Please....any Suggestions?

I'm not sure if anyone is familiar with my story but in short...I have been thinking my boyfriend is using again. Well now I know for sure. I didn't hear from him Sunday and Monday. He never called. We always spend Sundays together so I was very upset. He finally called early this morning from his job. I had just woken up and did not sleep well from worrying. He told me he needs me and that I cannot turn my back on him. That I'm the only he can talk to. So I asked what the problem is and he said I already know and I said yes. He said he needs me. That when he's with me he's ok but when he's not he messes up. He told me it's a nightmare and the pain is back. He asked if I would be there for him. Also said that he couldn't call me yesterday because he was too ashamed. I said I don't know what to do. And I don't. It feels so hopeless. And then I wonder does he really want help or is he using this just because he didn't call. I told him I would. But really I don't see how I can help. He's on probation and is supposed to be going to this rehab program. I feel like calling the program and letting them know he's getting high. But that may not be such a good idea. I know you hear this all the time on this board, people looking for help but isn't this a good sign that he's telling me and asking for help.
A few weeks ago weeks ago we had a fight and I told him I wouldn't see him and he said that now he would have another nightmare day. I don't want to leave him I want to try to help but I will not go through this over and over.
Does anyone have any advice as to what I can do now to help him? I suggested a meeting and he said yeah, he has to go to one. But he needs me to guide him and between work and taking care of our son I don't know if I can do this. I'd hate to leave my son with someone to take his father to a meeting because he cannot stop using drugs. Please, don't respond badly to that comment. I just don't understand how addiction happens. Maybe I need to be sympethic towards it. I hear from so many of you that it is a disease. But I feel why use anyway if you know what it does to people???
Me again, If any is reading this, I went to visit him on my lunch break. He was home from work and getting some rest. He told me that if I didn't want to go through this with him then I should leave. I didn't really answer. I asked him what he's going to do and he said look into going to a meeting. I told him I already printed out the list of the meetings. He said he would try a few a week. And I told him the more the better. I was leaving to go back to work and he said I could take his keys with me but I didn't. Only because I have to go right home after work and look after my son and it's snowing like crazy out and I can't have the responsibility of bringing them back by early morning so he can go to work. He said for right now, today he's home and staying there and what more could he say. I know this is terrible but him telling me that he's home for today is not good enough for me. He said he was weak on Saturday night after I left him. See, we were out and saw his old getting high buddy who he hasn't really seen since he was home. He went to get out to talk to him and I told him immediately that he is NOT getting high with that guy. Well as soon as I go home he meets up with the guy. If I had stayed the night with him we would have just went home to his house and he wouldn't have been with the guy. I just don't understand why is he ok with me. We spend most evenings in the house going to bed early. Why once I leave does he run to the streets?
Hey Lena..

I would like to give you really good advice on what to do but to be honest, i don't think there's nothing more that you can do except to be there to confront him. I know every emotion you're going through, it drives you insane doesn't it? It sounds like you've been trying to get him off it for a while, i'm sure it hasn't been your first attempt. I use to be so determined to save my bf but he kept letting me down too many times to the extent that i've lost myself. The only difference with you and your bf is that he's honest with you, as for me... well.. my bf kept lying so how am i suppose to help him? That's why i can't do anything anymore, i've tried everything and i've accepted that this is the way he chooses to live his life. Why don't you try rapid detox? I hear it costs a fair bit but i'm sure it's worth it. Go to a rehab clinic where someone will be able to monitor him, you have to push him to go. Sometimes.. you just have to be cruel to be kind. I know that i've given up on my bf, i use to be so ashamed to say that cause i felt that i should be his strength to keep him motivated into quitting that s*** but what's the point, when he doesn't do his part? It's really up to you whether you still wanna be there for him but if he's just saying he wants to quit for the hell of it to keep you satsified, then i suggest you don't waste your time. It all depends on how you feel inside, how much you've been through and how serious you know he really is about this. If you do decide to stick by him, be careful not to corrupt yourself like the way i did..

