Right I wasnt going to post this because I was scared you guys are gonna judge me but then I realised you guys dont judge me you merely tell me the truth, how it is and advise me, any here it goes.........
I have had my suspitions that Kevin has been injecting (he usely smokes) but I aint want to go shouting until I have solid proof. Firstly he bought lemon juice from the shop the other day, we dont ever buy it and we dont use it....secondly I kept putting his belt away and it kept re-appearing in the kitchen, lastly to top it off...AND HERE IS THE BAD BIT!! My daughter found a spoon in the kitchen which...well you can guess what it had been used for. My head exploded. I had my family here but they didnt see. I grabbed the spoon off her, luckily she had only picked it up and hadnt touched the end. I was ever so calm when he came in although I felt I wanted to smash his face (evil but true), and tried to be clever asking why he had bought lemon..."oh I was gonna make some pancakes" oh ok we dont have the ingrediants and we dont even eat them....then why the belt "had it on for work avent I?? Erm no its your good belt, your work belt is on your work trousers which you have just took off, explain the spoon "er er er well er, where was that, where did you find that, thats not mine eh eh eh". Made my decision that my suspitions were correct and I left it at that, stayed very calm and later told him he has 1 week to find somewhere to go, his reply being "i wont be able to work now, I will get you back, i would explain but you would only think am lying, another chance?? like f*ck". Not my problem, I aint his Mam, he got himself into this and he can get himself out, without me now!!
Wow its like, its took this to realise....I was always scared that my daughter would one day pick something up although I dont allow him to do anything in here, I know he does when I aint in! Now I have realised that she has to always come first which means he has to go. When I was a kid I heard about a girl who used to inject and gouch out and her son picked up her needle, also tried to eat a bag of gear he found. I always promised I would never put my children in that position and I will stick to my word. This guy is a no good, piece of s*** and if he dont hit rock bottom, I will hit the rock off him and make him hit the bottom! I want him out of my house, out of my life and out of my head!! I officially hate his guts and will never trust him or believe a word he says again!
I dont know what else to say other than wish me luck. I have been offered a job last week, a have bid for a house and found out Wed/Thurs whether or not I get it...which I hope and pray I do cos I am sick of this flat and not having enough space, and my daughter not having her own room, and him for that matter cos when I huff I have to sleep on the sofa cos I refuse to sleep in the same room as him!! Anyway hopefully this is the beggining of the end so to speak...all bad gone and all new begins! New start, fresh start and happy life again soon.
Keep ya fingers, toes and everything else crossed for me!! xx
I got everything crossed for you Bunny and I admire you girl. You're amazing. You do what you know is right and know this...there's a man out there who will love you...you more than anything else in the world, including that s***ty drug...will treat you right...you deserve it.
Much love
Maddy x x x
Much love
Maddy x x x
Lynds sorry ya had to find out the hard way..theres no easy way i suppose ...but from one who used to bang up yer fella is deffo at it.Keep strong and dont back down also go for that job and gaff...best wishes...........Davey
..Lynds..
..Hope ya get you and ya daughter sorted out sumwhere as soon as poss..just stay focused and keep looking ahead..don't look back on wot might be,wot could be etc etc..take care along the way..Robbie..
..Hope ya get you and ya daughter sorted out sumwhere as soon as poss..just stay focused and keep looking ahead..don't look back on wot might be,wot could be etc etc..take care along the way..Robbie..
Awww believer thanks so much for that but I honestly dont think I could ever trust another man and to be honest I think I have gone off them alltogeter!!
Davey..yeh I agree he def is at it!! One day he is getting clean, the next he is injecting. I sort of knew what it would come to but it takes certain things to give you the strength to do something about it if you know what I mean, and I suppose thats what he will realise when he hasnt got anyone or anything??
xx
Davey..yeh I agree he def is at it!! One day he is getting clean, the next he is injecting. I sort of knew what it would come to but it takes certain things to give you the strength to do something about it if you know what I mean, and I suppose thats what he will realise when he hasnt got anyone or anything??
xx
BR, man I'm sorry ya got even more coming at ya........like ya said though ya knew..........in your heart I think ya did, but we don't wanna believe it ya know?
BR, can I tell ya though..........he can't hear you..........and the length of the crazy bull*hit we make up I mean is that just nuts? You have it right there and he's still like making stuff up.
Yeah it takes having no place to go, nothing to eat, missing your loved ones, no petrol for the van............takes all that..........sometimes.........to see.
No, no he ain't going to go doing nothing to himself either.......just wait......he'll be finding a new angel on ya........prepare yourself...........and I'm not judging him or you........I did it myself..........we're the last people to ever juge you.
