Hey All here I am whining again. I need some raw honest kick in the a** advice on how to get back in the right frame of mind again. I seem to be going off track again last couple of days and I need a pick me up.The whole negative aspect of my disease is closing in on me again. I am trying to do all the right things but this dam feeling won't go away. I don't want to drink but the emotional turmoil and anxiety is creeping up big time. I was feeling already crappy then ended up viewing a picture OF HIM (the rapist). I can't describe my emotions. I don't think there is a name for it. A sick feeling in the pit of my stomach with anger,rage,hate,fear and anxiety all combined. And yes sadness too like a big loss has occurred. I know I sound like a walking self pity downer but I need to get this out of my system and writing do help. Before I would drink it away however many bottles it would take but that is not going to be an option for me anymore.So my way of dealing with it is to come on this board and look for guidance and a talking too if thats what I need. I just want to get out of this frame of mind but it seems I am too weak to do it on my own today. I I would appreciate if you could post something to help me look at things differently. Thank you all for letting me vent and enjoy your day all.
DROP THE ROCK.
A holocaust victim was asked by another if they'd forgiven the Nazi's for the horrible atrocities against them. The first victim said, "No! Never! I will NEVER forgive those despicable, hateful, murderous bastards! EVER!"
the second person thought for a moment, then said, "Then they will ALWAYS imprison you."
I can't change the past. Resentments, hatred, bags and bags of FEAR build up and create a vile poison within that kills the spirit, ability to love, and ability to live in peace. Preferring to keep it and dredge it up is a personal decision and a testament to living in the past, a desire to remain under another person's power, and a need for self-defilement.
It's about forgiveness and love. Not so much for them, but for ME and MY peace. I needn't forget, but for-GIVE-ness, genuinely relinquishing my right for retaliation and allowing MY HP to manage the offender, freed me from the bondage of self-imprisonment.
I will not argue with you on this one.
A holocaust victim was asked by another if they'd forgiven the Nazi's for the horrible atrocities against them. The first victim said, "No! Never! I will NEVER forgive those despicable, hateful, murderous bastards! EVER!"
the second person thought for a moment, then said, "Then they will ALWAYS imprison you."
I can't change the past. Resentments, hatred, bags and bags of FEAR build up and create a vile poison within that kills the spirit, ability to love, and ability to live in peace. Preferring to keep it and dredge it up is a personal decision and a testament to living in the past, a desire to remain under another person's power, and a need for self-defilement.
It's about forgiveness and love. Not so much for them, but for ME and MY peace. I needn't forget, but for-GIVE-ness, genuinely relinquishing my right for retaliation and allowing MY HP to manage the offender, freed me from the bondage of self-imprisonment.
I will not argue with you on this one.
Hi I usually (once in awhile)post on the PP part of this site but your post grabbed me.
First & foremost I am so sorry to hear about what happen to you.I can only say I do understand.(& I do)
However I feel by allowing this "monster"to creep into your head & adding to those feelings of craving...you still give him the power.Now I realize this may be easy for me to say as I concord my demon along time ago but YOU can take that power back by doing what your doing,reaching out,getting support.I cannot tell you just how AWESOME it feels when that "person"no longer has control.
I believe youll get there.It may take awhile,years maybe but YOU do hold the power here...you just need to find it within yourself again.
I wish you only goodness & I will pray that you defeat this demon.
please try to take Care
Sabrina
First & foremost I am so sorry to hear about what happen to you.I can only say I do understand.(& I do)
However I feel by allowing this "monster"to creep into your head & adding to those feelings of craving...you still give him the power.Now I realize this may be easy for me to say as I concord my demon along time ago but YOU can take that power back by doing what your doing,reaching out,getting support.I cannot tell you just how AWESOME it feels when that "person"no longer has control.
I believe youll get there.It may take awhile,years maybe but YOU do hold the power here...you just need to find it within yourself again.
