I am 28 yr. old and the daughter of a meth addict. My mother has been smoking meth for the past 2 years that I know of and is out of control. I am married with 2 children and live in another state so I feel helpless. I don't even really know how to describe all of this(I am still reeling from the latest info I got). OK, here goes.....
My mom started what I would call "light partying", drinking occasionally, going out more often, etc., about 8 years ago, after my brother turned 18. He is the youngest of the two of us. I still lived in the same state at that time BTW. Over the next 3 or 4 yrs. her partying became more frequent and she starting hanging out with a bad crowd of people. They are meth makers and scandolous people. My mom has been robbed more times than I can count, from them I am sure. The constant partying put a real strain on her marriage to my stepdad and they filed for divorce in 2004. At the end of 2003 my husband and I had finally sold our home in Florida and bought a piece of land in North Carolina to build a house. I knew when I left that she was doing drugs, but she assured me she was getting clean. And she never did.
My brother came here this past week for a meeting with me to discuss our mom's situation. He is not able to help her because, well because he has no job and parties almost as much as she does <sigh>. I have been told by many people, family and friends, and they all tell me the same thing. She is acting promiscuous (sp?) and flaunting herself all around. She is using daily and having large parties at her house. During each of these parties things have been stolen such as jewelry, decor items, etc.
My mom used to be this courageous, very independent, sophisticated woman. Everything that I wanted to be. And now I feel as if just as I became a woman and had children, just when I needed her the most, she turns into this willfull teenager that I am ashamed that I had been years before. She fought with me tooth and nail to keep me away from the same type of people that she has befriended. Now I am in NC raising my children and feeling helpless when I hear these things. I have been inactive for too long. I can't just sit here and keep hearing about my mom destroying her life. I have to do something about it and somehow get her out of there. I just don't know how. I mean I can't just go down there and tie her up and tote her home, so I guess I need a strategy.
What can an adult child do to help an addicted parent? Would it be possible to Baker Act them into a treatment facility? She has no insurance, is it expensive? Where should I begin?
Thanks for listening to me babble. That felt really good to finally get it out.
Heather
Welcome to the board! I came here because my 29 year old son is an addict and I wanted to help him. This board has helped me to understand addiction and to realize that my love and my desire for him to get clean won't make him get clean. He needs to want it for himself. I have gotten him information, offered to pay for rehab, paid for him to go to the doctors and get on suboxone, even make sure he takes it, but I can't MAKE him stay clean. He had been raised to obey God's and man's laws, but the drugs made him change. He started to steal to support his habit and actually detoxed in prison. He has 3 hearings ahead of him, and sometimes I'm hanging on by a thread out of worry for his safety and the threat of prison time ahead (I hope and pray he gets mandatory rehab instead). He has been doing outpatient rehab since mid December. We're living day by day. This board has been my alanon because I have a hard time getting out to meetings because I help watch my granddaughter, but I KNOW I need to do that for myself. I really can't tell you if the Baker Act works the reverse way. Hopefully someone on here can help you with that. I will keep you, your mom, and your brother in my prayers. God bless!
Susan :)
Susan :)
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. Good Luck with your son. I will light a candle for all our loved ones dealing with addiction.
heather, thanks for sharing your distress.
I would first take some time, however long it takes, to learn about the disease of addiction. even from the posts on this website, you'll glean quite a bit of information -- about what tends to work and activities and behaviours that are an exercise in futility.
your mom has a disease. she may have a co-existing mental illness at this time, i don't know, but it's very posible. using only make both of conditions worse.
the disease is not curable. typically it results in one of three things: jail, mental infirmity and institutionalization, or death. many times it leads to activities that are otherwise uncharacteristic of the person -- illegal acts, stealing, lying, loss of morals, degredation of physical hygiene, etc., particularly in its later stages.
the disease is progressive, meaning it gets worse over time and with continuing usage. the progression is at various rates, depending on the person.
with many substances, science is beginning to document actual changes that occur in the brain that makes quitting more and more difficult.
while not curable, the effects of the disease can be arrested (or suspended) by the person abstaining from use.
unlike many other diseases and illnesses, a significant part of the disease is that the addict denies that she/he has an illness or a problem or a disease that needs attention. the denial comes in many different forms and can change from time to time or day to day.
until the denial is broken down and the addict recognizes a problem and a need for a change, if the addict is an adult, very little can be done. even if they are forced against their will to enter some form of rehabilitation or treatment for the disease, the treatment will often not be successful,
many will tell you that until the pain of using gets so great that she pleads for help and delivery, long term sobriety or abstinence is not achievable.
i think if you are going to do anything at all other than wait for her to "hit rock bottom" you need to arm yourself with knowledge.
then, if you haven't already, have a frank, serious but very friendly talk with her. let her know of your concern. if she is not ready to ask for help, there is little that you can do at this time.
another approach is an intervention by several family members and close friends, under the guidance of a trained professional. can't tell you whether it works or not, have no personal experience.
forcing her in to a recovery effort is probably legally impossible.
don't know anything about the Baker Act.
in any event, let her know in no uncertain terms that you disapprove of her current activities, but you are there for her when she decides she needs help.
i've rambled. hope some of this helps. i pray you find peace.
