this thread is for one of our members and i am going to explain what i learned from this disorder and is treatment.
co-dependancy, it usually involves a relationship with two people who are using,
in my situation i am an addict, my husband is an alcoholic/sex addict.
a person who has this disorder has totally abandoned themselves, that inner child inside of them is not happy.here are some of the symptoms:
1. people pleases
2. says yes when they mean no
3. hard to accept compliments
4. hard to accept a present or gift.
5. abandons themselves to help others
6 uses drugs or alcohol
7 have to be in control
8, is attracted to relationships where they feel the person is needy and needs to be recued therefore abandoning oneself which in the long run makes us feel
unfulfilled
9, grew up in a household where there was abuse.
i was told that i was a co-depandant and back in the 90's there were groups called "coda "codependants anonymous, a 12 step program that helped me TREMENDOUSLY.
i also read melody beattie's book co-dependant no more.
this group and the book made me realize that i was people pleasing my parents for love they were not able to give so my sponsor helped me to set boundaries with them and my siblings and for that one thing i did brought so much respect back to me, no longer was i their door mat. i could finally say no and mean it,
i visualize a little julie(inner child) in my brain and i would take her out and put her on my knee and love and embrace her.
i thank God for the knowledge this brought me, if it hadnt been for this awakening i would not be where i am today, treating co-dependancy was my first step into the treatment of me. i became more spiritual, i talked to God about it and told him i cant handle this, will you? He has guided and directs my path every minute of the day and night.
anyone who suffers from this, there is help out there, just understanding it and realizing oh my God! they are describing me is such a relief. good luck and keep on moving forward and God bless each and everyone of you! jewels
did you get a chance to read this jodi?
Thanks for this topic!
I think I'm the poster child for codependency. I've read a couple of books of codependency a while back, Co-dependent no more, and a few others. At that time, howver, I wasn't really in a codepdent relationship. Now I am, and I don't know why I'm even still in this relationship. My ex-boyfriend has issues, to say the least, and I guess I feel it's my job to fix him. Ironic, since I can't even fix me. Probably, focusing on him allows me not to focus on me. And - he may even have more issues than I do - so maybe I feel healthy by comparison. Y'know the expression "I felt bad because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet?" Well, I'd be the one without shoes, and he'd be not just without feet, but without legs, missing an arm, and blind. It's not like I'm on this high horse looking down on him. I think it's more of a distraction for my mind,. If I'm trying to help him, then I'm not dealing with my own stuff. Cuz I really don't want to deal with my own stuff. I don't know why I'm still friends with this guy, I feel sorry for him, but damn! He will make the same exact mistake over & over & over. And I'm not talking about drinking or drup mistakes. I'm talking aboutt him letting is sick, spiteful, b**** of a mother. She will manipulate him, play him, lie to him, trick him. to get him back to Texas (where he's supposedly is miserable). Then he has to get a job there, (he'll have left a job here), start saving, and eventually come back to Georgia where he'll find a job, settle in, but once things start going well for him - here comes Mommie Dearest - filling his head full of whatever and he'll up and go back, leave his job, leave me, his possesions, everything. He doesn't even have the guts to tell me - he just takes off. Let me describe my relationship with him. It's like waking up every morning and running head first into a brick wall. So, eventually I broke up with him, but we're still friends. Using the term "friends" very loosely. And he lies, constantly, about everything.
Am I co-dependent? DUH! Notice how this whole post has been about him, so I'm not thinking about, or dealing with my issues
I think I'm the poster child for codependency. I've read a couple of books of codependency a while back, Co-dependent no more, and a few others. At that time, howver, I wasn't really in a codepdent relationship. Now I am, and I don't know why I'm even still in this relationship. My ex-boyfriend has issues, to say the least, and I guess I feel it's my job to fix him. Ironic, since I can't even fix me. Probably, focusing on him allows me not to focus on me. And - he may even have more issues than I do - so maybe I feel healthy by comparison. Y'know the expression "I felt bad because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet?" Well, I'd be the one without shoes, and he'd be not just without feet, but without legs, missing an arm, and blind. It's not like I'm on this high horse looking down on him. I think it's more of a distraction for my mind,. If I'm trying to help him, then I'm not dealing with my own stuff. Cuz I really don't want to deal with my own stuff. I don't know why I'm still friends with this guy, I feel sorry for him, but damn! He will make the same exact mistake over & over & over. And I'm not talking about drinking or drup mistakes. I'm talking aboutt him letting is sick, spiteful, b**** of a mother. She will manipulate him, play him, lie to him, trick him. to get him back to Texas (where he's supposedly is miserable). Then he has to get a job there, (he'll have left a job here), start saving, and eventually come back to Georgia where he'll find a job, settle in, but once things start going well for him - here comes Mommie Dearest - filling his head full of whatever and he'll up and go back, leave his job, leave me, his possesions, everything. He doesn't even have the guts to tell me - he just takes off. Let me describe my relationship with him. It's like waking up every morning and running head first into a brick wall. So, eventually I broke up with him, but we're still friends. Using the term "friends" very loosely. And he lies, constantly, about everything.
Am I co-dependent? DUH! Notice how this whole post has been about him, so I'm not thinking about, or dealing with my issues