Allright-well if you dont know by now i am living in a transitional living situation which is made up of women in recovery with children. There is staff on duty most of the time-we pay 540.00 rent and 270.00 in government foodstamps to live here. we have a counselor we meet with and also there is a daycare in the basement (also paid by the government) and we have meetings everyday from 5pm to 8 pm. Ok so anyway heres whats up--this place is a disaster!!and its effecting my spirit and my sons personality alittle too much--but im stuck--i want to do this i need to get through this i dont wanns give up--dammit--i dont wanns cry right now. OK-anyway the reason i say its a disaster is when you walk in the door the place is beautifull-and we keep it very clean when i came to talk to them about moving in i was needing more structure in my life i had been clean from h for 2 and a half years and hadnt drank in a few months but i was depressed and not moving on in life i was living with my mom and using her too much,so when i talked with the lady about coming here i wanted to wait to move in untill i had saved the first months rent-i was working at the time but couldnt continue that job because of the schedule of the house( we have to be home by 5 every night for group) well she reassured me that no-one comes in here with $ and they would work with my,"dont worry sweetheart we will work with you" so i thought about it and moved in the next week. i got a part time job a month later and now i have to turn over ALL my check except for 25 and i get paid weekly--i dont get huge checks but they are ok-they want their $$ and im scared because if i say hey-this s*** aint right--lets figure out apercentage then theyll make me leave and i really dont have a whole lot of options and of course no $ for my own place--i almost think they dont want us to have $ because then they dont have thaqt control if they are wrong then we can go--i do want tthis to work and i do wan ttheir services. there are alot of other situations going on but it would take too long to go over everything--they are just not consistant whoever is on staff is basically in controll the med times change with each shift, the rules are different our consequences change with each resident and most of the girls here dont even have jobs and are either reecieving unemployment or financial assistance so they arent paying untill they get work so im going to work bustin my a** everyday and coming home to see them woth new purses and shoes talking about going shopping the next day--aggggghhhhh and i barely have $ for the bus to get to work-25 doesnt cover bus fare, pullups,deodorant,ect.. plus how am i ever gonna save $ this job doesnt pay the rent much less my debt. and they just keep saying well---a lanlord this and the real world that..you arent a lanlrd--i know i need to get another job--im looking as hard as i can--i barely have time to take a crap between work and groups-i miss my son sooooo much we are never together and him seeing me talked down to so much is beginning to effect him hes not respecting me the way he used to--why should he the adults around us dont--they treat me like a child--why should he respect me--my mom sees this going on and offered to take him to her place when school start and believe it or not im actually considering it--i wouldve never thought twice before about being seperated from him--no wouldve been my answer but this place is turning awfull-and his little heart cannot tkae the stress-i know im going on and on--even if no-one reads this thats ok--i just need to get it out im too scared to talk about this stuff to anyone here-i might have to leave ive seen girl discharged just for looking at other apartments--ill have to be very secretive when i start looking at places---someday so anyway what do y'all think--give it to me straight--am i just being crazy-i know i may be being a little paranoid but man this is my life and i feel worse about myself and my future than when i was sleeping and eating all day---love u guys and i am just too gratefull for this site--oh yeah and i went to a family reunion yesterday adn saw a bunch of people i hadnt seen in years--man time goes by--i could barely smile and enjoy myself i just sat with the dogs a nd read naked lunch, i have a real shy streak and it rared its ugly head yesterday i know everyone was probably thinking im back into the s***--but oh well -if they only knew what i am going through just to stay away from the s***--i know im rambling--but i feel better---i think XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Ok...I read every word...a few questions...transitional housing...should mean just that right? "transitional" i.e. to help you make the transition back into "normal" living conditions...to help you get your confidence back to rent your own place and cope with all the s*** that life always throws at us all. It shouldn't feel like a prison. Maybe...just maybe...you're ready to make the transition? You shouldn't have to keep it a secret...they should be helping you to find an appartment and a job and get back out there...surely?...
But...if they won't do that then yeah if you have to keep it a secret until you're sure you're ready then do that. But you sound like you're champing at the bit...you are an amazingly strong person...keep job-hunting and secretly appartment-hunting and when you feel you're ready...then you will be.
And we'll all be here with the pom-poms or the shoulder to cry on...which ever you need whenever. Sending you lots of love,
Maddy x
But...if they won't do that then yeah if you have to keep it a secret until you're sure you're ready then do that. But you sound like you're champing at the bit...you are an amazingly strong person...keep job-hunting and secretly appartment-hunting and when you feel you're ready...then you will be.
And we'll all be here with the pom-poms or the shoulder to cry on...which ever you need whenever. Sending you lots of love,
Maddy x
Reading Burroughs at a family reunion and sitting with the dogs.......girl you gotta get the heck OUT........but man oh man well I have absolutely no idea whaere you are at, but I do through other people that been there......so I can't say I know what you are going through personally.
Amity, you know it's allllllllll like that and it makes me think how strong ya are..like Maddy said.............cause listen I'd be ready to knock sumptin out.
I'm hearing ya about the new purses and all..........loud and clear.
As for your little boy as well, I'd definately say let him stay with your mom once school comes up..............thing is how are ya gonna get a months rent up front and security for a place, right? They are all like this as I heard anyway and that's a steep check right there if ya ask me........BUT lucky ya are going out to work..........with the exception of daycare and ya having to leave your son it's a GREAT THING.................Tres busts her a** at work doing stuff somebody half her age does way slower.............but it keeps her sane...........I truly know she'd be stark raving out her mind if she didn't have to concentrate on serving people..........so that's a good thing.