Thinking of ya babes. Lucking he didn't leave his syringe uncapped around somewhere too...........if ya got the belt..........and the lemon juice..........ya got the needle somewhere.........somewhere.
BR, can I tell ya though..........he can't hear you..........and the length of the crazy bull*hit we make up I mean is that just nuts? You have it right there and he's still like making stuff up.
Yeah it takes having no place to go, nothing to eat, missing your loved ones, no petrol for the van............takes all that..........sometimes.........to see.
No, no he ain't going to go doing nothing to himself either.......just wait......he'll be finding a new angel on ya........prepare yourself...........and I'm not judging him or you........I did it myself..........we're the last people to ever juge you.
Thinking of ya babes. Lucking he didn't leave his syringe uncapped around somewhere too...........if ya got the belt..........and the lemon juice..........ya got the needle somewhere.........somewhere.
I'm sure that was very scary........however maybe it was the wake up "you needed" that you need to get you and her out of the situation. I hope the best for all 3 of you involved but, you already know what to do. You are doing what's best for your daughter and i'm so proud of you for that. I myself when using did not always do what was best for my kids it's something i regreat everyday. I used almost 4 years maybe it sounds dumb I HONEST have no ideal what lemon juice would be used for. I know many i.v users never heard of anything lemon juice was used for connected to injecting.
Hi Bunny ~ How scary and awful for you. You'll do whatever you think needs doing, but Kevin is not your responsibility - he's supposed to be your partner. I will pray for strength for you and for the safety of your baby girl. You were very brave to come here and spill it. Sorry for your troubles, BR.
Peace, Strength, and Clarity~MomNMore
Peace, Strength, and Clarity~MomNMore
Zero...apparently it used on the spoon when ya heat it up..as the citric acid? Not sure what it does but he had already told me that previously so I knew when I saw the lemon juice but I kept checking and it hadnt been open till last night. I spoke to him briefly last night and told him its my choice to stay with him and suffer but when it comes to my daughter I got to think of her first, her safety and her happiniess cos she cant make that choice for herself. He didnt even argue...almost as if he knew he had overstepped the line. No beggin no moaning at me....NOTHING!!
I even took a step forward and made him sleep on the sofa....and I had the bed all to myself. He knows when I mean business cos I hate sleeping on my own...well so he thinks but when he was trying to cold turkey months ago I kind of got used to it and like the space and freedom....lol.
Anyway will keep you all posted. Thanks for all your replies, prays and thoughts xx
I even took a step forward and made him sleep on the sofa....and I had the bed all to myself. He knows when I mean business cos I hate sleeping on my own...well so he thinks but when he was trying to cold turkey months ago I kind of got used to it and like the space and freedom....lol.
Anyway will keep you all posted. Thanks for all your replies, prays and thoughts xx
MomNMore said something that hit home with me, Bunny..."he's supposed to be your partner". They don't give us what a partner should...I thought I was expecting too much...ha! Expecting to be treated like an equal...is that too much? Expecting to made to feel special and loved...a little equality in the realtionship? No it bloody isn't too much for us to ask for!!!
That's why this board works...we give, we get...yet in real life some of us only seem to be able to give.
You take care of you, Bunny, and your daughter. Sending you strength and energy to do what believe to be right. With you all the way xxxxxxx
That's why this board works...we give, we get...yet in real life some of us only seem to be able to give.
You take care of you, Bunny, and your daughter. Sending you strength and energy to do what believe to be right. With you all the way xxxxxxx
You know the funny thing, someone also said something to me which made me laugh....your his partner not his mum so stop mothering him!! I had only said to him the day before that I want someone to look after me for a change. In some respects he was earning the money for this place but at the moment...well he is working this week, but then afta this week??? Back to being a slob and trying to get money from me. Thats a laugh cos he is going to get a big shock. If he outstays his welcome I wont warn him I will just go myself. If I get this house I could just go this week...lol. Altough I would have to leave all the belongings behind.
You know what I was insacre after I had my daughter and I needed to be told I was special but now, so many people are telling me that I believe it now and I dont need him to tell me. The tables have turned in our relationship and now he is the insacure one!!
One thing I am finding very difficult is the fact he aint begged, or out...well not difficuly but its messing with my head a bit...is he playing a game to stay in my good books and stay here or does he know this time?? He will realise when he is back on the settee again tonight...whether he has been to work or not...and I dont want his stupid money neither...if he insists I will put it in my daughters savings account.
