I don't really know where else to turn. My partner has had several back operations and has been taking narcotics for 4+ years. He is up to the prescribed 3 40 mg oxycontin per day. However, I recently discovered that he has been ordering narcotics online. He lies to his doctor about going through 90 oxy's in 20-21 days and supplementing with online orders.
He seems like a completely different person, but seems to try to convince me that it is me who has changed. He is very withdrawn and doesn't like to do anything but sit on the sofa and watch tv. he has become very unemotional and unaffectionate. He is also angry and argumentative all of the time. He gets especially upset when we mention drug issues. He denies the problem and refuses help.
Can someone please email me with some advise/help.
Thanks-
DBNDN04@aol.com
It's possible that he is physically dependent on opiates. The problem is he might not see this as a problem. Unless and until his access to supply is restricted (thru lack of cash, etc.)
Dear Mike,
I feel for you. And I feel for your partner too. If its only recently that he's been withdrawn, unaffectionate, etc. then maybe its because he himself is coming to the realization of what he's doing and he's afraid. Its not easy to talk to someone about this, not even those we love. Nobody knows about my addiction and its scary because I see what its doing, where its going and I can't seem to stop. If he's ordering drugs online, then I think he's scaring himself, I don't like to lie and be dishonest, but I have and I hate it. Its not me. So maybe inside, he's beating himself up and doesn't know what to do. I don't know how you would deal with that, as I'm not in your shoes, but I've been coming here for the past few weeks and like reading the posts, it makes me think. Sometimes, I don't like the things it makes me think about, but I know its good for me. Is there any way that you can get him to read these posts? He doesn't have to write, just read them and then maybe he won't feel so alone.
I wish you the best.
Briar
I feel for you. And I feel for your partner too. If its only recently that he's been withdrawn, unaffectionate, etc. then maybe its because he himself is coming to the realization of what he's doing and he's afraid. Its not easy to talk to someone about this, not even those we love. Nobody knows about my addiction and its scary because I see what its doing, where its going and I can't seem to stop. If he's ordering drugs online, then I think he's scaring himself, I don't like to lie and be dishonest, but I have and I hate it. Its not me. So maybe inside, he's beating himself up and doesn't know what to do. I don't know how you would deal with that, as I'm not in your shoes, but I've been coming here for the past few weeks and like reading the posts, it makes me think. Sometimes, I don't like the things it makes me think about, but I know its good for me. Is there any way that you can get him to read these posts? He doesn't have to write, just read them and then maybe he won't feel so alone.
I wish you the best.
Briar
Mike, the symptoms you describe sound pretty typical for someone abusing pain meds. Initially, the pills are energizing and they bring pleasure. Who wouldn't take them, especially when they had a physical condition for which they could be described? But then tolearance to the medication builds, and you have to take more and more to achieve the same effect. But you can't really achieve the same effect. You get less energized, and instead seem to get more of a pleasant numbness or warmth, if anything. Your nerves get raw, you lose interest in people and activities, and you retreat to the couch and TV. At least, that's what happened to me. I was also keeping a big secret that I was ashamed of, so being around people -- especially those I was closest to -- was not easy. I had to be shocked out of it, in a way. The fear of continued use had to outweigh the fear of living without, or the fear of withdrawal. That's when I developed a plan to quit. Good luck with your attempts to help your friend. M.
Thanks for all of the input. Please continue to offer feedback, as I am certainly at a loss.
Thanks,
MIke
Thanks,
MIke
Your partner sounds very familiar... numb, unresponsive, a hermit of sorts? I found myself in the same situation, not even wanting to answer my phone anymore. I was terrified of feeling pain again without meds, and even more afraid of the withdrawals. It took me too many wasted years of fear before being more afraid of staying on the meds. I too had spinal surgery (to top off my already miserable existence). Finally I'm anxious to try more natural forms of pain relief... but it took me almost 8 years. It's a long time to lose. I'm no psychologist or doctor, but for what's it's worth... (I've talked to many as well as other doctors)
Pain medicine is a circle... you actually start feeling more pain than you had to begin with... I've been in a program where I saw people come in thinking they were crippled, then watched them come to life and practically skip out of the place with smiles bigger than I'd ever seen (after a few weeks of treatment). I keep thinking of them and hope I can be there too. Living on a couch and watching TV is no picnic.
Maybe ask your partner to TRY living without them, just see, then if the pain is just too impossible to live with, say after 2 months or so... I made that deal with my doctor (it was MY idea to try getting off of the meds, not his). I said I wanted to TRY. There should be a doctor in your area that can prescribe suboxone for withdrawals and the pain of it (I just started it, but I hear it's an amazing transition and after a few days, it's working for me). I know it must be difficult to approach someone who is just content to live that way, but offer your support throughout (it sounds like you really care) and just ask for a chance to try something new. I wish you all the best. I really feel for you.
PS: I also was taking 4-6 40 mg. oxycontin, then switched to 4-5 60 mg. MS contin (morphine) per day - sounds very comparable.... SO FAR SO GOOD
Pain medicine is a circle... you actually start feeling more pain than you had to begin with... I've been in a program where I saw people come in thinking they were crippled, then watched them come to life and practically skip out of the place with smiles bigger than I'd ever seen (after a few weeks of treatment). I keep thinking of them and hope I can be there too. Living on a couch and watching TV is no picnic.
Maybe ask your partner to TRY living without them, just see, then if the pain is just too impossible to live with, say after 2 months or so... I made that deal with my doctor (it was MY idea to try getting off of the meds, not his). I said I wanted to TRY. There should be a doctor in your area that can prescribe suboxone for withdrawals and the pain of it (I just started it, but I hear it's an amazing transition and after a few days, it's working for me). I know it must be difficult to approach someone who is just content to live that way, but offer your support throughout (it sounds like you really care) and just ask for a chance to try something new. I wish you all the best. I really feel for you.
PS: I also was taking 4-6 40 mg. oxycontin, then switched to 4-5 60 mg. MS contin (morphine) per day - sounds very comparable.... SO FAR SO GOOD
wanna-be
Thanks so much for your input. It is really good to know that I am not crazy. It is so hard after someone makes you think that it is all in your head for so long. I don't really think I can hold on to this relationship much longer. It is simply exhaustive and I feel like I am the enemy, when I am only trying to help.
Any further suggestions would be great!!
Thanks,
Mike
Thanks so much for your input. It is really good to know that I am not crazy. It is so hard after someone makes you think that it is all in your head for so long. I don't really think I can hold on to this relationship much longer. It is simply exhaustive and I feel like I am the enemy, when I am only trying to help.
Any further suggestions would be great!!
Thanks,
Mike