I wish you only goodness & I will pray that you defeat this demon.
please try to take Care
Sabrina
skg thank you for replying to my post and thank you for what you had to say. It makes a lot of sense and I will try and do my best to hand all this over to my HP. I will seriously give a lot of thought to your reply. I wouldn't know what I do without you guys. You are such tremendous support. I know hanging on to hate is hurting me more than him and if I am to find any peace I will have to let go. I try not to dwell on the future too much but the trial is coming up in september and I don't know if I will ever get through it. Just looking at his picture had sent me in tailspin so I can only imagine how I will feel when we have to meet face to face in court. However what ever happens this man will not cause me to drink. He have taken enough from me and I'll be dammed if he will take my sobriety. I thank you so much for your words and I will certainly do my best to apply it. Have a great day skg. It is sunny here so I am going out and do my best to live a normal a day as possible.
Molly thank you so much for your kind words. I myself was not the victim of rape but my daughter. someday soon I hope there will be closure. you are right in saying don't let him have any more power. I just need to apply myself and the tools that I am learning to live by and take control. Thank you so much for your support I greatly appreciate it. You have a great day.
Molly thank you so much for your kind words. I myself was not the victim of rape but my daughter. someday soon I hope there will be closure. you are right in saying don't let him have any more power. I just need to apply myself and the tools that I am learning to live by and take control. Thank you so much for your support I greatly appreciate it. You have a great day.
Marie, it's ok to have feelings. It's when we let them get out of hand that there's a problem. No one expects you to love the b****** but don't let him consume your life.
Hi Pirate, sorry to hear you're feeling stressed out. You've inspired me to go ahead and beat these alcohol demons myself. 5 weeks today, I never thought I'd get so far, Thinking about your beans helped me too!! Lol...
I can't have any pictures of my mums dad in my house because of what he did to me, I just want to rip the guy to shreds everytime I see his picture or someone talks about him like he was this great guy. Thank God he's dead now or I actually don't know what I'd do to him myself... I can only imagine what you feel like for your daughter, and I don't envy you one bit having to face the creep in court. Just know that I am thinking about you every day and I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this.
Love and hugs,
Izzy
I can't have any pictures of my mums dad in my house because of what he did to me, I just want to rip the guy to shreds everytime I see his picture or someone talks about him like he was this great guy. Thank God he's dead now or I actually don't know what I'd do to him myself... I can only imagine what you feel like for your daughter, and I don't envy you one bit having to face the creep in court. Just know that I am thinking about you every day and I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this.
Love and hugs,
Izzy
Hi Marie,
No matter what, just keep putting the next foot forward and pray for willingness and hold on to whatever faith you have that things will get better.
We can be victims in more than the physical way and you too were a victim but you no longer have to be.....
What works the best for me to get through funks is to pray to God and help others. Pray, pray, read, meditate and reach my hand out to another human being or actually listen to someone else's issues/problems and not too long later, I'm through the funk......
Where are you in your steps right now?
Smooches,
Stacey
No matter what, just keep putting the next foot forward and pray for willingness and hold on to whatever faith you have that things will get better.
| QUOTE |
| I myself was not the victim of rape but my daughter. |
What works the best for me to get through funks is to pray to God and help others. Pray, pray, read, meditate and reach my hand out to another human being or actually listen to someone else's issues/problems and not too long later, I'm through the funk......
Where are you in your steps right now?
Smooches,
Stacey
"I try not to dwell on the future too much but the trial is coming up in september and I don't know if I will ever get through it." ...stay right here, right now. I know easier said than done but stay in the present.
"However what ever happens this man will not cause me to drink. He have taken enough from me and I'll be dammed if he will take my sobriety"...sounds like you still are trying to run the show. Making statements like "I'll be damned" sounds like your sobriety is based on contingencies. At least that is how I read it and if I am wrong, my apologies.
Prayers that you will find what you are looking for. SKG is dead on the money with his post.
"However what ever happens this man will not cause me to drink. He have taken enough from me and I'll be dammed if he will take my sobriety"...sounds like you still are trying to run the show. Making statements like "I'll be damned" sounds like your sobriety is based on contingencies. At least that is how I read it and if I am wrong, my apologies.
Prayers that you will find what you are looking for. SKG is dead on the money with his post.
Marie,
Please remember this is a process, a journey and it's all about getting better, doing better.
