Opiate Addiction In Remission

[glimmertwin]

Hi all -
My name is Sheryl, and I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict.

I became an alcoholic at an early age, about 19, in the late '70's. I married young, had my first child in l985. My husband and I divorced in 1988, remarried soon after. I had my second child in 1993 and when she was just 17 days old, I got very drunk during the Super Bowl. It was the Dallas Cowboys and the rule was to drink a shot of tequila every time the Boys scored. Well, they scored about 8 times.

In late 1994, my husband left me for another woman. I remarried soon after, and he was also an alcoholic. The marriage lasted just 3 months. I started hanging out in clubs with girlfriends every night, driving home drunk, getting about 3 hours of sleep before getting up to go to work. I was looking for a man to make me happy. Well, I found husband #3 in a bar, we married and I stopped drinking for 8 months, because he wanted me to. Since I wasn't ready to quit, I stopped at the bar and had a few drinks with a friend. I went home and tried to talk to my husband, who was angry with me for coming home late. He punched me in the face that night, and then came the opiate painkillers.

I figured out right away that the pills did more than kill the pain in my face. It also killed my emotional pain. I continued to use off and on, but mostly on, for the next 6 years. I divorced in 1999, went to rehab in March 2000. At the time, I was only having my alcoholism treated, I was in denial about my pill addiction. The treatment was a success and I have remained alcohol free. I met the man who would become my 4th husband at an NA meeting soon after rehab. We married in 2003, and I confessed to him my painpill addiction soon after the wedding. I entered rehab in November 2003, with my husband's love and support, and left feeling like a new person. However, my doctor put me on 6 different medications that left me feeling like a robot. My depression got worse, I attempted suicide, my marriage began to fall apart. My sweet daughter started hating me. I hated myself. I found a doctor in November 2004 who offered to treat my depression with hydrocodone, and I didn't tell him I was an addict. He started me on a high dosage - 50 mgs per day - and it took about a week for me to increase my daily dose to 100 mgs. I went thru a bottle of 150 pills in 10 days, always calling to get a refill too soon. I would make up stories about my pills getting stolen, or lost, and it worked every time. Until it stopped working, that is.

I confessed to this doctor that I was addicted and that I wanted to taper off. He started me on a taper plan, but that was no use. I would get the script filled and eat those pills like the dope fiend I was.

So I found an addictionologist who strongly suggested rehab, I went, and began Suboxone maintenance. I am currently taking 16mgs per day without fail. This medicine has saved my life. However, my depression was still eating me up. My husband was just about ready to divorce me, when I literally got on my knees and asked God to help me. The next day, I went out and got a job. Something completely different than what I had done my whole life. At less pay. And guess what? I am happier than I have ever been. A miracle happened in my life. My depression is now in remission, my husband and I are very close, and my daughter actually likes to spend time with me. I am having the time of my life.

I am blessed.