OK, I've been threatening for years to give you the full quote. These words changed my entire outlook on life, on mental illness, on my addiction, on all the things I ran from. I first read them when I was 19, and it took me a long time to truely understand them. Here goes:
And a woman spoke, saying Tell us of Pain.
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so you must know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter poison by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility;
for his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
From The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran
Those words explained to me what I needed to do to be free and live happily. Addicts run from pain. We cannot cope with it, and will do anything to make it stop, particularly if we have a mental illness that exacerbates our pain. Those words shed light on what to do about pain. Pain is the greatest of all teachers. We cannot run from pain, coz pain is the lesson, pain is the remedy, and unless we stand still and let our pain flood over us, and seek the understanding it brings, it will always chase us, and keep beating us over the head until we finally listen to it. I learned to welcome pain, because experiencing pain helped me understand what was causing it, and what I needed to do to make it stop. Pain makes us grow, if we only let it. OK, I sometimes fall short of my own ideals, sometimes I feel the urge to self-harm to relieve the suffering, and sometimes, very occassionally, even now, I still act on those impulses. But it doesn't run away with me now. I had the book, The Prophet, but unfortunately my ex-husband lent it to someone (although he denies it!) and I never got it back. But I borrowed a copy from the library. Maybe if I read those words a bit more often I would be able to cope a bit better.
Anyway, I thoroughly recommend getting a copy of The Prophet. Its got something to say on just about everything, from pain, to love, to joy, to work, to death, giving, receiving, children, houses. You name it, it's got some words of wisdom for everything. No matter what your particular issue is, this book will help you shed light on it.
love
Diff xxxx
Ahhhh- The Prophet ........
That classic is one of the few possessions that I still have after all these years.
I use it like a referance book- - it keeps me grounded
thanks for the read
muchlove,
jack
That classic is one of the few possessions that I still have after all these years.
I use it like a referance book- - it keeps me grounded
thanks for the read
muchlove,
jack
Great stuff, Diff.
O.K. I am honestly going to tell ya I don't understand a word of it. LOL Jack sure does though.
The Prophet. I like it.
One time this "fortune teller" or "card reader" or plain old rip off at a Renissance Faire told me to read "AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI". She said it would change my life. It did. Too bad I didn't stick to it.
That book "A Road Less Travelled" by Scott Peck is good too.
Thanks for sharing that Diff. I'll be looking at it for days now.
O.K. I am honestly going to tell ya I don't understand a word of it. LOL Jack sure does though.
The Prophet. I like it.
One time this "fortune teller" or "card reader" or plain old rip off at a Renissance Faire told me to read "AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI". She said it would change my life. It did. Too bad I didn't stick to it.
That book "A Road Less Travelled" by Scott Peck is good too.
Thanks for sharing that Diff. I'll be looking at it for days now.
Hi Bryn, yeah it does go a bit round the houses. The crux of it is this: Imagine pain as the most direct route to understanding. You have to go through the pain to reach the understanding. Basically pain makes you learn. Take a bad relationship for example. When a relationship breaks down, you get hurt, you feel pain. For many of us, particularly addicts, that pain leaves us wounded, baffled, feeling absolutely wretched, looking for a way out. That way out takes many routes. Sometimes it's drugs and drink - how many of us have gone on a bender after something has happened that leaves us wounded?, sometimes it's self-harm, to alleviate those feelings, to remove us from those feelings. Sometimes it's going straight into another unsuitable relationship, on the rebound, to help us forget the last one. I'm guilty of all of those things, as i'm sure, are most of us.
The way The Prophet tells us, is to not run from that pain. To stand still, to try and avoid doing any of those things I've listed above, to let the pain wash over you. To allow yourself to go through it, to experience it start to finish. And let our minds work it out. Pain does finish, it doesn't last forever, and emotional pain alone won't kill us. It's what we do to avoid it that kills us. The idea being, when we finally get through to the other side (and we will, trust me) we will have learned from the experience, and hopefully we will know then how to avoid getting hurt in the same way again. We have reached the understanding. We have learned our lesson. If we run from the pain, we leave ourselves open to making the same mistakes over and over.
