Oh Well!!

Well I finally gave-in today and picked up the phone after the 3rd straight day of my ex calling me.. It's like she is my drug addicition!! anyways, I got the I know I shouldnt be calling you but wanted to see how you were doing and wanted to hear your voice.. I kind of kept it short on my end but we wound up meeting each other face to face.. again I got the intense crying, the I miss being your girlfriend, I wish I could take everything back, I want to come back to you, but I have myself to deep into something now. She still refuses to tell me she is takin any sort of drugs.. I mean you can tell by her body weight somethin is up.. I mean she was always a skinny girl, but not to the likes she is now. Oh yea its funny too she plays it off as she has no more of her friends, no money, doesnt have me, or her mom anymore and I tell her why dont u make it better.. its oh I cant now!! who knows!! Then I look back and think, well it was nice to see her, but what if I just enabled her to go off on a coke binge for a couple days.. Maybe she is soo depressed about losing me, that she needs to see me to get down in the dumps so she is able to use.. I dont know, its like a timetable with her.. Ill see her, then we will got a week without talkin then i hear from her and we go through the process again.. I guess Im just not as strong as I hoped I would be at this point. I know though in time, Ill get better!!
You are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for . It is not easy caring for someone who doesnt seem to care about themselves anymore. Like the commercials where they show a kid drowning , or a kid laying in the street , and the friend standing near by . they always ask ." would you really let this happen to a friend?" there is a flip side to that scenario . would a friend go out to help a friend get out of the way of a truck, not be able to move them and then just stand there and die also ?? or if the drowning friend is taking you down with them do you drown with them because they fight your help??

we do what we can , and that is all we can do , when you lose someone to drugs , you are upset over the loss of who they once were, the person you are looking at is no longer the same person