hell-o, i'm 25 years old and i haven't done speed for six months. i've posted a couple of comments around the boards today. this will have been my first visit to any site like this. i've been positively surprised. i was introduced to speed two years ago. i pretty much did it daily from that day forward. before that it was coke (but recreationally). over the two years friends came and left, in the end it was down to me and my roommate turned boyfriend. he died after suffering a massive heart attack. he was 25 years old. i guess performing cpr on him and experiencing his death first hand was enough to stop my very very bad addiction. after his funeral, where i was the black sheep...I packed up my dark life and drove away. it took some time for the shock of his death to fade, but it has now, and in its place is such the heinous dose of anxiety....that i wonder if i can do this. i swore to myself i would be pill and drug free for the rest of my days, but i'm begining to think i need xanax or something. is this typical or should i just swallow it that i have to be on meds....
That is a tough call. you have plenty of reason to feel the way you do , I am sorry for your loss. I would think it might not hurt to speak with a therapist, or your doctor if you can find a decent one of either . Just because you were once addicted doesnt mean you have to be absolutely drug free the rest of your life . I am sure with diet and a healthy lifestyle there is no reason you would need to have meds forever . I also believe sometimes meds are a better way to go , if not abused . My instinct tells me your pain and isolation might easily lead to "self medication " no matter how badly we want to stay away from it ....stress and depression is meths greatest lures. stay strong , and best wishes .... AL
Anxiety disorders come in many varieties. Descriptions of some of the most common disorders follow:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder: GAD is characterized by persistent anxiety, unrelated to a specific event. People suffering from GAD cannot help worrying about anything and everything, even in calm situations. They have difficulty relaxing, falling asleep, and/or concentrating, and tend to be impatient and irritable. Physical symptoms accompanying GAD include sweating; an upset stomach; diarrhea; frequent urination; cold, clammy hands; a lump in the throat; a dry mouth; shortness of breath; headaches; and dizziness. Managing the normal demands of a job, relationships, and everyday life can become more and more difficult for people with this disorder. GAD appears in four percent of the general population.
Case Study: Amy, age 38, is a worrier. She is restless, irritable and has difficulty concentrating. She worries that she worries so much and isn't always sure what it is that she is worried about. She can't let her husband or children leave the house without making them call her regularly to reassure her that they are okay. Her husband is growing weary of her fretting. Her children can't understand what all the fuss is about. Their impatience with her only makes her worry more. Amy has generalized anxiety disorder.
Panic Disorder: Panic attacks are just that sudden, unexplainable waves of panic that seem to come out of the blue. The body responds with the "fight-or-flight" response, anticipating clear and immediate danger. Often, these attacks subside as mysteriously as they occur. A person who has experienced one or more panic attacks often develops a fear of having one again. Some professionals call this a "fear of fear." The individual may even try to stay away from anything that reminds him or her of the last attack to avoid having another one. People can have panic attacks with or without agoraphobia (see "Phobias" below).
These attacks include symptoms such as heart palpitations, shortness of breath, chest pain, feelings of choking or smothering, nausea, dizziness, sweating, and trembling. An afflicted person might also be overwhelmed by a fear of dying, going crazy, or losing control.
Case Study: Annie is a 20-year-old student at a local community college. On several occasions recently, she has experienced sudden, absolute panic. During these episodes, her heart pounds; she trembles; her mouth gets dry and it feels as if the walls are caving in. The feelings only last a few minutes but, when they occur, the only thing that seems to relieve her fear is walking around her apartment and reminding herself that she is in control. She won't ride in cars any more unless she is driving so she is sure that she can stop if necessary. She will only go to class if she can find an aisle seat in the back row so that she can leave quietly should she have another attack. She avoids any situation in which she might feel out of control or embarrassed by her own terror. Annie is suffering from panic attacks.