You're right in the middle of a lesson and I agree with staying in today and deal with whatever when that time comes.....
As far as forgiveness, it does take time and I share from my heart something I don't talk about often as I still have some hurt from it....I'll email you.....
LOL, I tell you what, you do whatever it takes to sober today. I remember back a few 24hrs ago when the only thing between me and popping a few pills or drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels was praying to God, asking for his help and repeating, over and over, it's not an option, I'll be damned if I was going to raise my hand as a newcomer. I was told, there are times when my defects actually do pop up as an asset.
Work on it on a daily basis....don't sit in it, but work through it and before you know, the resentment will lift and you'll find the peace......
Take care,
Stacey
Please remember this is a process, a journey and it's all about getting better, doing better.
You're right in the middle of a lesson and I agree with staying in today and deal with whatever when that time comes.....
As far as forgiveness, it does take time and I share from my heart something I don't talk about often as I still have some hurt from it....I'll email you.....
| QUOTE |
| Making statements like "I'll be damned" sounds like your sobriety is based on contingencies. |
LOL, I tell you what, you do whatever it takes to sober today. I remember back a few 24hrs ago when the only thing between me and popping a few pills or drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels was praying to God, asking for his help and repeating, over and over, it's not an option, I'll be damned if I was going to raise my hand as a newcomer. I was told, there are times when my defects actually do pop up as an asset.
Work on it on a daily basis....don't sit in it, but work through it and before you know, the resentment will lift and you'll find the peace......
Take care,
Stacey
Gidday Pirate
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful this also sounds exactly what the bstard is to you he has taken over if you like for alcohol
If you drink his fault, if anything bad happens his fault, every billboard, every tv program, topics on radios even songs all refer in some way to him or the situation and that just feeds the fear and the resentment cloak gets pulled tighter
Who do you resent the most? and resentment has many forms eg guilt, anger etc etc......why do i ask this well from personal experience i couldnt protect someone from the effects of a murder and the ensuing court case and now the bugga is due to be released, done his time FREE, no remorse and the resentment i felt at the time was and still is my own guilt and fear from how i see myself as the protector of my wife and family
Why is free in capitols well he is or will be free and if we allow ourselves too we wont be because his power is allowed to live on via our guilt, anger fear, love and the added fear also that we have kids of our own and this prick is a monster
Dont load yourself with the blame, dont empower him with your fear....just love you for you and hug your daughter whenever you meet because she is still alive and with life there is endless hope:)
light and love Zac
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful this also sounds exactly what the bstard is to you he has taken over if you like for alcohol
If you drink his fault, if anything bad happens his fault, every billboard, every tv program, topics on radios even songs all refer in some way to him or the situation and that just feeds the fear and the resentment cloak gets pulled tighter
Who do you resent the most? and resentment has many forms eg guilt, anger etc etc......why do i ask this well from personal experience i couldnt protect someone from the effects of a murder and the ensuing court case and now the bugga is due to be released, done his time FREE, no remorse and the resentment i felt at the time was and still is my own guilt and fear from how i see myself as the protector of my wife and family
Why is free in capitols well he is or will be free and if we allow ourselves too we wont be because his power is allowed to live on via our guilt, anger fear, love and the added fear also that we have kids of our own and this prick is a monster
Dont load yourself with the blame, dont empower him with your fear....just love you for you and hug your daughter whenever you meet because she is still alive and with life there is endless hope:)
light and love Zac
24...you are absolutely correct. Whatever sustains a person for 24 hours and keeps them from taking the first drink is what is important. Thanks for the reminder.
