Hi there. I have spent the last four or so hours reading thru the message board on this website, while most of you on the other side of the world are - hopefully - sleeping peacefully. You seem like an nice bunch so I thought i'd give it a whirl, not having done this before. The other thing I haven't done before is give up drinking, even tho I know I must. I think I can learn a lot from the experiences of others, and I hope I can offer something too.
welcome
welcome. Great bunch of guys on here with lots of advice and lots of support. I have been sober 7 months now. It's been a rollercoaster of a ride but I am hanging on. Have faith that you can do it and you will. If you want it bad enough you will do it. keep posting and I wish you all the best. God bless and take care
hi there
I don't post much these days but thought I'd say hi - I am in Australia also - there are a few on the boards, not many.
best of luck with your journey
edited to say:
congrats on 7 months Pirate - you are an awesome success story
I don't post much these days but thought I'd say hi - I am in Australia also - there are a few on the boards, not many.
best of luck with your journey
edited to say:
congrats on 7 months Pirate - you are an awesome success story
Welcome, jane z. If you'd like, tell a little bit about your alcohol experiences and why you've decided to take steps to talk about it here. We welcome your 'voice' in recovery.
Welcome to the boards Jane. Hope you stick around. Tell us a bit about yourself.
This is an alcohol recovery message board. If you need some encouragement on where to start, simply share what made you decide to come here. Most talk about alcohol, albeit not exclusively, and opportunities to break the addiction. Not everyone has used or uses a formal recovery program. You decide. We're just folks trying to help folks get sober that want to get sober.
Thanks to you all for your welcomes and kind words. Congratulations, Pirate on 7 months. I must say I can't think what it would be like to be sober for that long, so well done.
This is my second day without a drink. I drove past the bottle shop tonight and felt relieved at not having to engage my mind in the dilemmas that getting smashed most nights brings. Usually I fall back on the third night, but not tomorrow!
I know I'm at the very beginning.
I came to this site cos I know I can't do it alone. I've tried and it's hopeless. I tried antidepressants but all they did was allow me to drink more as my tolerance increased. I thought about counselling but I couldn't be bothered going thru the process of finding someone I liked and I can't fit appointments in. I tried moderation but i don't have the control. I came to the web cos I want anonymity, and I want to be able to jump on the computer when I can or when I feel like it. I work full-time and am a sole parent of two great kids 12 and 13. So, it has to be easy access to support. I also like writing, so let me know if I'm rabbiting on!
I turned 40 in January. I'm worried about getting sick from drinking - liver rot, gut rot, cancer, those things that drinkers and smokers (cigs) are most at risk of. I can't get sick cos there is no-one else to care for my kids. I'm also conscious that I am setting a bad example for them as they get older. They're starting to voice their dislike for my bad habits, and the school health program lets them know that I am overdoing it. I feel I am letting them down. I think a bit of guilt to help motivate me is ok.
The other thing is that I am underperforming at work. That's been hard to admit. I have a good job that will take me further if I take the opportunity or I will languish in mediocrity.
I've also been in a co-dependent (groan) relationship for some years, we don't live together but we do drink together every weekend. I'm sick of it.
I figure I still have time to change. One thing I have picked up on from the reading of the boards that I have done so far is that stopping is one thing, having a reasonably contented sober life is another, and that is what I am most scared of.
I don't know myself without drinking. I'm frightened of myself, in fact I think even from just these two days, there are things about myself that I don't like that I am forced to consider with a clearer head. I'm impatient and agitated, I say stupid things when I should shut up, I'm naive for my age, and I am angry, resentful and sad. What a package!
I have cried a lot over the last day or so. Over time I have worked out that I have buried grief from years ago, as I have been a regular and moderate to heavy drinker (and dope smoker for a while there) since I was about 16.
Whenever I have managed to stop drinking, even for a few days, I cry. It's quite inconvenient at times, too, so I squash it. I don't want the kids to worry about me, so I squash it. There's not much room to let it come out, which is another thing that leads me back to drinking... If I'm not crying I might be agitated and angry, or all three. And the resentment! I could run a million miles on my resentment! So I tried to exhaust myself at the gym tonight, so I wouldn't go home angry, as I had left.
When I manage not to drink (not often) I also get my energy back, and I don't know what to do with myself. I feel it coming back now, and this is only my second day. That's another reason I drink - to relax, to take the edge off my energy. But I drink so much I am left with NO energy, there is no balance.