Phobias: Phobias are attempts to compartmentalize fear into a few situations that can be avoided. By attaching all the panicky feelings onto a few situations, the person can avoid those situations and go on with life. Unfortunately, phobias can take on a life of their own and take over more and more of a person's life. A fear of dogs can, for example, be fairly easy to manage just don't go near dogs. But a fear of flying may limit social and business opportunities.
Some of the more common phobias include claustrophobia (fear of closed spaces), agoraphobia (fear of public places, sometimes related to panic attacks), and acrophobia (fear of heights).
Case Study: Hannah, age 55, was in a major car accident 20 years ago during a cross-country trip. Ever since, she has been unable to drive on major highways. Although she does drive, she goes to great lengths to travel only on back roads and scenic routes. She is able to go where she wants to go but it often takes much longer to get there than it should. Hannah has developed a phobia about highway driving.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Although classified as an anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) differs from these disorders in significant ways. It is the one anxiety diagnosis that seems to have a clear biological cause. Unlike the other kinds of anxiety disorders, talk therapy alone isn't much help. Medication is also necessary.
OCD is a disorder in which the mind is flooded with involuntary thoughts, or in which an individual feels compelled to repeat certain acts over and over again (for example, hand washing). This disorder can interfere significantly with everyday living, and usually leads to concern and/or resentment among friends, family, and co-workers.
A person who suffers from OCD doesn't want the thoughts and doesn't want to do the behaviors. Unfortunately, he or she really can't help it. About half the people with OCD report that it began in childhood; most others start in adolescence or early adulthood. OCD affects approximately two percent of the general population.
Case Study: Bert is 40 years old and works on an assembly line in a brush factory. He is terribly afraid of being contaminated by germs. He avoids shaking hands with others. He won't eat in the cafeteria. He has trouble leaving the bathroom because he isn't sure he has washed his hands well enough. Bert is suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder.
Acute Stress Disorder: Acute stress disorder can occur within a month of experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. It lasts from two days to no more than four weeks. Either during the event or in the month following it, the individual develops at least three of the following symptoms: numbing of feelings or emotional detachment; being "in a daze"; memory gaps or a kind of selective amnesia for the event or details of the event; and/or a sense of feeling unreal. The person re-experiences the trauma through dreams, nightmares, flashbacks, or a sense of reliving the experience. He or she may become extremely upset by anything that reminds him or her of the event and may go to great lengths to avoid anything that might trigger a reminder. Symptoms of anxiety may occur or increase, including sleep disturbance, difficulty concentrating, restlessness, and hyperalertness. All this makes it very difficult for the person to manage relationships, job or school, or the tasks of everyday life.
Case Study: Two weeks ago, Leo, age 25, was hunting with his best friend when his friend tripped over a root and accidentally shot himself to death. He doesn't remember exactly how he got himself and his friend's body out of the woods. Every night he has nightmares about not being able to save him, making it almost impossible to sleep. He can't concentrate or stay focused during conversations. Most of the time, he says he feels numb. But when asked to talk about what happened, he gets very upset. Leo is suffering from acute stress disorder.
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can develop in the wake of a traumatic event that is outside the usual human experience. A person either experiences direct or threatened injury, or witnesses the serious injury or death of another. In some cases, learning of the unexpected death or injury of a loved one can also bring on symptoms of PTSD. For a diagnosis of PTSD to be made, there must be both an identifiable terrifying event and a response of intense fear, helplessness and horror, as well as one or more characteristic symptoms. These include:
Re-experiencing of the event through nightmares, daytime flashbacks, and/or physical sensations that recall the feelings present during the event. In children, this can take the form of repetitive play that contains aspects of the traumatic event.
Numbing and shutting down feelings and memory. Feeling detached from others. Dissociating from the distressing memories and feelings.
Hyperalertness to danger. The individual often has difficulty shutting down the fight-or-flight response that was quite appropriately activated during the event. This causes sleeplessness, irritability, difficulty with concentration, and general restlessness, and sometimes the development of an exaggerated startle.
Hypervigilance and avoidance of any situation associated with the event.
