I'm lucky. At 37 years old I still have 2 living grandparents. My mom's even more lucky. At 63 years old, she still has both of her parents. How many people can say that? My sons are 14 and 17 and they can't say that. So, yeah, we're lucky.
My grandma has had a lot of sickness in her life...some of it legitimate and much of it, I believe, just to be noticed. Many times my mom has sat in the emergency room with her for 10 to 12 hours straight only to be sent home. But, to her credit, she also fought and beat cancer (one of the female types) when I was only a little girl. How many people beat cancer 30 years ago?
My grandma is 85 years old. She's seen and lived things that I can't even imagine. She's just a tiny little thing. She's been the butt of our jokes for many years (in nothing but a loving way). My youngest, Brandon, used to go to church with her every Sunday. She moved in with my mom, right next door to me, last year. She gave up driving without a fight. She sits in the background at all of our family gatherings. She prays for us. She loves her church and she loves her God. She definitely loved Chuck. He made her laugh. He absolutely knew how to make her feel special. He always kissed and hugged her. Sometimes I think he did it just so he could hear her tell him how good he smelled. He playfully called her his girlfriend.
When Chuck died, my Grandma sat faithfully at that funeral home every minute. She's lost several loves in her life. She lost one husband through divorce (back in the day when that wasn't acceptable), she lost another husband through death. She lost a late-in-life partner after many, many happy years together. She's lost grandchildren. She's lost pets. She's had a lot of heartbreak. Yet she remained strong and never lost her glorious smile.
Two weeks ago, she became sick again. Nothing out of the ordinary. She stayed in the hospital a few days and then came back home. I'm ashamed to say that I saw her for the first time yesterday since she's been home.
She's not looking well at all. Normally if she's ill, she will talk about it to anybody who will listen. Now she just wants to sleep...or at least sit. She weighs under 100 pounds now and she doesn't even have the energy to stand for more than a minute or two. Her face looks ashy and yellow. (I know that look all too well.) Her eyes are sunken in. She is just sick.
My mom is an RN and worked in a nursing home for many years. She knows what death looks like. Tonight she confirmed what my heart has been telling me. We will be lucky to have another month with her. My mom is scrambling to get my grandma's affairs in order while she is still breathing. I also know how that feels all too well. It's heartbreaking. We don't want to plan for a death while the person is still alive but we know it is inevitable.
I don't know the point of this post. Maybe just say a prayer for my Grandma tonight. She's lived a long and full life. Who could ask for more? That's what I keep telling my youngest son anyways. It's sad, yes. Considering what we've already been through in the last six months though, I'm worried that this will be the thing to break us. I'm worried that Adam and Brandon and I will break down and lose it at my Grandma's funeral...even more so than at Chuck's. It's going to bring it all back without the cushion of shock that we had to keep us going then.
It is what it is though. She's had a great life. She's still here now. I'm going to cherish every last minute that I can have with her and be grateful that I've had an awesome Grandma for 37 years.
And I just have to believe that when it is finally her time, Chuck will be waiting for her with open arms. Waiting for a big hug, a slobbery kiss that only Grandma can give, and to hear about how good he smells. And he will tell her a joke that will make her laugh again.
I love you Grandma...and I miss you Chuck...so much.
Jodi, today is exactly one month since I lost my mom. She was 80 and just a tiny little thing too. I miss her so much but I realize at 80 yrs old she lived a full and long life. Cherish her now as much as you can, it won't be easy but at the very least you know you have some time with her and these will be the days you remember the most. I can say I know exactly how you feel and not just paying lip service.
Sending hugs and prayers your way
Carol
Sending hugs and prayers your way
Carol