So, there are several things I anticipate being challenges for me. My most vulnerable time is around 5pm, after work, getting dinner, kids homework done, bits and pieces, the humdrum of routine. Much easier to get thru with a drink or five.
Challenges apart from staying sober are: what to do with my energy (any alternative suggestions for this word? manic, hyper, bipolar, freak???); how to remain calm and not agitated over small things going wrong; how to be patient; what to do with my anger and resentment; how to release grief (I expect that will happen over time); and how to experience myself sober and not become afraid of myself.
I am scared, as I guess many of you have been at times, that it will all be too much and I will give up too easily...
Little light bulbs have been going off on some of the things I have been reading, eg. no-one MAKES me anxious, scared, feel inadequate - I do that to myself. Grief is healing the wound. Don't run with your fears. Find a way to communicate with a Higher Power. These are all useful things to keep in mind and I have learned them from reading the boards, so thanks.
Do I sound hyped? This is what I mean... My sister returns home from overseas in a few weeks, I have told her about my decision to act and she is and will be a great support. My co-dependent partner has told me he will help me, too, but I think I hear warning bells...
It is a great comfort to know that you are all there. Thanks for hearing my voice.
I figure there is about a ten hour time difference between here and the US with Oz being ahead. Talk to you tomorrow. Have a happy sober Wednesday!!
This is my second day without a drink. I drove past the bottle shop tonight and felt relieved at not having to engage my mind in the dilemmas that getting smashed most nights brings. Usually I fall back on the third night, but not tomorrow!
I know I'm at the very beginning.
I came to this site cos I know I can't do it alone. I've tried and it's hopeless. I tried antidepressants but all they did was allow me to drink more as my tolerance increased. I thought about counselling but I couldn't be bothered going thru the process of finding someone I liked and I can't fit appointments in. I tried moderation but i don't have the control. I came to the web cos I want anonymity, and I want to be able to jump on the computer when I can or when I feel like it. I work full-time and am a sole parent of two great kids 12 and 13. So, it has to be easy access to support. I also like writing, so let me know if I'm rabbiting on!
I turned 40 in January. I'm worried about getting sick from drinking - liver rot, gut rot, cancer, those things that drinkers and smokers (cigs) are most at risk of. I can't get sick cos there is no-one else to care for my kids. I'm also conscious that I am setting a bad example for them as they get older. They're starting to voice their dislike for my bad habits, and the school health program lets them know that I am overdoing it. I feel I am letting them down. I think a bit of guilt to help motivate me is ok.
The other thing is that I am underperforming at work. That's been hard to admit. I have a good job that will take me further if I take the opportunity or I will languish in mediocrity.
I've also been in a co-dependent (groan) relationship for some years, we don't live together but we do drink together every weekend. I'm sick of it.
I figure I still have time to change. One thing I have picked up on from the reading of the boards that I have done so far is that stopping is one thing, having a reasonably contented sober life is another, and that is what I am most scared of.
I don't know myself without drinking. I'm frightened of myself, in fact I think even from just these two days, there are things about myself that I don't like that I am forced to consider with a clearer head. I'm impatient and agitated, I say stupid things when I should shut up, I'm naive for my age, and I am angry, resentful and sad. What a package!
I have cried a lot over the last day or so. Over time I have worked out that I have buried grief from years ago, as I have been a regular and moderate to heavy drinker (and dope smoker for a while there) since I was about 16.
Whenever I have managed to stop drinking, even for a few days, I cry. It's quite inconvenient at times, too, so I squash it. I don't want the kids to worry about me, so I squash it. There's not much room to let it come out, which is another thing that leads me back to drinking... If I'm not crying I might be agitated and angry, or all three. And the resentment! I could run a million miles on my resentment! So I tried to exhaust myself at the gym tonight, so I wouldn't go home angry, as I had left.
When I manage not to drink (not often) I also get my energy back, and I don't know what to do with myself. I feel it coming back now, and this is only my second day. That's another reason I drink - to relax, to take the edge off my energy. But I drink so much I am left with NO energy, there is no balance.
So, there are several things I anticipate being challenges for me. My most vulnerable time is around 5pm, after work, getting dinner, kids homework done, bits and pieces, the humdrum of routine. Much easier to get thru with a drink or five.
Challenges apart from staying sober are: what to do with my energy (any alternative suggestions for this word? manic, hyper, bipolar, freak???); how to remain calm and not agitated over small things going wrong; how to be patient; what to do with my anger and resentment; how to release grief (I expect that will happen over time); and how to experience myself sober and not become afraid of myself.