These symptoms significantly disrupt an afflicted persons daily life. Depending on the type of traumatic event, the person might react with distrust of others, avoidance of anyone or anything that reminds them of the event, or lack of confidence in their ability to keep themselves safe.
Case Study: Joanne, age 32, is involved with the first man that really counts in her life. As the couple has become more intimate, Joanne has started to have flashbacks about an uncle who touched her sexually when she was only eight. She is distressed to find that she is shutting down feelings about her boyfriend and distancing herself from him. Although she has been sexual with other men, she says she can't stand to let herself be sexual with someone she loves and trusts. She startles easily and reports a general increase in anxiety. She is very angry that she has to deal with the feelings about the incidents with her uncle that happened so long ago. She says that she thought she had gotten beyond all that. Joanne is struggling with PTSD.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More information on anxiety disorders is available from the National Institute of Mental Health at: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/anxiety/anx...nxiety.cfm#anx1
Generalized Anxiety Disorder: GAD is characterized by persistent anxiety, unrelated to a specific event. People suffering from GAD cannot help worrying about anything and everything, even in calm situations. They have difficulty relaxing, falling asleep, and/or concentrating, and tend to be impatient and irritable. Physical symptoms accompanying GAD include sweating; an upset stomach; diarrhea; frequent urination; cold, clammy hands; a lump in the throat; a dry mouth; shortness of breath; headaches; and dizziness. Managing the normal demands of a job, relationships, and everyday life can become more and more difficult for people with this disorder. GAD appears in four percent of the general population.
Case Study: Amy, age 38, is a worrier. She is restless, irritable and has difficulty concentrating. She worries that she worries so much and isn't always sure what it is that she is worried about. She can't let her husband or children leave the house without making them call her regularly to reassure her that they are okay. Her husband is growing weary of her fretting. Her children can't understand what all the fuss is about. Their impatience with her only makes her worry more. Amy has generalized anxiety disorder.
Panic Disorder: Panic attacks are just that sudden, unexplainable waves of panic that seem to come out of the blue. The body responds with the "fight-or-flight" response, anticipating clear and immediate danger. Often, these attacks subside as mysteriously as they occur. A person who has experienced one or more panic attacks often develops a fear of having one again. Some professionals call this a "fear of fear." The individual may even try to stay away from anything that reminds him or her of the last attack to avoid having another one. People can have panic attacks with or without agoraphobia (see "Phobias" below).
These attacks include symptoms such as heart palpitations, shortness of breath, chest pain, feelings of choking or smothering, nausea, dizziness, sweating, and trembling. An afflicted person might also be overwhelmed by a fear of dying, going crazy, or losing control.
Case Study: Annie is a 20-year-old student at a local community college. On several occasions recently, she has experienced sudden, absolute panic. During these episodes, her heart pounds; she trembles; her mouth gets dry and it feels as if the walls are caving in. The feelings only last a few minutes but, when they occur, the only thing that seems to relieve her fear is walking around her apartment and reminding herself that she is in control. She won't ride in cars any more unless she is driving so she is sure that she can stop if necessary. She will only go to class if she can find an aisle seat in the back row so that she can leave quietly should she have another attack. She avoids any situation in which she might feel out of control or embarrassed by her own terror. Annie is suffering from panic attacks.
Phobias: Phobias are attempts to compartmentalize fear into a few situations that can be avoided. By attaching all the panicky feelings onto a few situations, the person can avoid those situations and go on with life. Unfortunately, phobias can take on a life of their own and take over more and more of a person's life. A fear of dogs can, for example, be fairly easy to manage just don't go near dogs. But a fear of flying may limit social and business opportunities.
Some of the more common phobias include claustrophobia (fear of closed spaces), agoraphobia (fear of public places, sometimes related to panic attacks), and acrophobia (fear of heights).