I would first take some time, however long it takes, to learn about the disease of addiction. even from the posts on this website, you'll glean quite a bit of information -- about what tends to work and activities and behaviours that are an exercise in futility.
your mom has a disease. she may have a co-existing mental illness at this time, i don't know, but it's very posible. using only make both of conditions worse.
the disease is not curable. typically it results in one of three things: jail, mental infirmity and institutionalization, or death. many times it leads to activities that are otherwise uncharacteristic of the person -- illegal acts, stealing, lying, loss of morals, degredation of physical hygiene, etc., particularly in its later stages.
the disease is progressive, meaning it gets worse over time and with continuing usage. the progression is at various rates, depending on the person.
with many substances, science is beginning to document actual changes that occur in the brain that makes quitting more and more difficult.
while not curable, the effects of the disease can be arrested (or suspended) by the person abstaining from use.
unlike many other diseases and illnesses, a significant part of the disease is that the addict denies that she/he has an illness or a problem or a disease that needs attention. the denial comes in many different forms and can change from time to time or day to day.
until the denial is broken down and the addict recognizes a problem and a need for a change, if the addict is an adult, very little can be done. even if they are forced against their will to enter some form of rehabilitation or treatment for the disease, the treatment will often not be successful,
many will tell you that until the pain of using gets so great that she pleads for help and delivery, long term sobriety or abstinence is not achievable.
i think if you are going to do anything at all other than wait for her to "hit rock bottom" you need to arm yourself with knowledge.
then, if you haven't already, have a frank, serious but very friendly talk with her. let her know of your concern. if she is not ready to ask for help, there is little that you can do at this time.
another approach is an intervention by several family members and close friends, under the guidance of a trained professional. can't tell you whether it works or not, have no personal experience.
forcing her in to a recovery effort is probably legally impossible.
don't know anything about the Baker Act.
in any event, let her know in no uncertain terms that you disapprove of her current activities, but you are there for her when she decides she needs help.
i've rambled. hope some of this helps. i pray you find peace.
I hear a lot about planned confrontation and intervention, but have never tried it myself. The basic idea is to gather the addict's closest non-addicted relatives and friends; and plan to confront the addict about their disease, and get an immediate agreement to seek treatment. This course of action requires you intervening party to understand when the addict is at their weakest point, when they need money, or are extremely depressed. At that point, plan to intervene with the supporting group, offer the addict a way out, help them with their immediate finances and responsibilities, and offer the addict a vacation and rest. Then get them to sign on the dotted line and take them to the chosen facility immediately.
Please know you can do very little for your mom!!My dad died 12/25/2004 because of his addictions. Bob B. wrote something once about accepting being powerless true words were never spoken.My father sent me to re-hab when I was 20 ( I am now 36). And yet he would not stop taking Methadone, much different drug but addiction is all the same. He hurt himself more then any of us. Once you understand more about addiction and tough love your answers will be more apparent. Please get as much info as you can before you confront your mom. My father was a good man with many demons. He could never face his and died never having faced them. Alot of people are like that, but not all. Understand that recovery is a life long journey. A really beautiful and sorrowful one. I begged and cried and drove him to treatment centers for well over a year. Finally, when I became pregnant 10 yrs ago, I realized I neede to focus on my own family. He would show up on Fathers Day to make me feel guilty. Or call and talk about how much he missed us, but he would be nodding during the conversation. Finally I just stopped letting him in my home when he showed up. He ended up in a homeless shelter in NYC. I saw him in 11/03 because he broke his hip and was in the hosp. He looked like a skeleton. We spoke maybe 4 or 5 times over the next year. I always told him I loved him but could help him with what he wanted. ( My husband works Im home with kids no $$ and he fell asleep with cigs all the time I would not put my kids at risk). Well 12/21/04 I was called into the hospital to decide what to do. We signed a DNR and then had him removed from life support he was brain dead. I'll tell you, you need info and support from people you trust. Tha battle you are about to embark on can be heartbreaking, it may also end very well for you. Just be prepared. It took him 4 days to sie Christmas Morning. And believe it or not someday I hope to view that as greatest present. He finally is warm, safe,and not fighting the demons anymore. It still hurts alot now but I try to take comfort in the fact that I could help him live but I could help him die. I will keep good thoughts for you. Be prepared to be exhausted, watching your parent do this to themselves is hard very hard. God Bless you and you family.