With my heroin addiction, I was going round in circles. Coming off gear and starting again, when you've has such a long time as an addict is so daunting, it seems such a massive task that it just seems beyond us. Well it did me anyway. But after years of looking and hoping for a less painful way out, I finally realised that it doesn't exist. There is no easy way out. The only way out is through, and that's a hard road. But, I did it. And it was monumental, it was huge. And it was tough, and I suffered. But I didn't go back. I knew that although the road I was taking was hard, it was the only way out. And each thing I suffered, each crisis that popped up, each time I reached a place where all I knew was to turn to drugs to block it out, I just plodded on and accepted my pain. And through my pain, I learned how to cope. The things that caused me pain in coming off gear were loneliness, fear of the unknown, lack of self esteem, sadness, regrets, inability to cope with my emotions, frustration that my life didn't just transform overnight, and so on. And as each thing came to trip me up, instead of running from it, I tried to find a solution, a healthy solution, that would ease the pain. And in doing so, I found understanding. And understanding freed me from my inner demons.
Yes, I think you'd have to be a lot more advanced than me to carry this approach through every time you feel pain. But the theory is sound. I know it works. It's just sometimes old ways beckon very strongly, and it's hard to listen to your inner reason, when everything inside is screaming "Make it stop!!!" But when I do find the strength to follow the rules, I always learn something useful.
One of the things that frustrated me in coming off gear, was people kept telling me that I had to find new ways to cope, but nobody ever told me what those new ways were. I had to find them out for myself. This little book, and it is a short book, so no ploughing through heavy philosophy for weeks to find what you need does point you in the right direction. Of course you have to adapt things to your own personal circumstances, but it's a start, and sometimes all we need is to find a starting point, instead of wandering around aimlessly without a clue, to set us in the right direction. And this book defo helped.
Hope that explained it a bit more clearly! I'm pretty good at deciphering complicated literature. Studying Chaucer, written in Old English certainly helped me in that respect. But don't go borrowing The Canterbury Tales from the library unless you're up for a complete mission!!! I remember the horrifed look on my classmates faces when we opened the book and realised it was written in a foreign language!!! I digress...
love
Diff xxxx
The way The Prophet tells us, is to not run from that pain. To stand still, to try and avoid doing any of those things I've listed above, to let the pain wash over you. To allow yourself to go through it, to experience it start to finish. And let our minds work it out. Pain does finish, it doesn't last forever, and emotional pain alone won't kill us. It's what we do to avoid it that kills us. The idea being, when we finally get through to the other side (and we will, trust me) we will have learned from the experience, and hopefully we will know then how to avoid getting hurt in the same way again. We have reached the understanding. We have learned our lesson. If we run from the pain, we leave ourselves open to making the same mistakes over and over.
With my heroin addiction, I was going round in circles. Coming off gear and starting again, when you've has such a long time as an addict is so daunting, it seems such a massive task that it just seems beyond us. Well it did me anyway. But after years of looking and hoping for a less painful way out, I finally realised that it doesn't exist. There is no easy way out. The only way out is through, and that's a hard road. But, I did it. And it was monumental, it was huge. And it was tough, and I suffered. But I didn't go back. I knew that although the road I was taking was hard, it was the only way out. And each thing I suffered, each crisis that popped up, each time I reached a place where all I knew was to turn to drugs to block it out, I just plodded on and accepted my pain. And through my pain, I learned how to cope. The things that caused me pain in coming off gear were loneliness, fear of the unknown, lack of self esteem, sadness, regrets, inability to cope with my emotions, frustration that my life didn't just transform overnight, and so on. And as each thing came to trip me up, instead of running from it, I tried to find a solution, a healthy solution, that would ease the pain. And in doing so, I found understanding. And understanding freed me from my inner demons.
