My bf has been on the program for 4 months and has relaped twice. We have a 20 month old daughter who is just evrything to me.
Ever since the first time finding the drugs which lead to him going on the program i cant stop searching his car, phone, wallet etc. and as soon as i finally start calming down and tink its ok now he relapses...I know the chances are high for a relapse butits messing with my head. Some times i lay in bed and even search his noise for traces of white powder or as soon as he starts acting strange i have to test or searc him and i hate it. It doesnt feel like a relationship anymore it feels like prison and i dont know how to act around him anymore.
If i get distracted we havea great time together but as soon as i get that gut feeling i go into army mode and its not what i want. I know this is my body protecting itsself from hurting but will i ever trust him again since iv not only been through the addiction with him but cheating and lying all the time.
There are days where its great and we get along very well and his a great father but sometimes i feel like i ruin it with my obsession to fight the drug!
Sometimes i think im making it worse than it is but iv been to councling and meetings but its not helping me what can i do to stop???
Honey, read the letter-Let me fall.
And, remember:
You did not cause it
You can not control it
You can not cure it
You can only change/control your own feeling/behaviors.
Set very firm limits and boundaries. This is so hard. Put them on the refrigerator so that both of you can see them all day. Then..........understand that you do have a child in the house, so you must work very hard to keep those limits. If the meetings are not helping it is that you are not being honest with your self. Be honest. It will give you amazing strength. And, each time you set that limit and stick to it.....you get stronger. Same with your husband, each day he choses himself/life, he will get stronger. But, it is a moment to moment battle and there can be NO let down. That goes for those of us around them. We can't let down our boundaries and when we do, get right back on them. I am in the get up and down thing w/my son. I have to stay strong for myself. It does feel good when I am strong and it sucks when I am not. Just a taste of how they must feel when they relapse.
Also, a meeting is a bit like a pair of shoes, if it is not the right one, try another. So, if this meeting you are going to is not hitting it with you try another. Just remember, you NEED SHOES. Do not go barefoot or you will hurt your feet.
God Bless you and give you strength.
And, remember:
You did not cause it
You can not control it
You can not cure it
You can only change/control your own feeling/behaviors.
Set very firm limits and boundaries. This is so hard. Put them on the refrigerator so that both of you can see them all day. Then..........understand that you do have a child in the house, so you must work very hard to keep those limits. If the meetings are not helping it is that you are not being honest with your self. Be honest. It will give you amazing strength. And, each time you set that limit and stick to it.....you get stronger. Same with your husband, each day he choses himself/life, he will get stronger. But, it is a moment to moment battle and there can be NO let down. That goes for those of us around them. We can't let down our boundaries and when we do, get right back on them. I am in the get up and down thing w/my son. I have to stay strong for myself. It does feel good when I am strong and it sucks when I am not. Just a taste of how they must feel when they relapse.
Also, a meeting is a bit like a pair of shoes, if it is not the right one, try another. So, if this meeting you are going to is not hitting it with you try another. Just remember, you NEED SHOES. Do not go barefoot or you will hurt your feet.
God Bless you and give you strength.
