I am an opiate addict, and have been in recovery for three years. During that time I had surgeries that required me to take narcotic pain medication. I have not had any problems with that, and have always been honest with everyone about my addiction and recovery. I am now facing another surgery for a herniated disc in my neck. The disc has somehow done something that has caused it and two other discs to be resting on the nerve going into my chest, jaw and down my arm. Anyway, I have having a much harder time with the medication. I am starting to feel crazy and to think about them more than I have in the past. I don't want to stop taking them or to increase the dose, I just want to feel not so nuts. I have been going to meetings, meeting with my sponsor and calling friends in recovery. Everything helps, and maybe this is just something I need to go through in order to get to the other side. I called in for my first refill this morning, after I called the surgon and let them know. It was such a funny feeling. If anyone has had any experience or any words of wisdom, feel free to tell me. I just wanted to write it all out. I have also talked with the folks on the PA board and have gotten feedback there as well. I know that there has been some something back and forth between the two sites, so I want to make sure that it is okay to be on both boards
elsiejean (jaci)
Hi Jaci
I don't really know what to say, other than is it possible to get the meds out of your hands and have someone else hold onto them for you? It seems like you are taking all the right steps, just need to get your head under control. Keep talking about it, and make sure you keep yourself accoutable. I hope you feel better soon.
michelle
I don't really know what to say, other than is it possible to get the meds out of your hands and have someone else hold onto them for you? It seems like you are taking all the right steps, just need to get your head under control. Keep talking about it, and make sure you keep yourself accoutable. I hope you feel better soon.
michelle
Dear Jaci,
Honey, are you taking actual pain pills or are they the soma- the muscle relaxant....muscle relaxants do not have the same withdrawal problems as narcotics. Your doctor knows about your past problme with narcotics, and knows you need SOMETHING right now, so i am sure he does not consider this temporary RX of soma to be a big problem for you....
Try to remeber that soma though dangerous is not the same as a narcotic pain pill..it is a muscle relaxant..
Unless you are taking something other than soma and then i apologize and will give you a different opinion, I would say that you should stop being so hard on yourself and remember the language we use in dealing with pain and the treatment of pain is impotant, you may be having stress that is unnecessary, if it werent for the fact that you are using the term Pain pills...instead of muscle relaxants, which stir up old feelings...
Let me know what you are using, Im here for you,
Ali
Honey, are you taking actual pain pills or are they the soma- the muscle relaxant....muscle relaxants do not have the same withdrawal problems as narcotics. Your doctor knows about your past problme with narcotics, and knows you need SOMETHING right now, so i am sure he does not consider this temporary RX of soma to be a big problem for you....
Try to remeber that soma though dangerous is not the same as a narcotic pain pill..it is a muscle relaxant..
Unless you are taking something other than soma and then i apologize and will give you a different opinion, I would say that you should stop being so hard on yourself and remember the language we use in dealing with pain and the treatment of pain is impotant, you may be having stress that is unnecessary, if it werent for the fact that you are using the term Pain pills...instead of muscle relaxants, which stir up old feelings...
Let me know what you are using, Im here for you,
Ali
bump for pain inthe neck Jac...
Not sure if you read the end of post...are you on Soma honey?
Or is it an actual narcotic pain pill??
Im here for you..
Hugs,
Ali
Not sure if you read the end of post...are you on Soma honey?
Or is it an actual narcotic pain pill??
Im here for you..
Hugs,
Ali
Jaci honey you have a medical need right now. Remember, no one expects you to be a matry just because your an addict. Just keeping going to meetings, being honest and accountable to yourself. I wish you healing thoughts.
Ali love, I SO disagree ( respectfully ) w/d's from soma are just as bad as a narcotic. I was the one taking 30 of them a day remember? Any thing that can be addicitive is awful no matter if its "classfied" a narcotic or not.
Much love to you both!!
Kelly
Ali love, I SO disagree ( respectfully ) w/d's from soma are just as bad as a narcotic. I was the one taking 30 of them a day remember? Any thing that can be addicitive is awful no matter if its "classfied" a narcotic or not.
Much love to you both!!
Kelly
Kelly,
i am so sorry...i really didnt know that soma was a medicine that you had to actually withdraw from....i stand corrected. My apologies.I had a friend remember that died from taking too many somas, she was on and off them from years but only heard her talk of the painpill withdrawal, never soma...I didnt know it was like that
Sorry,
Ali
i am so sorry...i really didnt know that soma was a medicine that you had to actually withdraw from....i stand corrected. My apologies.I had a friend remember that died from taking too many somas, she was on and off them from years but only heard her talk of the painpill withdrawal, never soma...I didnt know it was like that
Sorry,
Ali
No worries Ali... some of the things people are addicted to here I've never even HEARD of and I thought I knew of every addictive substance known to mankind. Recovery is about learning. Thats what I"m told!!! Glad to hear you are doing better hon...
