Help!?!
I am living in Oxycontin "HELL" as I call it. I had major back surgery 4-years ago and it did not work. I still hurt, and I have been on Oxy C for 5 years now... one prior to the surgery and the 4 since. I am up to 320 mg Oxy C per day and 10 to 20 mg Oxy IR for break-thru pain to relieve the pain, and some days it still does not fully help. But, along with the pain that controls me, the OxyC is controlling me even more so it seems! I am BIG-TIME addicted, I always run low or out before the next prescription is due, and it is pure HELL when that happens.
I am so addicted it is all I can think of... it controls my mind, my every waking moment, my thoughts, etc. I get so depressed I want to die when I am out or run low. I get so depressed I cannot do hardly anything! I do still mantain a full-time Professional type job where I am over a lot of people, and a lot of people count on me. I have a family and I try to keep it all going while the Oxy C is really my god and goal every day. I take a dose and all I can think of is taking another dose. I chew them up every time, so I am getting the equivalent of or about 65 5-mg tablets per day on a quick release mode! Can anyone reading this imagine taking 85 vicodins or 85 percocet or 85 Oxy IR (5's) per day!?! It would kill most people, but my poor body has some how gotten used to it... and wants more. I still work, drive, and some how function (when I have enough Rx. to help me thru the day) in spite of the large daily dose. I am in deep S**T and need help.
Any suggestions? Help? Advice? Wisdom? I know all about AAA, 12 steps, higher powers, cutting down, going cold turkey... I have tried most of it to no avail... obviously. So, what next?
I guess I need to check into an outpatient detox clinic but if I do I will lose my job... no doubt about that. I work in a job where if It comes out I am fired! So, what good will I be with no income, lose my house, car, etc? I know some will say if I do not do that I will be dead, and that is worse due to my family being left alone... I guess you are correct. But, is there another way? What about Suboxene(?) Other Rxs that help with the horrible w/drawals that just about kill me when I go thru them? Any words today?
scubablt
Hello and welcome,
You sound like you really want to change and you've posted here. That's huge. You sound like you're in so much pain, it's overwhelming me. But most people on this site have had some experience of what you're going through now.
I don't know anything about suboxone (?) but it seems to have worked for many. My sense is that detox clinics have to respect patient confidentiality, but of course, you're worried about losing it all if the news gets out. I'm not being any help here, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. Check back. I'm sure someone will be able to help you.
Be good to yourself. Be kind and patient with yourself. I wonder if when you say you've tried everything and nothing's worked, if that's the addiction talking and robbing you of hope, keeping you addicted. Truly, it's a disease and not a moral condition. With help, you can beat it. You're not a bad, stupid or weak person. In fact, you must be a person of great determination to hold down your job, have a family, and keep this disease hidden.
Just a thought. Is there anyone who can hold your pills for you while you taper off? Just a little at a time so the w/d won't be so horrendous.
Best wishes.
You sound like you really want to change and you've posted here. That's huge. You sound like you're in so much pain, it's overwhelming me. But most people on this site have had some experience of what you're going through now.
I don't know anything about suboxone (?) but it seems to have worked for many. My sense is that detox clinics have to respect patient confidentiality, but of course, you're worried about losing it all if the news gets out. I'm not being any help here, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. Check back. I'm sure someone will be able to help you.
Be good to yourself. Be kind and patient with yourself. I wonder if when you say you've tried everything and nothing's worked, if that's the addiction talking and robbing you of hope, keeping you addicted. Truly, it's a disease and not a moral condition. With help, you can beat it. You're not a bad, stupid or weak person. In fact, you must be a person of great determination to hold down your job, have a family, and keep this disease hidden.
Just a thought. Is there anyone who can hold your pills for you while you taper off? Just a little at a time so the w/d won't be so horrendous.
Best wishes.
Welcome to the board. It certainly sounds like you need to be here. You have no sickness when you run low other than depression?
It is an awful thing when a person has legitimate pain issues and are in a battle with a pill addiction. There are a few on this site that have to bare that.
I encourage you to visit and post often. Alot can be learned here. Have you given any thought to how you would go able getting clean? Would your employer pay for it ect.?
You have made the first step... now you just have to keep on walking. Let me know if I can help you along the way.
It is an awful thing when a person has legitimate pain issues and are in a battle with a pill addiction. There are a few on this site that have to bare that.