Hey there all and thanks so much for the replies. It was quite helpful to me and your posts really do bring me back on the right track. sometimes I just need you guys to reinforce of what I should be doing. It is all so new to me yet and I still get caught up in the day to day struggle of things without having alcohol as my crutch. You are right I know when you tell me that hate will imprison me if I don't let it go. I try ,I really do and some days are not so bad and Just when it feels like I am moving ahead it comes back like a boomerang and hits me smack in the face. Then I feel overwhelmed and fearful and anxious . all the things that would cause one to drink if they are an alcoholic. So that is why I come here cause I get the boost I need to continue on . I agree with lookinup everyone here is such beautiful caring people. I am so grateful to be able to come here and know that I will get what it is I am looking for and what I NEED in regards to helping me stay sober and to look at things in a more positive manner.You all give me so much to think about and you help me to do my best to put things in perspective Thank you for being here for me and thank you for the advice. It really DO HELP. I know that all of you have been through so much and to get where you are today shows the strength and the courage that you have. May I learn from the wisdom that you have gained and are so willing to share to help another. I stayed as busy as I possibly could today. Went and cleaned my brother in laws house that he rents out because new tenants are moving in (as a favor).also cleaned the oven and refrigerator so that used up some of my negative energy . Even though I hate cleaning it helped and kept me from moping around all day and sitting on my pity pot. Thank you so much for your kindness and for your advice,makes this ol gal feel grateful indeed.
Dear Pirate,
I don't know if you've ever heard of Joyce Meyers ministries. She was molested, physically and mentally abuse by her own father until she was 15. Her first husband abused her as well. She has endured breast cancer. She was an angry and bitter woman for many years. You can see why. God has changed her life.
I watch her Enjoying Everyday Life show. She also has a radio broadcast show available. I also have some of her resources. One of my favorites is a number one New York best seller. Titled, Battle Field Of The Mind. I believe she is anointed by God. God, through her has helped millions of people.
I had read an article on forgiveness, from May's Enjoying Everyday Life. I was thinking of you and so I grabbed it and read it again. One of the headers is "I have done my part before God and now God will do his part. My feelings will catch up with my decisions."
I don't know if it will help you. I'm suggesting you pay a visit to her web site. If you want to it is www.joycemeyer.org. I think and feel you'd be helped and blessed by this ministry. I will keep praying for you my friend. I'm glad you chose to get active and not dwell all day on your thoughts and feelings.
Now you've inspired me as I keep putting of cleaning the house. I find to many things interesting on the internet. I need to put a lock on my pc some days.
I hope the rest of your evening is peaceful.
Love,
Chris xxx
I don't know if you've ever heard of Joyce Meyers ministries. She was molested, physically and mentally abuse by her own father until she was 15. Her first husband abused her as well. She has endured breast cancer. She was an angry and bitter woman for many years. You can see why. God has changed her life.
I watch her Enjoying Everyday Life show. She also has a radio broadcast show available. I also have some of her resources. One of my favorites is a number one New York best seller. Titled, Battle Field Of The Mind. I believe she is anointed by God. God, through her has helped millions of people.
I had read an article on forgiveness, from May's Enjoying Everyday Life. I was thinking of you and so I grabbed it and read it again. One of the headers is "I have done my part before God and now God will do his part. My feelings will catch up with my decisions."
I don't know if it will help you. I'm suggesting you pay a visit to her web site. If you want to it is www.joycemeyer.org. I think and feel you'd be helped and blessed by this ministry. I will keep praying for you my friend. I'm glad you chose to get active and not dwell all day on your thoughts and feelings.
Now you've inspired me as I keep putting of cleaning the house. I find to many things interesting on the internet. I need to put a lock on my pc some days.
I hope the rest of your evening is peaceful.
Love,
Chris xxx
Stacey thank you so much for all you do for me. Thank you for understanding me and thank you for caring. I would be honored if you would like to email me your ESH .You help me every day with the "gifts for today" you send me and I look forward to receiving them. Take care,God bless and have a good nite. (((( 000
24 Gordon. sorry I didn't reply to your question before. I was just going back over my replies when I saw it there again. I my dear friend am still on step 4.Getting it done slowly but it will get done. Might be a new chip invented by the time I get the 4th done or I might even get in the book of world records as having taken the longest time to do the step. The fact that it's taking me a long time tho is not necessarily a negative thing but instead it shows ( I think) that I want to do it right instead of just rushing on thru it for the sake of getting it done. whatta ya think? lol and 24 can I ask you what is wrong with your hands? I have seen couple of posts now with comments about your hands and fingers. Hope I am not too forward with the questions.(not nosey,just concerned) God bless and take care.