Many hugs
Kelly
Many hugs
Kelly
Thanks everyone. Ali, I was taking Soma, but am not now. Now I am taking narcotic pain pills( I don't want to get into which ones because it doesn't matter). I am being very honest, but still don't like the mental crap. I don't even want to take more than perscribed, I just have that icky feeling that I can't get rid of. I met with my sponsor tonight and she told me that I should just keep praying to my Higher Power to be relieved of the obsession. That the obsession to use and the obsession to think about drugs doesn't just go away becasue this time I'm not faking it. So I am going ot start doing that. I also am planning to look for another dr. I can't even get into see the surgon untill Jan. 10 and I can't wait that long. I hate to have to start all over, but I don't want to have to be doing this for so long. I have to get this fixed and get on with things. Love to you, and to Kelly. This really is a very nice place to be, isn't it.
jaci
jaci
jaci
it has been my experience that pain is a lot like a stray cat. the more i feed it and pay attention to it the longer it sticks around.
on sunday i threw my back out -- my sacroiliac. last night, after spending the better part of the day on a heating pad, i could barely stand up or walk -- the pain was pretty bad, to say the very least.
today, drawing upon my experience, i recalled what has worked for me in the past. i have learned to take an action that would be diametrically opposed to my previous way of thinking. so, instead of laying around all day, magnifying the pain in my head, i opted to get dressed and ride my bicycle (leaning forward actually diminishes the pain). i only rode 10 miles today but at the end of the ride my back felt 100% better. tonight after a hot shower the pain is almost gone!
the point that i am trying to make is simply this: shift your focus away from the pain. find some activity that will actually encourage blood flow. get your circulation going -- take a walk -- count your blessings. in so doing i think that you'll be amazed at the power of your mind and a little positive thought.
as addicts in recovery it is imperative that we retrain our mind and our thinking. once i was finally able to fully digest the implications of step one, that i could never safely take even one, then it all started to get a little easier. i started learning other ways to deal with physical pain -- i had to, my very life depended on it!
sweet dreams, little one.
*sdr*
it has been my experience that pain is a lot like a stray cat. the more i feed it and pay attention to it the longer it sticks around.
on sunday i threw my back out -- my sacroiliac. last night, after spending the better part of the day on a heating pad, i could barely stand up or walk -- the pain was pretty bad, to say the very least.
today, drawing upon my experience, i recalled what has worked for me in the past. i have learned to take an action that would be diametrically opposed to my previous way of thinking. so, instead of laying around all day, magnifying the pain in my head, i opted to get dressed and ride my bicycle (leaning forward actually diminishes the pain). i only rode 10 miles today but at the end of the ride my back felt 100% better. tonight after a hot shower the pain is almost gone!
the point that i am trying to make is simply this: shift your focus away from the pain. find some activity that will actually encourage blood flow. get your circulation going -- take a walk -- count your blessings. in so doing i think that you'll be amazed at the power of your mind and a little positive thought.
as addicts in recovery it is imperative that we retrain our mind and our thinking. once i was finally able to fully digest the implications of step one, that i could never safely take even one, then it all started to get a little easier. i started learning other ways to deal with physical pain -- i had to, my very life depended on it!
sweet dreams, little one.
*sdr*
Dear Jaci (and sdr,)
Sdr we'll have to agree to disagree with each other on that one. Just because someone has had addiction problems in the past, it doesnt mean they have to suffer true and dibilitating pain. they should be on guard that they do not lapse back into taking for recreational use, yes, they should even be kept a close eye on for signs of abusing the pain pill yes.But should they suffere needlessly because of past mistakes???? I say NO. ( and i KNOW BAD PAIN)
I know you believe once an addict always an addict. i do not. i say we can change, that we do not need to wear a label on our heads saying "ADDICT"for the rest of our lives.....
For me personally, I find labeling harmful and has the potential to keep one STUCK forever....you are entitled to your opinion of course and Im sure ALL 12 steppers would agree with you, but it is not a theory I PERSONALLY prescribe to.
I used to do coke regularly, used to smoke pot DAILY....havent touched it in more than 20 years, if i came across it ( and i have at parties etc....) i would turn away and CHOOSE not to partake.Period. ( was i "addicted to it atthe time....yup) Had i prescribed to the ADDICT FOR LIFE theory i dont think i would have been able to make those changes in my life, the PRESSURE of wearing a label would have made me give up or at the very least THINK about the coke or pot all the time.....
