Hi everyone,today was going to be my day to relax watch football and racing.But the WDs took over, iam getting weand off oxycontin some days good and like today very bad.To the point where i feel my family has had enough, and i thnk about hurting myself.I know they dont want that but i beleive they would be better.I want nothing but the best for them and somtimes i feel this would be best.It would really mean alot if i could get these thoughts out of my head.This is why im reaching out.Thank you all so much.Brent
Brent:
Hold on. This too shall pass. You are going through a lot right now, buddy. I am glad you are reaching out. I promise you that if you stay clean and sober, your life will get better beyond anything you could have imagined for yourself. I use to hate when people would ask, "Can you get to a meeting?" but the reality is, that is what saved my a**. Meetings help me. In fact, I am on my way to one in a few. Keep posting and let me know how you are, okay?
Rachel
brent,
thats normal for family to behave that way, mine did. i think they are just fruestrated and dont know how to help. but the more clean time you have, the happier you become and your family will turn back to normal.
as far as hurting yourself, i think thats fairly normal too. i felt that way too, but was too chicken to act on it and i have 2 wonderful kids that i wouldnt do that too.
you just keep holding on, it doesnt last forever. you soon will be well on the mend. just stay strong and dont give in for nothing!
terrianne
thats normal for family to behave that way, mine did. i think they are just fruestrated and dont know how to help. but the more clean time you have, the happier you become and your family will turn back to normal.
as far as hurting yourself, i think thats fairly normal too. i felt that way too, but was too chicken to act on it and i have 2 wonderful kids that i wouldnt do that too.
you just keep holding on, it doesnt last forever. you soon will be well on the mend. just stay strong and dont give in for nothing!
terrianne
Hey Brent, your family is not going to be better off with you Dead.
That is a selfish thing to think, they will be angry at you and they will always wonder what they could have done to help you. If you love them as you say you do you will work through this and make a better life for all of you.
remember you are in the midst of a battle here and it is you against the drugs, if you need help from your family vocalise it. Go to the Doctor if you can, you may have depression, it is treatable. I promise you that you will look back on this post and wonder why you thought of suicide, there is so much to come in your life, you are in a dark time now, but that will get better, trust me, trust yourself and pray.
Take care my friend.
Karen
That is a selfish thing to think, they will be angry at you and they will always wonder what they could have done to help you. If you love them as you say you do you will work through this and make a better life for all of you.
remember you are in the midst of a battle here and it is you against the drugs, if you need help from your family vocalise it. Go to the Doctor if you can, you may have depression, it is treatable. I promise you that you will look back on this post and wonder why you thought of suicide, there is so much to come in your life, you are in a dark time now, but that will get better, trust me, trust yourself and pray.
Take care my friend.
Karen
Brent, Weaning off of oxy is hell, but it will feel like a walk in the park compared to the misery and despair your family will feel if you hurt yourself. Please be strong for them. Suicide is never the answer. You may not see it yet, but there is light at the end of tunnel. W/D is horrible but it does get better. Your emotions are at an all time low right now, but please read some of the stories people on this board have posted. Everyone here has made it through what you are going through. Please get some help. Are you under a doctor's care? If not, get one and tell him exactly how you are feeling. Call someone, a friend or a hotline (you can find them in the phonebook). Go to an NA or AA meeting. Or, go to the hospital. You may need inpatient detox to help you cope with this. I promise, you will feel better but it may take time. Keep reading the board, others' stories will help you get through this. We have all been there. I will pray for you. Take care, Atlas
No, they want you here anyway they can have you.
I promise, I felt the same way and tried that.
It broke their hearts. I thank God it didn't work.
You don't want to wake up and see your childrens' and husband's eyes when you try that. I didn't do it for attn either. The DR said with the amt of pills I took, it should have killed a man 3 times my size. I'm a 5'2" woman.
My sons still look at me sometimes like they are wondering what I'm thinking. That breaks my heart, too.
I had Lortabs when I did it, I was trying to get away from the pills, not them.
I don't think I can ever make it up to them - will they ever believe me - I have promised them that I know now that I don't get to choose when it's my time to go.
