Oh Lord, my life is over. This morning I ran out of cigarettes. I asked my boyfriend for a pack because he keeps them and he said no. "I told you I am not giving you any more cigarettes and not supporting you anymore". So I scrounged up enough for a pack and had to walk in a snow storm to the store. He has 5 trucks in the yard, but I couldn't take one. When I got back he started yelling because I left a light on. The argument progressed until he finally said "just get out." It would be great if you could go within the next few hours he says. I have lived here for two years, what am I supposed to do. I got really upset and walked out. I went to the dope house and got high on heroin. I took the bus in a snow storm. I come home and he starts yelling. Where did you go. If you don't tell me I am gonna throw you out on your as*. Eventually I told him. Then for the rest of the day he called me a junky wh*re b*tch. You are just a junky, good for nothing. Degrading me so bad and I just sat there and cried. Then I tried to tell him he was mean and he got up in my face and said don't ever disrespect me in my house. He ended up grabbing me and throwing me all around the house, into walls. I could barely breathe. I started packing before we got into the physical altercation. I continued packing after that with him insulting me. So now all my stuff is in bags on the floor. I have been crying all day, hysterically. I called my mom to tell her I was on my way because I had called her earlier to tell her what was going on. She was frickin so drunk she did not know what was going on at all. It upset me sooo much. I have no one in this whole world who cares about me. I just want a hug and someone who loves me. I am all alone. So now he says well I will let you take the truck in the morning and you can move yourself. I said fine cause he wouldn't drive me out to my grandpa's tonight and that is where I want to go. I can't stand my mom. I have nothing. No car, no nothing. I feel like a big piece of sh*t. Now I ruined my week clean. Can things get any worse.
PLEASE, SOMEONE.
What you need to do is find a battered women's shelter in your area.... Try to find one that has a "no tolerance" policy - if you get caught with drugs or being high or if you don't abide by their rules, they will kick you out. This way, you have somewhere safe to stay and you'll be able to work on getting clean as well.
I understand your boyfriend to a certain point.... my poor husband tried everything short of kicking me out to get me to quit pain pills and I'm sure divorce would have been next if I hadn't gotten my act together....
But physical violence is never an answer and you'll only end up abusing MORE drugs to numb you from that pain as well.
Good luck.... We're here if you need us
Danielle
I understand your boyfriend to a certain point.... my poor husband tried everything short of kicking me out to get me to quit pain pills and I'm sure divorce would have been next if I hadn't gotten my act together....
But physical violence is never an answer and you'll only end up abusing MORE drugs to numb you from that pain as well.
Good luck.... We're here if you need us
Danielle
I know it looks bleak. But it is time to move on from that. Stormy, I don't know you, and I don't know your situation, but there is a huge world out there. And I know that drugs may numb you temporarily, but in the end, they only make things alot worse....
Good luck, and sounds like it is time to get out of that...it won't get better...
Kerry
Good luck, and sounds like it is time to get out of that...it won't get better...
Kerry
Thanks, but I don't need a battered woman's shelter. He just pushed me around. I am just going to go to sleep and leave in the morning. He won't do anything tonight. I just feel like a piece of crap. He was the only thing in my life and now he is gone.
I guess I am going to sleep. Nothing can help me now. I will not get high tomorrow. I will feel like a piece of crap, not worth anything. I don't know how much more of this life I can take.
Honey,
you must get out of there.I know you don't see it now because you have so much going on but someone calling you names like that does not love you.You deserve better.This place you are at is amajor trigger for you.It is up to you to make the changes.it is hard i know but when we put our feet and heart in motion things seem to start to get better.The first thing i would do is find a safe place to go.A good friends house maybe?
get yourself thru detox.Inpatient would be perfect for you right now.I know you said you are broke but there are many places that will help you right now.Just pick up the phone and call.I bet there is someone on the other end of the phone willing to help you.
love,
ladybug
you must get out of there.I know you don't see it now because you have so much going on but someone calling you names like that does not love you.You deserve better.This place you are at is amajor trigger for you.It is up to you to make the changes.it is hard i know but when we put our feet and heart in motion things seem to start to get better.The first thing i would do is find a safe place to go.A good friends house maybe?
get yourself thru detox.Inpatient would be perfect for you right now.I know you said you are broke but there are many places that will help you right now.Just pick up the phone and call.I bet there is someone on the other end of the phone willing to help you.
love,
ladybug
Stormy,
I feel for you. I wish I could hug you, you poor thing. Now might be the best time like Kerry said (I think) to get yourself into rehab. Now that your really low and don't want to go to your moms. Is that where you are going?