I am scared, as I guess many of you have been at times, that it will all be too much and I will give up too easily...
Little light bulbs have been going off on some of the things I have been reading, eg. no-one MAKES me anxious, scared, feel inadequate - I do that to myself. Grief is healing the wound. Don't run with your fears. Find a way to communicate with a Higher Power. These are all useful things to keep in mind and I have learned them from reading the boards, so thanks.
Do I sound hyped? This is what I mean... My sister returns home from overseas in a few weeks, I have told her about my decision to act and she is and will be a great support. My co-dependent partner has told me he will help me, too, but I think I hear warning bells...
It is a great comfort to know that you are all there. Thanks for hearing my voice.
I figure there is about a ten hour time difference between here and the US with Oz being ahead. Talk to you tomorrow. Have a happy sober Wednesday!!
Excellent share! You're in the right place, and (if you're willing), the people here can help. I, too, took anti-depressants and was able to drink more. Alcohol is a depressant--go figure. I, too, felt astonishingly alone and withdrew as alcohol became more and more important. I didn't neglect anyone--except ME--and PeoplePleasing stopped working.
Only YOU can determine whether you have a problem with drink, but I found that it was only a symptom. I had a THINKING problem and I drank for effect. I drank to squelch "The Committee" in my head. I drank because nobody else could POSSIBLY have the problems I had.
There IS hope and there IS a solution. There are many women here who will help you, and guide you if you're willing. I've personally found that I suddenly had TONS of free time once I put down the drink and had to find something to do with my hands. Dinner preparation was put on hold in favor of quicker, self-help meals. I changed up my schedule; I changed my playgrounds; I changed my playpals. I focused on ME. There's a process for recovery and people approach it differently based on economics, tolerance, comittment, and addiction. YOU can do this. WE can help.
Welcome. We're glad you're here.
Helpful Hint #1: Chocolate--just a small piece--can help deter the desire for a drink and help you sleep. It also doesn't turn you into an a**face after consuming it.
Only YOU can determine whether you have a problem with drink, but I found that it was only a symptom. I had a THINKING problem and I drank for effect. I drank to squelch "The Committee" in my head. I drank because nobody else could POSSIBLY have the problems I had.
There IS hope and there IS a solution. There are many women here who will help you, and guide you if you're willing. I've personally found that I suddenly had TONS of free time once I put down the drink and had to find something to do with my hands. Dinner preparation was put on hold in favor of quicker, self-help meals. I changed up my schedule; I changed my playgrounds; I changed my playpals. I focused on ME. There's a process for recovery and people approach it differently based on economics, tolerance, comittment, and addiction. YOU can do this. WE can help.
Welcome. We're glad you're here.
Helpful Hint #1: Chocolate--just a small piece--can help deter the desire for a drink and help you sleep. It also doesn't turn you into an a**face after consuming it.
Gidday Jane z
Welcome to the boards and keep posting your experience, strength and hope:)
The boards are a great way to build gratitude and strength and your post has so much in there that i can relate to, so thankyou for your positivness and honesty in posting because it has help this alky today.
Im Zac and im from New Zealand so when i can im around the boards only a couple of hours different to Auzzy
light and love Zac
Welcome to the boards and keep posting your experience, strength and hope:)
The boards are a great way to build gratitude and strength and your post has so much in there that i can relate to, so thankyou for your positivness and honesty in posting because it has help this alky today.
Im Zac and im from New Zealand so when i can im around the boards only a couple of hours different to Auzzy
light and love Zac
Hi there. I know all about your feelings and have felt the same way. I will be 51 years old in a couple of weeks. Drank from the time I was 16 regularly on weekends but had my first drunk at age 14. To make a long story short the more years you drink the greater the hold it has on you and the more you drink. For years I was drinking 4 days a week. I was drinking every day by the end. Started going downhill very fast and I guess I decided I wanted to live. You will get your 7 months of sobriety. When I first came to this board there were people here ahead of me by months and I couldn't imagine going that long but I have and I am glad that I have. It hasn't been easy for me. Alcohol was part of my life for 34 years so needless to say I had a lot of changes to make. I hope this will give you some initiative to stay sober. If I can do it believe me anyone can. We have to learn a new way of life and have to live life on lifes terms. You can do it if you want it bad enough. There is great support here on the board and writing is a great way to get your feelings out in the open. Hang in there.stay strong and think positive. You are not alone. God bless and take care
Hi there,
It's soooo good to read and re-read your responses. Thanks so much for the inspiration. I don't think I would even have got past day 3.
