People Pleaser To A Fault

Alcohol
1
I heard in a meeting once that if you squeeze an alcoholic, a co-dependent pops out.

One of my character defects is that I am a people pleaser.

I have a bad habit of trying to change people's moods or emotions by my actions or even worse- allowing other people's emotions to affect mine.

This is generally with fussy bosses.

I don't like conflict, so I try to get those who are being negative to get in better moods .
I realize that by doing this you are going to make someone angry , b/c you can't please all of the people all of the time.

I have a situation at work in which this is happening and in the process I have not been as kind to a new co-worker as i could be.

I order to keep on my boss's good side, I feel I have been a bit of a kiss-a**, and I don't want to be like that any more. I have not had this defect come up in a long time. It is a coping skill,when I have a pissy boss, to try and " calm and sooth" and do anything to keep them from "flaring up". Well I would not recommend this technique- it is exhausting and rarely works .

I know i can't change people's emotions and it is silly and arrogant to think I can. I used to work for a guy who had a really bad temper and I would always try to adjust things to keep him from exploding , or going off on a tangent.

.
This new boss kinda reminds me a little bit of that and I think that is why I am reverting back to this old behavor. This new boss likes me , but in order to keep it that way, I do little things to make sure it stays that way,and in the process have had an "every man for himself "mentality, not being welcoming enough to a new co-worker- in order to keep on the boss's good side.

This is something i need to talk to my sponsor about.

Gotta love the 10th step.

Hope all is well with you all.

One Day @ atime

Carolyn

2
Dear Carolyn! Hi there loved the starting of your post! LOL how true is that!! I'm not sure why us alcoholics are such people pleasers, but I have been that way all my life! I think it is what you said a coping mechanism. I have been getting alot better and learning to say no, and not reacting so much to other people, my favourite saying now is "whatever" I've learned alot from reading Melodie Beatties books, right now I am reading her book "Choices" which deals with this issues! love this woman, would love to meet her.
The type of boss you have is like the type of dad I have, I remember growing up and always trying to please him, he is still a tyrant and moody but I just don't go there anymore, you just can't.
God bless you Carolyn, and keep up the great work, I know you will come to peace with this work issue!

((hugs))
lovedove
3
Thanks love-dove-

I appreciate the encouragement.

Aren't we lucky to have a guide for living? I don't know what I would do without the program and kind people like you on this board.

God Bless-

Carolyn
4
Ladies, right with ya there on the people pleasin' stuff...but not so much as I progress on my journey through sobriety. It changes, we start to mature, and little by little we find out who we are and begin to have a sense of ourselves...what we like, what we don't like and with that comes taking care of oneself. Doing great gals, doing great...keep sharing. I went on a Panel tonight to a transitional Women's home (there is was 3 week old baby there...) with my sister (she will have two years tomorrow), and another gal to the 'hood out in LA. We all live in a little beach community northwest of Los Angeles. I'm so grateful right now that my God didn't see fit for me to go to the depths that some of these young ladies had to go to...(yet, I always say yet, because for the Grace of God go I...)