If you told me that I could never ever have a piece of cholcolate ever ever again, and that i had to go to meetings where all they did was talk about chocolate and how we shouldnt think about it.....i would be obsessed with chocolate ...think about it constantly....being a "chocolate addict" would be a daily battle....I would much rather say i choose not have chocolate in my life and move on, think and worry about other things..learn from my mistakes and move on...
Hey it may not be a popular theory and I sure as heck wouldnt share it over at the PA board, because it is working for them and thats great...it just will not work for me, and any one who thinks like me.
Point is Jaci is having serious pain. not a muscle spasm, something that requires surgery. she should not be left to suffer because of her past history with pain killers. Shes doing evrything right, shes being honest, shes got checks inplace, the drs are aware of her history.
Jaci sweetie i hope you get your surgery soon and then go on to live a full and happy life and one that you are just happy that you do not want or NEED anything for pain of any kind. ( emotional and physical ) Do make sure that you are getting proper nutrients right now....take extra vitamins, especially B and humor me if you will look into what amino acids are doing for addiction research.
I have bought at least 6 books on addiction and amino acids, and to me its AMAZING that NONE of the traditional addiction treatment communities address the brain and the need to bio-balance it...thats what cravings are all about....the brain is in "survival mode" and craves craves craves....It THINKS its very lifeis at stake. We have the capablity now to balance that and actually stop the cravings.
I KNOW im going to catch some crap for this post, but Im entitled to my opinion, and in fact am finding that it is working for me. Within 11 days of taking the amonis and vitamin therapy, I am now down to taking 8 pills a day ( from 25 sometimes 30) yesterday i forgot ...can you imagine FORGOT to take my 2nd dose and thus only took 4 pills...i mean you tell me, but Im thinking it has to be the nutritional supplements im trying......Im already a different person, feel better, look better.....i know im not at the finishing line yet but jaci 2 weeks ago i truly did not think iwas capable of this....
No harm done on reading on the subject, and theres lots of books out there on the effect of nutritional supplements (aminos) and cravings, addictions...If you think its all b.s. then toss it in the garbage.....but what if they are right?????Doesnt mean you cant keep going to meetings and enjoy the best of both worlds if thats what you like...
Anyway Jaci, i will pray for a fast and safe surgery and a speedy healthy recovery.....i know you'll do well you have a great attitude!
hugs,
Ali
Sdr we'll have to agree to disagree with each other on that one. Just because someone has had addiction problems in the past, it doesnt mean they have to suffer true and dibilitating pain. they should be on guard that they do not lapse back into taking for recreational use, yes, they should even be kept a close eye on for signs of abusing the pain pill yes.But should they suffere needlessly because of past mistakes???? I say NO. ( and i KNOW BAD PAIN)
I know you believe once an addict always an addict. i do not. i say we can change, that we do not need to wear a label on our heads saying "ADDICT"for the rest of our lives.....
For me personally, I find labeling harmful and has the potential to keep one STUCK forever....you are entitled to your opinion of course and Im sure ALL 12 steppers would agree with you, but it is not a theory I PERSONALLY prescribe to.
I used to do coke regularly, used to smoke pot DAILY....havent touched it in more than 20 years, if i came across it ( and i have at parties etc....) i would turn away and CHOOSE not to partake.Period. ( was i "addicted to it atthe time....yup) Had i prescribed to the ADDICT FOR LIFE theory i dont think i would have been able to make those changes in my life, the PRESSURE of wearing a label would have made me give up or at the very least THINK about the coke or pot all the time.....
If you told me that I could never ever have a piece of cholcolate ever ever again, and that i had to go to meetings where all they did was talk about chocolate and how we shouldnt think about it.....i would be obsessed with chocolate ...think about it constantly....being a "chocolate addict" would be a daily battle....I would much rather say i choose not have chocolate in my life and move on, think and worry about other things..learn from my mistakes and move on...
Hey it may not be a popular theory and I sure as heck wouldnt share it over at the PA board, because it is working for them and thats great...it just will not work for me, and any one who thinks like me.
Point is Jaci is having serious pain. not a muscle spasm, something that requires surgery. she should not be left to suffer because of her past history with pain killers. Shes doing evrything right, shes being honest, shes got checks inplace, the drs are aware of her history.
Jaci sweetie i hope you get your surgery soon and then go on to live a full and happy life and one that you are just happy that you do not want or NEED anything for pain of any kind. ( emotional and physical ) Do make sure that you are getting proper nutrients right now....take extra vitamins, especially B and humor me if you will look into what amino acids are doing for addiction research.