Hi Zac from NZ!
I went to the gym tonight and pounded out my resentment(!) then went to the library to calm down. This was good for me but then I was late home, dinner was scatty, and the kids went to bed late.
It's not all about me so I'm going to have to get better at evening time management! I think skg's idea of quicker meals is a good one. If I'm going to resist the 5pm temptress, the kids will have to learn some quick meals. They're old enough so it won't hurt them to know how to toast a sandwich!
I'm wondering how I am going to face Fri and Sat nights without feeling bored and lonely... time to get on the phone perhaps. I remember I used to be on the phone to friends a lot. Then I allowed co-dependency and advanced drunkenness to interfere. I am grateful that the same good old gals are still there, tho they don't know the extent of the problem. Perhaps I'll leave the phone for Sat morn? I think it will be a mistake for me to be at home on a Friday night. What have others done this early in the piece? I can't think of anywhere to go except the bookshop. If that's what it takes...
Thanks for hint no. 1 skg, but I'm one step and about a whole block ahead. Is this teetering on substitution? My son said to me tonight, "it's great that you're suddenly going to the gym so much, mum, but if you really want to help yourself, you need to stay off the fatty foods." I thanked him for his advice with a wince that he could not see.
I look forward to hearing from you fab people. Thinking of you all.
It's soooo good to read and re-read your responses. Thanks so much for the inspiration. I don't think I would even have got past day 3.
Hi Zac from NZ!
I went to the gym tonight and pounded out my resentment(!) then went to the library to calm down. This was good for me but then I was late home, dinner was scatty, and the kids went to bed late.
It's not all about me so I'm going to have to get better at evening time management! I think skg's idea of quicker meals is a good one. If I'm going to resist the 5pm temptress, the kids will have to learn some quick meals. They're old enough so it won't hurt them to know how to toast a sandwich!
I'm wondering how I am going to face Fri and Sat nights without feeling bored and lonely... time to get on the phone perhaps. I remember I used to be on the phone to friends a lot. Then I allowed co-dependency and advanced drunkenness to interfere. I am grateful that the same good old gals are still there, tho they don't know the extent of the problem. Perhaps I'll leave the phone for Sat morn? I think it will be a mistake for me to be at home on a Friday night. What have others done this early in the piece? I can't think of anywhere to go except the bookshop. If that's what it takes...
Thanks for hint no. 1 skg, but I'm one step and about a whole block ahead. Is this teetering on substitution? My son said to me tonight, "it's great that you're suddenly going to the gym so much, mum, but if you really want to help yourself, you need to stay off the fatty foods." I thanked him for his advice with a wince that he could not see.
I look forward to hearing from you fab people. Thinking of you all.
| QUOTE |
| Thanks for hint no. 1 skg, but I'm one step and about a whole block ahead. Is this teetering on substitution? My son said to me tonight, "it's great that you're suddenly going to the gym so much, mum, but if you really want to help yourself, you need to stay off the fatty foods." I thanked him for his advice with a wince that he could not see. |
Hi, Jane, and congrats on 3 days! It's one day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time. Your physiological self is going to change, but alcohol is going to scream louder in your head and it's doing pushups in the driveway, waiting for you to slip. Psychologically it is a roller-coaster ride. I've learned that I needed tools and concepts to manage my emotions that I'd never been privy to before, for whatever reason, and I also had to put ME first.
Chocolate won't turn you into an ASSFace and, if you're cognizant of it, you'll only use it sparingly. Transferrence is a real problem for alcoholics because of the avoidance issue: If I can do something perceived as healthy and avoid dealing with the real problem, I've avoided facing the issue and soon I am in the same rut--with contempt for yet another activity. "Pounding" the disease out of me didn't work and, while the endorphines and adrenaline worked for a while, pretty soon I was right back against the bottle (or other addiction). Transferrence is what we alcoholics DO when avoiding US.
#2. When you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, deal with the symptom. HALT, as it's known, is awareness of your emotional condition. Hungry? Eat something. Tired? Take a nap. Angry or Lonely? Talk to someone--call 'em, visit them, whatever--and talk HONESTLY about what's bothering you. THIS is where sponsors are handy--or a phone list of people in your same condition.