It's not our choice - the Man upstairs decides that or I wouldn't be here. I feel like I was spared for a reason. If it was to continue to be a wife and a Mother to my grown sons, that's wonderful for me.
Don't do it. It will change their lives forever. I lost a son 14 years ago in a car accident and our lives are forever changed by that - how could I have been so selfish as to take my own life? I live with that guilt everyday. All I can do is be the Mother they need now, even at their ages - 31 and 23. They were in the hospital convining me that they still needed me. Is that not a horrible thing to do to your child of any age.
They wanted me here and off drugs but here with them - no matter what.
I hope I have changed your mind . My doctor also told me that if a parent commits suicide, there's more of a chance that their child will see that as a way out one day - so that really got my attn.
Pls keep posting.
You will get over this feeling.
Love, Jean
I promise, I felt the same way and tried that.
It broke their hearts. I thank God it didn't work.
You don't want to wake up and see your childrens' and husband's eyes when you try that. I didn't do it for attn either. The DR said with the amt of pills I took, it should have killed a man 3 times my size. I'm a 5'2" woman.
My sons still look at me sometimes like they are wondering what I'm thinking. That breaks my heart, too.
I had Lortabs when I did it, I was trying to get away from the pills, not them.
I don't think I can ever make it up to them - will they ever believe me - I have promised them that I know now that I don't get to choose when it's my time to go.
It's not our choice - the Man upstairs decides that or I wouldn't be here. I feel like I was spared for a reason. If it was to continue to be a wife and a Mother to my grown sons, that's wonderful for me.
Don't do it. It will change their lives forever. I lost a son 14 years ago in a car accident and our lives are forever changed by that - how could I have been so selfish as to take my own life? I live with that guilt everyday. All I can do is be the Mother they need now, even at their ages - 31 and 23. They were in the hospital convining me that they still needed me. Is that not a horrible thing to do to your child of any age.
They wanted me here and off drugs but here with them - no matter what.
I hope I have changed your mind . My doctor also told me that if a parent commits suicide, there's more of a chance that their child will see that as a way out one day - so that really got my attn.
Pls keep posting.
You will get over this feeling.
Love, Jean
Hi Brent,
I have watched my husband for a long time now struggle with addiction......
Your words could be his. How life would be so much better, so much easier without him around, messing things up, causing problems....He feels he is worth nothing and therefore should have no one.......
I know in many respects that what you are feeling is part of the whole process....And wd is a sneaky thing. Your brain will tell you everything, anything to get you to go back. It will make you feel like your dying, but your not....It tells lies, and at times sadly it wins and takes lives.....Far to many.
You are worth this life, and a good one. This time, your time stuck in addiction is put one aspect of the whole picture. You can beat this, and move on to a better life. Yes you may lose or have lost somethings along the way, but the only thing you can lose that would make a difference is your life. Then you have no chance to regain anything, and to make it the way you wish it to be......
Remember you are worth it....
Love,
Tina
I have watched my husband for a long time now struggle with addiction......
Your words could be his. How life would be so much better, so much easier without him around, messing things up, causing problems....He feels he is worth nothing and therefore should have no one.......
I know in many respects that what you are feeling is part of the whole process....And wd is a sneaky thing. Your brain will tell you everything, anything to get you to go back. It will make you feel like your dying, but your not....It tells lies, and at times sadly it wins and takes lives.....Far to many.
You are worth this life, and a good one. This time, your time stuck in addiction is put one aspect of the whole picture. You can beat this, and move on to a better life. Yes you may lose or have lost somethings along the way, but the only thing you can lose that would make a difference is your life. Then you have no chance to regain anything, and to make it the way you wish it to be......
Remember you are worth it....
Love,
Tina
Hi Brent, keep in mind that this won't last forever. One day soon you will feel much better and happy to participate with your family. If you gave up you would miss that chance. Not to mention, you would leave behind those who love you to grieve endlessly.
Maybe tomorrow will be a good day!
Love, Kat
Maybe tomorrow will be a good day!
Love, Kat