I encourage you to visit and post often. Alot can be learned here. Have you given any thought to how you would go able getting clean? Would your employer pay for it ect.?
You have made the first step... now you just have to keep on walking. Let me know if I can help you along the way.
Hello Scuba, I'm so very sorry for the condition you find yourself in. May I say first, I was in the same boat a couple of months ago. I was taking only 200+ per day, but all else is the same. I was able to quit the oxy while using hydro (breakthrough pain) to help with the w/d, which I know is severe. It was very difficult and with the amounts you are taking, you must have a terrible time. I really don't think you could do it with out some time off, or your family finding out. Maybe the sub meds would work really well for you. But realize that with those meds, you'd need to come clean with your prescribing dr. and be willing to give it up. Sounds like you are...
It isn't impossible, and know many here have walked in your shoes. You've taken the proper first step, and should now consider your options. I wonder if your employment might be a little more sympathetic knowing you're on these meds for a legitimate reason, and dependence is simply a side effect? If not, then yor Dr. should be able to help you come up with a plan to stop. I couldn't taper, and had run out again...didn't want to face the w/d again. Please don't let the anxiety run your life...you can break free. The w/d is tough, but hopefully you won't have more then a couple of days before you can get your dr. on board. You can get your life back, please believe that. Steps must be taken, and you'll find most to be sympathetic to your plight (in the outside world) Here, all have walked in your shoes and will help...just leave your auto out of it.
Please keep posting...we'll all help any way we can. God Bless you...don't fret too much. You can get help! Becky
It isn't impossible, and know many here have walked in your shoes. You've taken the proper first step, and should now consider your options. I wonder if your employment might be a little more sympathetic knowing you're on these meds for a legitimate reason, and dependence is simply a side effect? If not, then yor Dr. should be able to help you come up with a plan to stop. I couldn't taper, and had run out again...didn't want to face the w/d again. Please don't let the anxiety run your life...you can break free. The w/d is tough, but hopefully you won't have more then a couple of days before you can get your dr. on board. You can get your life back, please believe that. Steps must be taken, and you'll find most to be sympathetic to your plight (in the outside world) Here, all have walked in your shoes and will help...just leave your auto out of it.
Please keep posting...we'll all help any way we can. God Bless you...don't fret too much. You can get help! Becky
SCUBABIT
I was taking 30 5/325mgs of percocet daily. I found that the anxiety and depression, that accompanied the c/t method of withdrawal were the worst symptoms, by far. I had to go on a suboxone detox, otherwise I would've lost my mind or killed myself. After 24 hours on the suboxone, my severe anxiety and depression abated. I suggest you find a psychiatrist who specializes in addictionology or speak with your present pain mgmt. doctor, concerning your wish to detox. off of the opiates. It has saved my life. Your dosage is way to high to detox. c/t, unless you have more stamina than a superhuman. Don't feel bad about this. Your situation is part and parcel of what happens "PHYSICALLY" when one is on that high of a dosage of opiates. You wouldn't be human, if you weren't physically addicted. Your pain mgmt. doctor should understand the nature of your situation, and if you need an addictionologist MD, he will definately understand. All should be kept confidentialy by them, as they are bound by this, ethically. I am an opiate addict, as well as a Rehab/Detox Registered Nurse. Also the drug Suboxone does not appear on drug tests. Please act ASAP. One way of locating an MD that specializes in detox, is on this site. Look at the top of the board, when you first sign on, where you click on "MESSAGE BOARD" I think one of the options is either "REHAB" or "OUTPATIENT" treatement, sonething or other. Please let me know how you make out. As I have been there and truly empathize with you. Michelle
