People Places And Things...

My boyfriend starts his year's probation today....well originally that is what the judge at the trial had said and my bf wanted me to go to the sentencing today but at the last minute told me i didn't have to....i haven't heard from him and my first thought is he probably calculated that he won't get a urine drop until next week and mayhaps he went to get high....i saw him over this past weekend and i can tell that he has drastically cut his pot consumption in the wake of probation starting today but man was he antsy testy talkative and now he has this nobody's gonna mess with me attitude and i haven't heard one word about recovery from him and i can't swear by it but i thought i espied a new red pin prick dot along one of his ancient 20 yr scarred heroin habit track mark and i get no sense of humility or resignation to the fact that a year's probation is a blessing compared to the original charge of drug trafficking which would have sent him away for a time...this no more drug mandate seems more of a bother to him rather than a chance to put his habit in mothballs for a year and he was still getting high up unto the 11th hour so to speak and i myself would be so scared to risk any kind of chance of coming up dirty in a random urine test and sent to prison just so i could get high....and when i entitled my new post topic People Places and Things....it was because everyone everywhere and everything for him involves drugs in one way or another aside from myself and being 17 yrs sober hasn't influenced him to take the right path in all the 4 yrs i have known him....just was wondering how long will his craving for heroin continue especially since he won't have pot to see him thru either....will he be getting nastier and ready to pick fights or worse with anyone who looks at him sideways including myself.....for a man who should feel whipped by the consequences of his drug use and drug selling he appears to be more cocky and less apt to curb his temper and tolerance for all the "sick" individuals of society and i don't remember this being what recovery is all about and sick and tired of being sick and tired and i am very worried
Just to let you guys know that the boyfriend called briefly from work (sounded a little high to me) to say that it was all over in a sense i guess his sentencing went as he had predicted...a year's probation...well he was kinda sketchy about that one....it was after all just a class 5 felony for drug possession....what the hell just throw it on the pile with his other previous 4 felonies.....no biggie at age 52 yrs and in this great labor market at present and at his age he is bound to get the pick of the jobs instead of sweeping up at a factory for minimum wage which he does now.....and maybe put a down payment on a new house or a sweet black caddy....i think he would be better off selling drugs to finance those pipe dreams and gee whiz the worst part of his probationary stipulation is that he has to attend recovery meetings 3 times a week....and he hasn't even been using heroin for a year even tho he was living with a dealer with a pile of it in her basement......Do you think he's gonna make a year without drugs dear readers and he actually has a new theory that the reason he did all that heroin for 20 yrs was because it felt good and he ain't the worse for wear because of it...
All i can say is.."Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!" Mary