Please Help Me

Can someone please help me.......my daughter married a real jerk......when she met him, his top teeth were rotten, he said it was because of braces put on when he was younger.......she has completely ignored me since she got married, i met with her a month ago and she physically attacked me.....said she'd been losing weight.....he is a known drug user and I am so afraid she is now too.......what can I do.....police won't check without probable cause.....but she is not herself anymore.....help.........
I hate to say this but there is nothing that can be done unless she asks for help.

Be there for her when it comes. My mother tried all kinds of ways of getting me to stop but it came down to me in the end.

Sending good thoughts to you
Everyone has told that she will come around to me....we were very close until she met him. He is no good and she can't see that. He has ruined her credit, because he has none, and her life. Her first real boyfriend and she marries him. He has convinced her that I'm not good in her life because I see him for what he is....a real jerk. I pray she sees this someday and comes home.
Here's a thought:
Why don't you write her to let her know how you feel. It might prove good for you as well. Don't throw any accusations at her or her husband. You don't want to cause more animosity than there is. Just tell her you think she's changed and that you're there for her. Don't offer her any help, financial or otherwise. Remember, and this is very important, that she has to come to you.

Peace
I sent her a card, just to say I love you and I'm here for you. I found out things about her I didn't know and I thought she would think I didn't want to see her.....so, I sent the card......I pray every night she comes home. I just want her to know I'm here if she needs me.
Danni I read your post with sadness for your daughter. Sounds like she's gotten caught up in a really bad relationship. Men like that want to isolate their women so they have full control. And of course they want the women isolated from their families. Like Tough Love said, you can only wait until she sees this jerk for what he is and comes around to you for help. Then you can be there waiting for her. It might take some time, but I think writing a letter is a good idea. A real letter, not just a note. Remind her of the good times and feed her ego - this jerk certainly isn't - he's probably abusive verbally. Build her up, let her know that there's a world out there where she belongs.
The card I sent said...You are my heart and soul......she knows she means the world to me, he is a loser and the biggest liar I have ever seen. All my friends say she will be back......I pray she will.....she is my heart.
He told me.....I love her as much as you do.....what a Joke, I said, she is part of me, my daughter, you don't know what you are saying. She says, but mom , he loves me.....sure he does, that's why he won't let you see your mom.
Try not to throw accusations. You'll only succeed in alienating yourself.

Let the words you spoke make their way. Don't press.

It was a long road for me to accept the fact I had a problem and it will be equally long for your daughter.

Just be ready to listen when she comes to call. If and when she does, do just that, listen. Only use reformulation as she explains herself to you. If you need to speak your mind wait for the appropriate moment but, by all means, let her finish.

The point her letting her finish is to drain her as much as possible. It takes a lot of energy to explain oneself and try to run circles around the person one is talking to(I know, especially when I lied montrously). Be ready for delirious banter but don't intervene until she's completely done.

Now is time to send you a big hug and let you rest.

Be well.