Yes, I think you'd have to be a lot more advanced than me to carry this approach through every time you feel pain. But the theory is sound. I know it works. It's just sometimes old ways beckon very strongly, and it's hard to listen to your inner reason, when everything inside is screaming "Make it stop!!!" But when I do find the strength to follow the rules, I always learn something useful.
One of the things that frustrated me in coming off gear, was people kept telling me that I had to find new ways to cope, but nobody ever told me what those new ways were. I had to find them out for myself. This little book, and it is a short book, so no ploughing through heavy philosophy for weeks to find what you need does point you in the right direction. Of course you have to adapt things to your own personal circumstances, but it's a start, and sometimes all we need is to find a starting point, instead of wandering around aimlessly without a clue, to set us in the right direction. And this book defo helped.
Hope that explained it a bit more clearly! I'm pretty good at deciphering complicated literature. Studying Chaucer, written in Old English certainly helped me in that respect. But don't go borrowing The Canterbury Tales from the library unless you're up for a complete mission!!! I remember the horrifed look on my classmates faces when we opened the book and realised it was written in a foreign language!!! I digress...
love
Diff xxxx
Diffe, at our wedding we read On Marriage from the prohet. It has guides us a lot in our marriage.
Pain is our inability to accept what is, and our wish for what we want or perceive things to be. Pain ceases when we accept what is. Our Ego is so often what keeps us in pain. It is only once we learn our Ego is not Self, and that acceptance is the key, that we suffer less ain. The truly enlightened I guess suffer very little pain. They have leanrt the key to undoing the ego. I try, but have not succeeded. Pain is the path to acceptance.
calabash
Pain is our inability to accept what is, and our wish for what we want or perceive things to be. Pain ceases when we accept what is. Our Ego is so often what keeps us in pain. It is only once we learn our Ego is not Self, and that acceptance is the key, that we suffer less ain. The truly enlightened I guess suffer very little pain. They have leanrt the key to undoing the ego. I try, but have not succeeded. Pain is the path to acceptance.
calabash
Hi Calabash, I think you're right. Acceptance is the key. I think during my years as an active addict, I simply refused to accept what is. I didn't even want to think about what is. I was at war with the universe and myself. When I started to work with what is, the universe started working with me. When I was in a rehab centre (The Priory, no less!!) this girl came in to talk to us. Just a young kid, with a background pretty similar to mine, but she really hit the skids. And she'd got clean and just came in to sort of tell us it was possible. She said that when she got clean and sorted her act out, things just came to her, without having to struggle and fight. Good things started happening, and it just kept snowballing. I remember sitting there thinking "Yeah, right...course it will. Nothing ever good just comes to you, not for someone like me..." But, she was right. You just have to know what is, and flow with it, not against it.
And I too had the marriage bit read out at my wedding. I was talking to my ex husband recently about our wedding day. We both still reckon that it was the best day of our lives, even though we're divorced now. We had a magical wedding day. We got married in the middle of Avebury Stone Circle, on a perfect July day. Then we had a quick pint in the pub, I got changed out of my wedding dress and put my jeans on, and we rode on his motorcycle, lidless, back to my folks house, where we had a sort of mad garden party. But it was wild. Simple, but we had one hell of a party! Everybody said it was the best wedding they'd ever been to. I can't imagine getting married again, coz it would have to be something really special to top that.
love
Diff xxx
And I too had the marriage bit read out at my wedding. I was talking to my ex husband recently about our wedding day. We both still reckon that it was the best day of our lives, even though we're divorced now. We had a magical wedding day. We got married in the middle of Avebury Stone Circle, on a perfect July day. Then we had a quick pint in the pub, I got changed out of my wedding dress and put my jeans on, and we rode on his motorcycle, lidless, back to my folks house, where we had a sort of mad garden party. But it was wild. Simple, but we had one hell of a party! Everybody said it was the best wedding they'd ever been to. I can't imagine getting married again, coz it would have to be something really special to top that.
love
Diff xxx
Diff,
I identify a lot with what you post. I cannot say whjat exactly, but it is a snese of understanding the universe in a way similar to me. I am not religious, but I have faith in my HP and am guided by universal laws in my life. I get the sense that like me, you have lead an unconventional life, a life of resistance. Always at odds with the mainstream view and identity. A critical mind, not accepting aspect of culture other people take for granted. I guess your wedding is an example.