Case Study: Hannah, age 55, was in a major car accident 20 years ago during a cross-country trip. Ever since, she has been unable to drive on major highways. Although she does drive, she goes to great lengths to travel only on back roads and scenic routes. She is able to go where she wants to go but it often takes much longer to get there than it should. Hannah has developed a phobia about highway driving.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Although classified as an anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) differs from these disorders in significant ways. It is the one anxiety diagnosis that seems to have a clear biological cause. Unlike the other kinds of anxiety disorders, talk therapy alone isn't much help. Medication is also necessary.
OCD is a disorder in which the mind is flooded with involuntary thoughts, or in which an individual feels compelled to repeat certain acts over and over again (for example, hand washing). This disorder can interfere significantly with everyday living, and usually leads to concern and/or resentment among friends, family, and co-workers.
A person who suffers from OCD doesn't want the thoughts and doesn't want to do the behaviors. Unfortunately, he or she really can't help it. About half the people with OCD report that it began in childhood; most others start in adolescence or early adulthood. OCD affects approximately two percent of the general population.
Case Study: Bert is 40 years old and works on an assembly line in a brush factory. He is terribly afraid of being contaminated by germs. He avoids shaking hands with others. He won't eat in the cafeteria. He has trouble leaving the bathroom because he isn't sure he has washed his hands well enough. Bert is suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder.
Acute Stress Disorder: Acute stress disorder can occur within a month of experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. It lasts from two days to no more than four weeks. Either during the event or in the month following it, the individual develops at least three of the following symptoms: numbing of feelings or emotional detachment; being "in a daze"; memory gaps or a kind of selective amnesia for the event or details of the event; and/or a sense of feeling unreal. The person re-experiences the trauma through dreams, nightmares, flashbacks, or a sense of reliving the experience. He or she may become extremely upset by anything that reminds him or her of the event and may go to great lengths to avoid anything that might trigger a reminder. Symptoms of anxiety may occur or increase, including sleep disturbance, difficulty concentrating, restlessness, and hyperalertness. All this makes it very difficult for the person to manage relationships, job or school, or the tasks of everyday life.
Case Study: Two weeks ago, Leo, age 25, was hunting with his best friend when his friend tripped over a root and accidentally shot himself to death. He doesn't remember exactly how he got himself and his friend's body out of the woods. Every night he has nightmares about not being able to save him, making it almost impossible to sleep. He can't concentrate or stay focused during conversations. Most of the time, he says he feels numb. But when asked to talk about what happened, he gets very upset. Leo is suffering from acute stress disorder.
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can develop in the wake of a traumatic event that is outside the usual human experience. A person either experiences direct or threatened injury, or witnesses the serious injury or death of another. In some cases, learning of the unexpected death or injury of a loved one can also bring on symptoms of PTSD. For a diagnosis of PTSD to be made, there must be both an identifiable terrifying event and a response of intense fear, helplessness and horror, as well as one or more characteristic symptoms. These include:
Re-experiencing of the event through nightmares, daytime flashbacks, and/or physical sensations that recall the feelings present during the event. In children, this can take the form of repetitive play that contains aspects of the traumatic event.
Numbing and shutting down feelings and memory. Feeling detached from others. Dissociating from the distressing memories and feelings.
Hyperalertness to danger. The individual often has difficulty shutting down the fight-or-flight response that was quite appropriately activated during the event. This causes sleeplessness, irritability, difficulty with concentration, and general restlessness, and sometimes the development of an exaggerated startle.
Hypervigilance and avoidance of any situation associated with the event.
These symptoms significantly disrupt an afflicted persons daily life. Depending on the type of traumatic event, the person might react with distrust of others, avoidance of anyone or anything that reminds them of the event, or lack of confidence in their ability to keep themselves safe.