I hope to look back on this someday and be grateful that she is with me again.....I want her to be happy.....but with a decent person not a liar like he is. She was the nicest person in the world......till he came along....I know it's not all his fault...and I won't trade wrong for wrong, I just want her safe and happy.
Danni,
Listen To what TOUGHLOVE is saying, it is sad but true.LISA V. makes some good points. Love mixed with drugs is a very dangerous combination. There is not much that you can do given the current circumstances. Just like TOUGHLOVE said, dont ever give her any cash. Never. Its a waiting game, Listen, I am not going to judge you over some emails, but I feel you need to get yourself together and deal with the crisis. I just pray that you are not weak mentally, because she will need you. You better start reading as much as you can about drug abuse. The more information you have, the better you will understand what she is going through. I will pray for you & your daughter,but just make sure that you dont turn to a nervous wreck. Many fathers like yourself have dealt with this problem, so you are not alone.
I have several good friends who are helping me.....we were just so close, that is the hard part. Most of the time, I'm fine, but I do have bad days. I know, I need to have patience and wait and pray. Everyone says she will need me and I will be here for her, always.
A friend went in to say hello to her at work, she ran in the back room.....he has her isolated from all of us......patience and love, that's all I can do.
Danni,
Glad to see you confronting the drama with a better attitude. I hope you are reading as much as you can. I dont even know what is her addiction ? do you know ? It is important to find out.
I believe it's cocaine....when we first met him, all his top teeth were rotten, he said it was from braces....he's had them all removed and a partial put in. When I saw her last she told me she's lost weight.....I believe she's doing this by her sudden mood swings. She hit me several times in a public place last time I saw her, she was never mean to me in the past. I think she is so frustrated with her life and has to blame someone. So.....I wait.....
Dear Danni,
Cocaine does not rot your teeth, but speed does. People on speed can be very moody. I tried it once & hated it. The bad thing about speed is that a small amount can keep you alert for a long time. I do not know much about speed. The girl I knew who uses it, went from 210 #'s to 140 #'s in 4 months. Its bad news. I dont want to jump to any conclusions because of some bad teeth. Danni, I just want to say that the people who respond to you on this site are like myself concerned & wish to help. But getting addicted to any drug usually has a reason. Why is she angry at you ? From your distress & concern I take it that she was raised with good morals in a close family. If she was, she will feel guilty & ashamed of her actions. All I am saying is that you should also seek some professional assistance as well as converse on the net
She is angry at me because I "took her car".....it was in my name,she wasn't making the payments, the sticker was 4 months overdue and the insurance was in my name......they don't pay their bills.....she has 4 credit cards in collections and he has no credit either......I think she is mostly angry because she is so frustrated. I raised her alone, her father died when she was 7.....I was the best mom in the world to her. Then he came along and he "loves her" so she marries him........I do go regularly to the dr.......most days I'm fine.....it just hurts to give someone your whole life raising them and then to have them do this......she does know right from wrong and will hopefully realize someday what she's done.
I believe you are right.....I have been reading about speed.....I worked with him and never once saw him eat......that would explain the mood swings and violent behavior.....I wish I could just go there and get her but I can't.
Dear Danni,
Sorry to reply late, but let me just say that I personally beleive that taking her car away, was the best thing you could have done. I can only imagine how devestated you are, but you have to realize that she may need to hit rock bottom before she wakes up. I must say that having her partner be an addict makes it tougher. I got the impression that you raised her well, and the majority of times the guilt & self humiliation surfaces in them. I must warn you that she may try to make you beleive that she is going to quit, just to make you do things. You know that you must stand firm, otherwise you will unkowingly out of love feed her addiction. She is a very lucky girl to have a mother who cares so much, & In the future that will pay off. Just be patient & stand your ground. This is not your fault.I was raised by wonderfull parents & yet I have made many mistakes in my life which brought heartaces & misery to them. I learned from my mistakes & am a better person than I used to be. But I also had rejected my parrents advise in harsh ways, but in time came to realize that I
have many reasons to improve my life, & it was because of their tough love that I made it through. Time heals everthing.
Hey, sorry to hear about your situation. I'm dealing with one of my very own. And what confuses me the most. Is why don't people actually "READ" the side effects of such a drug. I tried it once- I had no idea what it was. I was just drunk one day. and did it. Then, I told my boyfriend at the time, thinking he'ld be okay with it...boy was I wrong! I ended up reading up on the drug, and I couldn't believe what I had done. <<<Frightening enough, as I lay down in bed for my few hours sleep before work. I asked myself, (am I going to wake up tomorrow?). This whole event was followed by mother saying that I was stupid, and if I ever tried it again, she was disowning me. My entire life fell apart in one day. And I will never ever do it again. Yet every weekend I watch my b/f Go through his so called "spurt" of addiction. Sometimes I wonder if I should let him read just one of these sites, and maybe he'll understand what i've been begging and crying for him today. as every day I wonder if I will see him again. It's so frustrating to know what will happen, but for people to just not care, and just cheat life and death. All those wonderous happy feelings that have become a home for you. Gone in the blink of an eye, and then what?

``I don't think it will be all to soon that she's going to come back, she's obviously on the road to some addiction. Or maybe she's just starving herself...I considered it....if I don't ever eat, then I hurt myself. just like he is....now that's hard for me to say cause, I adore food. But I actually tried it one day! and I haven't seen my mother in almost a year. Because I fear if I let go of someone so wonderful and hopefull for his future during the weekday. And then he becomes this complete and different person and I wait, and watch as he puff's and snorts away, wanting to be there for every moment in case he won't have that next week.