Ok, I Need Some Advice

Pain Pills
1
My sister-in-law is a full blown Vicodin addict. I THINK she took some from me about a month ago, Only a small amount. Of course, my pain kicked in and I was without, but what the heck. But, thats another story. Anyway, she is on Day 6 of being clean. I've been kind of like her sponsor I guess. Talking her through this. Well, it turns out her "contact" for this stuff is an OLD friend of mine. Someone I haven't talked to in 20 years. She called me today, crying and stuff, and says her "contact" called and was trying to sell her pills, and asked me to call this guy and order him not to give her any more. Being the "big brother", I did. Well, me and this guy get to talking (also about old times and stuff) and he tells me she does nothing but harrass him for the stuff. That they have to take the phone off the hook. That she Doctor Shops. Who do I believe? I am lost on this one. I WANT to believe my Sis, but somehow in my mind I don't. I've asked her NUMEROUS times to go to rehab. I even told her I would fake it and go in just to be with her, to hold her hand. In my little head, something is NOT ringing true. She is in a bad relationship, and I offered to let her move into our house. She said "maybe" in six months. Can anyone shed some light on this? Who do I believe? (her or her contact)
2
Danny you know this better than anyone. If your sister is a full-blown Vic addict it is almost certain she is lying to you, Dr shopping, scouring the streets for Vics etc. You love her so much of course, and this makes you an easy target for deception. I have read your posts man, you give great advice to people on how to deal with family members who are addicts.

You need to follow your own advice on this one. You can't do this for her, she has to do it. When she chooses recovery, then you can help. Take care Danny and God Bless.
3
hiya danny -

my sponsor once told me "sammy, when you gut and head don't match, something usually isn't right!" *wink, wink*

you sil is 6 days clean from vics and there is probably no need at this time for a detox facility. however, (i just love that word however, <grin>) it might be a good idea for her to get started on her recovery. stuff like finding a NA or PA meeting, getting a sponsor, working the steps, surrounding herself with people who have embraced recovery. ya know, it's important that we learn early on that we should change those slippery people, places, and things that could "trip" us up.

i tell ya danny, i didn't hear much from people who i purchased drugs from or used with once i told them that i was now in recovery. they avoided me like the plague. if it's recovery she wants - it's there for her taking.

it nothing changes, nothing changes.

namaste'

sammy
4
Danny,
I would have a hard time believing either one of them. Think about it........
I would however take Sammy's advice and try to get her into some kind of program. Good luck to you..........
Tina
5
It's funny, because I kept "talking her down" when she was feeling all hyped up..getting her to calm down..I mean, I love her..so I want to believe her SO badly. But her "contact" who I have known for 30 years, and is NOT an addict, tell's me this stuff, it breaks my heart. It's also funny (in a weird sick way, I know) that he was her contact. I had NO idea. I mean, I met this guy when I was 14. I was BEST friends with his brother (who died of colon cancer many years ago). Evidently, what was happening was his Dad was sick, and my sister-in-law was spending time with the Dad and getting HIS Vicodin. So he was giving them to her. According to my friend, she was getting the scripts and filled them for Dad and just taking them. I feel bad about "reaming out" my friend about her, and I feel bad about her..I'm just trying to be a big brother here..and I'm not doing such a good job I guess..
6
I think you are doing a great job because you are there for her. Just remember addicts lie.....now you know that I know that! All you have to be is there for her if she needs you she has to do everything else.....Your are a good guy Danny make sure you don't forget your recovery plan, while helping her with hers.....
Hang in there.
7
Misty, mine is doing well. It just feels like I'm trying to land a 747 on an Aircraft Carrier....or as the old saying goes, "building an airplane WHILE you are flying it"..GAWD
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Ok, so you are just alittle insane tonight........
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Misty- Not TOO insane..what did you mean by that?
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Who me....I didn't mean anything, nope nothing at all innocent of all charges!

