Hello
This is my first post on this site and I am just wanting some insight and advice on my situation. My boyfriend just relapsed and has been severely addicted to drugs for the past few months. I didn't know it was really bad until this past month. His mother has kicked him out of the house and so he went to his father's house. But I spoke to his dad last night and he said that he cannot do this again and that he needs to kick him out. Am I wrong in thinking that you should not put a drug addict out on the streets to be homeless? I feel like that would make things worse. Me, being his girlfriend I want to help him to atleast have a safe place to stay, like one his friends (if his friend is willing to) or even perhaps staying in a hotel until rehab gets sorted out. If I were to do this, am I doing the wrong thing? Even if I set some rules if we were to stay in a hotel and not lend him any money? I feel like an addict needs atleast a little support and I have promised him since day 1 that I would always be there for him and I want to be there for him, I can't even imagine what it would be like. He is obviously hurting and needs help and he will only be hurting more if he has nobody to turn to. I need your advice or stories! Be honest and critical with me, I can handle it.
SINCE YOU SAID YOU WOULD STAND BY HIM, I WOULD HELP HIM ONLY IF HE AGREES TO REHAB. DONT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY THOUGH. GOOD LUCK
MARIA
MARIA
Thank you. Good to know that I'm not crazy.
Hi piperd
it's only natural you want to help your BF but be careful, it's a very thin line between helping and enabling his drug use - harsh that it sounds sometimes an addict needs to hit rock bottom before they are forced to look at their life choices and decide to look for help- addiction is a very complex disease and all addicts are different - if you put him in a hotel and he is still using then he may become dependant on you and you will find it hard to walk away- addicts are very good at manipulating people to get what they want - you may end up feeling guilty and responsible for him - that is a hell of a burden to take on - i hope this is not the case-
if he genuinely wants help and has agreed to go to rehab then that is great- as long as he is doing it for him - not telling you what he thinks you want to hear or going to rehab to please you - then it wont work - recovery is a long hard road - an addict needs to be doing it for themselves and needs to be 100% commited - make sure you know what you are getting into - talk to his parents - find out WHY they kicked him out- do you know his back story, when he was using before- you need to find this out - you need to be sure you afre doing the right thing for you -
it is very easy to get sucked into this situation with the best intentions in the world but it can quickly become a nightmare and very difficult to walk away- he will play on your guilt and the fact you care, if he is still continuing to use- can you talk to someone about this, a trusted friend or family member - you will need support as well, you are taking on a lot of responsibility - make sure you put realy clear and strong boundaries in place for him and for you- you need to be clear in your mind that if he does not seek help and stop using drugs that you will walk away completely- you need to protect yourself at all costs - DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO THE ROLLERCOASTER OF REHAB FOLLOWED BY RELAPSE it happens so easily - yoy deserve better for yourself - be careful - all the best -
it's only natural you want to help your BF but be careful, it's a very thin line between helping and enabling his drug use - harsh that it sounds sometimes an addict needs to hit rock bottom before they are forced to look at their life choices and decide to look for help- addiction is a very complex disease and all addicts are different - if you put him in a hotel and he is still using then he may become dependant on you and you will find it hard to walk away- addicts are very good at manipulating people to get what they want - you may end up feeling guilty and responsible for him - that is a hell of a burden to take on - i hope this is not the case-
if he genuinely wants help and has agreed to go to rehab then that is great- as long as he is doing it for him - not telling you what he thinks you want to hear or going to rehab to please you - then it wont work - recovery is a long hard road - an addict needs to be doing it for themselves and needs to be 100% commited - make sure you know what you are getting into - talk to his parents - find out WHY they kicked him out- do you know his back story, when he was using before- you need to find this out - you need to be sure you afre doing the right thing for you -
it is very easy to get sucked into this situation with the best intentions in the world but it can quickly become a nightmare and very difficult to walk away- he will play on your guilt and the fact you care, if he is still continuing to use- can you talk to someone about this, a trusted friend or family member - you will need support as well, you are taking on a lot of responsibility - make sure you put realy clear and strong boundaries in place for him and for you- you need to be clear in your mind that if he does not seek help and stop using drugs that you will walk away completely- you need to protect yourself at all costs - DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO THE ROLLERCOASTER OF REHAB FOLLOWED BY RELAPSE it happens so easily - yoy deserve better for yourself - be careful - all the best -
Want to say Travelin Man, I so appreciate your posts and advice. It truly is helpful to be guided by someone who knows it from the inside. I found that inside information most helpful when my daughter went to rehab (she has now left AMA, so I am back to my angst and while going to FA meetings, hearing things from parents is not quite the same as it is from someone who has been there). The rehab facility she was in had other addicts talk to the parents and give them the inside view to help educate us. Might I ask you to be my "sponsor?"
