My hope is that someone reading will listen. Maybe you have seen my posts already. If so or if not, you need to know what using marijuana can do to you.
My brother has used for 20+ years. He had it all...high school jock and "popular guy", football team, student council, etc. He went on to graduate 2nd in his class in law school and practiced as a successful civil rights attorney (all under the influence, of course).
If you could see him now ...if just one of you could get a glimpse of how this lifestyle can destroy you, you might get a wake up call. 24 hours ago, I would have guessed that he wouldn't be alive right now. He is not practicing law. He has no home (but is living with a family member--thank God for that). If nothing else, one person reading this will see this as a wake up call.
You can do it...get clean...don't give up
dear Sad Sister:
I am so sorry to read your post. I have a beautiful talented 27 year old daughter who is married to a college professor. They are both pot heads. She just received her Master's Degree and will be teaching at a University this fall. She has cut all ties with her parents and her sister --- she has turned mean, belligerant, caustic, accusing, has paranoia and many more traits that were never there before. They smoke every day -- only get the "best" -- spend anywhere from $400-$800. a month on their habits. I suspect my daughter does other things as well. My question is: how can someone who smokes pot daily still carry on with their lives? Won't it catch up with them someday? Won't their professional lives start to suffer?
About your brother, was marijuana the only thing that caused his demise? Does it affect some people differently than others? I am a mom from the drug culture of the 60's but never got involved in it as I hated to smoke anything.
Our daughter suffered from depression in her teens and ever since college and the discovery of mj, she is not the same person. She ruined her sister's wedding last February and we haven't seen or heard from her since. We are moving to AZ from IL to start over -- I have lost 65 lbs. Our hearts are broken. My husband won't let this ruin his life, but I can not let go of her. She is my first born and I love her always.
Thanks for listening. I wish I could help. I guess we can only pray, but God has forsaken me.
Take care.
Susanjean
susanjean, god has not foresaken you.
please consider visiting with others on the Families/Partners of Addicts board of this website. you might learn some things that you can put to good use.
Dear Susanjean,
First of all and most importantly, let me tell you that God has not forsaken you. Please trust this, above all else. Keep praying. It is difficult and, believe me, I understand the feeling that our prayers are not being heard. But we must never lose our faith. I try to make a conscious effort to let go of this problem with my brother and put it into God's hands. Ultimately, that is where our problems belong. He alone has the power and the glory. I wish I had stronger words for you in this regard. I actually prayed for you at Mass today, asking God for the right things to say to you, so you don't turn away from HIm. It is so important and I hope you find it in yourself to trust in God.
Your daughter doesn't sound at all like my brother. He started using marijuana in his early teens. As I said before, it didn't seem to affect him so much, other than the fact that he was grounded often and he and my dad fought a lot in those days. Looking back, I think my dad was on to him years sooner than anyone else in the family. Did we all know he smoked pot? Sure. But we figured it was just that recreational, mischievious teenager kind of stuff. He managed to still seem extremely normal to most of us. He got good grades, he excelled in sports, he had a lot of friends, a lovely girlfriend throughout high school, etc.
Then came college, law school, etc. He seemed fine, albeit was smoking "a little bit of pot" now and again (or so we thought). As I told you before, he went on to graduate 2nd in his class in law school and has practiced law successfully since. Little did we know that he was smoking pot morning, noon and night all of these years. It's like he functioned better with it. He finally found a doctor that diagnosed him with ADD and Rx'd adderol for him. Essentially, he put him on speed. He then abused that for I don't know how long. Other diagnoses were made over the past several years -- depression among them. OK, now the burning question??? Did he start using drugs b/c of a mental disease or did he become afflicted b/c of drug use? It's like the whole chicken/egg thing. And at this point it doesn't really matter.
Over the past 5 years or so, while his behavior seemed OK and he seemed to be thriving, he was secretly leading this life of sin. And I mean really nasty kind of stuff that I hear more and more about every week still (and really don't want or need to know). In the midst of all of this, he managed to marry one of the nicest, sweetest human beings on the planet. She was a gem. Needless to say, that marriage has ended. I see her so many times in the posts of spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends of users. You know, the ones who think if they "hang in there", the addiction will go away. It's pretty sad. One thing a someone on this forum said to me months ago was, that if you let him "an addict will suck the joy out of the very marrow of your bones". I never forgot that. But the key there is IF YOU LET HIM/HER.
The thing that is confusing is that on many occassions, my brother tried to quit. He was hospitalized, went to inpatient rehab centers, went to 12 step meetings and really embraced that for a while. But whenever he is w/out the marijuana, he loses all ability to think, focus, live and thrive (or so he says). Of course, I just found out a couple of days ago that last summer he went on a 3 month crack cocaine binge. And I'm sure there's plenty more that I don't know. So who knows what made him like he is today??
I gave you much more information than you asked for. But for what it's worth it was therapeutic to me to put some of this in writing. I hope I did illustrate to you that his addictive behaviors seem much different than your daughters. Does that have any significance?? I have no idea.
I will pray for you that you find some peace in the face of all of this. My mom is having such a hard time coping also. Her pain is also hard for me to bear. We are a close family. I could tell you that this situation is destroying us, but when I really contemplate all we have been through, I believe it is making us even closer and making each of us stronger.
In the middle of my writing this long post, the phone rang and it was my brother. He says he's going to let me take him to the hospital today. We'll see. His condition has morphed into a full-pledged psychosis. Again, he could have been masking mental illness with drugs all along. I don't know. But believe it or not, I do see God's hands in all of this. And I keep praying and trust that He will guide us all in the right direction.
