Off Methadone/on Suboxone

[ribbitgrl]

i was on methadone for the last 8 years,and i'm only 29 yrs old now.this spring(June 2005) my Drug Court sent me to jail for having given one too many dirty urines for coke/crack.The main thing was they wanted me off the methadone because the clinics are also the places that people have any drug you want,every day.How in the hell was i suppose to stay clean with it in front of me every morning?Really bad odds for me to say the least.So they sent me away to a long term facility(6 months)and got me hooked up with Suboxone.Since then i've been clean longer then i have ever been in 15 years!I'm going on 7 months clean now.I'm still on the Suboxone and don't plan on getting off anytime too soon, unless I have to because of my liver.I heard it is really hard on your liver and my Hep C has never been taken care of,shooting cocaine and staying close to my methadone clinic was always moe important then my health,ya know?Now cause of my actions i'm even more sick.But now for the first time in a really,really long time i know i can do this.My head feels clear,i'm not numb! I have motivation and determination today! I've been to 9 rehabs,4 methadone clinics,5 outpatients,and i don't even know how many detoxes.So a typical program doesn't work for me,i already knew that. I just didn't know what would work.I seemed to have tried everything,I thought.When they sent me away i tried something different this time,spirituality with Buddhism is what worked for me.I finally found something other than drugs to fill that hole inside me.That and not letting myself slip into old habits, or getting complacent, are what's working for me today.I still go to outpatient and report to Drug Court(Buffalo NY)every other week,and i'm starting some college classes next week,so i stay busy.I always have known what works for most people,probally won't work for me,so finding my way was quite difficult,but anything can be done if you have patiance,acceptance for the way things are,and a honest want for it.But it's not over yet for me.This will always be a battle,it's up to me what side i'm on though!