Your at the end of your rope it sounds like and this would be an ideal time to work on getting clean and your future. First things first. Call around and see if you can get in somewhere, before I keep going, is that an option? Move your stuff to mom's and go away for a month. Keep posting to us because we really do care.
Briar
I feel for you. I wish I could hug you, you poor thing. Now might be the best time like Kerry said (I think) to get yourself into rehab. Now that your really low and don't want to go to your moms. Is that where you are going?
Your at the end of your rope it sounds like and this would be an ideal time to work on getting clean and your future. First things first. Call around and see if you can get in somewhere, before I keep going, is that an option? Move your stuff to mom's and go away for a month. Keep posting to us because we really do care.
Briar
get yourself to a shelter. a safe haven. call the police and ask for a ride there and just explain your circumstances.
no one deserves to be thrown around, physically or mentally.
i wish you well. please take care
no one deserves to be thrown around, physically or mentally.
i wish you well. please take care
Stormy i know you might hate me after this post, but you asked for advice and i'll give you my god honest humble opinion... I see exactly where your b/f is coming from with this... He is putting his foot down, and treating you like a little kid because right now you are trying to recover and during recovery a lot of us act irrationally...I dont see how you go from needing a cigarette in the morning, transcending down to a bag of dope in the afternoon.. I think that is what the original fight was about, not a pack of cigarettes.. You wanting a bag of dope is what i think started the fight..i JUST DONT know how you can afford a ten dollar bag of dope in the afternoon plus busfare, if you were just scrounging up three bucks for a pack of cigarettes..i wouldnt let you use any of my cars to drive and get any kind of drugs neither.. Them cars get taken and are hard to get back...I think you should consider 302'n yourself, and let the state help you out in what you need.. I dont want to see you on the news one day getting severly injured or even be a part of a fatality or be the one to go yourself.. Keep posting, just remember if you fabricated the story to what you think we would approve of, dont do that.. Just tell us the complete truth, and we will all help you the best we can possibly do... mwazzz ladiez
Stormy.......hey! Sorry your day didn't go as planned. Well, the rehab idea sounds like a great choice. Do you know who to contact in Mich. to find out about one near you? Is going there an option? Post when you come back on and we will talk. Don't worry. There is an answer to this problem, but getting some more H isn't it.
I agree with eu....
My husband NEVER gave me money for my habit..... He begged, he pleaded, he threatened, he showered me with love, he showed tough love.... He did EVERYTHING to get me clean.... But in the end, none of that mattered - I got clean when I was ready.. and he was there to support me every step of the way.
But the one thing he didn't do was give me $$$ for this..... When I would have a doctor's appt, I knew I had to have that $100 because I wouldn't get it from him.
But he did pay for sub..... He wouldn't pay for me to get something that would hurt myself, but he had no problem paying for something to save myself
So I understand your boyfriend not wanting to give you money or lend you a car..... He is put in a bad spot, too, with your addiction.
But he does not have a right to put his hands on you - leave now, before it gets even worse
My husband NEVER gave me money for my habit..... He begged, he pleaded, he threatened, he showered me with love, he showed tough love.... He did EVERYTHING to get me clean.... But in the end, none of that mattered - I got clean when I was ready.. and he was there to support me every step of the way.
But the one thing he didn't do was give me $$$ for this..... When I would have a doctor's appt, I knew I had to have that $100 because I wouldn't get it from him.
But he did pay for sub..... He wouldn't pay for me to get something that would hurt myself, but he had no problem paying for something to save myself
So I understand your boyfriend not wanting to give you money or lend you a car..... He is put in a bad spot, too, with your addiction.
But he does not have a right to put his hands on you - leave now, before it gets even worse