Good luck... you'll need it.
Hi lena, sorry for your pain. I went through over 7 years of watching my bf's addiction. Imagine .....first detox at home...cold turkey....after less than 24 hrs he climbed out of the window..first floor. A month later, hospital detox, after 7 days he discharged himself, clean. 6 months clean, relapsed. Used for a year then went to rehab, got kicked out after 2 weeks - blamed me! Clean for a couple of months....used for a year again, moved house, went cold turkey, was clean for 18 months, relapsed, right after my mum died and I miscarried. Just when I needed him most. I started to use to fill the void and numb the pain. Got clean myself, alone, in the millenium. Saw him in 2002 - he got a payout on a compensation claim and thinking he was clean I let him take me to Morocco. I figured it was payback for the money I had wasted on him. He wasnt clean. Dont know if he is alive or dead to this day. Do you wanna go through that? Do you want your son to grow up remembering that s***? Take care of yourself and your son while you still have the strength to honey, good luck x x x
I want to thank the both of you for responding to me. Last night after work he wanted me to come over and spend time together. I didn't know because we were in the middle of a snow storm and he got mad and said the roads weren't bad. Well my office closed early and I went to his house. Boy do I wish I took his keys. As soon as I pulled up the street I saw his car gone. I cried all the way home. Started to pray for him but I figured what was the use. No one can help him but him.I know what he was doing and I haven't heard from him since. Not sure if he made it to work. He would usually me and let me know he's there. Nothing....There is not a thing I can do. I need to focus on me. I will tell him not to call me anymore. My poor baby. He got so used to having Daddy around. I was looking at my boyfriend yesterday and he's so beautiful and can be such a beautiful person. I will miss him with all my heart. And I will continue to take care of my son and me. But the hardest thing now is that I just found out yesterday I'm pregnant. I have a hard enough time paying for my son alone but anyway that's another story. I just can't believe this wonderful guy who everyone loves, people used to look up to has such a terrible addiction. I am so so sad. He deserves a better life but this is all he knows. Both of his parents are addicts too. I guess there's no hope but again thanks so much for responding. You don't know how much it means to me.
Hey Lena, I hope all is well with you and your son. I too have been through the same and the rollercoaster seems to never end. But he has been out of our house and basically out of our lives for a year on april 4. Life has been good although now we are in court for custody of our daughter and he wants unsupervised visitation. Well I can not put her is harms way and wont unless a judge orders me to.

Anyways I started going to a recovery group at my church. And that has helped me alot they even provide childcare but we ARE CO DEPENDENT we try and save them, and we ourselves become addicted to saving them. But I breathe now and that is the greatest feeling.

Oh the snow situation yes I know that one well also. It is getting depressing but spring is on its way thank God. I am in cental NY what about you?
Smile it will get easier and protect yourself and your son, take care and I will pray for peace to fill your lives.

Hi Lena - its good to know you found the post useful. Maybe if I had had access to this forum I wouldn't have stayed with him so long! So sorry that you are going through this, but I honestly think you will come through it. One day at a time my friend, one day at a time.
Its no wonder he uses if his parents are addicts - sick families, and I mean that with no disrespect. Thank the lord that you have broken the cycle, and your kids will have a chance. You are one brave bunny girl. And you are not alone. Thinking of you x
Hey Lena..

How have you been? I hope all goes well with your pregnancy, stress less girl, you've already got too much to handle, your son and now a baby. I know how deeply sadden you are, i feel your pain. By the sounds of your last post it sounded like had decided to part with your bf, i'm just wondering.. is it really over now? And are you thinking of keeping the baby? Although you may not be able to save your bf, at least you can save yourself and your childen. It's so hard to let go.. i know... and even now i'm still fighting myself from wanting to see my bf.. trying to adjust and keeping myself occupied as much as i can, going out to places with friends that i haven't seen or been to for a while, i promise if you do this.. it'll be much eaiser. Learn to love your bf from a distance.. i still love my bf more than anything but we had to let it go, our love wouldn't of made it anyways. If you do choose to keep the baby, I know that being pregnant with his child would definately cause you more stress but think of it this way, at least you still have apart of him in your life, that's the way i would see it if your love for him was unconditional. Just because the father of your baby isn't there, it doesn't make you less of a caring and loving mother.