Believer you listen to your own words and remember whether thier is someone more special out there for you or not, you need to love that one special person first....yes...you!!!! xx
You know what I was insacre after I had my daughter and I needed to be told I was special but now, so many people are telling me that I believe it now and I dont need him to tell me. The tables have turned in our relationship and now he is the insacure one!!
One thing I am finding very difficult is the fact he aint begged, or out...well not difficuly but its messing with my head a bit...is he playing a game to stay in my good books and stay here or does he know this time?? He will realise when he is back on the settee again tonight...whether he has been to work or not...and I dont want his stupid money neither...if he insists I will put it in my daughters savings account.
Believer you listen to your own words and remember whether thier is someone more special out there for you or not, you need to love that one special person first....yes...you!!!! xx
Bunny
im totally gutted for you "when will we ever get our happy ever after "? my fella injects it is awful track marks down his arms he always wears long sleeved tops to save ppl seeing them they cant see what they are doing to themselves it's so sad .................anyway this job will do you the world of good it will help take things of your mind and it will be a bonus if you get this house you will have plenty on your plate to even care what he is getting up too !! can i ask does your family know what kevin does ? and if so what do they think of him ? just curious and nosey lol
keep us posted on your situation xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps a big hello to everyone else xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
im totally gutted for you "when will we ever get our happy ever after "? my fella injects it is awful track marks down his arms he always wears long sleeved tops to save ppl seeing them they cant see what they are doing to themselves it's so sad .................anyway this job will do you the world of good it will help take things of your mind and it will be a bonus if you get this house you will have plenty on your plate to even care what he is getting up too !! can i ask does your family know what kevin does ? and if so what do they think of him ? just curious and nosey lol
keep us posted on your situation xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps a big hello to everyone else xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hiya Emz, no one knows the situation with him...I dare not tell them!! Hate people to think the worste.
Sad thing is I dont feel so mad anymore...why do I always feel like this?? I get mad make my mind up what I am doing and then I feel ok, content until something else pops up.
I had to turn that job down because I dont have anyone to lok after Kiala and the nursery cant start Kiala for another month. Had her at a trial today though...bless she was good but still had a little cry when she noticed I was gone...lol. It was funny cos all the kids were looking out the wondow when we pulled up in the car, then Kiala appeared all smiley till she saw me and started screaming Mammy Mamma...awww I felt so horrible for leaving her. Am going to keep taking her one day a week for trials till she gets used then maybe go for a part time job. Will find out Wed/Thurs if I get the house too!!
Hope everyone else is well and happy. xx
Sad thing is I dont feel so mad anymore...why do I always feel like this?? I get mad make my mind up what I am doing and then I feel ok, content until something else pops up.
I had to turn that job down because I dont have anyone to lok after Kiala and the nursery cant start Kiala for another month. Had her at a trial today though...bless she was good but still had a little cry when she noticed I was gone...lol. It was funny cos all the kids were looking out the wondow when we pulled up in the car, then Kiala appeared all smiley till she saw me and started screaming Mammy Mamma...awww I felt so horrible for leaving her. Am going to keep taking her one day a week for trials till she gets used then maybe go for a part time job. Will find out Wed/Thurs if I get the house too!!
Hope everyone else is well and happy. xx
i know what you mean i always give in as soon as i have calmed down im mad at my self for doing it xxxxxxxxxxxx
Bunny, with regard to childcare...it's us the mums that suffer, the kids are fine...she'll be at school very soon and will be used to be being without you...it's a good thing...especially if it makes you happy to be earning and being independent.
And yes I know...take my own advice!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am getting there! It's so easy to see what others should do but not be able to do it ourselves. Greg is trying again this week...will let you know how it goes...but I'm arranging stuff for myself to do...not gonna make myself ill with worry this time.
Don't feel bad about weakening (if it is weakening) you love him...you want him to be well...you want him to be the man you know he can be. Put yourself first...that isn't easy when you're used to putting someone else's needs first. Take your time, get it right, you need to be confident that what you're doing is right...you'll know...
Much love, Maddy x x x
And yes I know...take my own advice!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am getting there! It's so easy to see what others should do but not be able to do it ourselves. Greg is trying again this week...will let you know how it goes...but I'm arranging stuff for myself to do...not gonna make myself ill with worry this time.
Don't feel bad about weakening (if it is weakening) you love him...you want him to be well...you want him to be the man you know he can be. Put yourself first...that isn't easy when you're used to putting someone else's needs first. Take your time, get it right, you need to be confident that what you're doing is right...you'll know...
Much love, Maddy x x x