If you went back with your mom too, right..........I mean is that an option......and ya gave her near what ya gave them............and had her hold on to the rest.....could ya get that first month up for a place..........could ya do utilities....?
Doubting ya could do it right away fo course................and dealing with that staff and all yep..............that's how most transitional rolls and Maddy is right...........it's trasnitional for a reason, BUT don't look like they want anybody to go nowhere.
Sorry, Amity I wish I could be more helpful, but I think you are tough as anything, AND see living with people ya can't say jack to really has to stink.....always watching your back constantly...........then again we did that making other people worry we lived with them so yeah it all around stinks.
Sorry, Amity and ya know I think on weekends is when something in ya goes........maybe it's being there with everybody or being away from your loved ones which ya saw yesterday.
You're trying though..........really trying........I got great respect for ya.
Yo, nothing wrong with being shy either........Tres read a book at Christmas upstairs when she was with her family........it happens.
Amity, you know it's allllllllll like that and it makes me think how strong ya are..like Maddy said.............cause listen I'd be ready to knock sumptin out.
I'm hearing ya about the new purses and all..........loud and clear.
As for your little boy as well, I'd definately say let him stay with your mom once school comes up..............thing is how are ya gonna get a months rent up front and security for a place, right? They are all like this as I heard anyway and that's a steep check right there if ya ask me........BUT lucky ya are going out to work..........with the exception of daycare and ya having to leave your son it's a GREAT THING.................Tres busts her a** at work doing stuff somebody half her age does way slower.............but it keeps her sane...........I truly know she'd be stark raving out her mind if she didn't have to concentrate on serving people..........so that's a good thing.
If you went back with your mom too, right..........I mean is that an option......and ya gave her near what ya gave them............and had her hold on to the rest.....could ya get that first month up for a place..........could ya do utilities....?
Doubting ya could do it right away fo course................and dealing with that staff and all yep..............that's how most transitional rolls and Maddy is right...........it's trasnitional for a reason, BUT don't look like they want anybody to go nowhere.
Sorry, Amity I wish I could be more helpful, but I think you are tough as anything, AND see living with people ya can't say jack to really has to stink.....always watching your back constantly...........then again we did that making other people worry we lived with them so yeah it all around stinks.
Sorry, Amity and ya know I think on weekends is when something in ya goes........maybe it's being there with everybody or being away from your loved ones which ya saw yesterday.
You're trying though..........really trying........I got great respect for ya.
Yo, nothing wrong with being shy either........Tres read a book at Christmas upstairs when she was with her family........it happens.
I read it all. I've been homeless but, not homeless with my children. My mother had my kids I DO know having your child right along with ya in the situation would make it all that much worse. I agree your kid seeing people at the housing talk down to you and treating you like a child has a negative effect on him. I don't say this without knowing myself it SUCKS to be apart from your kids but, it may be best for him to be with grandmal to go to school. You will get past this it's not a trap you need to know this really won't be forever. All this BS your going thru must seem endless it really aint "nothing last forever". Anyone would be nuts dealing with all this. Don't be so hard on yourself your going to make it out you'll be wiser for it. No real advice for ya i guess. i've never been in that exact situation but, i've been thru some NUTTY things. One day at a time is all you can do .........you will get thru this, there will be a end, on that you can count!.
Hi Amity - Sounds a bit like the rehab my daughter went to where you have three phases then transition out. They went through the same kind of staff issues - constant changes, different rules and consequences, all that stuff. Group was every day just like your situation, but she did get a lot out of it. They took her money, too, but they banked it for her and in the end they gave it all back to her - the idea was that she'd then have the money for first-last-deposit.
If they are simply relieving you of your money I don't understand how you are supposed to get ahead. So in essence you are supporting the other women who don't work and paying a disproportionate share so that they have the 'luxury' of being on the dole. Bryn's thinking about going back to your mother for a short time to get back on your feet might work. Do you feel more confident and self-reliant now that you've got some time on your own under your belt? I hear how hard it must be to have your child seeing you patronized.
I know you didn't ask for advice, but, oh well, I guess I can't help myself. Hope things work out for you. Keepo venting, I think it helps us to think more clearly when we can spill the contents of our heads.
Peace~MomNMore
If they are simply relieving you of your money I don't understand how you are supposed to get ahead. So in essence you are supporting the other women who don't work and paying a disproportionate share so that they have the 'luxury' of being on the dole. Bryn's thinking about going back to your mother for a short time to get back on your feet might work. Do you feel more confident and self-reliant now that you've got some time on your own under your belt? I hear how hard it must be to have your child seeing you patronized.
I know you didn't ask for advice, but, oh well, I guess I can't help myself. Hope things work out for you. Keepo venting, I think it helps us to think more clearly when we can spill the contents of our heads.
Peace~MomNMore
ok well--as usual i read everything i needed to and you are all so kind--sure i could go back but id rather not-- iwant to show my mom and family and above that myself that ican ge tthrough this and anything else life hands me--but i may just have to let dane go to my moms not only for his health but also so i can work more and pay this place off--they just told me today that im gonna be turning over all my $ untill my bill is compltely paid--they wont even allow me to pay my restitution or get a bus pass--they say you can figure that out or you better start looking for more work-- i fell so corneredc i really dont want to ask anyone for help with $ but i might have to id rather owe family than them at least theyd be more understanding--y'know--well i just am frusterated right now and so very confused--anyway thanks again all my love and utter respect to you all
Back at ya, babes.
BTW, Amity that's a beautiful name, DANE.
I like that name.
BTW, Amity that's a beautiful name, DANE.
I like that name.