all the best in your recovery.. stay strong
xoxo.S2 violet
My heart breaks for you. I am a recovering addict 3 years clean!!! its a really good feeling. When i think of all the lies and all the hurt i put on the people that loved me while i was "sick" it makes me so sad. Your bf probably really does love you but wont realize what he has untill its too late. addicts cannot really love while they are using. Love is not selfish. And when you are using you think of no one but yourself. you may do nice things but always with a hidden motive. Get away from him as far and fast as you can. That is the absolute best thing for you and your babies!!! And for him. if he knows he can always screw up and you will take him back he will keep doing that. Let him know you cannot and will not let your kids be apart of that life. he will have to keep banging his head against the wall untill he finally breaks but he wont break if you are there with a pillow to soften the blows. I hope that makes sense. Addicts just want to keep making excuses and making people feel sorry for them. Dont let him manipulate you. You have to give your bf to God. What do you gain by worrying about him. head and heart aches. God has a plan for all of us and wants none to perish. All we have to do is let go. I will be praying for you and your family.
Hi,
Bottom line, your boyfriend is the only person who can help himself, he has to stop useing himself because theres no one else who can stop him (i know i lost over 10years to heroin and i lost my boyfriend through ODing)He's the only person who knows exactly what he's done i.e. useing ect so maybe if you left him for a bit because trust me he'll only end up dragging you down.
GOODLUCK
i wanted to write some thoughts to you about your situation..but adam seemed to of covered just about everything i was going to say. my first thought while reading your story was that he does seem to be trying to manipulate you, whether he realizes it or not. he's trying to shove a large part of being resposible for his own actions on to your shoulders..which is very unfair. you cannot be expected to babysit him.he has to get to a point in his life where he's so disgusted with the addiction that all he can think about is how to get the s*** out of his blood and out of your lives. for him to tellyou that he's weak when your not there amy be true, but it should not be used to make you feel guilty...it should almost be a complimant instead. if he wanted you to know how much stronger he feels knowing you're by his side, that's one thing. but like i said, he has instead tried to lay his weakness upon you. a short story before i go:
my best friend was a junkie for 4 years. he finally got clean and went to an excellent college for music to be a producer. in his second year of school, after being clean for almost 3 years, he passed an end of the year exam..an extraordinarilly hard one, with flying colors. he had stressed about that exam for months. well, that night we all took him out to celebrate. while we were out, we saw his old "getting high buddy". apparently his friend was in the midst of recovery..not quit in the clear but doing good. so we all said our farewells and departed for the evening. i dropped christian (my best friend) off at his house and went home. a mutual friend of christian and i's named michelle asked me to go to the flea market the following morning. around 11:00 a.m., she got a page from her parents with a 911 at the end. her parents never page her with a 911. seeings how she lived right around the corner from the market, we left immediatly and went to her house. michelle's father came walking out the front door crying...in knowing michelle and her parents for over 11 years, i'd only once seen that man cry before, when his mother passed away. he took no more than two steps out the door and inbetween sobs blurted out something i did not hear but it caused michelle to fall to the ground instantly screaming "OH GOD NO!!!NO!NO!NO!" i only looked at them confused..i had not heard what her father said. michelle looked up at me knowing right away i had not heard...she whispered so quietly..yet to this day those words scream so loudly in my head... "christian's dead". i buried my best friend two days later. it was so surreal to me. i had saved him from overdosing twice before while he had been using...i sat with him all night while he seized and nodded and threw up in his sleep (i do not recommend this to anyone if they are in the presence of someone o.d.ing..take them to the hospital immediatly.) as a result of those two times i'd "saved his life" he'd nicknamed me angel. but now it was all wrong. christian, because he had wanted to get high just one more time...and it was only one time...was now my angel...but i didn't want an angel. i wanted my christian back.it's been 3 years since he died. i still talk to him all the time. i've gone through my own H addiction in that time. but i swear..if i could do anything different about that night, i would. i just didn't know at the time that his old friend would stop by his house later. hell, i don't even think christian knew the guy was stopping by. but he did, and he brought dope. and christian got high...one last time.