Living in a f***ed up society like south africa, that was premised on the assumtion that white people are superior to black people, i felt it very important to reject the mainstream view, and identified myself strongly with the liberation movement.
But what in fact happened, was that I became a "suicide bomber" - an extremeist of note, all as part of identifying myself with being "other"
This lead over the years to being terminally unique, and eventuially played a part in my choice to use drugs. "being normal" always seemed like a death sentance.
Its only after I went into recovery that I started to examine these issues, as part of working the 4th step. Today, I have found acceptance in so many things. I still struggle with the brutality of our society, poverty, HIV, the orphans that result etc. But having started to understand my HP and my place in the universe, these things no longer control me. I engage with them, am aware of them, make choices that involves thosse issues in my day to day life, but no longer allow them to destroy me. The serenity prayer is so profound in this regard.
Today, for the fist time since I was a small child, I feel truly happy. Satisfied that I am enough. So much less anger, resnetment and judgem,ent. And all of my painfull past was tied into an inability to accept that I was born rich and white in a country of oppressed and poor africans. That I was born with a life purpose that I need to fulfill. That things are as they are cos that is how they are menat to be.
Today I accept I have abundance, while many around me do not. I share what I have. I am concious of what is. But I have also developed a faith in my HP. that other people are where they are cos that is where they need to be.Its weird for me - its not a cop our for me, as I still engage on social issues, but as opposed to political solutions, I now believe more in a shift in conciousness as being part of the solution.
What a long post. I was just trying to say I identify with how some of your thought work, and that for me acceptance of life on lifes terms has brought me a serenity I have always yearned for.
Sorry for the ramble.
Take care of yourself and your gift from the creator.
With Love
Calabash
I identify a lot with what you post. I cannot say whjat exactly, but it is a snese of understanding the universe in a way similar to me. I am not religious, but I have faith in my HP and am guided by universal laws in my life. I get the sense that like me, you have lead an unconventional life, a life of resistance. Always at odds with the mainstream view and identity. A critical mind, not accepting aspect of culture other people take for granted. I guess your wedding is an example.
Living in a f***ed up society like south africa, that was premised on the assumtion that white people are superior to black people, i felt it very important to reject the mainstream view, and identified myself strongly with the liberation movement.
But what in fact happened, was that I became a "suicide bomber" - an extremeist of note, all as part of identifying myself with being "other"
This lead over the years to being terminally unique, and eventuially played a part in my choice to use drugs. "being normal" always seemed like a death sentance.
Its only after I went into recovery that I started to examine these issues, as part of working the 4th step. Today, I have found acceptance in so many things. I still struggle with the brutality of our society, poverty, HIV, the orphans that result etc. But having started to understand my HP and my place in the universe, these things no longer control me. I engage with them, am aware of them, make choices that involves thosse issues in my day to day life, but no longer allow them to destroy me. The serenity prayer is so profound in this regard.
Today, for the fist time since I was a small child, I feel truly happy. Satisfied that I am enough. So much less anger, resnetment and judgem,ent. And all of my painfull past was tied into an inability to accept that I was born rich and white in a country of oppressed and poor africans. That I was born with a life purpose that I need to fulfill. That things are as they are cos that is how they are menat to be.
