Dear everyone,
I dont know what to do deep down inside i know and want to be sober but for some reason its been harder then ever lately i tell you i been doing good the last 10 months ive used off and on but not as bad as befour doing it everyday but anyways lately i been feeling depresssed angry disappointed in myself for using because i know i can do better and it seems like the odds are against me at times i fear of saying screw everything i worked for and go back out for good but my heart tells me get back up keep going forward i also know i cant stand to seee my famly see m go through what i did befour and im a over active outgoing person whch mean i allways got to be doing something and when i get bored its leads me right back to the icyblackwidow and i try and try but its seem my trying aint working any advice im willing to do anythig and everthing
Skilsit.... Please sweetie find something to fill up your time. As a mom, I cannot tell you how important it is to have your child safe. I am not sure if you have read the string of post under " I want my baby girl back". All the heartache and worry and personal harm that has been done is beyond words. I wish that I understood why this drug is more important than living your life clean.
Please do not think that I am judging you, because I am not. I just really do not understand.
I will give you a bit of my story... Two of my daughters started using so that they could lose weight. I found the pipe and immediatly started getting my 17 year old help. She is a very strong person and she has not used for 10 months. Now the 23 year old is a different story. She moved out of her boyfriends house and moved back home so she could start over. But when we told her that the condition was to drug test, she immediatly moved out. For months we did not hear from her and then she started to come by. Hard to see because she was high. I have tried everything to make her see the mistakes that she is making, but to no avail.
Now she is still using, lying and stealing from us. Well just once stealing, but still, she is such a sweet girl and I cannot ever see her doing that. I tell her that I love her more and more each day and that I will never give up on her. I went to court to see if I could get an order to have her put into treatment, but it did not work. Now each day and night I worry where she is and hoping that today is the day.
I am not sure if you are close to your family, but if you are, just talk to them and they will help you.
I wish that I could put my arms around you and tell you that it will all be okay and that you need to ignore the urges and stay clean.
If there is anything that I can do for you, please let me know.
XOXO Mygrils
Please do not think that I am judging you, because I am not. I just really do not understand.
I will give you a bit of my story... Two of my daughters started using so that they could lose weight. I found the pipe and immediatly started getting my 17 year old help. She is a very strong person and she has not used for 10 months. Now the 23 year old is a different story. She moved out of her boyfriends house and moved back home so she could start over. But when we told her that the condition was to drug test, she immediatly moved out. For months we did not hear from her and then she started to come by. Hard to see because she was high. I have tried everything to make her see the mistakes that she is making, but to no avail.
Now she is still using, lying and stealing from us. Well just once stealing, but still, she is such a sweet girl and I cannot ever see her doing that. I tell her that I love her more and more each day and that I will never give up on her. I went to court to see if I could get an order to have her put into treatment, but it did not work. Now each day and night I worry where she is and hoping that today is the day.
I am not sure if you are close to your family, but if you are, just talk to them and they will help you.
I wish that I could put my arms around you and tell you that it will all be okay and that you need to ignore the urges and stay clean.
If there is anything that I can do for you, please let me know.
XOXO Mygrils
Skilsit...do you have any state sponsored rehabs in the area? I tried to do it myself (cocaine addict, but i used meth too) and just couldn't stay clean...i went to an outpatient and inpatient rehab...thank God that I didn't have to pay, i have enough dr bills already...but i was better equipped to deal with my addiction once i went through about 4 months of rehab...Today i have 98 days clean and i was an IV user, which in my opinion compounds the problem.
I go to NA meetings at least twice a week and pray and meditate every morning, God can do for me, what i cannot do alone...
What a relief to be able to ask God every day to guide my will and my life...when i was at the wheel with my will I couldn't stop using.
May God Bless You in your quest for Recovery!
I go to NA meetings at least twice a week and pray and meditate every morning, God can do for me, what i cannot do alone...
What a relief to be able to ask God every day to guide my will and my life...when i was at the wheel with my will I couldn't stop using.
May God Bless You in your quest for Recovery!