First of all and most importantly, let me tell you that God has not forsaken you. Please trust this, above all else. Keep praying. It is difficult and, believe me, I understand the feeling that our prayers are not being heard. But we must never lose our faith. I try to make a conscious effort to let go of this problem with my brother and put it into God's hands. Ultimately, that is where our problems belong. He alone has the power and the glory. I wish I had stronger words for you in this regard. I actually prayed for you at Mass today, asking God for the right things to say to you, so you don't turn away from HIm. It is so important and I hope you find it in yourself to trust in God.
Your daughter doesn't sound at all like my brother. He started using marijuana in his early teens. As I said before, it didn't seem to affect him so much, other than the fact that he was grounded often and he and my dad fought a lot in those days. Looking back, I think my dad was on to him years sooner than anyone else in the family. Did we all know he smoked pot? Sure. But we figured it was just that recreational, mischievious teenager kind of stuff. He managed to still seem extremely normal to most of us. He got good grades, he excelled in sports, he had a lot of friends, a lovely girlfriend throughout high school, etc.
Then came college, law school, etc. He seemed fine, albeit was smoking "a little bit of pot" now and again (or so we thought). As I told you before, he went on to graduate 2nd in his class in law school and has practiced law successfully since. Little did we know that he was smoking pot morning, noon and night all of these years. It's like he functioned better with it. He finally found a doctor that diagnosed him with ADD and Rx'd adderol for him. Essentially, he put him on speed. He then abused that for I don't know how long. Other diagnoses were made over the past several years -- depression among them. OK, now the burning question??? Did he start using drugs b/c of a mental disease or did he become afflicted b/c of drug use? It's like the whole chicken/egg thing. And at this point it doesn't really matter.
Over the past 5 years or so, while his behavior seemed OK and he seemed to be thriving, he was secretly leading this life of sin. And I mean really nasty kind of stuff that I hear more and more about every week still (and really don't want or need to know). In the midst of all of this, he managed to marry one of the nicest, sweetest human beings on the planet. She was a gem. Needless to say, that marriage has ended. I see her so many times in the posts of spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends of users. You know, the ones who think if they "hang in there", the addiction will go away. It's pretty sad. One thing a someone on this forum said to me months ago was, that if you let him "an addict will suck the joy out of the very marrow of your bones". I never forgot that. But the key there is IF YOU LET HIM/HER.
The thing that is confusing is that on many occassions, my brother tried to quit. He was hospitalized, went to inpatient rehab centers, went to 12 step meetings and really embraced that for a while. But whenever he is w/out the marijuana, he loses all ability to think, focus, live and thrive (or so he says). Of course, I just found out a couple of days ago that last summer he went on a 3 month crack cocaine binge. And I'm sure there's plenty more that I don't know. So who knows what made him like he is today??
I gave you much more information than you asked for. But for what it's worth it was therapeutic to me to put some of this in writing. I hope I did illustrate to you that his addictive behaviors seem much different than your daughters. Does that have any significance?? I have no idea.
I will pray for you that you find some peace in the face of all of this. My mom is having such a hard time coping also. Her pain is also hard for me to bear. We are a close family. I could tell you that this situation is destroying us, but when I really contemplate all we have been through, I believe it is making us even closer and making each of us stronger.
In the middle of my writing this long post, the phone rang and it was my brother. He says he's going to let me take him to the hospital today. We'll see. His condition has morphed into a full-pledged psychosis. Again, he could have been masking mental illness with drugs all along. I don't know. But believe it or not, I do see God's hands in all of this. And I keep praying and trust that He will guide us all in the right direction.
Dear Sad Sister:
Thank you for your kind, insightful words and post. My heart goes out to you and your family. I have not forgotten God, but get angry with him at times for the pain we are all going through. Your brother hasn't hit bottom yet, has he? I hope someday soon he will realize that he needs help and will stay strong.
My daughter doesn't realize how her habits have changed her. She smokes morning and night - and sometimes in between. Her sisters thinks she does crack as well. I don't know. Anyway, she told us that "this is the path she has chosen". I've tried contacting her, e-mailing her, asking to see her -- no response. So we move from this area next week. I will give her our address, but doubt very much if I will ever see her again. (Just for the record, she was President of her class in High School, graduated 16th in a class of 650, was head of her Sorority in college and maintained "A" grades throughout, graduating with high honors).
I truly appreciate your listening -- sometimes it helps to just vent. I will pray for you and your family, and of course, your brother.
I repeat the serenity prayer daily:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Peace to you, Sad Sister.
SusanJean
Thank you for your kind, insightful words and post. My heart goes out to you and your family. I have not forgotten God, but get angry with him at times for the pain we are all going through. Your brother hasn't hit bottom yet, has he? I hope someday soon he will realize that he needs help and will stay strong.
My daughter doesn't realize how her habits have changed her. She smokes morning and night - and sometimes in between. Her sisters thinks she does crack as well. I don't know. Anyway, she told us that "this is the path she has chosen". I've tried contacting her, e-mailing her, asking to see her -- no response. So we move from this area next week. I will give her our address, but doubt very much if I will ever see her again. (Just for the record, she was President of her class in High School, graduated 16th in a class of 650, was head of her Sorority in college and maintained "A" grades throughout, graduating with high honors).
I truly appreciate your listening -- sometimes it helps to just vent. I will pray for you and your family, and of course, your brother.
I repeat the serenity prayer daily:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Peace to you, Sad Sister.
SusanJean