Today I accept I have abundance, while many around me do not. I share what I have. I am concious of what is. But I have also developed a faith in my HP. that other people are where they are cos that is where they need to be.Its weird for me - its not a cop our for me, as I still engage on social issues, but as opposed to political solutions, I now believe more in a shift in conciousness as being part of the solution.
What a long post. I was just trying to say I identify with how some of your thought work, and that for me acceptance of life on lifes terms has brought me a serenity I have always yearned for.
Sorry for the ramble.
Take care of yourself and your gift from the creator.
With Love
Calabash
Diff
I was paging thru my old (really old) copy of the Prophet and thought about you when I came across the section on Children- - Im sure you,ve gone through it before,but for others who might get something out of it- I reprinted a little of it
On Children
------------------------
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
********************************************************
Hoping you find all the peace you need,
love jack
I was paging thru my old (really old) copy of the Prophet and thought about you when I came across the section on Children- - Im sure you,ve gone through it before,but for others who might get something out of it- I reprinted a little of it
On Children
------------------------
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
********************************************************
Hoping you find all the peace you need,
love jack
Hi Calabash, you're talking about an issue close to my heart. I have dual nationality as my father is South African - my folks live in J-Bay now - lucky buggers! Anyway, the reason my Oupa brought his family to the UK in the first place was because during the late 1940's and early 50's he was the President of the National Union of Distributive Workers. My grandfather was an extraordinary man. Not religious, but with a huge sense of justice, he opened the union to all workers, black as well as white. I'll quote you what my father said at his funeral. He died on July 1st 2003.
"I first became aware of another side to Dad when I was quite small, perhaps 3 or 4. I was taken to a hall and, standing in the aisle at the back, I saw my Dad on the stage while everybody else was clapping and cheering. I realised much later that that must have been when he was first elected General Secretary of the union.
Who amongst you would have thought that this was the man that stood up and said to a fascist government "Damn you, you're wrong - you cannot say that anybody is a second class citizen".
This was the man that as Gen Sec of the only multi-racial trade union in apartheid South Africa. defied the government of the day, refusing to segregate the union of racial grounds.
This was the man that said to the steel bosses when he was working for ISCOR: "you cannot continue to pay a pittance to the people that are making you rich" and paid for it by being labelled a "communist". As a consequence, I remember carrying boxes of papers and books round to friends who lived around the corner quickly, before security forces raided our house in Cape Town again. The security forces never forgot. Even after we got to England, there were occasional phone calls along the lines of "When did you last see your father?"
He fought for equality and fair treatment under the law until we were driven out by that government, taking refuge in England.
This was the man that knew people like Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela personally, and a good man government minister of the time, and never thought fit to mention it. He also had one or two friends in the police force."
I have done a serious editing job on that, because a lot of what was said at his funeral was personal to friends and family, but you can get the picture of what was going on, and what kind of a man Oupa was. I never heard him once speak about his work in RSA. He was an extraordinarily humble man. I only learned the true extent of what he did after he died. I'm so very, very proud to call myself his granddaughter, and to carry on his name. My dearest wish is to be someone he could be proud of. My Ouma is still around and living her life to the full. She is in South Africa now, on holiday. My Oupa was still counted as an enemy of the state until the fall of Apartheid, and was unable to return home until then. I know that he missed his country like breathing, and was so happy to be able to return after so many years in exile. I remember him telling me that even after so many years away "you still can't kill the ghost". It was such a momentous occassion for him, to see everything he strived for finally happen, during his life time.
I have been to South Africa myself several times since the fall of Apartheid, and every time I visit, I see things improving. I see more and more decent housing replacing the tin shacks, I see more and more people in decent jobs. Maybe if you live there all the time you don't notice it happening so much. I steer clear of Jo-burg, but often spend time in Pretoria, as I have family there, but I spend most of my time on the south coast, where I love the pace of life, and have seen very little violence. It's a truely magnificent country, for all it's problems, and I see courage and determination to make things work, despite the "old guard" who still grumble. I think it shows terrific strength of character on behalf of the people, that they avoided civil war, and seem to be working to a better future, rather than exacting revenge for the past.