I was taking 30 5/325mgs of percocet daily. I found that the anxiety and depression, that accompanied the c/t method of withdrawal were the worst symptoms, by far. I had to go on a suboxone detox, otherwise I would've lost my mind or killed myself. After 24 hours on the suboxone, my severe anxiety and depression abated. I suggest you find a psychiatrist who specializes in addictionology or speak with your present pain mgmt. doctor, concerning your wish to detox. off of the opiates. It has saved my life. Your dosage is way to high to detox. c/t, unless you have more stamina than a superhuman. Don't feel bad about this. Your situation is part and parcel of what happens "PHYSICALLY" when one is on that high of a dosage of opiates. You wouldn't be human, if you weren't physically addicted. Your pain mgmt. doctor should understand the nature of your situation, and if you need an addictionologist MD, he will definately understand. All should be kept confidentialy by them, as they are bound by this, ethically. I am an opiate addict, as well as a Rehab/Detox Registered Nurse. Also the drug Suboxone does not appear on drug tests. Please act ASAP. One way of locating an MD that specializes in detox, is on this site. Look at the top of the board, when you first sign on, where you click on "MESSAGE BOARD" I think one of the options is either "REHAB" or "OUTPATIENT" treatement, sonething or other. Please let me know how you make out. As I have been there and truly empathize with you. Michelle
I suggest you contact MEDITOX of Palm Beach. You fly down one day, meet with the doctor the next, he perscribes Buprenorphine (you have to have stopped taking your Oxy for 12 hours prior to starting the Buprenorphine...you'll be in withdrawal, but not terrible at the 12 hour mark, at least it wasn't for me and I was at the exact same dose of OxyContin as you), you wait a day and make sure you're stabilized, and fly home the next. I flew down on Friday, met the doctor on Sat, felt GREAT on Sunday (could have come home!) and flew home Monday. Can you take off a Friday and a Monday? It's easy, the staff is amazing and available via phone 24/7, they'll prescribe anything you need to help with sleep, they Fed Ex the drugs...sounds like just what you need. Feel free to contact me if you want to know anything more.
Michael
NMTMJH@aol.com
Michael
NMTMJH@aol.com
I need to make sure that it's clear that I am in no way affiliated with Meditox. I was a client and that's the extent of it. I live in Minnesota (land of 10,000 treamtent centers) and I couldn't find anyone who'd prescribe Buprenorphine without locking me up for 5 days, which was WAYYY beyond what I was comfortable with. With Meditox, you stay in a hotel of your choosing, you're free to do whatever you want and you schedule your trip when it will work for you. I thought it was great.
Has anyone seen SCUBABLT?
Hey Everyone,
Thanks so much for taking time to reply to my need! I am going to seriously consider some of the options you put out there. The weekend trip to Meditox sounds like a real possibility. Can you tell me more> Thanks
Scubablt
Thanks so much for taking time to reply to my need! I am going to seriously consider some of the options you put out there. The weekend trip to Meditox sounds like a real possibility. Can you tell me more> Thanks
Scubablt
scubablt, i was in hydro hell,and felt i had lost all control of my life.Like you,my days were all planned around my pills.It got to the point where i simply could not function without them.I "needed" them to do even the smalles tasks,like grocery shop,or even worse yet,play with my gandchildren.(im 43,a pretty young grandma but..i couldnt go play on the playground with them without the pills,sad but true)I ended up coming clean and telling everybody in my family,i needed to get it out in the open.I went into a hospital detox unit.All confidential,i went in on a Friday,came home on Monday.I did a 3 day detox with suboxone and it helped me to get throught the first week.Im wondering if you have anything like that around you.You may have to make some phones calls,but if you could get a Fri. and a ?Mon. off of work you could really do this.Also there are plenty of Dr's out there who would take you as a patient(they strcitly prescribe suboxone)again,completely confidential.Taking the sub makes all the difference in the world.I've got a link to a sub dr locator,click on the state you live in,you will get a list of prescribing dr.(they are only allowed 30 patients at a time,but dont give up,keep looking,get on a waiting list)hopefully you can find one near you,and this would require no overnight stay,and you are monitored throughout the whole process.We all need all the help we can get to get through this.Good luck,i wish you the best.This board has really been a good help too!~KIM
http://buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/bwn...ator/index.html
http://buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/bwn...ator/index.html
Your posting said "tell me more." What more do you want to know? Feel free to email me with any questions you may have.
Michael
NMTMJH@aol.com
Michael
NMTMJH@aol.com
Michael J - Meditox is Dr Mark Agresti, right??
If that is the case, he is WONDERFUL!!!
scub, I was taking HUGE amounts of OC daily and went to Dr Agresti. He gave me Bupe and I has no w/d's at all, was able to go to work the day after I started it, and have many great things to say about Bupe and many more about Dr Agresti. Ask any ?'s here or e-mail Michael J.
There is a way to get off this roller-coaster. Taking that step is hard, but everyone on this site will support you.
Keep posting!!
And best of luck to you!!
:-)
Swizzle