Case Study: Joanne, age 32, is involved with the first man that really counts in her life. As the couple has become more intimate, Joanne has started to have flashbacks about an uncle who touched her sexually when she was only eight. She is distressed to find that she is shutting down feelings about her boyfriend and distancing herself from him. Although she has been sexual with other men, she says she can't stand to let herself be sexual with someone she loves and trusts. She startles easily and reports a general increase in anxiety. She is very angry that she has to deal with the feelings about the incidents with her uncle that happened so long ago. She says that she thought she had gotten beyond all that. Joanne is struggling with PTSD.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More information on anxiety disorders is available from the National Institute of Mental Health at: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/anxiety/anx...nxiety.cfm#anx1
hey thanks for getting back to me so soon. since the anxiety/panic didn't start until about three months deep, i started to meet with my current therapist which doesn't write scripts. i have my moments where i want tweak but for the most part, now, since i've got anxiety without it...i don't want to go "up." anyway back to the point here...i guess i'm thinking outloud as to whether or not i want to go on meds. or if this is typical and i can wait it out.
Hey, it is what we do best around here....think out loud ... babble , vent , whatever it takes lol..... anytime ....best wishes ...AL
Well....... I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I have been prescibed Paxil Cr(controlled release) Xanax and Lamactil(bi-polar). My Dr has prescribed me to take 7 mgs of Xanax daily. NO-way am I doing that. Hell no. Addiction!!!!!! DUH!!!!!!! I like the Paxil, it has helped with the anxity that i dont need the xanax. I do like to take it at night to help me sleep. I have been clean from meth for 10 years. I did it ddaly for about 5 years or so. Bad stuff. Do you want to look into an A/D. That might be more helpful thatn Xanax.
MK
MK
hello hello. god this is such a great spot, i wish i would have found it sooner! there's something extremely comforting in seeing Im not the only one in this perdicament. as far as a/d's go I've taken welbutrin on two different occasions. the first time was about five years ago and i felt some discomfort taking it then, but it was a successful defeat on my smoking habit. of course after the trail of lovely events that took place this year....i tried it again and felt like a leaf in a winters breeze. i stopped after two days. my therapist hasn't been all that helpful either i have to admit. at 150/hr and no insurance though, its rough spending those extra hours, those top dollar hours, therapist hopping. i've had pretty much the same experiences with a/d's and have kinda given up on them since. but i also have this fear of battling an addiction again. its just like, enough is enough....i'm so tired of feeling insane. while i realize this is typical if not a "normal" reaction to the past year, i still can't seem to sit back anymore and feel okay with myself being so anti-social etc. it just reinforces the fear of losing sanity. crazy stuff. hope i didn't scare ya off here. talk to me...
I have tried Lexapro and Zoloft. Im not so sure that the A/Ds are as addictive. Xanax is. Please dont start that. Today is Saturday and I have to spend some time with my family. Im not ignoring you but Sundays and Weekdays are better for me. I am a SAHM. Nothing scares me dont worry.
MK
MK
scare us off???? Hell no!!! I am the scariest person I know ....hahaha. I hear you , especially on the therapist/doctor part . The good ones are SO worth every penny and more. Yet , as with any, and all walks off society ....there are some that give others a bad rap. I guess for now , WE are the best help we have going. Now there is a scary thought!!!!! hahaha. Did I mention how humor is also a great tool in recovery??? Not to make light of serious subject, but depression and isolation is a big symptom of recovery , grasping at a giggle or a laff whenever you can helps more than we know . Geeeez, read Lindellas posts!!! ( ya , I'm talking about you Linda!!! ) She laughs at herself and Life so much I wonder sometimes how much weed ans acid she uses!!! (KIDDING!! Linda!!!) she has a way of making bringing light into an otherwise dark day. She inspires me . anytime you want to vent , we're here ...I have to admit "this" place has been my saving grace . users and recovering addicts , along with non-users can all interact , and what helps me the most is no one can ask me " psssst, hey , ya wanna go out and do some, I got a little with me???" phew!!!!!! I dont need that kind of pressure!!!! hahaha . stay strong.....AL
You go MK, Your kid has that "come on mommy, lets do something" look in the pic. ...cool. (I am assuming that's your lil-one) Mommy first!! always ...One thing I noticed more than anything in life , once you have kids...time goes into maximum overdrive. one minute I first experienced tears of joy at her birth, 20 years later ....it seems like it was just a few days ago . Enjoy them while you can ..AL
well than i've got that going for me. through all of this muck i haven't lost my ability to laugh. my life turned into a country song this summer. after the first few incidents (after meth), the funeral nightmare,...i packed up my stuff into what came to be "the last truck to leave california" as stated by the good folks at UHaul. yes, this would be after the engine blew in a nice town about fifty miles east of Barstow, CA. The town with the oversized thermometer reading 116 degrees, about half way through the Mojave desert. I was sweating already because the AC sucked in the truck, pulled over, looked at my Rottweiler and started laughing like a lunatic. Kinda wondering if some nightmarish 20/20 missing persons type experience would happen next. It seemed only right at that point. So I call for help from UHaul, an hour later got AAA...who seemed to find it all quite laughable as well. The next day the UHaul was towed back to Barstow where they transloaded my stuff into a smaller UHaul and I ended up tipping them with some of my belongings. Was rad. I loved it.