And Jack, I did have a good read of the part about children. Very wise words. I had an antenatal appointment today, and they told me that I have a big healthy baby - I was glad to hear it, but I must confess feeling a little anxious about the "big" part, seeing as I have to somehow deliver her into the world! They're keeping an extra close eye on me and the baby, because I'm taking medication for my mental illness, and I have to go back for another scan in a few weeks time. They normally only do 2 scans during pregnancy, but I've had three already. I'm looking forward to my next scan though, coz I get to see her again - and hopefully get confirmation that she is a she, coz they were a little unsure last time.
Hope tht things are going well with you and your good lady.
love
diff xxx
"I first became aware of another side to Dad when I was quite small, perhaps 3 or 4. I was taken to a hall and, standing in the aisle at the back, I saw my Dad on the stage while everybody else was clapping and cheering. I realised much later that that must have been when he was first elected General Secretary of the union.
Who amongst you would have thought that this was the man that stood up and said to a fascist government "Damn you, you're wrong - you cannot say that anybody is a second class citizen".
This was the man that as Gen Sec of the only multi-racial trade union in apartheid South Africa. defied the government of the day, refusing to segregate the union of racial grounds.
This was the man that said to the steel bosses when he was working for ISCOR: "you cannot continue to pay a pittance to the people that are making you rich" and paid for it by being labelled a "communist". As a consequence, I remember carrying boxes of papers and books round to friends who lived around the corner quickly, before security forces raided our house in Cape Town again. The security forces never forgot. Even after we got to England, there were occasional phone calls along the lines of "When did you last see your father?"
He fought for equality and fair treatment under the law until we were driven out by that government, taking refuge in England.
This was the man that knew people like Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela personally, and a good man government minister of the time, and never thought fit to mention it. He also had one or two friends in the police force."
I have done a serious editing job on that, because a lot of what was said at his funeral was personal to friends and family, but you can get the picture of what was going on, and what kind of a man Oupa was. I never heard him once speak about his work in RSA. He was an extraordinarily humble man. I only learned the true extent of what he did after he died. I'm so very, very proud to call myself his granddaughter, and to carry on his name. My dearest wish is to be someone he could be proud of. My Ouma is still around and living her life to the full. She is in South Africa now, on holiday. My Oupa was still counted as an enemy of the state until the fall of Apartheid, and was unable to return home until then. I know that he missed his country like breathing, and was so happy to be able to return after so many years in exile. I remember him telling me that even after so many years away "you still can't kill the ghost". It was such a momentous occassion for him, to see everything he strived for finally happen, during his life time.
I have been to South Africa myself several times since the fall of Apartheid, and every time I visit, I see things improving. I see more and more decent housing replacing the tin shacks, I see more and more people in decent jobs. Maybe if you live there all the time you don't notice it happening so much. I steer clear of Jo-burg, but often spend time in Pretoria, as I have family there, but I spend most of my time on the south coast, where I love the pace of life, and have seen very little violence. It's a truely magnificent country, for all it's problems, and I see courage and determination to make things work, despite the "old guard" who still grumble. I think it shows terrific strength of character on behalf of the people, that they avoided civil war, and seem to be working to a better future, rather than exacting revenge for the past.
And Jack, I did have a good read of the part about children. Very wise words. I had an antenatal appointment today, and they told me that I have a big healthy baby - I was glad to hear it, but I must confess feeling a little anxious about the "big" part, seeing as I have to somehow deliver her into the world! They're keeping an extra close eye on me and the baby, because I'm taking medication for my mental illness, and I have to go back for another scan in a few weeks time. They normally only do 2 scans during pregnancy, but I've had three already. I'm looking forward to my next scan though, coz I get to see her again - and hopefully get confirmation that she is a she, coz they were a little unsure last time.
Hope tht things are going well with you and your good lady.
love
diff xxx