Use this forum just to get your feelings out. This is an alcohol recovery medium. MOST people here have made significant progress and are more than willing to help.
CONSIDER learning about Alcoholic Anonymous. You'd be absolutely amazed at how many people around you are in recovery. Seriously.
Good luck--and keep coming back!
skg's our resident drama queen
Hi for me in the early stages. I ate lots of chocolate,kept in contact with my sponsor. read a lot of inspiritional stuff and read the BB and (I have to admit sometimes cried and ranted and raved although I don't recommend that to you lol. ) also went to thepary . All these things I still do except the crying and ranting. I have become more mellow. For me I have to stay foscused on my recovery with the tools I have. I have to use the same things now to stay sober as I did in the beginning . It's all about wanting it bad enough and to be willing enough and to listen and learn. The other thing to is be receptive to what is being told to you because sometimes some advice might tick you off but you can be sure if it do there is something in it that is what you need to hear not what you want to hear . Good advice is honest advice. and our disease will try and take over our minds in convincing us to have a drink so that is where the support on this board played a big role for me. The other thing is to watch out for items that you use such as mouthwash ,tootpaste etc that contain alcohol.
any amount of alcohol no matter how tiny can set off cravings. Hope this will help you some. Good luck on your journey towards recovery.It's a roller coaster of a ride but it's worth it. We all just have ONE DAY AT A TIME. No one gets cured we all just have a reprieve but support from each other gets us through. Stay strong and stay focused. You are worth it and your children deserve to have a sober mom. God bless take care
any amount of alcohol no matter how tiny can set off cravings. Hope this will help you some. Good luck on your journey towards recovery.It's a roller coaster of a ride but it's worth it. We all just have ONE DAY AT A TIME. No one gets cured we all just have a reprieve but support from each other gets us through. Stay strong and stay focused. You are worth it and your children deserve to have a sober mom. God bless take care
Gidday jane z
Try seeing if the kids want to go for a walk, if thats still cool to be seen with a parent LOL or work out the meals they like and do some cooking lessons or just sit and talk with them about anything and everything, find a good book and read.
When the kids are in bed log on and read some of the old posts and do some posting if you feel like it
There are tough days and there are good days so start storing gratitude for the days you need it:)
light and love Zac
Try seeing if the kids want to go for a walk, if thats still cool to be seen with a parent LOL or work out the meals they like and do some cooking lessons or just sit and talk with them about anything and everything, find a good book and read.
When the kids are in bed log on and read some of the old posts and do some posting if you feel like it
There are tough days and there are good days so start storing gratitude for the days you need it:)
light and love Zac
Zac! Teaching the mosters to cook! The benefits are tremendous--spend time with them, teach them first aid, lose weight, use all the pots and pans...
LOL
LOL
Hi Jane,
Keep coming back. You will find a lot of great support here. There are many different personalities to chose from here. Somone you will no doubt connect with.
Have a great day,
Valarie
Keep coming back. You will find a lot of great support here. There are many different personalities to chose from here. Somone you will no doubt connect with.
Have a great day,
Valarie
Gidday Jane z
Hope you havent got food poisoning from the kids cooking LOL.
How has the weekend gone for you?
light and love Zac
Hope you havent got food poisoning from the kids cooking LOL.
How has the weekend gone for you?
light and love Zac
So much good advice and support has been posted since I last wrote. Thanks.
I'm afraid I didn't make it thru my first weekend sober. This is hard to admit but I feel I have to as part of changing for me is to be honest and to take the risk of putting this out into the universe.
Today, Sunday, I feel sad and rather flat. I haven't seen my codependent partner this weekend. I have been pretty clear (!) about it being over. While this is good, it has left me feeling rather lost.
Okay, so. The good things about the weekend are that I got out Saturday most of the day, and reconnected with a friend. And my son's football team won the grand final.
Now... I need to keep reading the boards and cry a bit.
I hope your weekends have been brighter!
I'm afraid I didn't make it thru my first weekend sober. This is hard to admit but I feel I have to as part of changing for me is to be honest and to take the risk of putting this out into the universe.
Today, Sunday, I feel sad and rather flat. I haven't seen my codependent partner this weekend. I have been pretty clear (!) about it being over. While this is good, it has left me feeling rather lost.
Okay, so. The good things about the weekend are that I got out Saturday most of the day, and reconnected with a friend. And my son's football team won the grand final.
Now... I need to keep reading the boards and cry a bit.
I hope your weekends have been brighter!