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We are all innocent of ALL CHARGES..haha
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Danny, I hate drama, but I think that we all know what addiction will make us do. I know vics had me doctor shopping at one point. When the pharmacy called me on it, and the nurse did too, I didn't care. My best friend said that if that happened to her, she would never go back to that pharmacy out of embarrassment. I didn't care; I need the drugs to even function at that point.
Like sammy said, if nothing changes, nothing changes. I think that she needs to hurt so bad, and unfortunately we can't want it for someone, or someone can't want it for us..we have to want it for ourselves for it to work.
Peace to you,
Kerry
13
Hi Danny,
You've given me great advice before too - but in my opinion, and I know I don't know nearly as much as you about the disease - your sister in law needs help in a treatment facility. There is just so much you can do for her on your own. Also, you really can't believe either one. I mean, your childhood friend sells drugs. That is horrible. I would take your experience and give her the avenue to get help and remove yourself from talking to a dealer who was an old friend. No dealer is a friend.
Best -
14
Imagine- I know he was lying to me. And I know she was. I've tried to get her to go into treatment. I even offered to "fake" it so to speak, that I would go in with her. Just to kind of hold her hand. I KNOW!!! That's not the way to do it. She's afraid though. I mean, I can tell she's REALLY afraid. She insist she's been clean for 8 days now. For all intents and purposes, I'm her Sponser, because she dosen't have one. If she won't go into treatment, all I can do is push her to meetings and talk to her. I know though, she will relapse. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. Another sad part is, yes, she will confide in me, but she has her sister (my wife) and her mother totally "hoodwinked" and I feel I can't break that confidence she has given me. She is WAY worse off than they know. Does anything think I should? I've spent the last week "talking her down" and I know it's helped. I even told her to move into MY house, because her relationship is so screwed up. She's like my little sister. I think of her that way. I actually just want to wack her over the head sometimes.
15
Danny - You are an incredible person. You are living in recovery yourself and also on the other end of being affected by this family disease. I truly am a believer that everything happens for a reason...and maybe you are living it to get your sister in law help. God Bless You. Imagine
16
See guys. I knew this would happen. She just called me and told me she relapsed. After 2 weeks (I'd have to do the math..I think it was more like 10 days). She's really reaching out for help. She's been very depressed and I've been pushing her to an anti-depressant for it. I've even called Doctors today for her, trying to get her in ASAP. If she would of taken one when I first told her to, she probably would be fine. This sucks. So..do I tell my wife (her sister?). I mean, she confides in me, but I really want her to get help. She's a binge user, which I have a hard time understanding, I guess. Once I quit something, I quit. She just seems lost..I want to help her. She knows she needs help. It's like she has no where to turn. Her relationship is abusive, but she feels trapped. She has a daughter who is 8 so rehab is out, because the spouse is useless. That one would let the kid starve.
17
Danny honestly, shes lying to you, i am a vic head and that sounds just like me at one point, it was soooo pathetic, talking about it is so imbarrsing, wow, anyways i must say she needs help, shes oviously out of control and is well aweare of it and needs help , she screaming out 4 help, u r such a wounderful person, friend , brother, son, ext.. this was her way of telling on herself, i mean she knew that u 2 would get to talling and the truth would come out, she just couldnt tell you herwself, poor thing, and shes very, very lucky to have you in her life, i wish i had someone as carring and sweet as you in my life, please help her as i know u will and i wish you all the best in life for both of you, take care, Mitzy
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Mitz- She's like my little sister and I just feel so bad for her. Like I JUST want to drag her to rehab and get it over. I'll take in her kid. I've offered it already. One more ain't gonna kill me. And for as long as it takes. She told me she has quit 7-8 times. I can't imagine that. She's just so scared. I could hear it in her voice. She has no one to turn to except me. She's out of her mind with worry.
This one is going to take some "thinking" on my part..any suggestions are welcome..
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Oh Danny, do you think i hit the nail on the head as far as what she is doing, telling on herself, i feel for her, honestly i do, i screamed for help for years and noone ever listened, untill i tryed to take my own life, and then they just called the cops and put my in the crazy house and my husband called me crazy, anyways i was just woundering if you thought that I was right or not?

you are such a KIND person, you should be so proud of yourself, i am!!!!
what do u think?
20
I think you did. I think she confessed because she dosen't know where to turn and how, and wants someone to hold her hand on this journey. She is the first to admit she has a problem. And she really really wants it to end. I keep pushing her along and I kind of feel like I failed in a way, because I was talking her through this. Then when I didn't here from her in the last two days, I knew something was up.