Not my daughter...
Some of you may know I am involved with a former student who has been in state custody for 5 1/2 years since he was only 6 years old. His mother has 5 children - one has been adopted by a great aunt, one is in a foster home, my little guy is in a 'group home' (euphemism for orphanage), the 18 year old daughter had her own child last year (to perpetuate the dysfunction), and the 17 YO son was released after a year in juvie and is back home with mom and her abusive BF, beating up on the BF and generally violent, jobless, and not in school.
Yesterday I went to the upmteenth meeting about this child's 'disposition' in the system. No one wants to foster him, no one wants to adopt him, he wants to go home to his lousy mother. He has become aggressive and been in two different hospital settings because of his aggression and acting out. In this meeting yesterday I commented how sad it was that this child "doesn't look good on paper", because I never see these behaviors from him. I find him a handful, but delightful, bright, funny, fresh, and inquisitive...I really love this boy and have continued to be part of his life as what's termed a 'visiting resource'. I spend time with him each month and wish I were in a position to take him into my life, but it's a six year committment till he's 18. No way would I take him without complete confidence that it would be a permanent thing...he can't take any more transition.
Anyway, mom hasn't seen her two youngest in two and six months (six for my boy). They allowed a supervised visit while we were in the meeting. Afterwards I wanted to see my boy to tell him we'd be going to the beach next week. The caseworker opens the door to the family visiting room and there's this mom, on the nod, while these two boys are just holding her hand and kissing her face. It was the saddest thing I ever saw. So after months of longing and desire to see mom, they get mom who can't keep her chin off her chest...barely conscious...telling them more lies about how they'll be coming home...always choosing the drugs and the BF over the kids.
Sorry if this upset anyone, but it sure did upset me. This stuff is destroying families...all over the place.
It really breaks your heart!
The other day while on my lunch break I saw a mother and child walking and every few steps the mom would fall into a deep nod. I could not help but stand in shock thinking that that poor child had failure rate attached to him before he has ever had a chance to grow. Dont get me wrong.....some kids use that as a strong lesson in what choices NOT to make but the failure numbers are far higher. I got a little choked up because the child looked so lost and puzzled just clinging to mom as she was on "the dopefiend stroll". The pain is so very much the same if the addict is parent or child.....and what worse is how it's connected! ATB always !
The other day while on my lunch break I saw a mother and child walking and every few steps the mom would fall into a deep nod. I could not help but stand in shock thinking that that poor child had failure rate attached to him before he has ever had a chance to grow. Dont get me wrong.....some kids use that as a strong lesson in what choices NOT to make but the failure numbers are far higher. I got a little choked up because the child looked so lost and puzzled just clinging to mom as she was on "the dopefiend stroll". The pain is so very much the same if the addict is parent or child.....and what worse is how it's connected! ATB always !
Oh M&M it is heartwrenching.
Way back when I had been clean for the millionth time for a few weeks I had my girl at the public swimming pool. There was a mom I recognized and couldn't figure where from. Well, the little boy immediately goes and jumps in the water. I look back again for mom and there she is standing and in a full nod. Just about to totally tip over and then snaps back. Repeat. Over again. By this time the poor lil boy was in about 7 feet of water and the lifeguard is shaking his head.
Weird because I recall thinking "Dayum she's so lucky". That's how sick I was. It's crazy talk and crazy thinking, and after I picked up don't I see her working the Ave? That's where I recognized her from.
Often I wonder whatever happened to that lil boy. It is sad, M&M.
Way back when I had been clean for the millionth time for a few weeks I had my girl at the public swimming pool. There was a mom I recognized and couldn't figure where from. Well, the little boy immediately goes and jumps in the water. I look back again for mom and there she is standing and in a full nod. Just about to totally tip over and then snaps back. Repeat. Over again. By this time the poor lil boy was in about 7 feet of water and the lifeguard is shaking his head.
Weird because I recall thinking "Dayum she's so lucky". That's how sick I was. It's crazy talk and crazy thinking, and after I picked up don't I see her working the Ave? That's where I recognized her from.
Often I wonder whatever happened to that lil boy. It is sad, M&M.
MNM- That is horrible for those little kids. I know what my husbands addiction has done to my life as an adult, I just can't imagine being a small child and living that life. This is always so weird to me because before finding out about my husband, I knew that drugs destroyed families, on and on but I was never close to anyone and now all the families on this board it is heartwrenching.
My daughter was just talking to me lastnight about one of her students for this year, his mom has upteen kids, different fathers and is all distraught about how to handle these kids- I don't know that she is on drugs but many of her students families are- kids hardly stand a chance before they get going...
At least that boy has one day a month to look forward to, spending it with you and some sanity...
Sherri
My daughter was just talking to me lastnight about one of her students for this year, his mom has upteen kids, different fathers and is all distraught about how to handle these kids- I don't know that she is on drugs but many of her students families are- kids hardly stand a chance before they get going...
At least that boy has one day a month to look forward to, spending it with you and some sanity...
Sherri
