I have been fighting this but I think I have PTSD. Not sure what to do about it and no I am not on drugs. Well, I was taking antidepressants for bit to save my sanity but I quit taking them as soon as I felt I could.
I jump when the phone rings or I get a text message and have a panic attack when I see it is my son. I am often afraid and hyper vigilant...looking all around and keeping all the doors locked at home. I hurry to the mailbox and back so I won't get bushwhacked. I get scared when someone knocks on our door...turn off everything and act like I am not home. When things are really bad like when he is yelling or threatening, I feel like I am going to pass out or have a heart attack and kind of drift off...feel like I am far away. Trouble sleeping, bad dreams, feeling trapped, depressed, and desperate. There is more but that is all I can think of right now.
Here is some information on parental PTSC and C-PTSD. See if it sounds like you...
For many parents, the long battle with trying to save their childs life has resulted in C-PTSD. It is a psychological injury that results from protracted exposure to prolonged interpersonal trauma with "loss of feeling in control", "disempowerment", or "feeling trapped," which parents suffer knowing they are responsible for a child in grave danger. The key difference between PTSD and C-PTSD is the concept of "protracted exposure."
Family members suffer abuse from the addict. Abuse comes in several forms: Overt, Covert, Stealth, Structured, and Impulsive.
Overt abuse is clear-cut and easily recognizable and easy to describe. Cursing, name-calling, fighting, and verbal threats are overt and obvious. If your beloved son or daughter is standing in your kitchen threatening you with a knife, it is obviously abuse and is easily describable to others. If your teenager is throwing things or kicking holes in doors, you have evident visible damage. If you have bruises, broken lamps and you've started to put locks on your bedroom door out of fear, you are dealing with overt, tangible abuse.
On the other hand, covert abuse by an addict revolves around the addict's need to assert and maintain control over his/her parents or brothers and sisters. Covert abuse may not be visible to others such as to the non-custodial parent in divorced families, or with grandparents or schools and even police or coaches who continue to see the addict as charming. Covert abuse is emotional and manipulative. It takes advantage of trust and costs parents their self-esteem and confidence. Covert abuse is made all the more painful because others do not see the emotional damage - they only see a seemingly "crazy person" who is dealing with the aftermath of addiction.
Stealth abuse such as gaslighting is a form of abuse where the truth gets denied so often and so convincingly that the parent starts to believe they are going crazy. It is the deliberate use of false information to make others doubt their own reality, doubt their own memory, and not trust their own perceptions. Many parents report a feeling "like I was losing my mind".
Sometimes addicts manifest what is known as a patterned (or structured) abuse. That is someone who abuses everyone around them, not just parents but other children, friends, authority figures. The abuse is predictable - everyone gets a fair share. Other addicts are more unpredictable and impulsive with their abuse - they are nice at times and then they strike "out of the blue" in a flurry of chaos. One never knows when the rage fit will hit.
Depression, lack of self-worth, problems with intimacy, inability to experience pleasure, satisfaction, or to have fun are all symptoms of C-PTSD.
Sometimes also...one is addicted to the addict. ..addiction can mirror many of the traits of both ptsd...
Bugs,
I know what you're saying. My husband and I used to say we were like beaten wives. That changed when we could walk the walk and not just talk the talk. We have limited letting our son come over because it made us too uncomfortable. We hang up the phone if he starts talking abusive or swearing at us. We won't pick up calls and/or turn off the phone if he repeatedly tries. I've told him he's not allowed to come into my work anymore and if I have to call the police, I will. He's stopped a lot of these behaviors because he knows we don't allow them any more. This in turn has allowed us to feel like we have our life back and aren't constantly looking over our shoulder or just waiting for the next call. Detaching doesn't come easy though and we have to constantly work at it but it's worth it.
Hugs to you!
I know what you're saying. My husband and I used to say we were like beaten wives. That changed when we could walk the walk and not just talk the talk. We have limited letting our son come over because it made us too uncomfortable. We hang up the phone if he starts talking abusive or swearing at us. We won't pick up calls and/or turn off the phone if he repeatedly tries. I've told him he's not allowed to come into my work anymore and if I have to call the police, I will. He's stopped a lot of these behaviors because he knows we don't allow them any more. This in turn has allowed us to feel like we have our life back and aren't constantly looking over our shoulder or just waiting for the next call. Detaching doesn't come easy though and we have to constantly work at it but it's worth it.
Hugs to you!
Hi Girls, I am flabbergasted to say the least. I never thought that what we go through had a name. All the stuff mentioned there sounds like what my husband and I have been through over the years. Then they wonder why we don't want them in our house or around us. Thanks Bugs! I would never have known there was a name for what we probably all have. Now I know and it's like a light just went on. (((Hugs))) Mary
I have felt that way as well. It is real!
What really stuck out to me was the covert abuse. My son is usually really nice in public and with others. So, it took awhile for others to believe me. It was painful! I started to get so tired of people telling it could not be true. (Behind closed doors, he was SO different).
We have to take care of ourselves and shut down the opportunities for abusive behavior.
What really stuck out to me was the covert abuse. My son is usually really nice in public and with others. So, it took awhile for others to believe me. It was painful! I started to get so tired of people telling it could not be true. (Behind closed doors, he was SO different).
We have to take care of ourselves and shut down the opportunities for abusive behavior.
LOL PTSD - yep! that feeling on edge, afraid something will happen, barely sleeping, waking at 3am with a jolt, afraid of the phone, and so on. it is better since he has been not living w us for 2 years. and things have calmed down for the past year.
my son has the symptoms too, anxiety, depression, fear -- but it has been brought on by his life style -- I would be afraid too, if I was in his shoes,
our ptsd has been brought on by his life style.
my son has the symptoms too, anxiety, depression, fear -- but it has been brought on by his life style -- I would be afraid too, if I was in his shoes,
our ptsd has been brought on by his life style.
The Overt abuse and the Covert I'd say we're the ones that ring a bell here with me. It's just so sad. ((Hugs)) Mary.
Sorry, I am on a roll tonight.
I saw my son hanging out with 2 people at a gas station two nights ago. I pulled up because he had waved earlier and I kept driving. most of the people he hangs out with usually give me dirty looks, as he says, "They know I am a total witch -(won't let them drink and use at my house). But, this girl with him was way worse than I have seen. I was actually slightly afraid of her standing there. Where he finds new people? I have never seen her before. That night, I could not sleep without going for my mace. I hate that. I lie there sometimes and I think....what is he capable of? What are they capable of?
Anyway....it is frustrating. He has chosen this life and now we are all somewhat exposed. I hate drugs!!
I saw my son hanging out with 2 people at a gas station two nights ago. I pulled up because he had waved earlier and I kept driving. most of the people he hangs out with usually give me dirty looks, as he says, "They know I am a total witch -(won't let them drink and use at my house). But, this girl with him was way worse than I have seen. I was actually slightly afraid of her standing there. Where he finds new people? I have never seen her before. That night, I could not sleep without going for my mace. I hate that. I lie there sometimes and I think....what is he capable of? What are they capable of?
Anyway....it is frustrating. He has chosen this life and now we are all somewhat exposed. I hate drugs!!
Panic attacks and hyperventilation when I see the jail phone number as an incoming call. He's not abusive just miserable. And that makes me miserable.
If I don't know the number I don't answer it.