my anxiety comes from my lack of action. since i've avoided doing anything social (including necessary activities i.e. the grocery store, um I QUIT SMOKING because I didn't want to go buy cigarettes!!!) it recycles the anxietyy because i won't do anything. in talking to my therapist she's telling me its basically negative self talk. at first this was like speaking chinese to me, i was like....riiiight. didn't understand what she was saying, but here i am doing it again. i beat the s*** out of myself for not having recovered faster, for ever becoming a drug addict. for feeling incompent. for becoming a hermit. for everything i've labelled myself. before i did speed i was in school and doing well. i did play with drugs on the weekends, but i managed my life. now i find it unmanageable and that scares the doodie monsters out of me.
mk i hear ya on the xanax. living a hop skip and jump away from TJ i also took those like they were tic tacs....when the sleep deprovation hit day seven or so...i'd "give in" and pop a bar or two. i hope my example isn't discouraging. i've been surfing around the homeopathic fixes for anxiety. i've been clashing the obvious (drinking coffee, refined sugars...)
ciao for now
my anxiety comes from my lack of action. since i've avoided doing anything social (including necessary activities i.e. the grocery store, um I QUIT SMOKING because I didn't want to go buy cigarettes!!!) it recycles the anxietyy because i won't do anything. in talking to my therapist she's telling me its basically negative self talk. at first this was like speaking chinese to me, i was like....riiiight. didn't understand what she was saying, but here i am doing it again. i beat the s*** out of myself for not having recovered faster, for ever becoming a drug addict. for feeling incompent. for becoming a hermit. for everything i've labelled myself. before i did speed i was in school and doing well. i did play with drugs on the weekends, but i managed my life. now i find it unmanageable and that scares the doodie monsters out of me.
mk i hear ya on the xanax. living a hop skip and jump away from TJ i also took those like they were tic tacs....when the sleep deprovation hit day seven or so...i'd "give in" and pop a bar or two. i hope my example isn't discouraging. i've been surfing around the homeopathic fixes for anxiety. i've been clashing the obvious (drinking coffee, refined sugars...)
ciao for now
Dang, I just typed a long reply and lost it.....stupid fat fingers of mine!!!! Ok, rather than drag it out again I'll just cut to the chase.....check out this site , take the test, it is 100 multi choice questions , but I found the results and explanations amazing , they have played a big part in my outburst of enthusiasm over the past few days , http://www.brainplace.com/bp/default.asp http://www.crystalrecovery.com/ http://www.kci.org/meth_info/sites/...meth_psycho.htm http://pub28.ezboard.com/bmethmadness These are several links to places I have found helpful ....check em out ..... Good luck, best wishes, AL
Hey JOM,
Thanks for all the links....um, where's the survey though?
smiles
M
Thanks for all the links....um, where's the survey though?
smiles
M
The brain system intractive checklist..... it was surprisingly accurate and informative ....
wow. k--new reason to step it up a beat. smiles everyone, smiles.
thanks jom!
: )
thanks jom!
: )
