have to live without you, just to know that our God loves us as much as he did his own son Jesus, man that is phenominal (sp). keep thinking happy thoughts, and how blessed you are, and how your kind, sweet, and tender words on this board give others help you mean something in this life and you are worth something.
with the Love of God
johnny
p.s i am not trying to preach i just wanted molly to know that the higher power is there for her
thank you
you are not a loser, as a matter of fact you are such a winner, look at what you have accomplished, you have 2 beautiful children who worship and adore you very much, as well as your boyfriend who i am sure loves you more than even he can think. your are just going through one of those moments we all go through as addicts. i wish i could just come up asd give you a big hug and let you know that this too will pass. i don't lnow if you are religious but get your Bible and read psalm 92. it will give you strength. and also dwell on this that the God of heaven allowed his son to suffer a brutal death on a cross just so He wouldn't have to live without you, just to know that our God loves us as much as he did his own son Jesus, man that is phenominal (sp). keep thinking happy thoughts, and how blessed you are, and how your kind, sweet, and tender words on this board give others help you mean something in this life and you are worth something.
with the Love of God
johnny
p.s i am not trying to preach i just wanted molly to know that the higher power is there for her
thank you
I did this a few time in the early days and it helped much........
Run yourself a full, hot bubble bath. But on some music you love. Just lean back and relax. Meditate. Think good, happy thoughts. Pray.
Done right, this can kill an hour. After you get out, get dried off, walk around the house for while and give the hot water heater time to do it's thing. Then do it all over again. Twice usually did the trick for me. Hang on, we are here!
MJ,
your not alone, and instead of saying God please help me i can't do this anymore. say God please help me i cant do this alone. thats how it worked for me. please hang in there. it's very normal to feel the way you do. i remember those same feelings. it is very dark and scary. i leaned on god so hard through those times and the help of all these great people here giving you support and encouragement. you can do this. it has been done so many times before. just keep strong and fight the good fight. my prayers are with you.
terrianne
your not alone, and instead of saying God please help me i can't do this anymore. say God please help me i cant do this alone. thats how it worked for me. please hang in there. it's very normal to feel the way you do. i remember those same feelings. it is very dark and scary. i leaned on god so hard through those times and the help of all these great people here giving you support and encouragement. you can do this. it has been done so many times before. just keep strong and fight the good fight. my prayers are with you.
terrianne
Oh I am so lucky you guys are answering me I don't know if I could of taken this pain without it.My Dr said I was depressed than he said I'm bi polar which I just don't see.I don't know even how to begin to thank you all my friends.How can you guys care when my own mom don'tI'm taking deep breaths and hopen and praying.Can someone please tell me is this happening because I dropped down so fast because of the stomach virus I really didn't take alot.I couldn't or I would of just tossed them.Is this why I feel this way.Should I confess to the DR even though he knows.I mean this man sat with me looking into my medical records to find away to put me on the oxy...I'm thankful now he couldn't and didn't put me on that.The tears are letting up alittle but I still have that lump in my throat.As far as the music & bath well I think I'kll do part of it and put the music to work.If I can just be strong alittle while longer things will be ok right?