I have bought at least 6 books on addiction and amino acids, and to me its AMAZING that NONE of the traditional addiction treatment communities address the brain and the need to bio-balance it...thats what cravings are all about....the brain is in "survival mode" and craves craves craves....It THINKS its very lifeis at stake. We have the capablity now to balance that and actually stop the cravings.
I KNOW im going to catch some crap for this post, but Im entitled to my opinion, and in fact am finding that it is working for me. Within 11 days of taking the amonis and vitamin therapy, I am now down to taking 8 pills a day ( from 25 sometimes 30) yesterday i forgot ...can you imagine FORGOT to take my 2nd dose and thus only took 4 pills...i mean you tell me, but Im thinking it has to be the nutritional supplements im trying......Im already a different person, feel better, look better.....i know im not at the finishing line yet but jaci 2 weeks ago i truly did not think iwas capable of this....
No harm done on reading on the subject, and theres lots of books out there on the effect of nutritional supplements (aminos) and cravings, addictions...If you think its all b.s. then toss it in the garbage.....but what if they are right?????Doesnt mean you cant keep going to meetings and enjoy the best of both worlds if thats what you like...
Anyway Jaci, i will pray for a fast and safe surgery and a speedy healthy recovery.....i know you'll do well you have a great attitude!
hugs,
Ali
Ali,
I was very interested in your post, until the part that you are still using. I would be interested in seeing if thats still your opinion once your still clean.
Regards,
Tom
I was very interested in your post, until the part that you are still using. I would be interested in seeing if thats still your opinion once your still clean.
Regards,
Tom
hey Tom,
well cant lie that it is true,I am still on my med.But going from 25-30 ( 8mg )dilaudid a day down to 8 ( yesterday only 4) within a 10 day period is a huge leap already, biggest however is in my attitude...Im assuming it is the aminos???? i dont know for sure....I am having the occasional weird withdrawal symptom, which is to be expected, ( arm or leg shoots out on its own...) so do have to taper for saftey, but emotional I am certainly ready to quit altogether... Forgetting to take the 2nd dose yesterday is a MIRACLE...something i didnt think was even possible....
True,I havent taken that final leap, but will keep you posted and hope to God my theory is right, otherwise i have some huge a** kissing to do ( lolol)
Hugs,
Ali
well cant lie that it is true,I am still on my med.But going from 25-30 ( 8mg )dilaudid a day down to 8 ( yesterday only 4) within a 10 day period is a huge leap already, biggest however is in my attitude...Im assuming it is the aminos???? i dont know for sure....I am having the occasional weird withdrawal symptom, which is to be expected, ( arm or leg shoots out on its own...) so do have to taper for saftey, but emotional I am certainly ready to quit altogether... Forgetting to take the 2nd dose yesterday is a MIRACLE...something i didnt think was even possible....
True,I havent taken that final leap, but will keep you posted and hope to God my theory is right, otherwise i have some huge a** kissing to do ( lolol)
Hugs,
Ali
Ali,
You sound very upbeat, that is good. I hope your right, I also hope you will share that as well (that was the reason behind my post). And yes, that is a huge jump in that time frame. Good luck to you Ali.
Regards,
Tom
You sound very upbeat, that is good. I hope your right, I also hope you will share that as well (that was the reason behind my post). And yes, that is a huge jump in that time frame. Good luck to you Ali.
Regards,
Tom
Thankyou Tom,
so appreciate your open mind and support...will keep you up dated as I go..
Hugs
Ali
so appreciate your open mind and support...will keep you up dated as I go..
Hugs
Ali
Thank you to everyone. Ali I have tried nutritional things, and have lived that way for many years. I don't do supplements because I can't afford them, but I try to make sure I eat what I need. I believe that we all contain our own healing (with much spiritual support) and that our bodies do tell us what we need, especiallly as we learn how to listen. I feel that what I am doing is what I need to do at this time in order to have any quality of life. I also accept that with that decision I have a responsibility to push the medical profession for a permanent solution to the problem. I continue to pray and have to believe that somehow I will get a gut feeling from the Goddess if I am making a mistake.
sdr. You continue to challange me, inspire me, comfort and amuse me. You also have the uncanny ability to piss me off. lmao. I aprreciate your words and will not take them lightly. I believe you have many years of knowledge that have come from living in the depths of hell, and I respect that immensely.
Thank you again to everyone that has responded to me. I value your words and thoughts.
elsiejean (jaci)
sdr. You continue to challange me, inspire me, comfort and amuse me. You also have the uncanny ability to piss me off. lmao. I aprreciate your words and will not take them lightly. I believe you have many years of knowledge that have come from living in the depths of hell, and I respect that immensely.
Thank you again to everyone that has responded to me. I value your words and thoughts.
elsiejean (jaci)
